Texts From Last Night

Amepkloia's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.

  (231): View more from Michigan

  i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook. (231): i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment. http://tfl.nu/fvdt
  Replies (41) Good night (1727) Bad night (5111)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you. http://tfl.nu/xn7n
  Replies (40) Good night (10799) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit. http://tfl.nu/s2aa
  Replies (33) Good night (10076) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47
  Replies (74) Good night (1905) Bad night (8512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward. http://tfl.nu/6x5x
  Replies (15) Good night (1099) Bad night (6566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ... http://tfl.nu/f5g8
  Replies (33) Good night (1074) Bad night (3955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (12478) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings. http://tfl.nu/pz3m
  Replies (42) Good night (6380) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets. http://tfl.nu/gp9t
  Replies (21) Good night (7829) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs http://tfl.nu/4ami
  Replies (26) Good night (6024) Bad night (1106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like. http://tfl.nu/j59v
  Replies (26) Good night (6437) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things. http://tfl.nu/e6ox
  Replies (36) Good night (8850) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4128) Bad night (6995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives??? http://tfl.nu/8m9c
  Replies (65) Good night (6964) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on http://tfl.nu/5tgi
  Replies (42) Good night (9109) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (48) Good night (16985) Bad night (1018) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover. http://tfl.nu/klzl
  Replies (20) Good night (5985) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem. http://tfl.nu/80or
  Replies (16) Good night (868) Bad night (5823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood http://tfl.nu/ffyp
  Replies (36) Good night (679) Bad night (5800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one. http://tfl.nu/fj7c
  Replies (7) Good night (8256) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10337) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.' http://tfl.nu/iq97
  Replies (27) Good night (1240) Bad night (4899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (8570) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost? http://tfl.nu/osjc
  Replies (21) Good night (2551) Bad night (6451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome. http://tfl.nu/kpah
  Replies (18) Good night (5740) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing http://tfl.nu/n0bj
  Replies (28) Good night (5785) Bad night (1460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet. http://tfl.nu/q394
  Replies (18) Good night (977) Bad night (6216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  That's the best idea I've heard all day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls. (1-248): That's the best idea I've heard all day. http://tfl.nu/w1qi
  Replies (30) Good night (8666) Bad night (2307)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing. http://tfl.nu/en2f
  Replies (26) Good night (981) Bad night (6411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him. http://tfl.nu/iiv7
  Replies (15) Good night (7815) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty. http://tfl.nu/9wi8
  Replies (99) Good night (11813) Bad night (1533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that. http://tfl.nu/isuw
  Replies (31) Good night (4971) Bad night (1913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  no, that is not a typo

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night (401): no, that is not a typo (401): i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday http://tfl.nu/nleu
  Replies (49) Good night (6323) Bad night (1900)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8188) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out. http://tfl.nu/nbi4
  Replies (11) Good night (8299) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here. http://tfl.nu/rnyh
  Replies (15) Good night (10309) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge? http://tfl.nu/3h8y
  Replies (67) Good night (1943) Bad night (5831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... What happend then?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating" (678): So... What happend then? (404): We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM. http://tfl.nu/3t62
  Replies (49) Good night (10748) Bad night (2189)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.

  (561): View more from Florida

  He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class. (561): He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it. http://tfl.nu/mjkl
  Replies (18) Good night (5872) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet. http://tfl.nu/36t1
  Replies (32) Good night (1816) Bad night (6166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president" http://tfl.nu/8jue
  Replies (21) Good night (6376) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive. http://tfl.nu/z8kz
  Replies (19) Good night (6799) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
  Replies (68) Good night (26196) Bad night (2768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it http://tfl.nu/o2df
  Replies (33) Good night (8769) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal. http://tfl.nu/4nij
  Replies (49) Good night (7033) Bad night (1724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels. http://tfl.nu/hv8u
  Replies (13) Good night (6681) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (60) Good night (25205) Bad night (828)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin" http://tfl.nu/odvv
  Replies (16) Good night (7273) Bad night (668)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it. http://tfl.nu/8hng
  Replies (28) Good night (9861) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.

  (786): View more from Florida

  How high are you right now..

  (305): View more from Florida

  I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind. (786): How high are you right now.. (305): I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT. http://tfl.nu/q5i7
  Replies (29) Good night (9723) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way http://tfl.nu/t96w
  Replies (31) Good night (1495) Bad night (4553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before. http://tfl.nu/hdcs
  Replies (35) Good night (8496) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny http://tfl.nu/a88g
  Replies (17) Good night (6106) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore" http://tfl.nu/euok
  Replies (12) Good night (5581) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off. http://tfl.nu/8rwr
  Replies (40) Good night (738) Bad night (5572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back. http://tfl.nu/ko52
  Replies (13) Good night (5547) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish? http://tfl.nu/wvgn
  Replies (28) Good night (8273) Bad night (1172) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him. http://tfl.nu/fka6
  Replies (12) Good night (6184) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned. http://tfl.nu/elt7
  Replies (38) Good night (2248) Bad night (5844)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama? http://tfl.nu/w817
  Replies (11) Good night (4838) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!' http://tfl.nu/csk1
  Replies (34) Good night (5611) Bad night (890)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He felt like a one man threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He felt like a one man threesome http://tfl.nu/1ehs
  Replies (17) Good night (8740) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision. http://tfl.nu/h6vg
  Replies (17) Good night (8457) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell? http://tfl.nu/9wrt
  Replies (37) Good night (6099) Bad night (1540)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex. http://tfl.nu/p49h
  Replies (46) Good night (13655) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt http://tfl.nu/x2m1
  Replies (35) Good night (2952) Bad night (6346) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up. http://tfl.nu/mktj
  Replies (19) Good night (5696) Bad night (1965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him. http://tfl.nu/25q8
  Replies (62) Good night (26356) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked. http://tfl.nu/qprr
  Replies (22) Good night (6597) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (101) Good night (36399) Bad night (1391)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  probs a good idea

  (207): View more from Maine

  i like the whole idea of life and being alive

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  you sure you're not high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea (1-207): probs a good idea (207): i like the whole idea of life and being alive (1-207): you sure you're not high? http://tfl.nu/e7l1
  Replies (29) Good night (5483) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL http://tfl.nu/4831
  Replies (56) Good night (1248) Bad night (5714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault." http://tfl.nu/r5ek
  Replies (13) Good night (6101) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life http://tfl.nu/bfvb
  Replies (27) Good night (4293) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (121) Good night (2757) Bad night (14579)
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68149) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car http://tfl.nu/lq42
  Replies (40) Good night (4612) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad. http://tfl.nu/0kg4
  Replies (82) Good night (28717) Bad night (1860)
• Favorite

  (368): View more from

  you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (368): you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning. http://tfl.nu/nfr6
  Replies (22) Good night (6517) Bad night (992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): 4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens. http://tfl.nu/m8yq
  Replies (55) Good night (10160) Bad night (2774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (27266) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again. http://tfl.nu/btf1
  Replies (60) Good night (7017) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): You do realize it's a Tuesday, right? (1-586): You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life. http://tfl.nu/em8w
  Replies (22) Good night (7558) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Intervention is following me on twitter.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Intervention is following me on twitter. (440): wow. http://tfl.nu/4vti
  Replies (14) Good night (4937) Bad night (1131)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures http://tfl.nu/pect
  Replies (39) Good night (13930) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Wish you were here....

  (734): View more from Michigan

  And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Wish you were here.... (734): And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it? http://tfl.nu/j5nc
  Replies (36) Good night (1721) Bad night (6599)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one. http://tfl.nu/7onj
  Replies (36) Good night (7571) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/7fga
  Replies (18) Good night (7360) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64494) Bad night (2454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her. http://tfl.nu/icjy
  Replies (53) Good night (2250) Bad night (14355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game? http://tfl.nu/evbk
  Replies (317) Good night (6884) Bad night (1515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now

  (1-805): View more from California

  he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now (1-805): he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls http://tfl.nu/00r7
  Replies (82) Good night (4642) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong. http://tfl.nu/rar8
  Replies (20) Good night (3608) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius. http://tfl.nu/c6ym
  Replies (36) Good night (7604) Bad night (390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy. http://tfl.nu/dyh1
  Replies (18) Good night (5500) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room. http://tfl.nu/qe4u
  Replies (22) Good night (6348) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds. http://tfl.nu/8f3d
  Replies (8) Good night (5374) Bad night (1051) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER http://tfl.nu/olos
  Replies (30) Good night (776) Bad night (5090) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter http://tfl.nu/o0yy
  Replies (33) Good night (1248) Bad night (6069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out. http://tfl.nu/l8yc
  Replies (20) Good night (4470) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf http://tfl.nu/qrcf
  Replies (28) Good night (4013) Bad night (1345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now http://tfl.nu/10rh
  Replies (58) Good night (1008) Bad night (12707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out? http://tfl.nu/fgrz
  Replies (59) Good night (9180) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings. http://tfl.nu/9pm8
  Replies (26) Good night (5489) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person. http://tfl.nu/od1c
  Replies (46) Good night (6734) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke http://tfl.nu/o61t
  Replies (16) Good night (6065) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is . http://tfl.nu/3c24
  Replies (43) Good night (7810) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes http://tfl.nu/kyj9
  Replies (23) Good night (4203) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals http://tfl.nu/66nw
  Replies (59) Good night (3379) Bad night (2832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49207) Bad night (5110)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family? http://tfl.nu/vek9
  Replies (72) Good night (1673) Bad night (7659)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working. http://tfl.nu/9tde
  Replies (43) Good night (7603) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids http://tfl.nu/tr3o
  Replies (38) Good night (9124) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car http://tfl.nu/yqns
  Replies (27) Good night (1084) Bad night (5430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head http://tfl.nu/n75x
  Replies (85) Good night (7583) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6293) Bad night (1217) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed. http://tfl.nu/kf6i
  Replies (22) Good night (6194) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you. http://tfl.nu/w13u
  Replies (48) Good night (1977) Bad night (2976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head http://tfl.nu/xp32
  Replies (22) Good night (4455) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried. http://tfl.nu/0j7l
  Replies (59) Good night (1435) Bad night (5135) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie? http://tfl.nu/tj9i
  Replies (83) Good night (5965) Bad night (1855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point? http://tfl.nu/qhrq
  Replies (15) Good night (4848) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love http://tfl.nu/fo0q
  Replies (41) Good night (2242) Bad night (4103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You? http://tfl.nu/i2et
  Replies (26) Good night (7053) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf http://tfl.nu/faeb
  Replies (52) Good night (16355) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale. http://tfl.nu/rt3p
  Replies (12) Good night (4175) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am. http://tfl.nu/0rxk
  Replies (36) Good night (810) Bad night (5319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW! http://tfl.nu/gdwn
  Replies (6) Good night (582) Bad night (5144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left. http://tfl.nu/ytq9
  Replies (28) Good night (6921) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again. http://tfl.nu/a0p6
  Replies (23) Good night (4164) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls. http://tfl.nu/2hrl
  Replies (30) Good night (9995) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (351) Good night (7016) Bad night (46835)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon. http://tfl.nu/7cpz
  Replies (56) Good night (8101) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (20558) Bad night (2710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox. http://tfl.nu/v0mm
  Replies (45) Good night (8757) Bad night (2452) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins http://tfl.nu/u9n2
  Replies (23) Good night (7760) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69179) Bad night (1982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  I'm on my way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now. (1-804): I'm on my way. http://tfl.nu/8nvt
  Replies (28) Good night (6856) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back

  (914): View more from New York

  that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back (914): that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart http://tfl.nu/d09e
  Replies (102) Good night (1402) Bad night (5188)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK http://tfl.nu/ybgq
  Replies (65) Good night (654) Bad night (8571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY http://tfl.nu/h6do
  Replies (47) Good night (2775) Bad night (13918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish. http://tfl.nu/lwox
  Replies (41) Good night (19101) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible". http://tfl.nu/e3k3
  Replies (43) Good night (7265) Bad night (1157)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs. http://tfl.nu/sygp
  Replies (34) Good night (5381) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension http://tfl.nu/bl0j
  Replies (46) Good night (1469) Bad night (4907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street. http://tfl.nu/fk7f
  Replies (35) Good night (8156) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  That was a text you sent me last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I'd do Clint Eastwood. (440): ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now. (513): That was a text you sent me last night. http://tfl.nu/tvw9
  Replies (36) Good night (9441) Bad night (689)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (14308) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics http://tfl.nu/wc24
  Replies (49) Good night (5007) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Sarah Palin

  (907): View more from Alaska

  god, I love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Tell me the dirtiest joke you know (1-907): Sarah Palin (907): god, I love you http://tfl.nu/fmd4
  Replies (100) Good night (10003) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?" http://tfl.nu/xq6v
  Replies (43) Good night (8250) Bad night (1079) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out http://tfl.nu/fsk9
  Replies (106) Good night (20466) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost. http://tfl.nu/voez
  Replies (41) Good night (7335) Bad night (1937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight. http://tfl.nu/b9qd
  Replies (60) Good night (589) Bad night (5798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love. http://tfl.nu/wggk
  Replies (10) Good night (5783) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

  (1405): View more from

  I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc
  Replies (45) Good night (9635) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides http://tfl.nu/frdu
  Replies (51) Good night (11826) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles. http://tfl.nu/x8s9
  Replies (15) Good night (6618) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends" http://tfl.nu/u7q7
  Replies (27) Good night (5872) Bad night (653)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him. http://tfl.nu/xg0w
  Replies (23) Good night (10222) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning. http://tfl.nu/jye2
  Replies (14) Good night (5209) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked http://tfl.nu/iw27
  Replies (33) Good night (7253) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (28198) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating http://tfl.nu/ynhz
  Replies (19) Good night (901) Bad night (3093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this. http://tfl.nu/a7q9
  Replies (28) Good night (1973) Bad night (3499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation? http://tfl.nu/0dba
  Replies (15) Good night (4625) Bad night (1522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting http://tfl.nu/k7m6
  Replies (76) Good night (9145) Bad night (1299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God. http://tfl.nu/c3gg
  Replies (74) Good night (23236) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this http://tfl.nu/8ri1
  Replies (29) Good night (6217) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain. http://tfl.nu/pmdt
  Replies (20) Good night (5416) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life http://tfl.nu/pzmw
  Replies (67) Good night (5643) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage http://tfl.nu/nrg5
  Replies (39) Good night (916) Bad night (12848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.

  (516): View more from New York

  was the water running?

  (917): View more from New York City

  yeah but he said he knows how to swim

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower. (516): was the water running? (917): yeah but he said he knows how to swim http://tfl.nu/akph
  Replies (10) Good night (6009) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera. http://tfl.nu/yx0c
  Replies (36) Good night (10331) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers http://tfl.nu/mvp5
  Replies (30) Good night (7501) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (17197) Bad night (664)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world http://tfl.nu/83f8
  Replies (36) Good night (6976) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose http://tfl.nu/p9h0
  Replies (32) Good night (12735) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?

  (475): View more from Connecticut

  Yeah?

  (212): View more from New York

  Stuck it in his pooper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year? (475): Yeah? (212): Stuck it in his pooper. http://tfl.nu/y911
  Replies (209) Good night (10083) Bad night (4223)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this... http://tfl.nu/lbrb
  Replies (95) Good night (7249) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record? http://tfl.nu/dn2a
  Replies (37) Good night (722) Bad night (4106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  she's into porn, im staying here tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): she's into porn, im staying here tonight http://tfl.nu/jlgw
  Replies (31) Good night (6468) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  im bored tell me something entertaining

  (206): View more from Washington

  You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): im bored tell me something entertaining (206): You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam. http://tfl.nu/m0ao
  Replies (48) Good night (1285) Bad night (9356)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You are an asshole

  (574): View more from Indiana

  haha sleeping beauty awakes.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Where did you find this costume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai
  Replies (31) Good night (11792) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes. http://tfl.nu/p4s9
  Replies (23) Good night (6321) Bad night (1767)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one. http://tfl.nu/i2d2
  Replies (14) Good night (3850) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier. http://tfl.nu/ogdc
  Replies (88) Good night (7018) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. http://tfl.nu/mkrc
  Replies (97) Good night (943) Bad night (21440)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser. http://tfl.nu/fqkl
  Replies (115) Good night (2573) Bad night (19666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs? http://tfl.nu/ic15
  Replies (31) Good night (8154) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it. http://tfl.nu/zncn
  Replies (32) Good night (6455) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am. http://tfl.nu/d1e6
  Replies (111) Good night (9550) Bad night (1483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars? http://tfl.nu/0mdx
  Replies (56) Good night (25368) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am http://tfl.nu/vk3v
  Replies (20) Good night (3836) Bad night (590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor. (339): No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though. http://tfl.nu/0uyr
  Replies (34) Good night (9275) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
  Replies (107) Good night (31244) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small. http://tfl.nu/cj40
  Replies (40) Good night (608) Bad night (10052) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that. http://tfl.nu/jmlu
  Replies (43) Good night (1273) Bad night (2605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it. http://tfl.nu/8sm7
  Replies (75) Good night (20484) Bad night (2016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread. http://tfl.nu/62jg
  Replies (18) Good night (7446) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay. http://tfl.nu/cdim
  Replies (26) Good night (988) Bad night (5633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it http://tfl.nu/9cts
  Replies (37) Good night (10877) Bad night (525)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks. http://tfl.nu/i5e8
  Replies (23) Good night (763) Bad night (5311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek. http://tfl.nu/rrn9
  Replies (117) Good night (2761) Bad night (11345)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Girls should come with a carfax report

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Girls should come with a carfax report http://tfl.nu/ithx
  Replies (55) Good night (6912) Bad night (1461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on??? http://tfl.nu/8had
  Replies (51) Good night (783) Bad night (4664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome! http://tfl.nu/2tqo
  Replies (79) Good night (17263) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that http://tfl.nu/ym20
  Replies (53) Good night (1149) Bad night (2700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror. http://tfl.nu/is4s
  Replies (24) Good night (7964) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy. http://tfl.nu/7hz1
  Replies (41) Good night (11321) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night http://tfl.nu/akir
  Replies (73) Good night (1535) Bad night (5364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms http://tfl.nu/1qb7
  Replies (27) Good night (11384) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it. http://tfl.nu/4nb9
  Replies (19) Good night (1485) Bad night (3993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth http://tfl.nu/totm
  Replies (56) Good night (6527) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation. http://tfl.nu/9spz
  Replies (14) Good night (9062) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down http://tfl.nu/bj4x
  Replies (48) Good night (4903) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz http://tfl.nu/sutg
  Replies (86) Good night (15269) Bad night (2447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it. http://tfl.nu/hjdx
  Replies (79) Good night (8840) Bad night (2539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale. http://tfl.nu/y4yj
  Replies (48) Good night (19759) Bad night (648)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed http://tfl.nu/6hho
  Replies (17) Good night (6543) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower. http://tfl.nu/yzkb
  Replies (44) Good night (11625) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg. http://tfl.nu/rk1z
  Replies (38) Good night (540) Bad night (11252) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week http://tfl.nu/vx1e
  Replies (13) Good night (4656) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu http://tfl.nu/9ul0
  Replies (14) Good night (2131) Bad night (3770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter. http://tfl.nu/8kyg
  Replies (285) Good night (60320) Bad night (3668)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me. http://tfl.nu/uo6c
  Replies (108) Good night (1838) Bad night (34437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
  Replies (816) Good night (136699) Bad night (8407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL! http://tfl.nu/gtw6
  Replies (92) Good night (1335) Bad night (3885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (221) Good night (6514) Bad night (70155)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview http://tfl.nu/b2rk
  Replies (56) Good night (2748) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going? http://tfl.nu/4uq9
  Replies (49) Good night (892) Bad night (20122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96125) Bad night (5008)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (128) Good night (7628) Bad night (22862)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128174) Bad night (5059)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6142) Bad night (39422)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107942) Bad night (8843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (39425) Bad night (2263)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122214) Bad night (2212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out http://tfl.nu/q1wd
  Replies (15) Good night (4953) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!" http://tfl.nu/83kf
  Replies (22) Good night (1096) Bad night (11150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you.. http://tfl.nu/8fyi
  Replies (24) Good night (687) Bad night (8891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours? http://tfl.nu/hqbo
  Replies (46) Good night (2501) Bad night (7985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH! http://tfl.nu/111h
  Replies (66) Good night (899) Bad night (16391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?! http://tfl.nu/ganv
  Replies (70) Good night (4790) Bad night (9191) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar http://tfl.nu/kodl
  Replies (29) Good night (6730) Bad night (430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party? http://tfl.nu/rikb
  Replies (52) Good night (12299) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now http://tfl.nu/6uxz
  Replies (20) Good night (4729) Bad night (389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (16836) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Sharpest. Poop. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Sharpest. Poop. Ever. http://tfl.nu/efzq
  Replies (39) Good night (755) Bad night (7599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): yah i'm on my way- is everything ok? (1-330) i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok http://tfl.nu/s4ag
  Replies (35) Good night (797) Bad night (6948)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/cp2f
  Replies (21) Good night (901) Bad night (6740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question? http://tfl.nu/fkcd
  Replies (76) Good night (771) Bad night (11177)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  just found the deal breaker

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  hairy back?

  (251): View more from Alabama

  he can't live within 1000 ft of a school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): just found the deal breaker (1-251): hairy back? (251): he can't live within 1000 ft of a school http://tfl.nu/kwkd
  Replies (73) Good night (680) Bad night (13667)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed http://tfl.nu/lr4z
  Replies (18) Good night (1835) Bad night (3698) Order T-Shirt