Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Loading more great texts...