i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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