crayonempire23's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything. http://tfl.nu/veiz
  Replies (9) Good night (1555) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm http://tfl.nu/q0uy
  Replies (10) Good night (1952) Bad night (2856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say http://tfl.nu/ixst
  Replies (6) Good night (2029) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer. http://tfl.nu/bgxs
  Replies (8) Good night (2576) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours. http://tfl.nu/vgfj
  Replies (118) Good night (39609) Bad night (1605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate." (1-208): My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time." http://tfl.nu/9ozo
  Replies (3) Good night (1008) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that http://tfl.nu/9wbc
  Replies (2) Good night (768) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all. http://tfl.nu/5qpa
  Replies (12) Good night (2049) Bad night (484)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them. http://tfl.nu/sunc
  Replies (5) Good night (2338) Bad night (436) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night? http://tfl.nu/328v
  Replies (9) Good night (2411) Bad night (523)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official? http://tfl.nu/vpzn
  Replies (6) Good night (1082) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch. http://tfl.nu/13cn
  Replies (5) Good night (2731) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (779): View more from Illinois

  I smell like gasoline and adventure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (779): I smell like gasoline and adventure. http://tfl.nu/rkdf
  Replies (18) Good night (2361) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  What other scale is there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale. (602): What other scale is there? http://tfl.nu/fdnh
  Replies (17) Good night (2435) Bad night (485)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before http://tfl.nu/7hf6
  Replies (12) Good night (742) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party http://tfl.nu/fuoa
  Replies (28) Good night (4754) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We got so high we made milksteak

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): We got so high we made milksteak http://tfl.nu/iyv5
  Replies (45) Good night (4234) Bad night (1116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Thanks for last night it was amazing as always

  (703): View more from Virginia

  What are you talking about

  (240): View more from Maryland

  You've got to be kidding me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Thanks for last night it was amazing as always (703): What are you talking about (240): You've got to be kidding me http://tfl.nu/zj8e
  Replies (12) Good night (1426) Bad night (3958)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?

  (817): View more from Texas

  Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole? (817): Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that. http://tfl.nu/wqpn
  Replies (1) Good night (1771) Bad night (677)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.

  (845): View more from New York

  Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell. (845): Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts. http://tfl.nu/04jv
  Replies (18) Good night (7215) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman" http://tfl.nu/zber
  Replies (36) Good night (3659) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from http://tfl.nu/ptif
  Replies (69) Good night (7449) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with http://tfl.nu/vxai
  Replies (6) Good night (1630) Bad night (508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol. http://tfl.nu/qjw2
  Replies (10) Good night (8991) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___ http://tfl.nu/djlq
  Replies (4) Good night (541) Bad night (1106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin. http://tfl.nu/cu5c
  Replies (83) Good night (4521) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous http://tfl.nu/iens
  Replies (15) Good night (5210) Bad night (1145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me. http://tfl.nu/kxxf
  Replies (26) Good night (6448) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate http://tfl.nu/cll3
  Replies (25) Good night (5825) Bad night (957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be. http://tfl.nu/nyya
  Replies (2) Good night (1225) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer? http://tfl.nu/mn6g
  Replies (14) Good night (5372) Bad night (1599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Do you want cuervo gold or silver?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight? (262): Do you want cuervo gold or silver? http://tfl.nu/7twk
  Replies (11) Good night (3086) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE! http://tfl.nu/0hwt
  Replies (30) Good night (9120) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??

  (408): View more from California

  your beer goggles are on backwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive?? (408): your beer goggles are on backwards. http://tfl.nu/ojnh
  Replies (4) Good night (3902) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.

  (1-909): View more from California

  3?

  (909): View more from California

  Me, myself and I

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking. (1-909): 3? (909): Me, myself and I http://tfl.nu/gl4k
  Replies (3) Good night (1299) Bad night (371)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends. http://tfl.nu/ncfq
  Replies (7) Good night (2566) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME. http://tfl.nu/kpqr
  Replies (5) Good night (1338) Bad night (495)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge http://tfl.nu/bj9s
  Replies (16) Good night (2025) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession http://tfl.nu/yu57
  Replies (5) Good night (2252) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early .... http://tfl.nu/6r9w
  Replies (12) Good night (2398) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight. http://tfl.nu/gkvw
  Replies (3) Good night (1208) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress. http://tfl.nu/stra
  Replies (21) Good night (667) Bad night (4982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking. http://tfl.nu/k8z0
  Replies (4) Good night (1895) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I feel like death. Did you die last night?

  (305): View more from Florida

  Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I feel like death. Did you die last night? (305): Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta! (859): unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus http://tfl.nu/lgid
  Replies (8) Good night (1968) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works. http://tfl.nu/uib3
  Replies (45) Good night (5630) Bad night (1132) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars http://tfl.nu/ybwb
  Replies (37) Good night (1675) Bad night (4594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me http://tfl.nu/kago
  Replies (28) Good night (808) Bad night (4244) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmod
  Replies (23) Good night (4735) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I hate you but I'm not in hate with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I hate you but I'm not in hate with you http://tfl.nu/vrzb
  Replies (5) Good night (1442) Bad night (394) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi
  Replies (17) Good night (15682) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?

  (425): View more from Washington

  Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again? (425): Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing. http://tfl.nu/l4cd
  Replies (11) Good night (4415) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots. http://tfl.nu/wxgc
  Replies (6) Good night (3692) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch http://tfl.nu/vf66
  Replies (3) Good night (2283) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Slut skills are useful in every country.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Slut skills are useful in every country. http://tfl.nu/pvtq
  Replies (14) Good night (4530) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am http://tfl.nu/vk3v
  Replies (20) Good night (3994) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina http://tfl.nu/2dpv
  Replies (92) Good night (27649) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome http://tfl.nu/t5r7
  Replies (62) Good night (7583) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (70) Good night (13018) Bad night (5279)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you? http://tfl.nu/hgrf
  Replies (16) Good night (4757) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please. http://tfl.nu/1q4n
  Replies (17) Good night (7840) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/d61m
  Replies (18) Good night (5231) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ http://tfl.nu/h11a
  Replies (15) Good night (2919) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged. http://tfl.nu/0scq
  Replies (2) Good night (1758) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet http://tfl.nu/q54w
  Replies (5) Good night (1499) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ? http://tfl.nu/d8rt
  Replies (28) Good night (4259) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic. http://tfl.nu/8z3j
  Replies (7) Good night (2332) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet http://tfl.nu/4ir7
  Replies (7) Good night (2401) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk. http://tfl.nu/mwln
  Replies (7) Good night (1337) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit

  (216): View more from Ohio

  There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit (216): There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash. http://tfl.nu/emo5
  Replies (6) Good night (3158) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (819): View more from Quebec

  The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (819): The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons. http://tfl.nu/84qu
  Replies (6) Good night (1772) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions. http://tfl.nu/alli
  Replies (8) Good night (1789) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people. http://tfl.nu/5ctu
  Replies (15) Good night (1080) Bad night (2735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  So can I buy you a drink sometime?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): So can I buy you a drink sometime? (206): Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days. http://tfl.nu/hks4
  Replies (28) Good night (1101) Bad night (7579)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me. http://tfl.nu/xee4
  Replies (8) Good night (2300) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction http://tfl.nu/kbcm
  Replies (4) Good night (1230) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  What are you doing and how can I add sex in there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): What are you doing and how can I add sex in there http://tfl.nu/rphe
  Replies (5) Good night (2855) Bad night (461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  But happy liver failure. That's what counts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure. (205): But happy liver failure. That's what counts. http://tfl.nu/m2wy
  Replies (3) Good night (1437) Bad night (562)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age. http://tfl.nu/hp0x
  Replies (28) Good night (5722) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
  Replies (79) Good night (13897) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO. http://tfl.nu/ip2n
  Replies (27) Good night (8272) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you? (1-623): You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror. http://tfl.nu/pl6g
  Replies (10) Good night (832) Bad night (1495)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I don't remember much but I know I looked hot. http://tfl.nu/1lsd
  Replies (19) Good night (5819) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time" http://tfl.nu/be6i
  Replies (11) Good night (4218) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god http://tfl.nu/778n
  Replies (10) Good night (2562) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS. http://tfl.nu/m8yh
  Replies (10) Good night (1265) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me. http://tfl.nu/rflf
  Replies (10) Good night (3497) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit. http://tfl.nu/71x6
  Replies (11) Good night (2000) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud. http://tfl.nu/10lu
  Replies (9) Good night (2665) Bad night (475) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season http://tfl.nu/sdcu
  Replies (6) Good night (1683) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest. (1-978): I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text. http://tfl.nu/56wf
  Replies (4) Good night (1601) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  How was your weekend?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): How was your weekend? (508): The sex was so good. It hurts to exist. http://tfl.nu/pe42
  Replies (3) Good night (3040) Bad night (558)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Lets date for the summer

  (815): View more from Illinois

  what?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Dont love me in September.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Lets date for the summer (815): what? (480): Dont love me in September. http://tfl.nu/x30e
  Replies (8) Good night (2058) Bad night (611)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months. http://tfl.nu/isje
  Replies (9) Good night (3621) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  you are way too vulgar to be a girl

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION? (410): you are way too vulgar to be a girl http://tfl.nu/3shx
  Replies (20) Good night (7989) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text. http://tfl.nu/e61q
  Replies (8) Good night (2986) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I love you more than champagne and correct grammar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I love you more than champagne and correct grammar http://tfl.nu/3165
  Replies (19) Good night (3701) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (386) Good night (40792) Bad night (3879)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s. http://tfl.nu/orrl
  Replies (3) Good night (2521) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Can we just ponder our lives for a second.

  (818): View more from California

  No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Can we just ponder our lives for a second. (818): No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles. http://tfl.nu/vtnc
  Replies (7) Good night (2017) Bad night (703)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload. (1-256): That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man. http://tfl.nu/ruio
  Replies (41) Good night (2588) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous. http://tfl.nu/mgxb
  Replies (5) Good night (4463) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin

  (954): View more from Florida

  Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin (954): Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language http://tfl.nu/75up
  Replies (34) Good night (914) Bad night (4882)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again http://tfl.nu/q7wy
  Replies (29) Good night (5004) Bad night (1461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude http://tfl.nu/0pzh
  Replies (9) Good night (2180) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/tadi
  Replies (11) Good night (8641) Bad night (1837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people. http://tfl.nu/uumz
  Replies (24) Good night (5866) Bad night (1038)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  This is the weirdest negotiation ever.

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): This is the weirdest negotiation ever. (814): This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue. http://tfl.nu/rt97
  Replies (1) Good night (1874) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head. (847): Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st http://tfl.nu/ptod
  Replies (6) Good night (3234) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI. http://tfl.nu/5z2o
  Replies (6) Good night (1821) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Can't be the first without the last

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics? (978): Can't be the first without the last http://tfl.nu/ya96
  Replies (5) Good night (2328) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are. http://tfl.nu/chox
  Replies (23) Good night (1362) Bad night (437) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents? http://tfl.nu/2gwr
  Replies (13) Good night (505) Bad night (1493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  who do you think you are?

  (407): View more from Florida

  someone who doesn't ask that question

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): who do you think you are? (407): someone who doesn't ask that question http://tfl.nu/uw7n
  Replies (4) Good night (3398) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list. http://tfl.nu/xg4q
  Replies (24) Good night (1833) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one http://tfl.nu/ezfm
  Replies (11) Good night (4399) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/7nti
  Replies (3) Good night (2288) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that http://tfl.nu/xola
  Replies (7) Good night (2472) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.

  (914): View more from New York

  I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded. (914): I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit. http://tfl.nu/hj4l
  Replies (14) Good night (1774) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions. http://tfl.nu/8mk0
  Replies (10) Good night (1474) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon. http://tfl.nu/inm7
  Replies (41) Good night (9231) Bad night (1447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room. http://tfl.nu/k8xh
  Replies (16) Good night (2810) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws. http://tfl.nu/oz69
  Replies (16) Good night (2031) Bad night (1085) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally http://tfl.nu/d50n
  Replies (28) Good night (1537) Bad night (4147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.

  (571): View more from Virginia

  define virginity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying. (571): define virginity. http://tfl.nu/5by8
  Replies (17) Good night (5615) Bad night (1418)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day. http://tfl.nu/31tb
  Replies (24) Good night (3846) Bad night (932)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets http://tfl.nu/vhzs
  Replies (4) Good night (2123) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink http://tfl.nu/maij
  Replies (7) Good night (1842) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like http://tfl.nu/dpsj
  Replies (4) Good night (603) Bad night (1710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.

  (917): View more from New York City

  I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God. (917): I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice. http://tfl.nu/jdh1
  Replies (122) Good night (3060) Bad night (15116)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well. (1-412): Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel. http://tfl.nu/ymay
  Replies (5) Good night (577) Bad night (1969)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was http://tfl.nu/p0yn
  Replies (13) Good night (7103) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar? http://tfl.nu/a7cq
  Replies (37) Good night (6849) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am. http://tfl.nu/0rxk
  Replies (36) Good night (957) Bad night (5474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller (1-303): I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth http://tfl.nu/tary
  Replies (10) Good night (905) Bad night (2133) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds. http://tfl.nu/9tr4
  Replies (11) Good night (2174) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha http://tfl.nu/t468
  Replies (8) Good night (2027) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger. http://tfl.nu/9mbe
  Replies (17) Good night (5219) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight. http://tfl.nu/9c3v
  Replies (40) Good night (3148) Bad night (6807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there? http://tfl.nu/2pix
  Replies (104) Good night (38278) Bad night (1721)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me. http://tfl.nu/xhqm
  Replies (24) Good night (1670) Bad night (3396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance

  (303): View more from Colorado

  It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance (303): It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime. http://tfl.nu/1z36
  Replies (16) Good night (2240) Bad night (557)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis http://tfl.nu/4nxt
  Replies (22) Good night (3698) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them. http://tfl.nu/vhc8
  Replies (42) Good night (5840) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina http://tfl.nu/zo54
  Replies (5) Good night (2837) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome. http://tfl.nu/65yv
  Replies (15) Good night (4739) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing http://tfl.nu/1y41
  Replies (5) Good night (6308) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face http://tfl.nu/4e48
  Replies (38) Good night (4311) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter http://tfl.nu/90no
  Replies (15) Good night (5519) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  You up for the gym tonight after work?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Chris Brown style, or less felonious?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Haha, all felonious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248) You up for the gym tonight after work? (734): I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog. (248): Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today. (734): Chris Brown style, or less felonious? (248): Haha, all felonious. http://tfl.nu/kj7p
  Replies (5) Good night (1344) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed. http://tfl.nu/6rp2
  Replies (7) Good night (2487) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Challenge accepted. See you in hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month. (662): Challenge accepted. See you in hell. http://tfl.nu/tj98
  Replies (28) Good night (6937) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time. http://tfl.nu/0lxp
  Replies (7) Good night (2627) Bad night (535) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick. http://tfl.nu/hzir
  Replies (12) Good night (2343) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something. http://tfl.nu/qsay
  Replies (24) Good night (4940) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them http://tfl.nu/zk8b
  Replies (7) Good night (2730) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  you seemed to enjoy falling down hill

  (540): View more from Virginia

  wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): you seemed to enjoy falling down hill (540): wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint http://tfl.nu/kb4o
  Replies (4) Good night (1199) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again. http://tfl.nu/5erg
  Replies (18) Good night (2521) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you. http://tfl.nu/q3ie
  Replies (29) Good night (4998) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.

  (1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years. (1-902): Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies http://tfl.nu/48gx
  Replies (11) Good night (4014) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic http://tfl.nu/cgi2
  Replies (3) Good night (1844) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form. http://tfl.nu/qfth
  Replies (5) Good night (2006) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8
  Replies (37) Good night (8715) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs. http://tfl.nu/cv5b
  Replies (5) Good night (3420) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you http://tfl.nu/oh5b
  Replies (10) Good night (4369) Bad night (395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house. http://tfl.nu/rgic
  Replies (10) Good night (2422) Bad night (980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis http://tfl.nu/80nu
  Replies (12) Good night (4174) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears. http://tfl.nu/udc5
  Replies (10) Good night (1572) Bad night (2928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is" http://tfl.nu/uvfs
  Replies (13) Good night (5027) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out. http://tfl.nu/k7xk
  Replies (8) Good night (4496) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!" http://tfl.nu/eczk
  Replies (4) Good night (3679) Bad night (775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream. http://tfl.nu/v6je
  Replies (37) Good night (6773) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea. http://tfl.nu/s5ct
  Replies (5) Good night (590) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN." http://tfl.nu/7rib
  Replies (13) Good night (2790) Bad night (1044)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate. http://tfl.nu/13a6
  Replies (16) Good night (3746) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife. http://tfl.nu/c5bq
  Replies (36) Good night (9647) Bad night (696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again. (1-508): Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years? (508): Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome http://tfl.nu/sfo6
  Replies (18) Good night (2356) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (25352) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.

  (1-727): View more from Florida

  Lol welcome to greek life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now. (1-727): Lol welcome to greek life http://tfl.nu/i7uo
  Replies (43) Good night (768) Bad night (4083)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/l7kg
  Replies (34) Good night (3002) Bad night (9714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  this study room smells like vodka

  (310): View more from California

  the study room thinks the same about you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): this study room smells like vodka (310): the study room thinks the same about you http://tfl.nu/w62g
  Replies (16) Good night (6132) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect. http://tfl.nu/17qr
  Replies (23) Good night (6190) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular. http://tfl.nu/9sri
  Replies (36) Good night (3740) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck http://tfl.nu/v85x
  Replies (15) Good night (2251) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i wish starbucks made bloody marys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i wish starbucks made bloody marys http://tfl.nu/p9ip
  Replies (21) Good night (3856) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  What are we going to do tonight?

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  What we try to do every night. Take over the world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): What are we going to do tonight? (704): What we try to do every night. Take over the world http://tfl.nu/y4va
  Replies (30) Good night (4195) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks. http://tfl.nu/fb5x
  Replies (8) Good night (2601) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..

  (951): View more from California

  u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!

  (661): View more from California

  i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break.. (951): u hav a 3 hour lunch break?! (661): i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u http://tfl.nu/1ary
  Replies (40) Good night (7917) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Fuck U Mike is a golden god.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Mike give steph back her phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Fuck U Mike is a golden god. (504): Mike give steph back her phone. http://tfl.nu/vnnr
  Replies (9) Good night (3171) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around http://tfl.nu/awow
  Replies (9) Good night (3478) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins http://tfl.nu/vpk9
  Replies (19) Good night (5746) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You guys are open that late?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges." (610): You guys are open that late? http://tfl.nu/gb5t
  Replies (17) Good night (827) Bad night (3798)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo http://tfl.nu/rg6x
  Replies (36) Good night (5915) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards. http://tfl.nu/9pdc
  Replies (10) Good night (3395) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented. http://tfl.nu/9hus
  Replies (25) Good night (8669) Bad night (854) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him. http://tfl.nu/quex
  Replies (24) Good night (5819) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls? (636): anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence http://tfl.nu/1u56
  Replies (32) Good night (8561) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that. http://tfl.nu/41po
  Replies (3) Good night (2053) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  French fry pizza

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Are you brilliant or just really high?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can't it be both?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): French fry pizza (502): Are you brilliant or just really high? (330): Can't it be both? http://tfl.nu/8jk8
  Replies (8) Good night (3220) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign. http://tfl.nu/j53c
  Replies (7) Good night (3079) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore. http://tfl.nu/bvdb
  Replies (11) Good night (4110) Bad night (1642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me? http://tfl.nu/7vt8
  Replies (19) Good night (4658) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes. http://tfl.nu/5rb1
  Replies (50) Good night (6702) Bad night (641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  it was average length and chubby

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  so kinda like him?

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): it was average length and chubby (1-919): so kinda like him? (919): now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis... http://tfl.nu/92b0
  Replies (50) Good night (4258) Bad night (953)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things. http://tfl.nu/yy5y
  Replies (11) Good night (2387) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over? (312): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/ubhn
  Replies (18) Good night (4396) Bad night (1070)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels (1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know http://tfl.nu/7nn4
  Replies (33) Good night (2858) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable. http://tfl.nu/22ca
  Replies (21) Good night (4027) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD. http://tfl.nu/g1bn
  Replies (6) Good night (1160) Bad night (415) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?! http://tfl.nu/r22y
  Replies (51) Good night (6639) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  ready 4 sex 2nite?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  wow. woo me matt, woo me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): ready 4 sex 2nite? (978): wow. woo me matt, woo me. http://tfl.nu/frhd
  Replies (5) Good night (1090) Bad night (1420)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (26268) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b http://tfl.nu/u8b0
  Replies (29) Good night (2002) Bad night (1303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  the head trauma was worth the blowjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): the head trauma was worth the blowjob. http://tfl.nu/e9mc
  Replies (12) Good night (2131) Bad night (746) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved http://tfl.nu/t5ge
  Replies (33) Good night (7998) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar (651): If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either http://tfl.nu/6h7r
  Replies (24) Good night (583) Bad night (3970)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you. http://tfl.nu/qbhx
  Replies (11) Good night (656) Bad night (3653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  ...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark (1-678): ... http://tfl.nu/supo
  Replies (8) Good night (1363) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?

  (1-574): View more from Indiana

  Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for? (1-574): Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina. http://tfl.nu/l0nz
  Replies (17) Good night (2129) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis. http://tfl.nu/jmye
  Replies (7) Good night (1683) Bad night (498) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch. http://tfl.nu/dpne
  Replies (24) Good night (14385) Bad night (1450) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one. http://tfl.nu/qdhb
  Replies (17) Good night (3798) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal http://tfl.nu/usjw
  Replies (29) Good night (21697) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money

  (813): View more from Florida

  sounds like you understand them just fine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money (813): sounds like you understand them just fine http://tfl.nu/0zfp
  Replies (10) Good night (1556) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party? http://tfl.nu/rikb
  Replies (52) Good night (12669) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6534) Bad night (1388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way. http://tfl.nu/qq0o
  Replies (7) Good night (1139) Bad night (4554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (5859) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver. http://tfl.nu/1ykf
  Replies (2) Good night (1715) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Gong!

  (1-253): View more from Washington

  YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Gong! (1-253): YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT http://tfl.nu/dcri
  Replies (17) Good night (4196) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  god, a vagina is an amazing trump card

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): god, a vagina is an amazing trump card http://tfl.nu/iuci
  Replies (6) Good night (3494) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra. http://tfl.nu/7xhn
  Replies (52) Good night (9577) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up http://tfl.nu/wwvz
  Replies (1) Good night (982) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party. http://tfl.nu/c4s1
  Replies (9) Good night (3440) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of. http://tfl.nu/md9p
  Replies (21) Good night (1348) Bad night (2215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are http://tfl.nu/38ue
  Replies (18) Good night (1005) Bad night (2825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style http://tfl.nu/z785
  Replies (5) Good night (1921) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it. http://tfl.nu/zxnq
  Replies (2) Good night (1390) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated. http://tfl.nu/ajsd
  Replies (5) Good night (1416) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees. http://tfl.nu/d0ki
  Replies (11) Good night (4055) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty? http://tfl.nu/tsac
  Replies (21) Good night (4479) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby". http://tfl.nu/v0w5
  Replies (14) Good night (4086) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break. http://tfl.nu/sziy
  Replies (9) Good night (518) Bad night (1853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him. http://tfl.nu/l9xp
  Replies (8) Good night (2835) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions" http://tfl.nu/b7d2
  Replies (7) Good night (2321) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from http://tfl.nu/4gf0
  Replies (12) Good night (2370) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller http://tfl.nu/mw3b
  Replies (6) Good night (1137) Bad night (2027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went? http://tfl.nu/cg2w
  Replies (30) Good night (1381) Bad night (4737)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia http://tfl.nu/7fa5
  Replies (17) Good night (1980) Bad night (561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics http://tfl.nu/kq58
  Replies (44) Good night (1522) Bad night (4224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She told me I should be a condom model.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She told me I should be a condom model. http://tfl.nu/0ukw
  Replies (14) Good night (6861) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin. http://tfl.nu/i4o4
  Replies (14) Good night (2253) Bad night (1681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  wait.... you do what?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks (1-801): wait.... you do what? http://tfl.nu/1q1g
  Replies (18) Good night (3369) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us. http://tfl.nu/p1x8
  Replies (12) Good night (1324) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  my cup is half full, half full of rum.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): my cup is half full, half full of rum. http://tfl.nu/ajky
  Replies (11) Good night (5214) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (485) Good night (173004) Bad night (6895) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically. http://tfl.nu/syut
  Replies (4) Good night (559) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying. http://tfl.nu/tx1i
  Replies (12) Good night (1935) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon

  (407): View more from Florida

  Covered in confetti and bad decisions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon (407): Covered in confetti and bad decisions http://tfl.nu/kydc
  Replies (9) Good night (1674) Bad night (508)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.

  (519): View more from Ontario

  next time on intervention

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks? (416): yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off. (519): next time on intervention http://tfl.nu/rnty
  Replies (1) Good night (2500) Bad night (480)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing. http://tfl.nu/xrfi
  Replies (26) Good night (1837) Bad night (1059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?

  (914): View more from New York

  you mean faeutihaers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night? (914): you mean faeutihaers? http://tfl.nu/mcba
  Replies (34) Good night (10524) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily. http://tfl.nu/l76l
  Replies (40) Good night (4036) Bad night (4658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid. http://tfl.nu/ujtp
  Replies (16) Good night (689) Bad night (3318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  it's more of a rinse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar? (773): it's more of a rinse. http://tfl.nu/la1k
  Replies (66) Good night (1330) Bad night (2381)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer http://tfl.nu/dafr
  Replies (18) Good night (2085) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me http://tfl.nu/6q8m
  Replies (18) Good night (569) Bad night (3942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed. http://tfl.nu/mebd
  Replies (21) Good night (4549) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free. http://tfl.nu/j1zd
  Replies (20) Good night (8299) Bad night (1093) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Bad news is he broke up with me via text message

  (561): View more from Florida

  But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Bad news is he broke up with me via text message (561): But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville http://tfl.nu/1qx8
  Replies (28) Good night (6864) Bad night (1227)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once http://tfl.nu/k6sm
  Replies (52) Good night (4749) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  dude i'm inner monologue high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): dude i'm inner monologue high http://tfl.nu/4ebt
  Replies (21) Good night (4092) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids. http://tfl.nu/e2e0
  Replies (12) Good night (2168) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  Wtf?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Use the slutty part of ur brain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!! (1-225): Wtf? (225): Use the slutty part of ur brain. http://tfl.nu/qcnm
  Replies (32) Good night (2910) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before

  (806): View more from Texas

  he probably also told you he thought u were pretty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before (806): he probably also told you he thought u were pretty http://tfl.nu/s8x5
  Replies (22) Good night (1482) Bad night (6010)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care. http://tfl.nu/n9k1
  Replies (14) Good night (4668) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend http://tfl.nu/2pir
  Replies (62) Good night (2801) Bad night (1139) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol http://tfl.nu/1jiz
  Replies (21) Good night (1194) Bad night (5065)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy http://tfl.nu/d1ob
  Replies (7) Good night (1726) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘 http://tfl.nu/3lq0
  Replies (11) Good night (2393) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time. http://tfl.nu/840u
  Replies (17) Good night (1819) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner. http://tfl.nu/auiz
  Replies (5) Good night (4661) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."? http://tfl.nu/ptvq
  Replies (18) Good night (2418) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene. http://tfl.nu/6cb0
  Replies (1) Good night (1133) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after http://tfl.nu/y0mb
  Replies (8) Good night (4547) Bad night (647) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance... http://tfl.nu/f7dv
  Replies (7) Good night (2572) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more. http://tfl.nu/1w8z
  Replies (18) Good night (5319) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape. http://tfl.nu/qdov
  Replies (7) Good night (2924) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are? http://tfl.nu/u6le
  Replies (6) Good night (2239) Bad night (577) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka. http://tfl.nu/40xv
  Replies (4) Good night (2346) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants http://tfl.nu/gfd8
  Replies (5) Good night (1423) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version? http://tfl.nu/d18m
  Replies (5) Good night (1643) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck? http://tfl.nu/k3jz
  Replies (6) Good night (2297) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple http://tfl.nu/1j5u
  Replies (14) Good night (4183) Bad night (1369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed. http://tfl.nu/cgfh
  Replies (40) Good night (6197) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt