Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
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