There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
