hullboy's Favorites Texts:

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.

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  (860): he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE. http://tfl.nu/wid5
  Replies (5) Good night (758) Bad night (153) Order T-Shirt
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.

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  (423): hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT. http://tfl.nu/qhme
  Replies (5) Good night (1341) Bad night (196) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"

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  (617): So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?" http://tfl.nu/5su3
  Replies (3) Good night (1922) Bad night (193) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.

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  (212): LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen. http://tfl.nu/na6f
  Replies (5) Good night (1138) Bad night (217) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.

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  (262): i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching. (715): okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference. http://tfl.nu/rrjb
  Replies (11) Good night (4066) Bad night (843)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  if not i want to bang those glasses off his face

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  (828): does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you? (828): if not i want to bang those glasses off his face http://tfl.nu/l0mr
  Replies (4) Good night (1186) Bad night (215)
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.

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  (985): Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world. (504): That's so nerdy and hot at the same time. http://tfl.nu/tw1i
  Replies (2) Good night (2310) Bad night (565)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!

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  (256): I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight! http://tfl.nu/qi7p
  Replies (3) Good night (517) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.

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  (651): Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz. http://tfl.nu/u6wd
  Replies (6) Good night (1157) Bad night (191)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.

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  (617): The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight. (1-617): Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it. http://tfl.nu/ikoi
  Replies (4) Good night (1546) Bad night (225)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.

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  (678): Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on. http://tfl.nu/4vca
  Replies (1) Good night (999) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl

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  (607): U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl http://tfl.nu/xeyc
  Replies (9) Good night (225) Bad night (1325) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...

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  (540): It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces... http://tfl.nu/y5ts
  Replies (6) Good night (1624) Bad night (354) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.

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  (530): All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls. http://tfl.nu/uabx
  Replies (12) Good night (676) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.

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  (312): Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown. http://tfl.nu/cr3i
  Replies (1) Good night (714) Bad night (293) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever

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  (+44): I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever http://tfl.nu/y8hk
  Replies (29) Good night (2470) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly

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  (561): I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly http://tfl.nu/d11t
  Replies (12) Good night (707) Bad night (446) Order T-Shirt
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  (619): View more from California

  But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.

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  (619): But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection. http://tfl.nu/g9u5
  Replies (18) Good night (612) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.

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  (479): The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man. http://tfl.nu/vong
  Replies (7) Good night (822) Bad night (443) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.

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  (360): Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY. http://tfl.nu/nqby
  Replies (32) Good night (1654) Bad night (7371) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.

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  (607): There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor. http://tfl.nu/j4bf
  Replies (13) Good night (2362) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!

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  (714): I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!! http://tfl.nu/1fo4
  Replies (7) Good night (301) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay

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  (519): Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay http://tfl.nu/j10h
  Replies (4) Good night (2239) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.

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  (440): Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick. http://tfl.nu/gh2j
  Replies (5) Good night (1114) Bad night (411) Order T-Shirt
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  (408): View more from California

  In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals

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  (408): In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals http://tfl.nu/45rk
  Replies (8) Good night (626) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"

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  (614): We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us" http://tfl.nu/w1ue
  Replies (1) Good night (1006) Bad night (264) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I love you.

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  (214): Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants. (1-214): I love you. http://tfl.nu/sgzz
  Replies (5) Good night (2348) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.

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  (859): If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference. http://tfl.nu/hvve
  Replies (4) Good night (2511) Bad night (527)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"

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  (631): I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path" http://tfl.nu/xcvb
  Replies (14) Good night (1392) Bad night (373)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.

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  (603): I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. (1-603): It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay. http://tfl.nu/8z7g
  Replies (8) Good night (1311) Bad night (309) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.

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  (256): Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you. http://tfl.nu/bzso
  Replies (11) Good night (3178) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.

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  (815): If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight. http://tfl.nu/9c3v
  Replies (40) Good night (3149) Bad night (6807) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.

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  (505): KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS. http://tfl.nu/ef79
  Replies (4) Good night (1376) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.

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  (412): You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you. http://tfl.nu/l1dm
  Replies (7) Good night (567) Bad night (939) Order T-Shirt
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"

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  (541): So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that" http://tfl.nu/ex2y
  Replies (12) Good night (2329) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.

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  (+61): remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice. http://tfl.nu/vzpo
  Replies (21) Good night (4255) Bad night (509) Order T-Shirt
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.

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  (774): I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it. http://tfl.nu/ttfm
  Replies (26) Good night (4557) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He's only going to be gone for two weeks

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  That's two months in gay whore years.

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  (314): He's only going to be gone for two weeks (1-314): That's two months in gay whore years. http://tfl.nu/9nuw
  Replies (3) Good night (1104) Bad night (452) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub

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  (310): Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub http://tfl.nu/ka0h
  Replies (12) Good night (435) Bad night (1937) Order T-Shirt
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.

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  (270): Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together. http://tfl.nu/2jfm
  Replies (7) Good night (2134) Bad night (537) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.

  (206): View more from Washington

  Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.

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  (206): Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack. (1-206): Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on. (206): Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together. http://tfl.nu/xcw6
  Replies (11) Good night (2061) Bad night (408)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.

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  (252): He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it. http://tfl.nu/4vqb
  Replies (8) Good night (1639) Bad night (457)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?

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  (847): a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again? http://tfl.nu/tc2t
  Replies (10) Good night (1445) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.

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  (416): i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay. http://tfl.nu/0u7w
  Replies (19) Good night (3325) Bad night (496) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

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  (206): I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship. http://tfl.nu/s5mh
  Replies (17) Good night (2112) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness

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  (610): I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness http://tfl.nu/gzkv
  Replies (6) Good night (1364) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?

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  (205): Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine? http://tfl.nu/l4l5
  Replies (16) Good night (1290) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.

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  (510): I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA. http://tfl.nu/zpwo
  Replies (5) Good night (1237) Bad night (398) Order T-Shirt
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.

  (1-406): View more from Montana

  You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.

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  (406): I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night. (1-406): You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere. http://tfl.nu/7pyy
  Replies (2) Good night (862) Bad night (426) Order T-Shirt
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

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  (225): Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen. http://tfl.nu/n4ph
  Replies (6) Good night (683) Bad night (1450) Order T-Shirt
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.

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  (850): Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer. http://tfl.nu/iky6
  Replies (22) Good night (2628) Bad night (617)
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  (325): View more from Texas

  I fcuked ip.

  (214): View more from Texas

  Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?

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  (325): I fcuked ip. (214): Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge? http://tfl.nu/167p
  Replies (2) Good night (1375) Bad night (467)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall

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  (432): If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall http://tfl.nu/47u9
  Replies (2) Good night (858) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".

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  (+44): Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis". http://tfl.nu/tct7
  Replies (7) Good night (1526) Bad night (370)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.

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  (901): Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain. http://tfl.nu/cpjv
  Replies (2) Good night (1239) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.

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  (206): Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me. http://tfl.nu/grf1
  Replies (7) Good night (821) Bad night (1292) Order T-Shirt
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.

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  (843): I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are. http://tfl.nu/lq46
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I stand by my new policy.

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  (334): I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots. (334): I stand by my new policy. http://tfl.nu/bu7l
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  what about money

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  no - he has a code he lives by

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  (610): they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n (484): what about money (610): no - he has a code he lives by http://tfl.nu/tp7q
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hahaha. That's funny.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship

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  (847): That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am (248): Hahaha. That's funny. (847): But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship http://tfl.nu/cr13
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.

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  (419): HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU. http://tfl.nu/87a2
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  (530): View more from California

  My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans

  (530): View more from California

  You've been usurped as King of the Gays

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  (530): My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans (530): You've been usurped as King of the Gays http://tfl.nu/3bmd
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  (310): View more from California

  It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw

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  (310): It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw http://tfl.nu/ozdy
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.

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  (203): Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend. http://tfl.nu/ouub
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.

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  (617): Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place. http://tfl.nu/haup
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.

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  (205): No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s. http://tfl.nu/msmd
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.

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  (248): No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut. http://tfl.nu/0bwj
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.

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  (410): My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end. http://tfl.nu/noz9
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  (626): View more from California

  Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?

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  (626): Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester? http://tfl.nu/lq06
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.

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  (480): So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that. http://tfl.nu/bec0
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?

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  (203): can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town? http://tfl.nu/qtp4
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  (310): View more from California

  If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.

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  (310): If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick. http://tfl.nu/b0h6
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  well if you came here i would keep you awake :*

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay

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  (303): well if you came here i would keep you awake :* (1-303): did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay http://tfl.nu/u4mn
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.

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  (714): I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work. http://tfl.nu/rjuf
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add

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  (608): Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add http://tfl.nu/yo24
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Ecstasy should be its own food group.

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  (316): Ecstasy should be its own food group. http://tfl.nu/46zl
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  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.

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  (732): I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas. http://tfl.nu/d95y
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"

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  (617): hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?" http://tfl.nu/pq50
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  (914): View more from New York

  How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?

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  (914): How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy? http://tfl.nu/qpaa
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.

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  (651): I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents. http://tfl.nu/48zb
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle

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  (267): my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle http://tfl.nu/n0zg
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."

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  (617): Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide." http://tfl.nu/7grl
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  (516): View more from New York

  I seem to have left my pride at pride

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  (516): I seem to have left my pride at pride http://tfl.nu/xiz2
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.

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  (+44): I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince. http://tfl.nu/7pny
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  (281): View more from Texas

  when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

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  (281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.

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  (910): Like some sort of pot growing robin hood. http://tfl.nu/4atp
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.

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  (256): I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly. http://tfl.nu/2jju
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  (925): View more from California

  Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities

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  (925): Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities http://tfl.nu/6vqv
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  (+27): View more from South Africa

  He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.

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  (+27): He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy. http://tfl.nu/pi4j
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.

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  (205): Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes. http://tfl.nu/ntyj
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."

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  (623): Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN." http://tfl.nu/7rib
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  (831): View more from California

  i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something

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  (831): i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something http://tfl.nu/b053
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  (407): View more from Florida

  My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.

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  (407): My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now. http://tfl.nu/oxop
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.

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  (609): She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew. http://tfl.nu/vnvf
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college

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  (303): I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college http://tfl.nu/bc9j
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.

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  (952): You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness. http://tfl.nu/88ay
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  (315): View more from New York

  Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis

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  (315): Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis http://tfl.nu/8w9k
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  (714): View more from California

  Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.

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  (714): Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009. http://tfl.nu/yw3z
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  (516): View more from New York

  Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.

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  (516): Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke. http://tfl.nu/6p0l
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  (941): View more from Florida

  I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now

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  (941): I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now http://tfl.nu/pfr6
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina

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  (813): Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina http://tfl.nu/thir
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out

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  (205): soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out http://tfl.nu/q1wd
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dibsssss

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  (570): Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again (1-570): Dibsssss http://tfl.nu/o6dy
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.

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  (615): Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours. http://tfl.nu/ireg
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand

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  (908): i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand http://tfl.nu/4jef
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  (755): View more from

  How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?

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  (755): How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad? http://tfl.nu/39qf
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  (925): View more from California

  I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too

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  (925): I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too http://tfl.nu/v7gc
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  (714): View more from California

  I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?

  (949): View more from California

  Midgetier?

  (714): View more from California

  Smaller, yet meaner.

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  (714): I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic? (949): Midgetier? (714): Smaller, yet meaner. http://tfl.nu/nr7w
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.

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  (865): I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me. http://tfl.nu/r0al
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  (760): View more from California

  I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?

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  (760): I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways? http://tfl.nu/qqdu
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised

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  (336): Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised http://tfl.nu/n641
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"

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  (908): My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger" http://tfl.nu/twr9
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  (845): View more from New York

  Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way

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  (845): Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way http://tfl.nu/6bq1
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.

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  (905): so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever. http://tfl.nu/wzae
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?

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  (610): you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us? http://tfl.nu/gp4k
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"

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  (513): there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends" http://tfl.nu/u7q7
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic

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  (480): so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic http://tfl.nu/3cem
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.

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  (570): I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me. http://tfl.nu/e3cl
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?

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  (978): What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax? http://tfl.nu/zknj
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Personally I think it's a tremendous investment

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  (215): I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment (757): Personally I think it's a tremendous investment http://tfl.nu/ikjn
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.

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  (803): I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it. http://tfl.nu/1xwb
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  (377): View more from

  I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"

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  (377): I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick" http://tfl.nu/h7rr
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  (435): View more from Utah

  He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.

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  (435): He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left. http://tfl.nu/e0w7
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed

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  (314): Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed http://tfl.nu/ltzi
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  (949): View more from California

  Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

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  (949): Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN. http://tfl.nu/2o4b
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.

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  (847): hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight. http://tfl.nu/ti0f
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?

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  (781): One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach? http://tfl.nu/leuf
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown

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  (773): after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown http://tfl.nu/azzf
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  hey call me

  (810): View more from Michigan

  can't. in the shower.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  ... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.

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  (734): hey call me (810): can't. in the shower. (734): ... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time. http://tfl.nu/i884
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  (516): View more from New York

  doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine

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  (516): doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine http://tfl.nu/5fcf
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?

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  (+61): i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that? http://tfl.nu/m9eq
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.

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  (715): my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina. http://tfl.nu/moie
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Found your dick twin last night

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  (402): Found your dick twin last night http://tfl.nu/4id4
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  (360): View more from Washington

  There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.

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  (360): There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line. http://tfl.nu/jhch
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.

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  (902): I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush. http://tfl.nu/kzf1
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.

  (1-334): View more from Alabama

  Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.

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  (334): I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does. (1-334): Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers. http://tfl.nu/3563
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)

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  (206): Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :) http://tfl.nu/j8zz
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.

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  (727): Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome. http://tfl.nu/3ucr
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  (716): View more from New York

  As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."

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  (716): As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is." http://tfl.nu/8j8j
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.

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  (+44): I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly. http://tfl.nu/kesy
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!

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  (405): The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes! http://tfl.nu/kv24
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  (561): View more from Florida

  if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat

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  (561): if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat http://tfl.nu/bqtg
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block

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  (302): remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block http://tfl.nu/55sp
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.

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  (304): Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better. http://tfl.nu/8g47
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?

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  (403): I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain? http://tfl.nu/msrw
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.

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  (307): this is worse than the time i threw up a condom. http://tfl.nu/98sx
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Adam has been drinking

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  Who has his phone

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Adam does

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  (810): Adam has been drinking (1-810): Who has his phone (810): Adam does http://tfl.nu/tl53
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  (846): View more from

  He asked to "fluff my boner.."

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  (846): He asked to "fluff my boner.." http://tfl.nu/m6cj
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.

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  (519): my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar. (1-519): You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make. http://tfl.nu/j6t1
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  Is this the I'm gay speech?

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  (609): Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself (1-609): Is this the I'm gay speech? http://tfl.nu/ywd1
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  (852): View more from

  i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Stay away from his face.

  (852): View more from

  so i go for his dick?

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  (852): i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do? (256): Stay away from his face. (852): so i go for his dick? http://tfl.nu/3ce2
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

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  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?

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  (757): Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse. (1-757): I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic? http://tfl.nu/c2pk
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.

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  (808): Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower. http://tfl.nu/ajbm
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her

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  (603): not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her http://tfl.nu/t8zc
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks

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  (704): you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks http://tfl.nu/c3vj
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.

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  (804): You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world. http://tfl.nu/i0as
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  (909): View more from California

  do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?

  (760): View more from California

  and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook

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  (909): do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"? (760): and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook http://tfl.nu/nbai
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality

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  (708): I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality http://tfl.nu/1jam
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Got yourself a keeper right there.

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  (905): She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use. (416): Got yourself a keeper right there. http://tfl.nu/t8iu
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  He called his prostate his "boner button".

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  (440): He called his prostate his "boner button". http://tfl.nu/n5dr
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  D3 body, D1 cock

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  (440): D3 body, D1 cock http://tfl.nu/qla4
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  (818): View more from California

  The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.

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  (818): The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs. http://tfl.nu/zk5x
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?

  (1-517): View more from Michigan

  GAY or at the very least bisexual.

  (1-517): View more from Michigan

  His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Weird... you've rode him.

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  (517): I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict? (1-517): GAY or at the very least bisexual. (1-517): His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation. (517): Weird... you've rode him. http://tfl.nu/8rng
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.

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  (778): We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay. http://tfl.nu/xs17
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.

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  (256): You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass. (1-256): That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years. (256): Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that. (1-256): Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham. http://tfl.nu/egwd
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !

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  (248): The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo ! http://tfl.nu/e5q2
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.

  (1-316): View more from Kansas

  So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  pills.

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  (316): I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult. (1-316): So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message? (316): pills. http://tfl.nu/hrkg
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...

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  (612): new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself... http://tfl.nu/71kr
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.

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  (303): normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective. http://tfl.nu/9jpo
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved

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  (+61): They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved http://tfl.nu/or7i
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.

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  (+44): Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off. http://tfl.nu/7fq9
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think the camel was justified in biting me.

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  (413): I think the camel was justified in biting me. http://tfl.nu/yr0l
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"

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  (215): best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load" http://tfl.nu/n15m
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.

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  (443): The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of. http://tfl.nu/c44a
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.

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  (918): I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it. http://tfl.nu/on4u
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  (510): View more from California

  I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Are you high?

  (510): View more from California

  No. That's why it's odd

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  (510): I think I speak chipmunk. Odd. (702): Are you high? (510): No. That's why it's odd http://tfl.nu/ybok
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex

  (773): View more from Illinois

  SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?

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  (617): So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex (773): SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard? http://tfl.nu/5vnv
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.

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  (860): could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper. http://tfl.nu/svv9
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  dude how high are you right now?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

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  (256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party

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  (330): Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party http://tfl.nu/m7il
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.

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  (920): Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling. http://tfl.nu/jjpj
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  (214): View more from Texas

  No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.

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  (214): No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds. http://tfl.nu/2lul
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.

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  (401): anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches. http://tfl.nu/n5i2
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.

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  (517): Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember. http://tfl.nu/2slr
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  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.

  (1-857): View more from Massachusetts

  Doors?

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.

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  (857): I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now. (1-857): Doors? (857): Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet. http://tfl.nu/ic4r
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters

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  (918): There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters http://tfl.nu/8485
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".

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  (917): My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva". http://tfl.nu/2q86
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.

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  (256): smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick. http://tfl.nu/bhlk
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?

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  (303): Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing? http://tfl.nu/qv8w
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  (442): View more from California

  seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong

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  (442): seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong http://tfl.nu/rvkg
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was

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  (248): he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was http://tfl.nu/zwm2
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.

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  (443): My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve. http://tfl.nu/bc9v
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  u sound so gay right now

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  (617): I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me. (978): u sound so gay right now http://tfl.nu/zm49
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning

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  (859): I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning http://tfl.nu/1f1l
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.

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  (+44): Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago. http://tfl.nu/hd48
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  haha good one..how did you even know?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.

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  (404): FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night (1-404): haha good one..how did you even know? (404): we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck. http://tfl.nu/dmh7
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.

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  (443): His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number. http://tfl.nu/j9e9
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser

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  (262): what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser http://tfl.nu/r42a
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US

  (703): View more from Virginia

  It's the American dream

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  (202): On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US (703): It's the American dream http://tfl.nu/z0hb
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  (253): View more from Washington

  once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.

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  (253): once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced. http://tfl.nu/7kbq
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.

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  (603): I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay. http://tfl.nu/s25q
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.

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  (206): I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof. http://tfl.nu/xi8t
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame

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  (952): and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame http://tfl.nu/7sdj
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.

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  (306): We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis. http://tfl.nu/9mdd
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.

  (314): View more from Missouri

  That was the greatest thing i have ever read.

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  (636): He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping. (314): That was the greatest thing i have ever read. http://tfl.nu/0exi
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  ...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks

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  (804): ...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks http://tfl.nu/unmu
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  (818): View more from California

  I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.

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  (818): I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal. http://tfl.nu/asxv
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.

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  (540): I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal. http://tfl.nu/t01g
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.

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  (712): Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood. http://tfl.nu/9bbv
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  (305): View more from Florida

  your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise

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  (305): your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise http://tfl.nu/rpa6
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla

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  (201): dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla http://tfl.nu/0yq4
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off

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  (404): he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off http://tfl.nu/rmt4
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.

  (1-321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  no his phone, idiot.

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  (321): Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot. (1-321): he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn. (321): no his phone, idiot. http://tfl.nu/beyf
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.

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  (443): Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit. http://tfl.nu/7z3f
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  (619): View more from California

  You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything

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  (619): You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything http://tfl.nu/13bs
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate

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  (202): if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate http://tfl.nu/kvt4
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  (914): View more from New York

  im gay

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i know

  (914): View more from New York

  yea but for you.

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  (914): im gay (203): i know (914): yea but for you. http://tfl.nu/jbuy
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.

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  (734): I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire. http://tfl.nu/kkrz
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay

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  (919): Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay http://tfl.nu/w5k9
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  (818): View more from California

  Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I felt like a fucking code breaker.

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  (818): Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night (334): I felt like a fucking code breaker. http://tfl.nu/6jh7
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  therell be strippers and coke right?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  no strippers. just coke.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i hate this fuckin recession

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  (202): therell be strippers and coke right? (703): no strippers. just coke. (202): i hate this fuckin recession http://tfl.nu/1tv9
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  (716): View more from New York

  Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.

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  (716): Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests. http://tfl.nu/12h2
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  what was i wearing?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  nothing

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  (203): you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress' (508): what was i wearing? (203): nothing http://tfl.nu/2bg6
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.

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  (256): Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO. http://tfl.nu/k62i
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.

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  (814): Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh. http://tfl.nu/s2cz
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love

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  (610): Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love http://tfl.nu/hgdf
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

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  (219): Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night. http://tfl.nu/jfm9
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.

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  (240): And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender. http://tfl.nu/1lfm
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.

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  (484): Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever. http://tfl.nu/sgnv
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  (760): View more from California

  when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.

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  (760): when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice. http://tfl.nu/5xpe
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?

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  (203): And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I? http://tfl.nu/nbwe
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore

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  (440): Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore http://tfl.nu/9n7j
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  (315): View more from New York

  MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!

  (315): View more from New York

  AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!

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  (315): MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!! (315): AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!! http://tfl.nu/witt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.

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  (651): saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort. http://tfl.nu/ekj0
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  (607): View more from New York

  You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.

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  (607): You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar? (405): No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before. http://tfl.nu/y495
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.

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  (907): He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron. http://tfl.nu/g77l
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  (310): View more from California

  Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs

  (310): View more from California

  Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?

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  (310): Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs (310): Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor? http://tfl.nu/gbsd
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall

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  (617): I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall http://tfl.nu/nke4
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.

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  (832): I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots" (832): On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep. http://tfl.nu/g6me
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????

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  (248): am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock???? http://tfl.nu/dfne
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  My hair reeks of homosexuality.

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  (256): My hair reeks of homosexuality. http://tfl.nu/3s1n
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He had a curved dick....must be a european thing

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  (401): He had a curved dick....must be a european thing http://tfl.nu/mrr2
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  (434): View more from Virginia

  you would not believe what I got pierced last night...

  (540): View more from Virginia

  son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.

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  (434): you would not believe what I got pierced last night... (540): son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear. http://tfl.nu/q4w6
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.

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  (205): Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent. http://tfl.nu/5qhy
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.

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  (609): he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it. http://tfl.nu/w24u
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.

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  (203): This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning. http://tfl.nu/sy0s
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  (713): View more from Texas

  just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.

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  (713): just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american. http://tfl.nu/yild
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  (310): View more from California

  so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?

  (818): View more from California

  by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ

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  (310): so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA? (818): by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ http://tfl.nu/5i2r
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.

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  (484): At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town. http://tfl.nu/jjq0
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing

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  (443): this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing http://tfl.nu/c7lz
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.

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  (612): I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy. http://tfl.nu/yhkq
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari

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  (973): If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari http://tfl.nu/13id
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess

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  (907): I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess http://tfl.nu/1h29
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?

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  (973): so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/8siv
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...

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  (321): Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds... http://tfl.nu/1h6m
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  (818): View more from California

  The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.

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  (818): The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again. http://tfl.nu/z8ef
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.

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  (204): The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume. http://tfl.nu/wyb3
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.

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  (440): I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job. http://tfl.nu/xaqo
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

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  (519): and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba" http://tfl.nu/uoap
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  no you cant smoke seaweed

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  (702): no you cant smoke seaweed http://tfl.nu/a9kv
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  (+44): View more from England

  Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.

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  (+44): Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call. http://tfl.nu/fjfe
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.

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  (803): I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for. http://tfl.nu/ljvy
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  (626): View more from California

  We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.

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  (626): We stole a cat. That is all you need to know. http://tfl.nu/xol0
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  (917): View more from New York City

  so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth

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  (917): so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center (1-917): you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth http://tfl.nu/ukvm
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.

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  (575): My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him. http://tfl.nu/rbp8
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

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  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
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