Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
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Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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