If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She said her name was "party"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
