My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Too much gin, very little bucket
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
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