I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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