you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just puked most of my soul out..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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