I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Non-Jews are for practice
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
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