All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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