Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
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