You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
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