I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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