Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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