Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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