Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Send us your Text From Last Night!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
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