Texts From Last Night

rylarkin's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town. http://tfl.nu/omo7
  Replies (14) Good night (5805) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex. http://tfl.nu/gy7w
  Replies (13) Good night (3181) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America. http://tfl.nu/rtd9
  Replies (13) Good night (3811) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever. http://tfl.nu/fx8m
  Replies (21) Good night (4234) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes http://tfl.nu/a563
  Replies (18) Good night (3164) Bad night (1329)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13970) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car. http://tfl.nu/2mw2
  Replies (15) Good night (5329) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity. http://tfl.nu/ob6h
  Replies (21) Good night (7777) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  1:48 am: your uglier

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901) 1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man (423) 1:48 am: your uglier http://tfl.nu/ln5v
  Replies (6) Good night (691) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (178) Good night (48655) Bad night (1815)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom. http://tfl.nu/dmbr
  Replies (16) Good night (1848) Bad night (6336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions. http://tfl.nu/pgpr
  Replies (16) Good night (5548) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout? http://tfl.nu/0knj
  Replies (24) Good night (5411) Bad night (2059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well. http://tfl.nu/zrfa
  Replies (19) Good night (6535) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter. http://tfl.nu/87g5
  Replies (53) Good night (1634) Bad night (13232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job. http://tfl.nu/3lp9
  Replies (13) Good night (5392) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus. http://tfl.nu/vr5q
  Replies (15) Good night (9246) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That reminds me...we need to get swords

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): That reminds me...we need to get swords http://tfl.nu/9ivg
  Replies (15) Good night (6730) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again. http://tfl.nu/ehlu
  Replies (20) Good night (5827) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying. http://tfl.nu/rtdk
  Replies (41) Good night (7914) Bad night (1574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten... http://tfl.nu/iblb
  Replies (49) Good night (2908) Bad night (5462) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox. http://tfl.nu/xeau
  Replies (41) Good night (7995) Bad night (4426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs? http://tfl.nu/bbo7
  Replies (28) Good night (4736) Bad night (1383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style http://tfl.nu/9r5x
  Replies (39) Good night (12060) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them. http://tfl.nu/jd8a
  Replies (21) Good night (7957) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Church boner. Awkwardddd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Church boner. Awkwardddd http://tfl.nu/s9a2
  Replies (43) Good night (2178) Bad night (5139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol. http://tfl.nu/qjw2
  Replies (10) Good night (8645) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished. http://tfl.nu/wbty
  Replies (18) Good night (6806) Bad night (1180)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants. http://tfl.nu/n3gu
  Replies (50) Good night (5505) Bad night (1258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/ay3j
  Replies (22) Good night (7210) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete. http://tfl.nu/q4l5
  Replies (19) Good night (4358) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month" http://tfl.nu/8vpl
  Replies (45) Good night (14176) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it. http://tfl.nu/5c70
  Replies (16) Good night (4343) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood http://tfl.nu/kses
  Replies (4) Good night (3591) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots" (832): On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep. http://tfl.nu/g6me
  Replies (16) Good night (2772) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse' http://tfl.nu/umk4
  Replies (18) Good night (9577) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns. http://tfl.nu/xebd
  Replies (56) Good night (12963) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49213) Bad night (5112)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49054) Bad night (2222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (4496) Bad night (8803)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing. http://tfl.nu/9cqq
  Replies (15) Good night (4892) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table http://tfl.nu/oexb
  Replies (40) Good night (6748) Bad night (1567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy. http://tfl.nu/r1l8
  Replies (20) Good night (371) Bad night (4746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home. http://tfl.nu/xzym
  Replies (13) Good night (5910) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight. http://tfl.nu/ukm0
  Replies (20) Good night (4461) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up. http://tfl.nu/0i7a
  Replies (14) Good night (4328) Bad night (2373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield. http://tfl.nu/bpsu
  Replies (45) Good night (10824) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library. http://tfl.nu/ghke
  Replies (33) Good night (6563) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I skipped work to stalk him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I skipped work to stalk him. http://tfl.nu/vhpg
  Replies (17) Good night (619) Bad night (3135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR http://tfl.nu/ynfk
  Replies (42) Good night (10636) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards? http://tfl.nu/ktqz
  Replies (66) Good night (16440) Bad night (1690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand. http://tfl.nu/nkg8
  Replies (44) Good night (14973) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that. http://tfl.nu/38s6
  Replies (22) Good night (6977) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much' http://tfl.nu/b5vr
  Replies (26) Good night (2101) Bad night (7632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting" http://tfl.nu/dmjy
  Replies (25) Good night (14546) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/e3vv
  Replies (9) Good night (3843) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal. http://tfl.nu/vbhe
  Replies (24) Good night (7491) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse. http://tfl.nu/4gmt
  Replies (35) Good night (9634) Bad night (2806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands. http://tfl.nu/9x0j
  Replies (22) Good night (6122) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before http://tfl.nu/lurw
  Replies (17) Good night (1642) Bad night (4137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore. http://tfl.nu/590e
  Replies (23) Good night (5785) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it. http://tfl.nu/e919
  Replies (20) Good night (7354) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute. http://tfl.nu/rxgr
  Replies (13) Good night (3781) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys. http://tfl.nu/a4t1
  Replies (28) Good night (912) Bad night (5470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night... http://tfl.nu/gxgg
  Replies (10) Good night (5986) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar? http://tfl.nu/t8an
  Replies (16) Good night (1230) Bad night (5008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name. http://tfl.nu/d1cf
  Replies (12) Good night (1020) Bad night (4243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college. http://tfl.nu/khqs
  Replies (6) Good night (739) Bad night (5584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out http://tfl.nu/t2x9
  Replies (41) Good night (10354) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that. http://tfl.nu/wccj
  Replies (11) Good night (5068) Bad night (2043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing http://tfl.nu/99kd
  Replies (17) Good night (10280) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed http://tfl.nu/rgow
  Replies (19) Good night (5171) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal http://tfl.nu/vikg
  Replies (12) Good night (1017) Bad night (289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do? http://tfl.nu/j1dk
  Replies (52) Good night (393) Bad night (1880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married http://tfl.nu/xv8o
  Replies (68) Good night (12733) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids. http://tfl.nu/z0hh
  Replies (29) Good night (4171) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  3some

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You're right, stupid question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms? (503): 3some (541): You're right, stupid question. http://tfl.nu/lx7x
  Replies (21) Good night (9755) Bad night (797)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same http://tfl.nu/yvn7
  Replies (26) Good night (7605) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dont! You were just serving you country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now... (404): Dont! You were just serving you country http://tfl.nu/lcsl
  Replies (70) Good night (6416) Bad night (2065)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (24638) Bad night (3946)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet http://tfl.nu/ttdp
  Replies (41) Good night (5125) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick. http://tfl.nu/cye7
  Replies (9) Good night (3682) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you. http://tfl.nu/6xm5
  Replies (54) Good night (6581) Bad night (447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We call that spaghetti Os

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it (617): We call that spaghetti Os http://tfl.nu/dgrn
  Replies (33) Good night (9646) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you

  (386): View more from Florida

  girlfriend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you (386): girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/fzzr
  Replies (21) Good night (573) Bad night (9039)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!

  (916): View more from California

  Awkward!

  (562): View more from California

  No he was cute and I said yes!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date! (916): Awkward! (562): No he was cute and I said yes! http://tfl.nu/pzog
  Replies (14) Good night (2280) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas http://tfl.nu/fkrh
  Replies (27) Good night (5704) Bad night (2078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation? http://tfl.nu/jmz5
  Replies (52) Good night (11778) Bad night (2416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (26201) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Clearly I made an impression.

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Or at least your vagina did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Clearly I made an impression. (404): Or at least your vagina did. http://tfl.nu/bank
  Replies (9) Good night (4557) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud? http://tfl.nu/2vhi
  Replies (27) Good night (7463) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A simple 'no' would have sufficed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls. (610): A simple 'no' would have sufficed http://tfl.nu/eyzn
  Replies (14) Good night (1527) Bad night (5188)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way. http://tfl.nu/230k
  Replies (16) Good night (6957) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (418): I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach. http://tfl.nu/7gys
  Replies (15) Good night (6418) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man. http://tfl.nu/1swk
  Replies (35) Good night (8508) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs. http://tfl.nu/tskr
  Replies (44) Good night (7993) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun" http://tfl.nu/hrdc
  Replies (28) Good night (2433) Bad night (3986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself. http://tfl.nu/8ts9
  Replies (72) Good night (1864) Bad night (13826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  how was last night?

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): how was last night? (1-908): i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me. http://tfl.nu/23nl
  Replies (32) Good night (6053) Bad night (2774)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  Why are you in my underwear drawer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer? (1-251): Why are you in my underwear drawer? http://tfl.nu/y2d4
  Replies (14) Good night (4339) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus. http://tfl.nu/kpmf
  Replies (26) Good night (8616) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now. http://tfl.nu/gc18
  Replies (20) Good night (3124) Bad night (5420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen? http://tfl.nu/l8m2
  Replies (22) Good night (866) Bad night (5426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job http://tfl.nu/i0ci
  Replies (56) Good night (4638) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving. http://tfl.nu/zfap
  Replies (14) Good night (692) Bad night (5217)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker" http://tfl.nu/kgaf
  Replies (15) Good night (1726) Bad night (5144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  How am I a tease?

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.

  (813): View more from Florida

  ONLY PART OF IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): How am I a tease? (1-813): Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away. (813): ONLY PART OF IT. http://tfl.nu/b7xa
  Replies (44) Good night (7972) Bad night (1298)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed. http://tfl.nu/hsgt
  Replies (35) Good night (1507) Bad night (6398) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36403) Bad night (1392)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://tfl.nu/q0ub
  Replies (12) Good night (7439) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle http://tfl.nu/ax2q
  Replies (11) Good night (1069) Bad night (4483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home. http://tfl.nu/gpi6
  Replies (32) Good night (8002) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina. http://tfl.nu/1ygc
  Replies (30) Good night (5447) Bad night (1515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Who was that guy you went home with?

  (1-714): View more from California

  Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Who was that guy you went home with? (1-714): Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now. http://tfl.nu/q2tl
  Replies (45) Good night (6268) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't. http://tfl.nu/gt6v
  Replies (6) Good night (3795) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it http://tfl.nu/y6rt
  Replies (16) Good night (4083) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  Wasn't he an English major?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him. (1-703): Wasn't he an English major? http://tfl.nu/vbmk
  Replies (12) Good night (916) Bad night (4682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I love you

  (720): View more from Colorado

  are you drunk

  (440): View more from Ohio

  yes but I def love you, we should get married

  (720): View more from Colorado

  But I'm Jewish

  (440): View more from Ohio

  embrace Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I love you (720): are you drunk (440): yes but I def love you, we should get married (720): But I'm Jewish (440): embrace Jesus http://tfl.nu/v32c
  Replies (9) Good night (2448) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was. http://tfl.nu/96eh
  Replies (21) Good night (494) Bad night (5892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions http://tfl.nu/7b2z
  Replies (14) Good night (2277) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/ez0g
  Replies (13) Good night (8319) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  its not stalking. its research.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): its not stalking. its research. http://tfl.nu/qywi
  Replies (21) Good night (3074) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady. http://tfl.nu/00hh
  Replies (14) Good night (3362) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets http://tfl.nu/eja8
  Replies (33) Good night (7089) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore" http://tfl.nu/gl8n
  Replies (36) Good night (6678) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/l4fs
  Replies (46) Good night (9058) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win. http://tfl.nu/dvpb
  Replies (24) Good night (7106) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?

  (1-212): View more from New York

  this is Aaron, hi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud? (1-212): this is Aaron, hi http://tfl.nu/ackd
  Replies (48) Good night (19446) Bad night (1770)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you. http://tfl.nu/ld05
  Replies (11) Good night (3517) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64506) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month. http://tfl.nu/7dyi
  Replies (29) Good night (13952) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  God I fucking love America.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016... (1-513): God I fucking love America. http://tfl.nu/eses
  Replies (44) Good night (8618) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.

  (1-909): View more from California

  I worship thee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed. (1-909): I worship thee. http://tfl.nu/jd00
  Replies (54) Good night (7777) Bad night (894)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one. http://tfl.nu/7onj
  Replies (36) Good night (7572) Bad night (503)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night. http://tfl.nu/15vj
  Replies (50) Good night (4742) Bad night (1404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now. http://tfl.nu/4cfq
  Replies (54) Good night (7016) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/7fga
  Replies (18) Good night (7360) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad. http://tfl.nu/8fn1
  Replies (68) Good night (11372) Bad night (2498)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK. http://tfl.nu/4l82
  Replies (23) Good night (4977) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  her facebook's as public as her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): her facebook's as public as her vagina http://tfl.nu/w3ii
  Replies (43) Good night (2970) Bad night (2317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you http://tfl.nu/x2i9
  Replies (30) Good night (5538) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he said i'm too pretty to suck penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): he said i'm too pretty to suck penis http://tfl.nu/wzvb
  Replies (99) Good night (13236) Bad night (1459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/jn2c
  Replies (12) Good night (525) Bad night (3806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again. http://tfl.nu/hfw8
  Replies (2) Good night (695) Bad night (738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/9esh
  Replies (58) Good night (530) Bad night (11071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy http://tfl.nu/v81p
  Replies (41) Good night (4284) Bad night (1001) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  He wasn't the only one with a full load.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket... (1-508): He wasn't the only one with a full load. http://tfl.nu/y8kb
  Replies (24) Good night (5977) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  so let's talk penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): so let's talk penis. http://tfl.nu/oygv
  Replies (16) Good night (4236) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth.. http://tfl.nu/cpmo
  Replies (37) Good night (6974) Bad night (1751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up http://tfl.nu/q8f6
  Replies (50) Good night (10017) Bad night (1419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants http://tfl.nu/4e8k
  Replies (61) Good night (619) Bad night (8125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that. (717): I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother... http://tfl.nu/ehm3
  Replies (153) Good night (1627) Bad night (24783)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?

  (954): View more from Florida

  Why wouldn't there be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower? (954): Why wouldn't there be. http://tfl.nu/wwnv
  Replies (28) Good night (7285) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me http://tfl.nu/nn6b
  Replies (28) Good night (11192) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  What?!

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom... (1-913): What?! (913): Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!! http://tfl.nu/4m0s
  Replies (35) Good night (712) Bad night (8601)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.

  (443): View more from Maryland

  im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie. (443): im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile http://tfl.nu/7kar
  Replies (31) Good night (1989) Bad night (5069)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me. http://tfl.nu/2uzy
  Replies (21) Good night (513) Bad night (6309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life. http://tfl.nu/69tk
  Replies (33) Good night (7077) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am. http://tfl.nu/w1ts
  Replies (34) Good night (4373) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever http://tfl.nu/n0rq
  Replies (53) Good night (11936) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I just saw the nastiest chick.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Where?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I just saw the nastiest chick. (1-603): Where? (603): woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you http://tfl.nu/hbsk
  Replies (43) Good night (1002) Bad night (7951)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome http://tfl.nu/ugx7
  Replies (14) Good night (5320) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (737): View more from Texas

  and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (737): and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best" (303 ): I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas." http://tfl.nu/7cf3
  Replies (59) Good night (4292) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  ok i said sorry. what else do you want?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  100 blowjobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): ok i said sorry. what else do you want? (740): 100 blowjobs http://tfl.nu/an0u
  Replies (14) Good night (1714) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went. http://tfl.nu/izjf
  Replies (37) Good night (1030) Bad night (5477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type. (1-813): Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type. http://tfl.nu/055q
  Replies (90) Good night (7627) Bad night (1380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well how do you think I feel

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  fair enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate (401): Well how do you think I feel (860): fair enough http://tfl.nu/zhgr
  Replies (39) Good night (9034) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey. http://tfl.nu/1r0k
  Replies (27) Good night (11047) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits" http://tfl.nu/f8ma
  Replies (15) Good night (4363) Bad night (1542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight. http://tfl.nu/b9qd
  Replies (60) Good night (589) Bad night (5799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i just stepped in cum. i hate you.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Thats what happens when you don't swallow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i just stepped in cum. i hate you. (603): Thats what happens when you don't swallow. http://tfl.nu/7phl
  Replies (86) Good night (8971) Bad night (2451)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it. http://tfl.nu/o8fq
  Replies (27) Good night (754) Bad night (6757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship. http://tfl.nu/8xz2
  Replies (26) Good night (7241) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Are you talking about my vagina?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it (919): Are you talking about my vagina? http://tfl.nu/sfmr
  Replies (29) Good night (8379) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Slut skills are useful in every country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Slut skills are useful in every country. http://tfl.nu/pvtq
  Replies (14) Good night (4409) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out. http://tfl.nu/p4fr
  Replies (16) Good night (4936) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum... http://tfl.nu/p3s1
  Replies (20) Good night (6924) Bad night (1736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together http://tfl.nu/isyr
  Replies (12) Good night (5081) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Who said I want to share with you?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you. (616): Who said I want to share with you? (269): You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book. http://tfl.nu/trh2
  Replies (40) Good night (6445) Bad night (724)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy. http://tfl.nu/byhd
  Replies (21) Good night (478) Bad night (5750)
• Favorite

  (445): View more from Pennsylvania

  We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (445): We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off http://tfl.nu/9bxu
  Replies (53) Good night (14920) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN

  (347): View more from New York

  I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN (347): I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/s3su
  Replies (41) Good night (10623) Bad night (1852)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp
  Replies (88) Good night (9244) Bad night (1347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius? http://tfl.nu/ei5s
  Replies (150) Good night (14041) Bad night (2990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011 http://tfl.nu/zxkw
  Replies (53) Good night (5549) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think college has really matured you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front. (662): I think college has really matured you. http://tfl.nu/th4l
  Replies (19) Good night (4229) Bad night (381)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?

  (702): View more from Nevada

  not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time? (702): not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning http://tfl.nu/nxoz
  Replies (23) Good night (2344) Bad night (4037)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success http://tfl.nu/bau6
  Replies (52) Good night (8472) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot. http://tfl.nu/xny3
  Replies (35) Good night (5195) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina http://tfl.nu/sexo
  Replies (71) Good night (6429) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I love watching others lives come down to our level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I love watching others lives come down to our level. http://tfl.nu/pfmq
  Replies (5) Good night (3841) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1022) Bad night (12395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions http://tfl.nu/u0tu
  Replies (27) Good night (1241) Bad night (3400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What's this douchebags name?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Rob...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!" (973): What's this douchebags name? (908): Rob... http://tfl.nu/raez
  Replies (67) Good night (7313) Bad night (3486)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen? http://tfl.nu/jc7g
  Replies (35) Good night (4588) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste? http://tfl.nu/l5cc
  Replies (35) Good night (4747) Bad night (1994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat http://tfl.nu/os6y
  Replies (29) Good night (6496) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud. http://tfl.nu/41vp
  Replies (7) Good night (4313) Bad night (495) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  sarcasm needs its own font

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): sarcasm needs its own font http://tfl.nu/5kc7
  Replies (55) Good night (8000) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time http://tfl.nu/c4as
  Replies (19) Good night (4614) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference! http://tfl.nu/5ptk
  Replies (50) Good night (10111) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  I respect that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice (1-508): I respect that http://tfl.nu/enis
  Replies (53) Good night (9291) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  my vagina's been through so much this weekend

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): my vagina's been through so much this weekend (1-860): you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend? http://tfl.nu/jr6r
  Replies (35) Good night (7271) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  either way he was missing a nipple.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): either way he was missing a nipple. http://tfl.nu/17oh
  Replies (18) Good night (604) Bad night (5720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.

  (770): View more from Georgia

  WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama. (770): WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?! http://tfl.nu/mh7d
  Replies (49) Good night (992) Bad night (6735)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history. http://tfl.nu/d9a3
  Replies (20) Good night (6335) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer http://tfl.nu/cllh
  Replies (118) Good night (22195) Bad night (1989) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon http://tfl.nu/p3qx
  Replies (44) Good night (5904) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open." http://tfl.nu/m5a9
  Replies (26) Good night (4893) Bad night (319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good http://tfl.nu/k903
  Replies (111) Good night (28148) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off? http://tfl.nu/xunp
  Replies (10) Good night (449) Bad night (2472)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  and?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  RIP clitoris

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there... (1-609): and? (609): RIP clitoris http://tfl.nu/1ub6
  Replies (589) Good night (4041) Bad night (98821)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore. http://tfl.nu/ktqn
  Replies (8) Good night (1760) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (221) Good night (6514) Bad night (70167)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis. http://tfl.nu/knfk
  Replies (14) Good night (4398) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  people would bow to what i just did to her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): people would bow to what i just did to her vagina http://tfl.nu/rxjb
  Replies (31) Good night (6998) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis. http://tfl.nu/lwww
  Replies (57) Good night (5725) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (863): I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex.. http://tfl.nu/ynb7
  Replies (121) Good night (3225) Bad night (60403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (174) Good night (5431) Bad night (77627) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (143) Good night (5998) Bad night (67490)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis http://tfl.nu/d468
  Replies (46) Good night (4426) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"? http://tfl.nu/e2lv
  Replies (36) Good night (278) Bad night (2799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message. http://tfl.nu/nzcw
  Replies (31) Good night (5141) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (27354) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me http://tfl.nu/dmik
  Replies (27) Good night (7629) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick. http://tfl.nu/f71t
  Replies (2) Good night (347) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET http://tfl.nu/az0w
  Replies (76) Good night (7934) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours? http://tfl.nu/hqbo
  Replies (46) Good night (2501) Bad night (7985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener. (1-609): Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts. http://tfl.nu/3zgr
  Replies (50) Good night (5294) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby" http://tfl.nu/q8vs
  Replies (54) Good night (1587) Bad night (4351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar. http://tfl.nu/a5mu
  Replies (64) Good night (6457) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Did we use protection last night?

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Um, no...keep in touch, okay?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Did we use protection last night? (1-780): Um, no...keep in touch, okay? http://tfl.nu/2myc
  Replies (46) Good night (895) Bad night (14291) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!" http://tfl.nu/5h66
  Replies (38) Good night (6956) Bad night (559)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/pcj6
  Replies (38) Good night (3945) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Do vagina's smell?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Do vagina's smell? http://tfl.nu/tts8
  Replies (52) Good night (376) Bad night (5517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (178) Good night (89868) Bad night (3912)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you. http://tfl.nu/tn9h
  Replies (18) Good night (7754) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism http://tfl.nu/ktmw
  Replies (15) Good night (4936) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness? http://tfl.nu/575t
  Replies (18) Good night (5377) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened. http://tfl.nu/qapw
  Replies (20) Good night (8956) Bad night (463)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass. http://tfl.nu/vn76
  Replies (25) Good night (4579) Bad night (1562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.

  (1-661): View more from California

  Lol thats a classic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me. (1-661): Lol thats a classic http://tfl.nu/zpo3
  Replies (31) Good night (4840) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  No period for spring break; use this wisely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): No period for spring break; use this wisely. http://tfl.nu/lbmo
  Replies (21) Good night (5128) Bad night (374) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  USA! USA! USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic (414): USA! USA! USA! http://tfl.nu/meud
  Replies (34) Good night (4549) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't remember what your face looks like..

  (727): View more from Florida

  I don't remember your face either, just your dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I don't remember what your face looks like.. (727): I don't remember your face either, just your dick. http://tfl.nu/odit
  Replies (19) Good night (6062) Bad night (646)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!? http://tfl.nu/nh7f
  Replies (39) Good night (7930) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up http://tfl.nu/gsij
  Replies (27) Good night (7205) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer. http://tfl.nu/fm8w
  Replies (64) Good night (8674) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Tell me the dirtiest joke you know (1-907): Sarah Palin (907): god, I love you http://tfl.nu/fmd4
  Replies (100) Good night (10003) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  why is allison so mad at me??

  (469): View more from Texas

  me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  crap..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): why is allison so mad at me?? (469): me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!". (318): crap.. http://tfl.nu/7nes
  Replies (28) Good night (1171) Bad night (5586)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again? http://tfl.nu/cny9
  Replies (13) Good night (677) Bad night (5313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis. http://tfl.nu/rix3
  Replies (17) Good night (4862) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator http://tfl.nu/bvrd
  Replies (42) Good night (590) Bad night (6957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/btf1
  Replies (60) Good night (7018) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows. http://tfl.nu/3dnj
  Replies (10) Good night (5362) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'. http://tfl.nu/b21s
  Replies (18) Good night (6366) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Honestly, what else do I have going for me?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  You make a valid point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets. (440): Honestly, what else do I have going for me? (216): You make a valid point. http://tfl.nu/ba8r
  Replies (22) Good night (1369) Bad night (3479)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I gave up sex for lent.

  (646): View more from New York

  I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I gave up sex for lent. (646): I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter. http://tfl.nu/87gp
  Replies (18) Good night (864) Bad night (4131)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up. http://tfl.nu/1vah
  Replies (13) Good night (3564) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick http://tfl.nu/y4fo
  Replies (61) Good night (5296) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.

  (407): View more from Florida

  Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk. (407): Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked. http://tfl.nu/656t
  Replies (21) Good night (5239) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  I like it rough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right? (1-402): I like it rough http://tfl.nu/uqsl
  Replies (38) Good night (6407) Bad night (1277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall. http://tfl.nu/zz1u
  Replies (35) Good night (5443) Bad night (1258)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy? http://tfl.nu/94d5
  Replies (47) Good night (926) Bad night (6370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (15947) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch. http://tfl.nu/4x1m
  Replies (73) Good night (10159) Bad night (2134) Order T-Shirt