How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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