Texts From Last Night

kayjay's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort. http://tfl.nu/ivbh
  Replies (71) Good night (18810) Bad night (1479) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something? http://tfl.nu/tu2y
  Replies (12) Good night (5147) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  She acts like you when your on meds

  (510): View more from California

  She acts like batman?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): She acts like you when your on meds (510): She acts like batman? http://tfl.nu/zvs9
  Replies (16) Good night (5907) Bad night (411)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it. http://tfl.nu/wqus
  Replies (20) Good night (4091) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen. http://tfl.nu/y8ck
  Replies (17) Good night (8512) Bad night (676)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju
  Replies (19) Good night (8502) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed? (540): you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets. http://tfl.nu/2g4o
  Replies (42) Good night (27436) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds

  (1-530): View more from California

  Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds (1-530): Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning. http://tfl.nu/ltqk
  Replies (40) Good night (745) Bad night (4346)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (24638) Bad night (3945)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day. http://tfl.nu/b0xj
  Replies (29) Good night (32212) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (46888) Bad night (1719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons http://tfl.nu/n087
  Replies (14) Good night (6075) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs http://tfl.nu/s3ms
  Replies (19) Good night (4677) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people... http://tfl.nu/4gx3
  Replies (16) Good night (1880) Bad night (5411) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..." http://tfl.nu/hs05
  Replies (43) Good night (1445) Bad night (6451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): 70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up. http://tfl.nu/l18e
  Replies (13) Good night (359) Bad night (4229) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint http://tfl.nu/0n30
  Replies (10) Good night (1041) Bad night (4390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I don't even know what potassium is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember? (703): I don't even know what potassium is. http://tfl.nu/wfp6
  Replies (47) Good night (9564) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style... http://tfl.nu/4o8k
  Replies (21) Good night (1669) Bad night (7262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order http://tfl.nu/kgbm
  Replies (2) Good night (461) Bad night (1826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself http://tfl.nu/n2u9
  Replies (45) Good night (1205) Bad night (6799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it. http://tfl.nu/e919
  Replies (20) Good night (7354) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later" http://tfl.nu/6byl
  Replies (14) Good night (7101) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  How did you steal an entire pie?

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I don't know. It's in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): How did you steal an entire pie? (602): I don't know. It's in my purse. http://tfl.nu/b3mp
  Replies (22) Good night (10846) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down. http://tfl.nu/ki6l
  Replies (18) Good night (7214) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks. http://tfl.nu/8eyu
  Replies (45) Good night (18503) Bad night (1124) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?

  (713): View more from Texas

  lets deal with that after we figure out where i am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen? (713): lets deal with that after we figure out where i am http://tfl.nu/0phs
  Replies (21) Good night (10339) Bad night (854)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  What happened?....

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): What happened?.... (304): He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm.... http://tfl.nu/j714
  Replies (10) Good night (1362) Bad night (4872)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants http://tfl.nu/j8mk
  Replies (8) Good night (744) Bad night (4949) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (15812) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much http://tfl.nu/3dmn
  Replies (26) Good night (9889) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade. http://tfl.nu/llb7
  Replies (25) Good night (19370) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!" http://tfl.nu/l7i0
  Replies (6) Good night (5474) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch. http://tfl.nu/dpne
  Replies (24) Good night (13860) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you. http://tfl.nu/t7go
  Replies (21) Good night (4406) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac.... http://tfl.nu/v8jl
  Replies (12) Good night (803) Bad night (5104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that. http://tfl.nu/wbxh
  Replies (13) Good night (4330) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer http://tfl.nu/kzvv
  Replies (8) Good night (4176) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online http://tfl.nu/xicc
  Replies (11) Good night (3783) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Guys should not giggle. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean? (1-859): im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle (859): Guys should not giggle. Ever. http://tfl.nu/p9xa
  Replies (22) Good night (2729) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  margs and chips and queso make the world go round

  (1-757): View more from Virginia

  well and inertia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): margs and chips and queso make the world go round (1-757): well and inertia http://tfl.nu/cjuy
  Replies (7) Good night (1148) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb. http://tfl.nu/h3os
  Replies (4) Good night (3706) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off http://tfl.nu/gmrh
  Replies (17) Good night (5222) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny http://tfl.nu/a88g
  Replies (17) Good night (6107) Bad night (675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember. http://tfl.nu/s3lo
  Replies (51) Good night (4382) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were http://tfl.nu/3ofv
  Replies (14) Good night (5488) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them http://tfl.nu/2uni
  Replies (41) Good night (14119) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?" http://tfl.nu/efd9
  Replies (24) Good night (5581) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there. http://tfl.nu/dxiw
  Replies (7) Good night (3722) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me. http://tfl.nu/k5hc
  Replies (4) Good night (6186) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer? (902): the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka. http://tfl.nu/rxlv
  Replies (16) Good night (9800) Bad night (750)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You? http://tfl.nu/j4cx
  Replies (17) Good night (7182) Bad night (723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead http://tfl.nu/h0ei
  Replies (12) Good night (4291) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete http://tfl.nu/n4gc
  Replies (36) Good night (5837) Bad night (847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon. http://tfl.nu/njuz
  Replies (33) Good night (2151) Bad night (5343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters. http://tfl.nu/tngh
  Replies (16) Good night (724) Bad night (7702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party. http://tfl.nu/pnyn
  Replies (21) Good night (1620) Bad night (7293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again. http://tfl.nu/1fxb
  Replies (27) Good night (959) Bad night (7274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you http://tfl.nu/82k6
  Replies (6) Good night (4206) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now. http://tfl.nu/gc18
  Replies (20) Good night (3124) Bad night (5420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk
  Replies (78) Good night (5845) Bad night (6397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore http://tfl.nu/jxvu
  Replies (17) Good night (2036) Bad night (5952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out. http://tfl.nu/bwpe
  Replies (7) Good night (1228) Bad night (4342) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  just looked at his mug shot... not really my type

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): just looked at his mug shot... not really my type http://tfl.nu/kmub
  Replies (5) Good night (617) Bad night (3927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling... http://tfl.nu/p0v8
  Replies (15) Good night (5535) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time http://tfl.nu/seuc
  Replies (21) Good night (3783) Bad night (400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Why are you ignoring all of my texts?

  (1-765): View more from Indiana

  The power was out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Why are you ignoring all of my texts? (1-765): The power was out. http://tfl.nu/9x7x
  Replies (17) Good night (916) Bad night (3879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.

  (1-209): View more from California

  the house was on fire??

  (209): View more from California

  shit I thought I told you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff. (1-209): the house was on fire?? (209): shit I thought I told you. http://tfl.nu/gdcx
  Replies (16) Good night (889) Bad night (4828)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off. http://tfl.nu/pihu
  Replies (16) Good night (7395) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song http://tfl.nu/c63n
  Replies (18) Good night (4540) Bad night (1072) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose. http://tfl.nu/bo74
  Replies (8) Good night (5408) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  probs a good idea

  (207): View more from Maine

  i like the whole idea of life and being alive

  (1-207): View more from Maine

  you sure you're not high?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea (1-207): probs a good idea (207): i like the whole idea of life and being alive (1-207): you sure you're not high? http://tfl.nu/e7l1
  Replies (29) Good night (5483) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL http://tfl.nu/4831
  Replies (56) Good night (1248) Bad night (5714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps. http://tfl.nu/q0ub
  Replies (12) Good night (7439) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there. http://tfl.nu/1912
  Replies (7) Good night (5851) Bad night (785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early. http://tfl.nu/8f7a
  Replies (17) Good night (6269) Bad night (1608)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?

  (914): View more from New York

  you mean faeutihaers?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night? (914): you mean faeutihaers? http://tfl.nu/mcba
  Replies (34) Good night (10150) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own http://tfl.nu/ot8v
  Replies (27) Good night (8230) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (682): View more from Texas

  why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (682): why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube? http://tfl.nu/dci4
  Replies (5) Good night (876) Bad night (3870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68161) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty" http://tfl.nu/zpfk
  Replies (9) Good night (798) Bad night (4112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo." http://tfl.nu/u5wa
  Replies (44) Good night (15981) Bad night (801)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish http://tfl.nu/f18y
  Replies (17) Good night (7950) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (54) Good night (28557) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning. http://tfl.nu/50tz
  Replies (26) Good night (6357) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.

  (619): View more from California

  you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up. (619): you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS http://tfl.nu/a8ci
  Replies (22) Good night (6308) Bad night (850)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (27269) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh

  (1-219): View more from Indiana

  wow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh (1-219): wow. http://tfl.nu/be02
  Replies (38) Good night (6196) Bad night (2497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan http://tfl.nu/otnu
  Replies (44) Good night (6082) Bad night (754) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem. http://tfl.nu/ak11
  Replies (15) Good night (484) Bad night (4202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight... http://tfl.nu/bbui
  Replies (11) Good night (3246) Bad night (373)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile http://tfl.nu/7vam
  Replies (21) Good night (683) Bad night (4831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants http://tfl.nu/bet3
  Replies (14) Good night (13383) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...

  (917): View more from New York City

  no it doesn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere. (720): ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning... (917): no it doesn't. http://tfl.nu/6x89
  Replies (34) Good night (17260) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other. http://tfl.nu/212r
  Replies (19) Good night (1741) Bad night (2962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right http://tfl.nu/htd0
  Replies (30) Good night (27433) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire http://tfl.nu/u3d6
  Replies (6) Good night (404) Bad night (1341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree http://tfl.nu/o54r
  Replies (4) Good night (4304) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito. http://tfl.nu/9mvh
  Replies (15) Good night (4321) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though http://tfl.nu/7ly3
  Replies (18) Good night (5752) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  stop writing like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;) (1-410): stop writing like that. http://tfl.nu/yu8k
  Replies (25) Good night (6432) Bad night (1031) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love http://tfl.nu/ix9b
  Replies (26) Good night (6170) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning? http://tfl.nu/fo3m
  Replies (24) Good night (5043) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar. http://tfl.nu/zfa3
  Replies (12) Good night (4379) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Toronto

  Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it? http://tfl.nu/ugmv
  Replies (91) Good night (1796) Bad night (16898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example. http://tfl.nu/aei8
  Replies (23) Good night (5595) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY. http://tfl.nu/imc8
  Replies (14) Good night (454) Bad night (2885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted. http://tfl.nu/g5t8
  Replies (37) Good night (2526) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  You should get sea herpes

  (831): View more from California

  I mean sea horses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): You should get sea herpes (831): I mean sea horses http://tfl.nu/2vm6
  Replies (21) Good night (3417) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around. http://tfl.nu/tfd4
  Replies (12) Good night (1316) Bad night (4645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport? http://tfl.nu/fnf6
  Replies (63) Good night (6838) Bad night (1038) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal? http://tfl.nu/0hlu
  Replies (15) Good night (4584) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy. http://tfl.nu/q0bl
  Replies (8) Good night (2741) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT. http://tfl.nu/nkol
  Replies (18) Good night (733) Bad night (4688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab. http://tfl.nu/iyx8
  Replies (14) Good night (4485) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had. http://tfl.nu/opb7
  Replies (54) Good night (9512) Bad night (501) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'. http://tfl.nu/awoj
  Replies (33) Good night (726) Bad night (3045) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight, http://tfl.nu/r6s4
  Replies (11) Good night (3137) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  my sisters under your porch take her home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): my sisters under your porch take her home http://tfl.nu/rfs3
  Replies (10) Good night (4497) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something. http://tfl.nu/fhlb
  Replies (35) Good night (4915) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests http://tfl.nu/dcsh
  Replies (196) Good night (76747) Bad night (3808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically. http://tfl.nu/0m41
  Replies (44) Good night (810) Bad night (5410)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them

  (514): View more from Quebec

  the remaining ten - you weren't in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them (514): the remaining ten - you weren't in http://tfl.nu/19lj
  Replies (32) Good night (4687) Bad night (408)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this... http://tfl.nu/5zp7
  Replies (29) Good night (1054) Bad night (4878)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone http://tfl.nu/wd7b
  Replies (33) Good night (7206) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  just found the deal breaker

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  hairy back?

  (251): View more from Alabama

  he can't live within 1000 ft of a school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): just found the deal breaker (1-251): hairy back? (251): he can't live within 1000 ft of a school http://tfl.nu/kwkd
  Replies (73) Good night (680) Bad night (13668)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer http://tfl.nu/v4f1
  Replies (32) Good night (5271) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): The world would be so much better with thought bubbles. http://tfl.nu/emrq
  Replies (9) Good night (4909) Bad night (371) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!" http://tfl.nu/mre5
  Replies (13) Good night (4352) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex http://tfl.nu/ydbw
  Replies (31) Good night (4982) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad http://tfl.nu/1udj
  Replies (13) Good night (1584) Bad night (4654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up http://tfl.nu/y0oy
  Replies (27) Good night (5689) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/n48i
  Replies (18) Good night (733) Bad night (4015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell. http://tfl.nu/74j4
  Replies (30) Good night (654) Bad night (3484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me http://tfl.nu/jqeo
  Replies (30) Good night (1587) Bad night (5508) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand. http://tfl.nu/9289
  Replies (7) Good night (4018) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (27354) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49213) Bad night (5112)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea. http://tfl.nu/vuoh
  Replies (28) Good night (5380) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"? http://tfl.nu/9rca
  Replies (29) Good night (9259) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now? http://tfl.nu/i3gk
  Replies (23) Good night (689) Bad night (7725) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY http://tfl.nu/h6do
  Replies (47) Good night (2775) Bad night (13920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there. http://tfl.nu/r47h
  Replies (10) Good night (5558) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Who won mens moguls?

  (845): View more from New York

  That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously? (1-845): Who won mens moguls? (845): That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude. http://tfl.nu/8mik
  Replies (63) Good night (6301) Bad night (1888)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans. http://tfl.nu/q9cz
  Replies (20) Good night (1482) Bad night (6973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!" http://tfl.nu/vlcz
  Replies (46) Good night (15386) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!? http://tfl.nu/nh7f
  Replies (39) Good night (7930) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting. http://tfl.nu/foam
  Replies (7) Good night (4071) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  That was a text you sent me last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I think I'd do Clint Eastwood. (440): ...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now. (513): That was a text you sent me last night. http://tfl.nu/tvw9
  Replies (36) Good night (9442) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask http://tfl.nu/pl36
  Replies (31) Good night (9349) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street. http://tfl.nu/fk7f
  Replies (35) Good night (8156) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (45) Good night (19375) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated. http://tfl.nu/vtpc
  Replies (40) Good night (1163) Bad night (3378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is sufficient.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m
  Replies (72) Good night (11558) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

  (718): View more from New York

  pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4
  Replies (31) Good night (10677) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour. http://tfl.nu/xoad
  Replies (26) Good night (7837) Bad night (677) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move http://tfl.nu/msae
  Replies (33) Good night (6896) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage? http://tfl.nu/cpvo
  Replies (12) Good night (5134) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week. http://tfl.nu/mv1q
  Replies (64) Good night (785) Bad night (10424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened http://tfl.nu/7n12
  Replies (8) Good night (4072) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk. http://tfl.nu/afjb
  Replies (23) Good night (5364) Bad night (1430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well http://tfl.nu/bwmv
  Replies (42) Good night (746) Bad night (6111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back

  (914): View more from New York

  that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back (914): that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart http://tfl.nu/d09e
  Replies (102) Good night (1403) Bad night (5188)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69191) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!" http://tfl.nu/kefh
  Replies (16) Good night (5240) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best. http://tfl.nu/21y4
  Replies (14) Good night (2153) Bad night (328) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer http://tfl.nu/h8i3
  Replies (6) Good night (3992) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped http://tfl.nu/cz84
  Replies (23) Good night (6551) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics (1-402): you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys. http://tfl.nu/veft
  Replies (18) Good night (8117) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  You know how I know you're gay?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments (320): You know how I know you're gay? http://tfl.nu/13va
  Replies (36) Good night (6407) Bad night (692)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites. http://tfl.nu/811n
  Replies (10) Good night (4667) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  just woke up in my neighbors garage.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): just woke up in my neighbors garage. (931): scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage. http://tfl.nu/x40j
  Replies (21) Good night (8885) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Are you pooping in the stall next to me?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Maybe....

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Are you pooping in the stall next to me? (404): Maybe.... (540): Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts. http://tfl.nu/wph3
  Replies (82) Good night (3990) Bad night (4789)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world http://tfl.nu/qaz3
  Replies (30) Good night (6571) Bad night (966) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Just try to lay there and not be pregnant. http://tfl.nu/a665
  Replies (56) Good night (1084) Bad night (6446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?

  (1-613): View more from Ontario

  not a thing

  (613): View more from Ontario

  walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom? (1-613): not a thing (613): walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom http://tfl.nu/euwx
  Replies (19) Good night (705) Bad night (4870)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7042) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!" http://tfl.nu/g6w4
  Replies (81) Good night (4706) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something

  (818): View more from California

  its my fault though, i'm wearing tights

  (310): View more from California

  you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something (818): its my fault though, i'm wearing tights (310): you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap http://tfl.nu/15rb
  Replies (22) Good night (3147) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi

  (425): View more from Washington

  hahaha how?

  (954): View more from Florida

  its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi (425): hahaha how? (954): its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery http://tfl.nu/yw6o
  Replies (22) Good night (3888) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus. http://tfl.nu/t4dv
  Replies (20) Good night (7707) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after. http://tfl.nu/p612
  Replies (38) Good night (5635) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman? http://tfl.nu/4514
  Replies (28) Good night (1999) Bad night (348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!

  (708): View more from Illinois

  read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame! (708): read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy http://tfl.nu/7pn0
  Replies (3) Good night (455) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me

  (224): View more from Illinois

  RUN RUN RUN RUN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me (224): RUN RUN RUN RUN http://tfl.nu/a7sq
  Replies (23) Good night (3014) Bad night (518)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  You got in a fight last night?

  (818): View more from California

  Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.

  (323): View more from California

  Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): You got in a fight last night? (818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since. (323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you? http://tfl.nu/hf09
  Replies (128) Good night (7629) Bad night (22866)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you http://tfl.nu/tpo5
  Replies (30) Good night (13057) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  how do you spell 'special'? like slow?

  (210): View more from Texas

  S P E L L C H E C K

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  No you dumbass thats not right

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): how do you spell 'special'? like slow? (210): S P E L L C H E C K (808): No you dumbass thats not right http://tfl.nu/z6b5
  Replies (14) Good night (2913) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before http://tfl.nu/o5nm
  Replies (29) Good night (4452) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something? http://tfl.nu/rkwq
  Replies (29) Good night (440) Bad night (3293) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO (908) dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me http://tfl.nu/s889
  Replies (27) Good night (3752) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I think im pregnant

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I think you have the wrong number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I think im pregnant (803): I think you have the wrong number http://tfl.nu/a8yw
  Replies (66) Good night (879) Bad night (5125)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook. (740): Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight http://tfl.nu/qdoi
  Replies (23) Good night (522) Bad night (2686)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs. http://tfl.nu/4glk
  Replies (8) Good night (2699) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words. http://tfl.nu/vqcb
  Replies (25) Good night (935) Bad night (2359) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

  (727): View more from Florida

  ooooooooooooo i'm drink

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (727): ooooooooooooo i'm drink http://tfl.nu/m1fg
  Replies (25) Good night (4130) Bad night (348)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
  Replies (74) Good night (17139) Bad night (547)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!" http://tfl.nu/rb09
  Replies (23) Good night (11003) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (39429) Bad night (2264)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK. http://tfl.nu/4l82
  Replies (23) Good night (4976) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you. http://tfl.nu/jbfy
  Replies (27) Good night (8562) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64505) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  You drunk yet?

  (925): View more from California

  Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.

  (408): View more from California

  Cant make any promises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): You drunk yet? (925): Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them. (408): Cant make any promises. http://tfl.nu/jm9i
  Replies (9) Good night (4489) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month. http://tfl.nu/7dyi
  Replies (29) Good night (13952) Bad night (693)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard http://tfl.nu/zt1l
  Replies (19) Good night (2739) Bad night (350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (14716) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who is canola oil?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're an idiot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans (1-610): who is canola oil? (610): you're an idiot. http://tfl.nu/vy3c
  Replies (64) Good night (2727) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Awesome. Ask her out.

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): Awesome. Ask her out. (815): Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her. http://tfl.nu/pquv
  Replies (14) Good night (342) Bad night (1465)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently. http://tfl.nu/85of
  Replies (7) Good night (3312) Bad night (292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Are you high?

  (510): View more from California

  No. That's why it's odd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I think I speak chipmunk. Odd. (702): Are you high? (510): No. That's why it's odd http://tfl.nu/ybok
  Replies (5) Good night (1912) Bad night (336)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville http://tfl.nu/1fjn
  Replies (18) Good night (969) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus http://tfl.nu/il4r
  Replies (12) Good night (653) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet? http://tfl.nu/bi9l
  Replies (20) Good night (5171) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift? http://tfl.nu/ixd3
  Replies (53) Good night (1511) Bad night (5427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here. http://tfl.nu/6w86
  Replies (30) Good night (1022) Bad night (12395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends. http://tfl.nu/26nn
  Replies (15) Good night (1590) Bad night (3676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN

  (347): View more from New York

  I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN (347): I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN http://tfl.nu/s3su
  Replies (41) Good night (10623) Bad night (1852)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried. http://tfl.nu/sffp
  Replies (88) Good night (9244) Bad night (1347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE! http://tfl.nu/1ymk
  Replies (63) Good night (902) Bad night (7562)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made http://tfl.nu/a7md
  Replies (46) Good night (934) Bad night (6385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name. http://tfl.nu/s3qy
  Replies (52) Good night (16300) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen. http://tfl.nu/c2d0
  Replies (14) Good night (5179) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE http://tfl.nu/5c8q
  Replies (29) Good night (5357) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera. http://tfl.nu/yx0c
  Replies (36) Good night (10332) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive? http://tfl.nu/xcbd
  Replies (14) Good night (3439) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time. http://tfl.nu/8o43
  Replies (22) Good night (5098) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up.... http://tfl.nu/s81o
  Replies (65) Good night (12625) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub. http://tfl.nu/g66e
  Replies (9) Good night (4276) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world. http://tfl.nu/0fm4
  Replies (9) Good night (6235) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask http://tfl.nu/8bk4
  Replies (11) Good night (4364) Bad night (416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god. http://tfl.nu/qi32
  Replies (5) Good night (6243) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night http://tfl.nu/f5gl
  Replies (92) Good night (30929) Bad night (1346)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple http://tfl.nu/sgcu
  Replies (61) Good night (824) Bad night (6253)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge? http://tfl.nu/bwm6
  Replies (40) Good night (6399) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (450): View more from Quebec

  Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (450): Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting. http://tfl.nu/m2ej
  Replies (11) Good night (4097) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats. http://tfl.nu/8c7z
  Replies (9) Good night (675) Bad night (3606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hannah Montana > iCarly

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Hannah Montana > iCarly (309): I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely http://tfl.nu/uzzz
  Replies (49) Good night (1097) Bad night (4891)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that. http://tfl.nu/622i
  Replies (20) Good night (2141) Bad night (4385) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans. http://tfl.nu/yvak
  Replies (48) Good night (6269) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Good thing spelling doesn't count.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test. (319): Good thing spelling doesn't count. http://tfl.nu/8f4i
  Replies (23) Good night (6208) Bad night (536)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!

  (616): View more from Michigan

  you srsly need to quit going to that bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?! (616): you srsly need to quit going to that bar http://tfl.nu/h4yo
  Replies (25) Good night (1165) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went http://tfl.nu/2n24
  Replies (7) Good night (1512) Bad night (3122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common? http://tfl.nu/fh8y
  Replies (16) Good night (588) Bad night (4161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week? http://tfl.nu/8ecy
  Replies (22) Good night (6235) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
  Replies (99) Good night (25095) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom. http://tfl.nu/mpyr
  Replies (21) Good night (763) Bad night (3786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.

  (516): View more from New York

  was the water running?

  (917): View more from New York City

  yeah but he said he knows how to swim

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower. (516): was the water running? (917): yeah but he said he knows how to swim http://tfl.nu/akph
  Replies (10) Good night (6011) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date. (215): You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds. http://tfl.nu/2p7v
  Replies (38) Good night (5680) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): There is a distinct lack of front teeth here. http://tfl.nu/ak90
  Replies (25) Good night (579) Bad night (5624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  wtf

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): wtf (1-225): I'm guessing you saw the bathroom? http://tfl.nu/q0h6
  Replies (12) Good night (3945) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  mine is 'the'.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'. (703): mine is 'the'. http://tfl.nu/v1g1
  Replies (32) Good night (8656) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (28202) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do? http://tfl.nu/tx29
  Replies (46) Good night (8414) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (29) Good night (16812) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack.. http://tfl.nu/nf69
  Replies (61) Good night (16718) Bad night (708)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network. http://tfl.nu/cww0
  Replies (19) Good night (5039) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain. http://tfl.nu/vwtj
  Replies (51) Good night (24303) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  You are an asshole

  (574): View more from Indiana

  haha sleeping beauty awakes.

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Where did you find this costume?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): You are an asshole (574): haha sleeping beauty awakes. (616): Where did you find this costume? http://tfl.nu/m4ai
  Replies (31) Good night (11794) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical http://tfl.nu/u7u5
  Replies (18) Good night (9046) Bad night (487) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?

  (516): View more from New York

  you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain? (516): you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food." http://tfl.nu/33sl
  Replies (67) Good night (11019) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  who won?

  (647): View more from Ontario

  THAT is your concern right now?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest.. (1-647): who won? (647): THAT is your concern right now? http://tfl.nu/f9cv
  Replies (14) Good night (4448) Bad night (497)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on http://tfl.nu/6iv3
  Replies (24) Good night (7199) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night http://tfl.nu/hkfs
  Replies (43) Good night (9647) Bad night (2713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell.. http://tfl.nu/hsjq
  Replies (37) Good night (12894) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station http://tfl.nu/mj5u
  Replies (10) Good night (746) Bad night (3166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me. http://tfl.nu/xhqm
  Replies (24) Good night (1535) Bad night (3273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock" http://tfl.nu/hksp
  Replies (30) Good night (8666) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month. http://tfl.nu/5oap
  Replies (23) Good night (4164) Bad night (1519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he wasn't. neither were you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss? (1-920): no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom? (920): he wasn't. neither were you. http://tfl.nu/3ltg
  Replies (16) Good night (6592) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid. http://tfl.nu/x26d
  Replies (19) Good night (1912) Bad night (2993)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat http://tfl.nu/os6y
  Replies (29) Good night (6496) Bad night (1044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy." http://tfl.nu/mr96
  Replies (13) Good night (1082) Bad night (3802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  I see you've learned your lesson.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status... (1-937): I see you've learned your lesson. http://tfl.nu/pjfr
  Replies (12) Good night (6158) Bad night (567)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  Don't worry about it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave? (1-217): Don't worry about it. http://tfl.nu/f5vn
  Replies (25) Good night (10160) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (980): View more from North Carolina

  How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (980): How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail? http://tfl.nu/xsa7
  Replies (20) Good night (742) Bad night (5397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches. http://tfl.nu/cp2j
  Replies (14) Good night (5982) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall http://tfl.nu/fpdq
  Replies (36) Good night (7929) Bad night (592)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song. http://tfl.nu/sv6u
  Replies (28) Good night (934) Bad night (5447) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry. http://tfl.nu/ss0l
  Replies (13) Good night (8245) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around http://tfl.nu/e0gz
  Replies (14) Good night (1838) Bad night (5569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (221) Good night (6514) Bad night (70167)