i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Nicole vs. Life
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wanna eat
then eat your cupcake
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