Texts From Last Night

fleshman4joe's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard http://tfl.nu/y6ds
  Replies (12) Good night (4937) Bad night (846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72
  Replies (47) Good night (11511) Bad night (2161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds... http://tfl.nu/1h6m
  Replies (12) Good night (993) Bad night (6435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me. http://tfl.nu/edgt
  Replies (20) Good night (1239) Bad night (4702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (9064) Bad night (1054)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii http://tfl.nu/lbrx
  Replies (22) Good night (8938) Bad night (1243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it, (702): Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch. http://tfl.nu/x8zx
  Replies (116) Good night (6310) Bad night (11938)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (8899) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist. http://tfl.nu/t4io
  Replies (26) Good night (8854) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this" http://tfl.nu/g0yg
  Replies (9) Good night (2034) Bad night (6269)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times http://tfl.nu/wnel
  Replies (12) Good night (8526) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (51555) Bad night (2260)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37097) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16199) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Good morning to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday? (1-203): Good morning to you http://tfl.nu/rc7c
  Replies (12) Good night (4766) Bad night (2016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary. http://tfl.nu/hnqx
  Replies (24) Good night (5287) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again. http://tfl.nu/vfit
  Replies (5) Good night (4251) Bad night (1153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL? http://tfl.nu/2onf
  Replies (17) Good night (5027) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh
  Replies (71) Good night (19589) Bad night (1795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8590) Bad night (1190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep. http://tfl.nu/o54g
  Replies (36) Good night (12585) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face" http://tfl.nu/0o08
  Replies (53) Good night (10534) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (308): View more from Nebraska

  i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj . http://tfl.nu/vtaw
  Replies (17) Good night (8051) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny http://tfl.nu/a88g
  Replies (17) Good night (6340) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe. http://tfl.nu/z3x3
  Replies (43) Good night (7755) Bad night (1774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever. http://tfl.nu/bxy4
  Replies (17) Good night (8376) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself. http://tfl.nu/68qu
  Replies (13) Good night (4341) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls. http://tfl.nu/57re
  Replies (23) Good night (8171) Bad night (1440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top http://tfl.nu/zi79
  Replies (257) Good night (8205) Bad night (2225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics http://tfl.nu/3wmw
  Replies (68) Good night (10654) Bad night (2312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so http://tfl.nu/1jbm
  Replies (6) Good night (6848) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck http://tfl.nu/rnye
  Replies (5) Good night (1203) Bad night (3416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex. http://tfl.nu/aztc
  Replies (89) Good night (13329) Bad night (1474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better. http://tfl.nu/ly4a
  Replies (23) Good night (5361) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight. http://tfl.nu/mepj
  Replies (14) Good night (926) Bad night (3730)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high http://tfl.nu/yu6x
  Replies (49) Good night (7395) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life??? http://tfl.nu/fjyx
  Replies (14) Good night (5900) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor. (339): No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though. http://tfl.nu/0uyr
  Replies (34) Good night (9570) Bad night (1280)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip. http://tfl.nu/di6e
  Replies (10) Good night (3299) Bad night (1486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  sorry. that wasn't for you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep (732): sorry. that wasn't for you http://tfl.nu/2avz
  Replies (31) Good night (1912) Bad night (5080)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking. http://tfl.nu/rroe
  Replies (25) Good night (2348) Bad night (4555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him

  (313): View more from Michigan

  at least he gets points for a creative booty call

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him (313): at least he gets points for a creative booty call http://tfl.nu/28qp
  Replies (16) Good night (7206) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation http://tfl.nu/knkc
  Replies (12) Good night (2308) Bad night (3056) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair. http://tfl.nu/v80o
  Replies (25) Good night (1166) Bad night (6952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking http://tfl.nu/g2ou
  Replies (16) Good night (6082) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up http://tfl.nu/7low
  Replies (29) Good night (2906) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?

  (941): View more from Florida

  better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Why do guys in porn never have boxers on? (941): better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn http://tfl.nu/0wxg
  Replies (28) Good night (6657) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once. http://tfl.nu/u86e
  Replies (71) Good night (12001) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS http://tfl.nu/kfbo
  Replies (6) Good night (3622) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer. http://tfl.nu/2j6i
  Replies (76) Good night (15364) Bad night (1076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/aenv
  Replies (34) Good night (3617) Bad night (1130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): 96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks http://tfl.nu/s1i2
  Replies (12) Good night (4757) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing." http://tfl.nu/7ght
  Replies (16) Good night (5544) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it". http://tfl.nu/vthr
  Replies (31) Good night (6566) Bad night (611) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck http://tfl.nu/779f
  Replies (33) Good night (985) Bad night (7320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  I don't want it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU (1-609): I don't want it. http://tfl.nu/jvul
  Replies (36) Good night (1010) Bad night (7702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  You're 20.

  (734): View more from Michigan

  IT'S BUILD A BEAR!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear. (810): You're 20. (734): IT'S BUILD A BEAR! http://tfl.nu/k2jt
  Replies (148) Good night (11272) Bad night (2028)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl. http://tfl.nu/kow0
  Replies (20) Good night (820) Bad night (6464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Hm. I declare blue a flavor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Hm. I declare blue a flavor. http://tfl.nu/1q5w
  Replies (58) Good night (6641) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell. http://tfl.nu/z3u3
  Replies (21) Good night (6111) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life. http://tfl.nu/evuh
  Replies (24) Good night (7148) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better. http://tfl.nu/p7cf
  Replies (28) Good night (7845) Bad night (669)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread. http://tfl.nu/62jg
  Replies (18) Good night (7705) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german.... http://tfl.nu/l2d8
  Replies (42) Good night (12757) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer http://tfl.nu/cllh
  Replies (118) Good night (23006) Bad night (2273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/thtn
  Replies (30) Good night (7896) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening http://tfl.nu/ihge
  Replies (12) Good night (7021) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying http://tfl.nu/xlhu
  Replies (25) Good night (1942) Bad night (5883)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you</3 http://tfl.nu/z6s1
  Replies (32) Good night (1188) Bad night (8329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous http://tfl.nu/zxmn
  Replies (27) Good night (5380) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall. http://tfl.nu/3lmu
  Replies (12) Good night (6957) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz http://tfl.nu/sutg
  Replies (87) Good night (15795) Bad night (2760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls. (1-614): Which beats the fuck out of good intentions. http://tfl.nu/vjhv
  Replies (30) Good night (5830) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing http://tfl.nu/t0vu
  Replies (51) Good night (1233) Bad night (5300) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar. http://tfl.nu/zfa3
  Replies (12) Good night (4538) Bad night (620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius. http://tfl.nu/c6ym
  Replies (36) Good night (7818) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game? http://tfl.nu/evbk
  Replies (317) Good night (7071) Bad night (1660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake http://tfl.nu/gu5i
  Replies (11) Good night (4691) Bad night (728) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (489): View more from

  watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (489): watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on . http://tfl.nu/coqw
  Replies (48) Good night (5824) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens http://tfl.nu/tbzs
  Replies (36) Good night (5477) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth. http://tfl.nu/f5s8
  Replies (116) Good night (6534) Bad night (1387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head http://tfl.nu/n75x
  Replies (85) Good night (7749) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis

  (757): View more from Virginia

  your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis (757): your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though. http://tfl.nu/xhh4
  Replies (46) Good night (5380) Bad night (1872)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said. http://tfl.nu/hb96
  Replies (58) Good night (6785) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
  Replies (34) Good night (12707) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (175) Good night (51677) Bad night (5687)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (28635) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche http://tfl.nu/hcs6
  Replies (50) Good night (1623) Bad night (6608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there. http://tfl.nu/abjc
  Replies (18) Good night (5181) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience http://tfl.nu/d1lz
  Replies (49) Good night (533) Bad night (6121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday. http://tfl.nu/tetw
  Replies (73) Good night (10866) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list? http://tfl.nu/v2ct
  Replies (28) Good night (1064) Bad night (4605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Can you put "designated driver" on a resume? http://tfl.nu/qu7s
  Replies (8) Good night (4414) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them. http://tfl.nu/3lq3
  Replies (18) Good night (5726) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): 4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84. http://tfl.nu/2w31
  Replies (35) Good night (5535) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose? http://tfl.nu/me2j
  Replies (17) Good night (536) Bad night (4514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment. http://tfl.nu/tuh7
  Replies (39) Good night (11767) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/vi3x
  Replies (32) Good night (9947) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding. http://tfl.nu/d3lt
  Replies (26) Good night (5960) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library... http://tfl.nu/atq4
  Replies (34) Good night (4277) Bad night (1293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it. http://tfl.nu/91c2
  Replies (23) Good night (7075) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning. http://tfl.nu/mwtc
  Replies (22) Good night (4316) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!! http://tfl.nu/6hir
  Replies (19) Good night (5445) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You? http://tfl.nu/i2et
  Replies (26) Good night (7268) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there. http://tfl.nu/fwws
  Replies (28) Good night (4759) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good. http://tfl.nu/gykq
  Replies (116) Good night (6297) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what? http://tfl.nu/li5i
  Replies (37) Good night (5095) Bad night (1977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again. http://tfl.nu/1qgn
  Replies (76) Good night (21547) Bad night (1256)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures http://tfl.nu/m84y
  Replies (28) Good night (3512) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you http://tfl.nu/77p0
  Replies (22) Good night (5211) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance http://tfl.nu/wkwu
  Replies (52) Good night (1909) Bad night (6745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love http://tfl.nu/v9ss
  Replies (131) Good night (60831) Bad night (1887) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  are you going to last longer than 15 seconds

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  nope

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): are you going to last longer than 15 seconds (1-913): nope http://tfl.nu/rdaj
  Replies (34) Good night (1148) Bad night (6201) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..

  (1-502): View more from Kentucky

  Aren't you in 8th grade?

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  9th, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school.. (1-502): Aren't you in 8th grade? (502): 9th, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/te0g
  Replies (104) Good night (5564) Bad night (3610)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall http://tfl.nu/krc7
  Replies (43) Good night (11435) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs http://tfl.nu/ycoz
  Replies (29) Good night (6240) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): 1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you http://tfl.nu/har0
  Replies (34) Good night (7018) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did. http://tfl.nu/i39w
  Replies (13) Good night (2914) Bad night (1243) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Wait, how do girls masturbate?

  (1-925): View more from California

  I dunno we use shower heads I guess.

  (925): View more from California

  ..how does it fit?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Wait, how do girls masturbate? (1-925): I dunno we use shower heads I guess. (925): ..how does it fit? http://tfl.nu/ktf5
  Replies (85) Good night (1984) Bad night (5673)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/0mbm
  Replies (20) Good night (5109) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet. http://tfl.nu/uu2t
  Replies (6) Good night (1439) Bad night (5318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (124): View more from

  Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (124): Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all. http://tfl.nu/q25u
  Replies (107) Good night (31470) Bad night (1286)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"? http://tfl.nu/9rca
  Replies (29) Good night (9546) Bad night (856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic. http://tfl.nu/sxvb
  Replies (80) Good night (30845) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later" http://tfl.nu/dpva
  Replies (17) Good night (6677) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER. http://tfl.nu/2z74
  Replies (25) Good night (6163) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more. http://tfl.nu/blv6
  Replies (17) Good night (647) Bad night (8694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride http://tfl.nu/utbu
  Replies (47) Good night (981) Bad night (7492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day. http://tfl.nu/g1ig
  Replies (15) Good night (4437) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life http://tfl.nu/x73d
  Replies (45) Good night (8380) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (221): View more from

  I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (221): I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/7n2x
  Replies (20) Good night (1043) Bad night (7326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim. http://tfl.nu/b9e4
  Replies (15) Good night (5319) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): friends don't let friends hook up with gingers. http://tfl.nu/lykv
  Replies (174) Good night (6140) Bad night (2967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up. http://tfl.nu/hjt8
  Replies (27) Good night (5865) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me http://tfl.nu/ptyo
  Replies (75) Good night (25632) Bad night (1425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity http://tfl.nu/9sni
  Replies (20) Good night (765) Bad night (5059) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time. http://tfl.nu/xax0
  Replies (21) Good night (957) Bad night (7416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college. http://tfl.nu/pxwn
  Replies (11) Good night (4474) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch. http://tfl.nu/l2v2
  Replies (23) Good night (4930) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie. http://tfl.nu/xp3y
  Replies (36) Good night (6986) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning http://tfl.nu/4vog
  Replies (15) Good night (1191) Bad night (3506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub... http://tfl.nu/665a
  Replies (9) Good night (6029) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening. http://tfl.nu/f2tp
  Replies (16) Good night (2674) Bad night (1543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them http://tfl.nu/s8n3
  Replies (30) Good night (5267) Bad night (1557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars http://tfl.nu/tq7c
  Replies (14) Good night (899) Bad night (2982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly. http://tfl.nu/a3gz
  Replies (21) Good night (5717) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis. http://tfl.nu/x2kt
  Replies (67) Good night (10717) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen http://tfl.nu/az2y
  Replies (29) Good night (5238) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch http://tfl.nu/y65i
  Replies (78) Good night (12367) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen http://tfl.nu/n18y
  Replies (34) Good night (6732) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room. http://tfl.nu/l3xg
  Replies (61) Good night (5149) Bad night (2174) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine. http://tfl.nu/qnyh
  Replies (27) Good night (1563) Bad night (4097)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave? http://tfl.nu/a6k0
  Replies (13) Good night (4369) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat http://tfl.nu/x2jk
  Replies (30) Good night (5797) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream http://tfl.nu/mtat
  Replies (23) Good night (577) Bad night (4467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel. http://tfl.nu/xpce
  Replies (28) Good night (685) Bad night (5221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you. http://tfl.nu/rrga
  Replies (16) Good night (6212) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian. http://tfl.nu/kify
  Replies (58) Good night (8633) Bad night (794)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion http://tfl.nu/5o7j
  Replies (15) Good night (5027) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind. http://tfl.nu/e2m5
  Replies (25) Good night (4683) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...

  (1-386): View more from Florida

  thanks for that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth... (1-386): thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/7u0v
  Replies (105) Good night (999) Bad night (4130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one... http://tfl.nu/slb8
  Replies (23) Good night (5779) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire. http://tfl.nu/xwgk
  Replies (43) Good night (6688) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend http://tfl.nu/uh4h
  Replies (16) Good night (935) Bad night (3154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire. http://tfl.nu/v2n0
  Replies (19) Good night (5234) Bad night (1348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird? (214): Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb? http://tfl.nu/cbow
  Replies (87) Good night (1574) Bad night (4969)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad. http://tfl.nu/7eya
  Replies (15) Good night (1269) Bad night (4295) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special http://tfl.nu/7k86
  Replies (79) Good night (1022) Bad night (5664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd give my left nut to see you

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  don't do that. I like the set

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I'd give my left nut to see you (609): don't do that. I like the set http://tfl.nu/41nb
  Replies (12) Good night (9633) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes. http://tfl.nu/p4s9
  Replies (23) Good night (6507) Bad night (1920)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"? http://tfl.nu/cmo1
  Replies (23) Good night (1209) Bad night (5366)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world http://tfl.nu/83f8
  Replies (36) Good night (7197) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (30) Good night (17894) Bad night (886)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk

  (1-914): View more from New York

  It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk (1-914): It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you http://tfl.nu/bgwq
  Replies (55) Good night (8506) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal http://tfl.nu/nm22
  Replies (64) Good night (1263) Bad night (5772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys. http://tfl.nu/6qzw
  Replies (26) Good night (11089) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now http://tfl.nu/squr
  Replies (40) Good night (9112) Bad night (1213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles. http://tfl.nu/x8s9
  Replies (15) Good night (6815) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you http://tfl.nu/7a0u
  Replies (57) Good night (11993) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

  (1405): View more from

  I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc
  Replies (47) Good night (10017) Bad night (850) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.

  (631): View more from New York

  what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night. (631): what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK http://tfl.nu/1v47
  Replies (34) Good night (7080) Bad night (1173)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (50) Good night (29859) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob. http://tfl.nu/tpno
  Replies (41) Good night (4587) Bad night (3496) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you http://tfl.nu/5bao
  Replies (20) Good night (4839) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN

  (347): View more from New York

  I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN (347): I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/s3su
  Replies (41) Good night (11082) Bad night (2074)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning http://tfl.nu/f62h
  Replies (29) Good night (5774) Bad night (1055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever. http://tfl.nu/56mg
  Replies (38) Good night (10080) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph? http://tfl.nu/h05l
  Replies (42) Good night (8188) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing. http://tfl.nu/ex7a
  Replies (115) Good night (11435) Bad night (1707) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  nevermind....I'm on the way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high (808): worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave (814): nevermind....I'm on the way http://tfl.nu/dzeu
  Replies (70) Good night (10119) Bad night (808)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE http://tfl.nu/5c8q
  Replies (29) Good night (5546) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (26268) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely. http://tfl.nu/77c9
  Replies (57) Good night (8176) Bad night (1913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days http://tfl.nu/w4vm
  Replies (22) Good night (3821) Bad night (3216) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies http://tfl.nu/m8ne
  Replies (33) Good night (2438) Bad night (4744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level http://tfl.nu/dixb
  Replies (35) Good night (6790) Bad night (513) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans. http://tfl.nu/q9cz
  Replies (20) Good night (1615) Bad night (7152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now http://tfl.nu/4qek
  Replies (22) Good night (4155) Bad night (644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung http://tfl.nu/rtj3
  Replies (47) Good night (13351) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag. http://tfl.nu/8xve
  Replies (6) Good night (3571) Bad night (1045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks. http://tfl.nu/z0bt
  Replies (7) Good night (4700) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE! http://tfl.nu/0hwt
  Replies (30) Good night (9120) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not. http://tfl.nu/74g7
  Replies (27) Good night (9385) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have. http://tfl.nu/1nc6
  Replies (51) Good night (1361) Bad night (3449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is" http://tfl.nu/fthj
  Replies (43) Good night (7280) Bad night (1818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes? http://tfl.nu/mxbg
  Replies (50) Good night (1382) Bad night (4622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i should start naming my morning wood

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  great idea but wrong number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): i should start naming my morning wood (201): great idea but wrong number http://tfl.nu/1p5a
  Replies (24) Good night (8094) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk? http://tfl.nu/2ehj
  Replies (26) Good night (7053) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck" http://tfl.nu/5odg
  Replies (27) Good night (3787) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible. http://tfl.nu/1gp8
  Replies (27) Good night (2701) Bad night (756) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (214) Good night (51225) Bad night (2583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Dude she let me cum on her face

  (1-843): View more from South Carolina

  You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Dude she let me cum on her face (1-843): You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning http://tfl.nu/f5g3
  Replies (116) Good night (3293) Bad night (10128)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere. http://tfl.nu/70ri
  Replies (32) Good night (1155) Bad night (4993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
  Replies (74) Good night (17945) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!" http://tfl.nu/rb09
  Replies (23) Good night (11379) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (55) Good night (13538) Bad night (5082)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never. http://tfl.nu/0ie8
  Replies (4) Good night (1383) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy. http://tfl.nu/3jyj
  Replies (22) Good night (1451) Bad night (483) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call? http://tfl.nu/dgsg
  Replies (6) Good night (1026) Bad night (391) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would do horrible things to your vagina.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would do horrible things to your vagina. (978): Prove it. http://tfl.nu/qld3
  Replies (182) Good night (93450) Bad night (4590)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I puked a lego.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I puked a lego. http://tfl.nu/7r9h
  Replies (10) Good night (1629) Bad night (2537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?

  (1-201): View more from New Jersey

  dying kittens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner? (1-201): dying kittens. http://tfl.nu/66tr
  Replies (19) Good night (677) Bad night (1841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/l4fs
  Replies (46) Good night (9296) Bad night (1882) Order T-Shirt