samadams1982's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night? http://tfl.nu/99ew
  Replies (4) Good night (597) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags http://tfl.nu/4wxr
  Replies (6) Good night (890) Bad night (1599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her. http://tfl.nu/fi1h
  Replies (33) Good night (1589) Bad night (3997)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea. http://tfl.nu/8y4f
  Replies (10) Good night (2183) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving? http://tfl.nu/o7j4
  Replies (10) Good night (4201) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve http://tfl.nu/y29u
  Replies (11) Good night (3013) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D. http://tfl.nu/wwrb
  Replies (9) Good night (2606) Bad night (746)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover. http://tfl.nu/pxbl
  Replies (8) Good night (3782) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex. http://tfl.nu/hnii
  Replies (4) Good night (3392) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing" http://tfl.nu/qoaq
  Replies (9) Good night (4169) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?! http://tfl.nu/a2n2
  Replies (19) Good night (4520) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice. http://tfl.nu/njob
  Replies (3) Good night (2053) Bad night (478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron. http://tfl.nu/c12y
  Replies (4) Good night (1527) Bad night (1355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night? http://tfl.nu/cbpu
  Replies (8) Good night (6566) Bad night (779)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.

  (406): View more from Montana

  Hospital.

  (509): View more from Washington

  I am invincible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all. (406): Hospital. (509): I am invincible. http://tfl.nu/el46
  Replies (10) Good night (2353) Bad night (985)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning. http://tfl.nu/9168
  Replies (5) Good night (2165) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day. http://tfl.nu/dyk5
  Replies (11) Good night (930) Bad night (1610)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again! http://tfl.nu/gkwb
  Replies (1) Good night (1574) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works. http://tfl.nu/2moz
  Replies (10) Good night (1915) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work" http://tfl.nu/lj9u
  Replies (6) Good night (3439) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos. http://tfl.nu/t7k7
  Replies (11) Good night (4373) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds. http://tfl.nu/t1fp
  Replies (4) Good night (1659) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover http://tfl.nu/xq4s
  Replies (7) Good night (2639) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot http://tfl.nu/c6sc
  Replies (2) Good night (2269) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench http://tfl.nu/9nh4
  Replies (20) Good night (5456) Bad night (1159)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard? http://tfl.nu/5yc2
  Replies (5) Good night (1194) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea http://tfl.nu/v62m
  Replies (5) Good night (3330) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms http://tfl.nu/d1qk
  Replies (5) Good night (1848) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests. http://tfl.nu/12h2
  Replies (11) Good night (2627) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities. http://tfl.nu/eu72
  Replies (10) Good night (2731) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer http://tfl.nu/j198
  Replies (13) Good night (2361) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you http://tfl.nu/wyc5
  Replies (8) Good night (3703) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right. http://tfl.nu/x0n7
  Replies (6) Good night (3371) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink. http://tfl.nu/zpxh
  Replies (8) Good night (708) Bad night (1393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name http://tfl.nu/48t9
  Replies (3) Good night (3113) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it. http://tfl.nu/tp8b
  Replies (6) Good night (3776) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle. http://tfl.nu/x2qg
  Replies (11) Good night (1500) Bad night (1975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever. http://tfl.nu/5js7
  Replies (8) Good night (4030) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled http://tfl.nu/6wmo
  Replies (2) Good night (1664) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any. http://tfl.nu/g0ay
  Replies (5) Good night (487) Bad night (2165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias http://tfl.nu/7mik
  Replies (6) Good night (3454) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger. http://tfl.nu/9mbe
  Replies (17) Good night (5221) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer http://tfl.nu/4g9e
  Replies (5) Good night (2262) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem http://tfl.nu/oy3i
  Replies (7) Good night (771) Bad night (1691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it. http://tfl.nu/goy6
  Replies (13) Good night (4080) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that. http://tfl.nu/napz
  Replies (3) Good night (1687) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad. http://tfl.nu/s89m
  Replies (7) Good night (3605) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen." http://tfl.nu/2yxx
  Replies (11) Good night (3949) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed. http://tfl.nu/z9qp
  Replies (7) Good night (2631) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion. http://tfl.nu/easp
  Replies (10) Good night (4862) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy. http://tfl.nu/ck7x
  Replies (18) Good night (1233) Bad night (2432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on http://tfl.nu/6fw7
  Replies (5) Good night (2480) Bad night (1344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip. http://tfl.nu/y6yl
  Replies (9) Good night (3127) Bad night (900)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vibrator challenges you to a duel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): My vibrator challenges you to a duel. http://tfl.nu/fz14
  Replies (18) Good night (3775) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success. http://tfl.nu/i1ko
  Replies (6) Good night (2970) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out http://tfl.nu/g5nx
  Replies (9) Good night (4169) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance. http://tfl.nu/ljav
  Replies (5) Good night (2338) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis. http://tfl.nu/wjfa
  Replies (9) Good night (3134) Bad night (944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time. http://tfl.nu/xn0f
  Replies (5) Good night (2053) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit. http://tfl.nu/1p19
  Replies (4) Good night (2379) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity. http://tfl.nu/17zq
  Replies (8) Good night (2391) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend. http://tfl.nu/4vq3
  Replies (7) Good night (795) Bad night (1713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Champagne is a vitamin, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Champagne is a vitamin, right? http://tfl.nu/gkox
  Replies (4) Good night (2175) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina. http://tfl.nu/6dr6
  Replies (8) Good night (3003) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous. (603): it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup. http://tfl.nu/1y0h
  Replies (5) Good night (1656) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet http://tfl.nu/l7er
  Replies (7) Good night (1509) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there. http://tfl.nu/6jl7
  Replies (6) Good night (2544) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet? http://tfl.nu/nobj
  Replies (5) Good night (2914) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them. http://tfl.nu/3t7j
  Replies (3) Good night (2078) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?! http://tfl.nu/z97b
  Replies (11) Good night (2933) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting. http://tfl.nu/gm65
  Replies (7) Good night (2558) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (523): View more from

  Hey did where's my bong?

  (1-523): View more from

  In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right

  (523): View more from

  Should I bother to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (523): Hey did where's my bong? (1-523): In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right (523): Should I bother to ask? http://tfl.nu/hj27
  Replies (8) Good night (2894) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon. http://tfl.nu/06ms
  Replies (9) Good night (2236) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him. http://tfl.nu/aojd
  Replies (10) Good night (2395) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties http://tfl.nu/51c2
  Replies (5) Good night (2850) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day. http://tfl.nu/phv5
  Replies (4) Good night (2361) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra? http://tfl.nu/estf
  Replies (10) Good night (2551) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today. http://tfl.nu/4qok
  Replies (4) Good night (3147) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons? http://tfl.nu/8u4p
  Replies (20) Good night (3136) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious. http://tfl.nu/b9xl
  Replies (12) Good night (3609) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where the hell are you

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He's winning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon. (1-706): Where the hell are you (706): He's winning. http://tfl.nu/bx2u
  Replies (23) Good night (5526) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk. http://tfl.nu/y7ij
  Replies (6) Good night (3014) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in. http://tfl.nu/l5u1
  Replies (8) Good night (3551) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present. http://tfl.nu/n1ow
  Replies (8) Good night (764) Bad night (2236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms? http://tfl.nu/dduo
  Replies (4) Good night (2630) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual. http://tfl.nu/weeh
  Replies (4) Good night (2448) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person. http://tfl.nu/dofi
  Replies (14) Good night (3128) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things. http://tfl.nu/zj1a
  Replies (6) Good night (2780) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her. http://tfl.nu/lj37
  Replies (3) Good night (838) Bad night (2423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show" http://tfl.nu/r6m2
  Replies (7) Good night (2712) Bad night (1117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator http://tfl.nu/t25w
  Replies (12) Good night (721) Bad night (2364) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine. http://tfl.nu/zg3z
  Replies (9) Good night (3595) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight. http://tfl.nu/hv0l
  Replies (9) Good night (1997) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower http://tfl.nu/ye9z
  Replies (10) Good night (3282) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside http://tfl.nu/la7o
  Replies (21) Good night (3041) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning. http://tfl.nu/92kl
  Replies (18) Good night (2754) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door. http://tfl.nu/9co9
  Replies (8) Good night (3264) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/dbsh
  Replies (10) Good night (3071) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  The strip club called, they have your shoe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): The strip club called, they have your shoe. http://tfl.nu/kbp6
  Replies (13) Good night (3629) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  they won't let me drive with my sombrero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): they won't let me drive with my sombrero http://tfl.nu/1zde
  Replies (9) Good night (2839) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through. http://tfl.nu/1jmj
  Replies (9) Good night (3024) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic http://tfl.nu/aiqs
  Replies (4) Good night (2298) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I think I actually have rug burn on my eye. http://tfl.nu/mvqe
  Replies (5) Good night (861) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway http://tfl.nu/kcow
  Replies (11) Good night (2453) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I've been living off of popsicles and broth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I've been living off of popsicles and broth. http://tfl.nu/8x3l
  Replies (6) Good night (990) Bad night (1581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet. http://tfl.nu/ctww
  Replies (3) Good night (1171) Bad night (1601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel. http://tfl.nu/lqer
  Replies (9) Good night (2953) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good. http://tfl.nu/kvkg
  Replies (12) Good night (3079) Bad night (837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind. http://tfl.nu/lim4
  Replies (5) Good night (771) Bad night (1505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning. http://tfl.nu/9kly
  Replies (5) Good night (3799) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim http://tfl.nu/n7dg
  Replies (11) Good night (3256) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much" http://tfl.nu/w7s7
  Replies (3) Good night (5184) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out. http://tfl.nu/jmae
  Replies (4) Good night (2053) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment http://tfl.nu/52np
  Replies (4) Good night (2979) Bad night (1333)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston http://tfl.nu/zjjv
  Replies (7) Good night (1045) Bad night (1767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon http://tfl.nu/xy8w
  Replies (5) Good night (3338) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby. (248): There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction. http://tfl.nu/82qp
  Replies (5) Good night (2389) Bad night (747)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work http://tfl.nu/qwhd
  Replies (3) Good night (2130) Bad night (1083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered http://tfl.nu/sriz
  Replies (8) Good night (3339) Bad night (697)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees. http://tfl.nu/qho2
  Replies (10) Good night (2870) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training http://tfl.nu/kvls
  Replies (12) Good night (3063) Bad night (1704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka. http://tfl.nu/0tbw
  Replies (4) Good night (2551) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40. http://tfl.nu/qfdq
  Replies (7) Good night (2299) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend http://tfl.nu/82q6
  Replies (5) Good night (2539) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told... http://tfl.nu/tfwr
  Replies (6) Good night (2367) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP http://tfl.nu/camw
  Replies (11) Good night (4788) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body. http://tfl.nu/ulji
  Replies (18) Good night (3093) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed.. http://tfl.nu/orkv
  Replies (3) Good night (3888) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (351): View more from Massachusetts

  the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (351): the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me. http://tfl.nu/s3y3
  Replies (5) Good night (4217) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt. http://tfl.nu/f1ui
  Replies (10) Good night (3013) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips. http://tfl.nu/821r
  Replies (27) Good night (2716) Bad night (1280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night. http://tfl.nu/go9e
  Replies (3) Good night (2601) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it? http://tfl.nu/nm01
  Replies (2) Good night (2247) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood. http://tfl.nu/fy7n
  Replies (5) Good night (2192) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar. http://tfl.nu/6ko7
  Replies (2) Good night (1483) Bad night (820)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat. http://tfl.nu/7ors
  Replies (13) Good night (4056) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them. http://tfl.nu/zz58
  Replies (7) Good night (916) Bad night (1999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right http://tfl.nu/lb7z
  Replies (3) Good night (3820) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back? http://tfl.nu/2ror
  Replies (2) Good night (2091) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge. http://tfl.nu/26oy
  Replies (14) Good night (4825) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos http://tfl.nu/qrbd
  Replies (11) Good night (4532) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong http://tfl.nu/36h0
  Replies (3) Good night (859) Bad night (1631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/exim
  Replies (6) Good night (2590) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong. http://tfl.nu/skna
  Replies (8) Good night (2655) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say. http://tfl.nu/7pqa
  Replies (2) Good night (2319) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet. http://tfl.nu/uf41
  Replies (9) Good night (4905) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday http://tfl.nu/9ias
  Replies (14) Good night (1373) Bad night (2734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe. http://tfl.nu/8iw1
  Replies (13) Good night (2707) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener. http://tfl.nu/h6je
  Replies (12) Good night (1982) Bad night (2572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What color are my eyes?

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  Ummmm... 34 C?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What color are my eyes? (1-519): Ummmm... 34 C? http://tfl.nu/3v5v
  Replies (14) Good night (11441) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish http://tfl.nu/fk29
  Replies (12) Good night (2710) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all. http://tfl.nu/7xa1
  Replies (8) Good night (1024) Bad night (2525)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first. http://tfl.nu/lmqj
  Replies (8) Good night (1838) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat http://tfl.nu/fgz1
  Replies (17) Good night (4168) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation. http://tfl.nu/wrn9
  Replies (9) Good night (3999) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi. http://tfl.nu/0lmy
  Replies (6) Good night (2005) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits http://tfl.nu/9nme
  Replies (8) Good night (3446) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE. http://tfl.nu/ltby
  Replies (27) Good night (902) Bad night (3146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution http://tfl.nu/2lwu
  Replies (6) Good night (3019) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers? http://tfl.nu/gqlt
  Replies (9) Good night (2410) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub http://tfl.nu/8dtz
  Replies (8) Good night (1934) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21. http://tfl.nu/keb8
  Replies (6) Good night (4152) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over. http://tfl.nu/fjvq
  Replies (3) Good night (2222) Bad night (1688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass? http://tfl.nu/0xyl
  Replies (6) Good night (1168) Bad night (2008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv. http://tfl.nu/ywog
  Replies (7) Good night (3949) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway? http://tfl.nu/m1uu
  Replies (11) Good night (2752) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.

  (512): View more from Texas

  That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option. (512): That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too. http://tfl.nu/lz3p
  Replies (9) Good night (2775) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone. http://tfl.nu/dcqd
  Replies (3) Good night (2493) Bad night (525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas. http://tfl.nu/sn85
  Replies (5) Good night (2001) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint http://tfl.nu/6bee
  Replies (5) Good night (1062) Bad night (2247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy. http://tfl.nu/np1e
  Replies (3) Good night (3512) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Beer Popsicles are better in theory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Beer Popsicles are better in theory http://tfl.nu/iyrx
  Replies (9) Good night (1921) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now. http://tfl.nu/rrnv
  Replies (3) Good night (1723) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up. http://tfl.nu/ay8q
  Replies (11) Good night (2448) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar. http://tfl.nu/rzqi
  Replies (4) Good night (2097) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere... http://tfl.nu/u20i
  Replies (6) Good night (2099) Bad night (1602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I demand visitation hours with the duck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I demand visitation hours with the duck. http://tfl.nu/cyd2
  Replies (10) Good night (4136) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent. http://tfl.nu/lzjs
  Replies (6) Good night (2710) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though. http://tfl.nu/xgce
  Replies (5) Good night (2209) Bad night (1277)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15 http://tfl.nu/scbj
  Replies (7) Good night (2487) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings http://tfl.nu/z81c
  Replies (13) Good night (3589) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?! http://tfl.nu/4ghk
  Replies (20) Good night (2810) Bad night (4619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago. http://tfl.nu/0eob
  Replies (16) Good night (4281) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/7z3e
  Replies (8) Good night (3012) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now http://tfl.nu/g57m
  Replies (5) Good night (1554) Bad night (1349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre? http://tfl.nu/1jmm
  Replies (13) Good night (2554) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors http://tfl.nu/t3jz
  Replies (11) Good night (5063) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday? http://tfl.nu/8ic0
  Replies (3) Good night (1999) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  my self respect just called, its having a good time without me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): my self respect just called, its having a good time without me http://tfl.nu/iprn
  Replies (9) Good night (2978) Bad night (953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day. http://tfl.nu/lmzq
  Replies (8) Good night (3245) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me. http://tfl.nu/ri8m
  Replies (16) Good night (779) Bad night (2585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so. http://tfl.nu/nluj
  Replies (7) Good night (3263) Bad night (549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT. http://tfl.nu/4w87
  Replies (13) Good night (1825) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night http://tfl.nu/6kh8
  Replies (11) Good night (2376) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table. http://tfl.nu/n2tk
  Replies (4) Good night (1755) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash? http://tfl.nu/u262
  Replies (8) Good night (784) Bad night (2416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear. http://tfl.nu/lhty
  Replies (4) Good night (3149) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed... http://tfl.nu/d0g6
  Replies (9) Good night (2298) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean http://tfl.nu/gpjf
  Replies (14) Good night (3995) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together... http://tfl.nu/sic1
  Replies (13) Good night (4883) Bad night (875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer" http://tfl.nu/avyg
  Replies (15) Good night (2745) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants. http://tfl.nu/m7ij
  Replies (10) Good night (2329) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him. http://tfl.nu/q8r5
  Replies (10) Good night (3516) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona http://tfl.nu/3dwf
  Replies (8) Good night (1062) Bad night (2613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer. http://tfl.nu/6wvk
  Replies (9) Good night (1990) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw. http://tfl.nu/90j8
  Replies (6) Good night (2911) Bad night (1077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together. http://tfl.nu/hsqn
  Replies (3) Good night (1735) Bad night (1163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out. http://tfl.nu/gq5i
  Replies (9) Good night (2350) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public. http://tfl.nu/i8al
  Replies (10) Good night (906) Bad night (1729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry. http://tfl.nu/q7zn
  Replies (9) Good night (2867) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed http://tfl.nu/wx92
  Replies (4) Good night (2485) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline http://tfl.nu/c26b
  Replies (6) Good night (1927) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots. http://tfl.nu/podd
  Replies (8) Good night (2043) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?! http://tfl.nu/6u5e
  Replies (12) Good night (4089) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested http://tfl.nu/xmgm
  Replies (5) Good night (3250) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  there are ass prints on the hood of my car.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): there are ass prints on the hood of my car. http://tfl.nu/hwv7
  Replies (10) Good night (2937) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill? http://tfl.nu/kp4x
  Replies (7) Good night (2029) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating. http://tfl.nu/yfie
  Replies (4) Good night (5049) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become http://tfl.nu/8je0
  Replies (6) Good night (2764) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed. http://tfl.nu/csse
  Replies (9) Good night (3173) Bad night (961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it http://tfl.nu/0kvz
  Replies (13) Good night (4242) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse. http://tfl.nu/1du4
  Replies (27) Good night (3354) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes. http://tfl.nu/hbc7
  Replies (8) Good night (3061) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time http://tfl.nu/v2fu
  Replies (8) Good night (2301) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza. http://tfl.nu/epfb
  Replies (8) Good night (2542) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Did we literally take a cab across the street

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Did we literally take a cab across the street http://tfl.nu/hdnq
  Replies (10) Good night (3330) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi http://tfl.nu/26u7
  Replies (3) Good night (1964) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night. http://tfl.nu/xbe7
  Replies (7) Good night (2742) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night? http://tfl.nu/53hk
  Replies (7) Good night (3714) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday http://tfl.nu/mihk
  Replies (3) Good night (1976) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy! http://tfl.nu/mmzc
  Replies (6) Good night (2742) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): 2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary http://tfl.nu/6uuf
  Replies (8) Good night (869) Bad night (1532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman. http://tfl.nu/chx9
  Replies (8) Good night (1691) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  no more duck duck goose at the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): no more duck duck goose at the bar http://tfl.nu/05y7
  Replies (6) Good night (2241) Bad night (707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker http://tfl.nu/9orb
  Replies (6) Good night (1992) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one. http://tfl.nu/8bgn
  Replies (3) Good night (2920) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not. http://tfl.nu/kqhm
  Replies (4) Good night (782) Bad night (2930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why? http://tfl.nu/6teb
  Replies (6) Good night (2092) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night? http://tfl.nu/drd1
  Replies (9) Good night (3149) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other. http://tfl.nu/32su
  Replies (10) Good night (1969) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future http://tfl.nu/p1r4
  Replies (5) Good night (2026) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating http://tfl.nu/ijjp
  Replies (12) Good night (2325) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time. http://tfl.nu/vomf
  Replies (13) Good night (2986) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that http://tfl.nu/xqbd
  Replies (15) Good night (1283) Bad night (2453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now. http://tfl.nu/w3yg
  Replies (7) Good night (4289) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon. http://tfl.nu/dn2m
  Replies (15) Good night (1263) Bad night (1580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage.... http://tfl.nu/ha8c
  Replies (6) Good night (2686) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice. http://tfl.nu/vxzt
  Replies (3) Good night (2023) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens http://tfl.nu/90cr
  Replies (9) Good night (3586) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads?? http://tfl.nu/sqt6
  Replies (22) Good night (1868) Bad night (2667)
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable. http://tfl.nu/t0un
  Replies (4) Good night (2230) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt? http://tfl.nu/o3a9
  Replies (6) Good night (1163) Bad night (2113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Are you in a cab?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Are you in a cab? (908): I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka? http://tfl.nu/9mwy
  Replies (3) Good night (2385) Bad night (772)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything. http://tfl.nu/9u4l
  Replies (4) Good night (2577) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.

  (1-661): View more from California

  1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): 1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place. (1-661): 1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up http://tfl.nu/wu9m
  Replies (12) Good night (4245) Bad night (865)
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat. http://tfl.nu/lmrm
  Replies (10) Good night (2864) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case" http://tfl.nu/zxvf
  Replies (15) Good night (4357) Bad night (3834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend http://tfl.nu/sqgg
  Replies (6) Good night (2200) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it. http://tfl.nu/yxow
  Replies (4) Good night (2324) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you. http://tfl.nu/htvc
  Replies (3) Good night (2103) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose http://tfl.nu/1rcv
  Replies (9) Good night (3016) Bad night (632)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me http://tfl.nu/dbfn
  Replies (9) Good night (960) Bad night (4078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life. http://tfl.nu/sryf
  Replies (8) Good night (5239) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night http://tfl.nu/h77m
  Replies (3) Good night (3008) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger. http://tfl.nu/9k0s
  Replies (9) Good night (3633) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar. http://tfl.nu/d2sa
  Replies (5) Good night (2944) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town. http://tfl.nu/omo7
  Replies (14) Good night (6145) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!! (717): Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly. http://tfl.nu/0dyl
  Replies (22) Good night (1371) Bad night (3135)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted. http://tfl.nu/sm1y
  Replies (19) Good night (3890) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober. http://tfl.nu/pncu
  Replies (2) Good night (2909) Bad night (748)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt. http://tfl.nu/gd2e
  Replies (11) Good night (841) Bad night (4283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina. http://tfl.nu/9b7c
  Replies (17) Good night (3224) Bad night (1724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP! http://tfl.nu/1t3i
  Replies (5) Good night (895) Bad night (3664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit. http://tfl.nu/0ntj
  Replies (9) Good night (1113) Bad night (1722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend... http://tfl.nu/oued
  Replies (10) Good night (4231) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815. http://tfl.nu/p37f
  Replies (3) Good night (3405) Bad night (887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday http://tfl.nu/tp2d
  Replies (6) Good night (2752) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave? http://tfl.nu/yd5g
  Replies (4) Good night (2693) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME http://tfl.nu/slem
  Replies (5) Good night (4081) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible http://tfl.nu/v92i
  Replies (3) Good night (2217) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/ycxt
  Replies (6) Good night (1003) Bad night (1858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big http://tfl.nu/le84
  Replies (12) Good night (1820) Bad night (2704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower. http://tfl.nu/6nkf
  Replies (8) Good night (4714) Bad night (649)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME http://tfl.nu/jm4f
  Replies (5) Good night (1126) Bad night (2075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup. http://tfl.nu/3fht
  Replies (9) Good night (3223) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight http://tfl.nu/99ir
  Replies (11) Good night (2626) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast. http://tfl.nu/j7ef
  Replies (14) Good night (4593) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love. http://tfl.nu/nlvg
  Replies (13) Good night (5379) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter http://tfl.nu/6rqt
  Replies (3) Good night (2316) Bad night (851)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you http://tfl.nu/gy7n
  Replies (11) Good night (1066) Bad night (2700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day http://tfl.nu/nn34
  Replies (3) Good night (4750) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE http://tfl.nu/cfpm
  Replies (7) Good night (1300) Bad night (1753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college. http://tfl.nu/3u34
  Replies (17) Good night (3304) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet.. http://tfl.nu/0ox8
  Replies (4) Good night (2072) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU. http://tfl.nu/rhle
  Replies (16) Good night (5202) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face http://tfl.nu/c559
  Replies (5) Good night (1841) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style. http://tfl.nu/liij
  Replies (2) Good night (1998) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one http://tfl.nu/7gmu
  Replies (10) Good night (5931) Bad night (1260) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet. http://tfl.nu/4f2y
  Replies (4) Good night (4095) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am. http://tfl.nu/mzmv
  Replies (10) Good night (2998) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week http://tfl.nu/fflq
  Replies (5) Good night (3019) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore. http://tfl.nu/xw8g
  Replies (17) Good night (1179) Bad night (2884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me. http://tfl.nu/wdvy
  Replies (15) Good night (7919) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment. http://tfl.nu/088o
  Replies (3) Good night (2590) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test. http://tfl.nu/znwq
  Replies (4) Good night (4992) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary http://tfl.nu/rsxr
  Replies (5) Good night (2271) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms. http://tfl.nu/g9bp
  Replies (8) Good night (2402) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out. http://tfl.nu/zs8i
  Replies (8) Good night (2117) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success. http://tfl.nu/6b9r
  Replies (12) Good night (2385) Bad night (727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong??? http://tfl.nu/adeh
  Replies (13) Good night (974) Bad night (3231) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement. http://tfl.nu/tf3a
  Replies (6) Good night (2445) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you http://tfl.nu/hg35
  Replies (9) Good night (5106) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you? http://tfl.nu/o13h
  Replies (8) Good night (3502) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid http://tfl.nu/igue
  Replies (3) Good night (2541) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night. http://tfl.nu/pczq
  Replies (8) Good night (2094) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick http://tfl.nu/q9ek
  Replies (10) Good night (4374) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today http://tfl.nu/8pjx
  Replies (7) Good night (2633) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors http://tfl.nu/jlfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1815) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles. http://tfl.nu/5ga0
  Replies (13) Good night (3073) Bad night (1308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me. http://tfl.nu/3nre
  Replies (4) Good night (2282) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle. http://tfl.nu/ihsx
  Replies (4) Good night (2583) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition. http://tfl.nu/v2i1
  Replies (3) Good night (2195) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas. http://tfl.nu/7s9z
  Replies (14) Good night (4269) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos. http://tfl.nu/dg53
  Replies (10) Good night (3133) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen? http://tfl.nu/ms4s
  Replies (6) Good night (2661) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that. http://tfl.nu/8ygm
  Replies (3) Good night (2315) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class. http://tfl.nu/buxk
  Replies (11) Good night (2368) Bad night (918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made. http://tfl.nu/gowl
  Replies (5) Good night (3596) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart http://tfl.nu/l5ge
  Replies (2) Good night (2216) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this. http://tfl.nu/muxl
  Replies (7) Good night (3430) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there. http://tfl.nu/jyzf
  Replies (6) Good night (2793) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them.. http://tfl.nu/vwfx
  Replies (6) Good night (2927) Bad night (1335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face. http://tfl.nu/1cal
  Replies (11) Good night (2729) Bad night (1170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better. http://tfl.nu/vdj0
  Replies (8) Good night (2274) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes http://tfl.nu/5rry
  Replies (5) Good night (3261) Bad night (783) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots? http://tfl.nu/j4og
  Replies (6) Good night (2683) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober. http://tfl.nu/abtg
  Replies (2) Good night (3357) Bad night (818)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster. http://tfl.nu/elih
  Replies (1) Good night (2034) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby http://tfl.nu/0mu9
  Replies (7) Good night (2513) Bad night (893)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits. http://tfl.nu/3ys3
  Replies (17) Good night (952) Bad night (2469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes? http://tfl.nu/vnu1
  Replies (3) Good night (2436) Bad night (1316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me. http://tfl.nu/nfi8
  Replies (8) Good night (4988) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning http://tfl.nu/qz06
  Replies (5) Good night (3195) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend. http://tfl.nu/fzd9
  Replies (7) Good night (3249) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed. http://tfl.nu/gx4g
  Replies (33) Good night (2949) Bad night (2204) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila http://tfl.nu/88ud
  Replies (6) Good night (4376) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you. http://tfl.nu/u1yg
  Replies (12) Good night (6826) Bad night (1328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!" http://tfl.nu/d3gl
  Replies (22) Good night (5010) Bad night (1508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers http://tfl.nu/nh9s
  Replies (19) Good night (4072) Bad night (1467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here? http://tfl.nu/lydo
  Replies (20) Good night (4226) Bad night (1882) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice. http://tfl.nu/unne
  Replies (7) Good night (3347) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out. http://tfl.nu/qidl
  Replies (6) Good night (2958) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever. http://tfl.nu/0wwj
  Replies (6) Good night (2346) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well.. http://tfl.nu/jvza
  Replies (8) Good night (961) Bad night (1901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious? http://tfl.nu/lq7k
  Replies (7) Good night (5077) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (61): View more from Australia

  Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (61): Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed http://tfl.nu/qr9l
  Replies (10) Good night (4501) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame http://tfl.nu/n7tj
  Replies (6) Good night (5195) Bad night (1000)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it http://tfl.nu/3wsm
  Replies (5) Good night (1136) Bad night (2583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend http://tfl.nu/6ul7
  Replies (5) Good night (3663) Bad night (844) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home. http://tfl.nu/scuu
  Replies (13) Good night (3978) Bad night (1039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (348): View more from

  Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (348): Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment... http://tfl.nu/ldjn
  Replies (5) Good night (2718) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob http://tfl.nu/818e
  Replies (2) Good night (2451) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener http://tfl.nu/wmbx
  Replies (21) Good night (3917) Bad night (1777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife http://tfl.nu/h9mg
  Replies (9) Good night (2254) Bad night (1479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting." http://tfl.nu/6v74
  Replies (6) Good night (4442) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself. http://tfl.nu/9xij
  Replies (15) Good night (3049) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell. http://tfl.nu/xu8z
  Replies (10) Good night (5487) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise. http://tfl.nu/igb9
  Replies (9) Good night (2184) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape http://tfl.nu/uzlj
  Replies (10) Good night (3860) Bad night (1278) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon. http://tfl.nu/7g7n
  Replies (4) Good night (2806) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped. http://tfl.nu/qxzn
  Replies (7) Good night (3056) Bad night (2070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer. http://tfl.nu/kn8l
  Replies (8) Good night (3255) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not http://tfl.nu/vkjn
  Replies (10) Good night (1195) Bad night (2234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit. http://tfl.nu/q5dj
  Replies (16) Good night (884) Bad night (2554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry. http://tfl.nu/3vhb
  Replies (6) Good night (2700) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze http://tfl.nu/0gjr
  Replies (13) Good night (4130) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now? http://tfl.nu/l9c5
  Replies (6) Good night (3117) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now. http://tfl.nu/wa2b
  Replies (32) Good night (9050) Bad night (1368) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  ...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): ...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified. http://tfl.nu/6dxz
  Replies (7) Good night (2192) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again" http://tfl.nu/7as1
  Replies (4) Good night (3922) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide? http://tfl.nu/adm7
  Replies (15) Good night (2353) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon http://tfl.nu/oe7m
  Replies (4) Good night (1537) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words http://tfl.nu/8a38
  Replies (9) Good night (3382) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment. http://tfl.nu/bcax
  Replies (8) Good night (2652) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs. http://tfl.nu/5423
  Replies (6) Good night (3096) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (682): View more from Texas

  Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (682): Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight. http://tfl.nu/gbse
  Replies (5) Good night (2420) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more http://tfl.nu/zuqw
  Replies (203) Good night (116800) Bad night (3276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year. http://tfl.nu/aidj
  Replies (6) Good night (713) Bad night (2371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome. http://tfl.nu/qq5z
  Replies (8) Good night (4192) Bad night (1656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter. http://tfl.nu/3ad9
  Replies (4) Good night (2106) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/aval
  Replies (4) Good night (2276) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station. http://tfl.nu/3ja7
  Replies (16) Good night (4048) Bad night (1646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins. http://tfl.nu/oy0i
  Replies (9) Good night (2050) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out http://tfl.nu/ac78
  Replies (7) Good night (3567) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die. http://tfl.nu/mr7u
  Replies (6) Good night (2655) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer. http://tfl.nu/7lxv
  Replies (15) Good night (5617) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting http://tfl.nu/eus0
  Replies (23) Good night (3447) Bad night (1647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured? http://tfl.nu/thxs
  Replies (8) Good night (3917) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks. http://tfl.nu/s0b7
  Replies (27) Good night (1063) Bad night (3904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray? http://tfl.nu/uvnt
  Replies (32) Good night (4593) Bad night (1216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat. http://tfl.nu/8e48
  Replies (20) Good night (1712) Bad night (5232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe. http://tfl.nu/faaw
  Replies (10) Good night (2370) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting http://tfl.nu/9m8j
  Replies (5) Good night (3810) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip" http://tfl.nu/cn9w
  Replies (6) Good night (3411) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8
  Replies (36) Good night (8993) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear. http://tfl.nu/nwnx
  Replies (20) Good night (3564) Bad night (1399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me. http://tfl.nu/dyjh
  Replies (8) Good night (3409) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king http://tfl.nu/ix08
  Replies (12) Good night (5323) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?! http://tfl.nu/d2jg
  Replies (5) Good night (754) Bad night (2249) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse. http://tfl.nu/kwi6
  Replies (10) Good night (2713) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands

  (845): View more from New York

  i made a dollar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands (845): i made a dollar http://tfl.nu/0t5e
  Replies (7) Good night (3614) Bad night (1275)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish http://tfl.nu/yd4k
  Replies (6) Good night (2187) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best. http://tfl.nu/nsnm
  Replies (4) Good night (2111) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place. http://tfl.nu/avtw
  Replies (4) Good night (3172) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath. http://tfl.nu/28ff
  Replies (10) Good night (1505) Bad night (2119) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu. http://tfl.nu/2u8z
  Replies (12) Good night (3719) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name http://tfl.nu/1k1s
  Replies (6) Good night (3175) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause. http://tfl.nu/kkfj
  Replies (8) Good night (3378) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever http://tfl.nu/ken4
  Replies (16) Good night (3509) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team? http://tfl.nu/idfg
  Replies (12) Good night (3503) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt