Texts From Last Night

Xephyrik's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night http://tfl.nu/zmqw
  Replies (3) Good night (1457) Bad night (310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation... (404): I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud. http://tfl.nu/9qj8
  Replies (8) Good night (3499) Bad night (355)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full! (715): I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering. http://tfl.nu/shs1
  Replies (5) Good night (1944) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (+27): View more from South Africa

  He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+27): He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy. http://tfl.nu/pi4j
  Replies (3) Good night (1293) Bad night (504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment http://tfl.nu/cuki
  Replies (8) Good night (1355) Bad night (541) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life

  (1-612): View more from Minnesota

  None of those words made sense together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life (1-612): None of those words made sense together. http://tfl.nu/fi74
  Replies (6) Good night (1575) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you." http://tfl.nu/wg5q
  Replies (9) Good night (1251) Bad night (1435)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  it's like her boobs came off with her bra

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): it's like her boobs came off with her bra http://tfl.nu/ua1r
  Replies (53) Good night (1229) Bad night (14772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand. (1-810): nice, that's exactly what jesus would do. http://tfl.nu/jen7
  Replies (19) Good night (3915) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed. http://tfl.nu/t3mj
  Replies (22) Good night (8651) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans. http://tfl.nu/hk9w
  Replies (14) Good night (6917) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  dude they were twins that means they were both only 17

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): dude they were twins that means they were both only 17 http://tfl.nu/sodj
  Replies (36) Good night (4816) Bad night (1572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (50) Good night (23039) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application http://tfl.nu/aq16
  Replies (7) Good night (3348) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?! http://tfl.nu/ccm6
  Replies (7) Good night (1871) Bad night (439) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight. http://tfl.nu/ami0
  Replies (22) Good night (3558) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school. http://tfl.nu/ax1k
  Replies (14) Good night (3493) Bad night (564)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro. http://tfl.nu/3s7e
  Replies (9) Good night (2721) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you're the only one i would trust to do that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV (802): you're the only one i would trust to do that http://tfl.nu/yrsp
  Replies (8) Good night (2220) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!" http://tfl.nu/fs29
  Replies (10) Good night (3436) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober http://tfl.nu/fk8a
  Replies (3) Good night (3439) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning" http://tfl.nu/wpur
  Replies (8) Good night (740) Bad night (2314) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong http://tfl.nu/nuya
  Replies (6) Good night (3364) Bad night (421) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): I swallowed for you. Answer the phone. http://tfl.nu/f04x
  Replies (12) Good night (3772) Bad night (1060) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF http://tfl.nu/7zg4
  Replies (20) Good night (2918) Bad night (372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out http://tfl.nu/lg4i
  Replies (7) Good night (1821) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful http://tfl.nu/kqdo
  Replies (11) Good night (2680) Bad night (318) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Fear?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  FEAR.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear. (781): Fear? (617): FEAR. http://tfl.nu/5mzi
  Replies (5) Good night (2321) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend

  (917): View more from New York City

  Yeah but those French chicks did get naked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend (917): Yeah but those French chicks did get naked http://tfl.nu/3ob7
  Replies (6) Good night (2776) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested. (1-251): Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling. http://tfl.nu/pby0
  Replies (9) Good night (2850) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (320): View more from Minnesota

  I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (320): I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol http://tfl.nu/5ctw
  Replies (13) Good night (2167) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?

  (325): View more from Texas

  Jail. That could go wrong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong? (325): Jail. That could go wrong. http://tfl.nu/f51a
  Replies (5) Good night (1845) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight. http://tfl.nu/ky5x
  Replies (3) Good night (1721) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car.. http://tfl.nu/jqo1
  Replies (5) Good night (435) Bad night (2700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant! http://tfl.nu/ns2k
  Replies (7) Good night (3941) Bad night (443)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again. http://tfl.nu/k6jo
  Replies (4) Good night (1352) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck http://tfl.nu/w3fd
  Replies (18) Good night (1236) Bad night (3268)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks

  (1403): View more from

  That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks (1403): That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills http://tfl.nu/uobi
  Replies (2) Good night (1112) Bad night (356) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  As shirtless as possible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): As shirtless as possible http://tfl.nu/35li
  Replies (3) Good night (1336) Bad night (276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi. http://tfl.nu/br2l
  Replies (2) Good night (1755) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Breakfast tacos?

  (1-832): View more from Houston, Texas

  YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Breakfast tacos? (1-832): YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS http://tfl.nu/haxw
  Replies (17) Good night (2601) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees. http://tfl.nu/fk9m
  Replies (5) Good night (2159) Bad night (425) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE. http://tfl.nu/ha03
  Replies (21) Good night (3967) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes. http://tfl.nu/m1eq
  Replies (8) Good night (1878) Bad night (554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME http://tfl.nu/5t87
  Replies (2) Good night (1770) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME? http://tfl.nu/y4zz
  Replies (7) Good night (2451) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken. http://tfl.nu/j72e
  Replies (6) Good night (593) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses http://tfl.nu/b9lj
  Replies (1) Good night (1139) Bad night (862)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Yeah I know, the people below me already told me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony (289): Yeah I know, the people below me already told me http://tfl.nu/uh03
  Replies (5) Good night (2412) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!! (860): I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo http://tfl.nu/vjys
  Replies (13) Good night (7667) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge. http://tfl.nu/tn6n
  Replies (11) Good night (708) Bad night (2117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?

  (1-916): View more from California

  Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room? (1-916): Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne. http://tfl.nu/vsj8
  Replies (10) Good night (4513) Bad night (427) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that. http://tfl.nu/pr0e
  Replies (21) Good night (1095) Bad night (4747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  You are such a cockblock sometimes

  (661): View more from California

  You NEED a cockblock sometimes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): You are such a cockblock sometimes (661): You NEED a cockblock sometimes http://tfl.nu/zl8e
  Replies (10) Good night (4163) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero. http://tfl.nu/wa7o
  Replies (17) Good night (4637) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals. http://tfl.nu/elpv
  Replies (3) Good night (2385) Bad night (421)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea. (717): OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED. http://tfl.nu/n4s9
  Replies (7) Good night (2955) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me? http://tfl.nu/r928
  Replies (9) Good night (2475) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.

  (805): View more from California

  What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated. (805): What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes. http://tfl.nu/bk6e
  Replies (6) Good night (2622) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  This is going everywhere on the internet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES (1-505): This is going everywhere on the internet. http://tfl.nu/lcfu
  Replies (8) Good night (2755) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo. http://tfl.nu/xop1
  Replies (13) Good night (1216) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend http://tfl.nu/wdl5
  Replies (13) Good night (2980) Bad night (406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it. http://tfl.nu/3ywv
  Replies (24) Good night (5074) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level. http://tfl.nu/1en2
  Replies (12) Good night (3142) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping http://tfl.nu/gh69
  Replies (7) Good night (467) Bad night (1849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs. http://tfl.nu/fbru
  Replies (9) Good night (3256) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever. http://tfl.nu/lkx6
  Replies (19) Good night (1256) Bad night (2849)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.

  (1-808): View more from Hawaii

  Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide. (1-808): Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway? http://tfl.nu/exam
  Replies (4) Good night (1015) Bad night (1517)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere" http://tfl.nu/ju0a
  Replies (9) Good night (3086) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back http://tfl.nu/c7vm
  Replies (5) Good night (1865) Bad night (499) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes. http://tfl.nu/bf3h
  Replies (3) Good night (1440) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing

  (206): View more from Washington

  and semen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing (206): and semen http://tfl.nu/0fmk
  Replies (13) Good night (3945) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun" http://tfl.nu/d07w
  Replies (16) Good night (3264) Bad night (758)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost. http://tfl.nu/w01g
  Replies (17) Good night (6655) Bad night (505) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life. http://tfl.nu/qfsl
  Replies (5) Good night (3683) Bad night (361) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone http://tfl.nu/c8bq
  Replies (8) Good night (3092) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug. http://tfl.nu/ibns
  Replies (6) Good night (2035) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner http://tfl.nu/0q4j
  Replies (4) Good night (3492) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props. http://tfl.nu/gfig
  Replies (8) Good night (2478) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever. http://tfl.nu/ir44
  Replies (7) Good night (2923) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics

  (416): View more from Toronto

  But that's half the fun of it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics (416): But that's half the fun of it http://tfl.nu/vf29
  Replies (6) Good night (2096) Bad night (418)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving. http://tfl.nu/pyht
  Replies (10) Good night (3684) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (754): View more from Florida

  I feel like the other woman.

  (954): View more from Florida

  You ARE the other woman.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (754): I feel like the other woman. (954): You ARE the other woman. http://tfl.nu/ryi3
  Replies (19) Good night (2743) Bad night (1300)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out http://tfl.nu/wj5z
  Replies (31) Good night (1315) Bad night (5375)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning. http://tfl.nu/i0lg
  Replies (6) Good night (2607) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve http://tfl.nu/y29u
  Replies (11) Good night (2811) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up? http://tfl.nu/f130
  Replies (9) Good night (3319) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja http://tfl.nu/0h0h
  Replies (9) Good night (4705) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend? http://tfl.nu/abvl
  Replies (28) Good night (7489) Bad night (691) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT http://tfl.nu/usnf
  Replies (14) Good night (6760) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back. http://tfl.nu/h2g1
  Replies (26) Good night (8545) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving? http://tfl.nu/o7j4
  Replies (10) Good night (3962) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla
  Replies (11) Good night (7218) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked. http://tfl.nu/v26w
  Replies (13) Good night (3062) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I know, she tried to drink it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street. (317): I know, she tried to drink it http://tfl.nu/h1z5
  Replies (10) Good night (860) Bad night (2281)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus? (912): Home? http://tfl.nu/7r1y
  Replies (2) Good night (1899) Bad night (492)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note http://tfl.nu/2uyq
  Replies (5) Good night (3802) Bad night (465)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms. (1-913): So you know, I'm making that my facebook status. http://tfl.nu/4s8l
  Replies (24) Good night (7204) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up http://tfl.nu/zucc
  Replies (10) Good night (1687) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses http://tfl.nu/2wtf
  Replies (6) Good night (2049) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  you dont

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i dont

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples (1-732): you dont (732): i dont http://tfl.nu/v78w
  Replies (7) Good night (4304) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird? (214): Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb? http://tfl.nu/cbow
  Replies (87) Good night (1405) Bad night (4813)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  well its been awhile since I've surfed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol (1-813): well its been awhile since I've surfed http://tfl.nu/lkwy
  Replies (4) Good night (1552) Bad night (248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  have you facebook stalked him yet?

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  No, I don’t know his last name...

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just google his license plate numb

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): have you facebook stalked him yet? (1-803): No, I don’t know his last name... (803): Just google his license plate numb http://tfl.nu/nn7i
  Replies (20) Good night (864) Bad night (3647)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night (248): he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit http://tfl.nu/a46h
  Replies (6) Good night (604) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock." http://tfl.nu/9z32
  Replies (20) Good night (4163) Bad night (441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow. http://tfl.nu/0mxe
  Replies (18) Good night (1465) Bad night (5029) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you. http://tfl.nu/wybw
  Replies (6) Good night (3200) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her. http://tfl.nu/6ypm
  Replies (48) Good night (16509) Bad night (712)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT! http://tfl.nu/n28b
  Replies (22) Good night (1459) Bad night (5620)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro http://tfl.nu/6idu
  Replies (13) Good night (3425) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro http://tfl.nu/bhdm
  Replies (19) Good night (13938) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation. http://tfl.nu/ifsj
  Replies (11) Good night (4622) Bad night (1516)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes. http://tfl.nu/0q3l
  Replies (18) Good night (6440) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine http://tfl.nu/t8mm
  Replies (21) Good night (3251) Bad night (1476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course. http://tfl.nu/y9iu
  Replies (54) Good night (15092) Bad night (956)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser. http://tfl.nu/agjn
  Replies (32) Good night (3287) Bad night (1221) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.

  (1-516): View more from New York

  yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.

  (516): View more from New York

  Do you have to put it that way?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him. (1-516): yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him. (516): Do you have to put it that way? http://tfl.nu/hbgy
  Replies (21) Good night (5802) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge http://tfl.nu/hh8c
  Replies (10) Good night (3925) Bad night (958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too. http://tfl.nu/lecl
  Replies (5) Good night (2799) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?! (774): Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to. http://tfl.nu/gr6l
  Replies (25) Good night (640) Bad night (4832)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building. http://tfl.nu/resy
  Replies (7) Good night (3435) Bad night (1239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober' http://tfl.nu/1n5d
  Replies (3) Good night (2564) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic. http://tfl.nu/dv7k
  Replies (27) Good night (3115) Bad night (4871)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him http://tfl.nu/slwx
  Replies (11) Good night (3713) Bad night (1311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  like it was yesterday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra? (732): like it was yesterday http://tfl.nu/1org
  Replies (20) Good night (10898) Bad night (795)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You're barking up the wrong lesbian.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You're barking up the wrong lesbian. http://tfl.nu/4ul9
  Replies (11) Good night (3972) Bad night (839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/8o9v
  Replies (11) Good night (3145) Bad night (1636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is. http://tfl.nu/odjy
  Replies (9) Good night (3744) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere. http://tfl.nu/7gle
  Replies (22) Good night (6073) Bad night (1110) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (679): View more from Michigan

  You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.

  (679): View more from Michigan

  You really are best friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (679): You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road. (679): You really are best friends. http://tfl.nu/zi1s
  Replies (20) Good night (6121) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!" http://tfl.nu/bikn
  Replies (2) Good night (3176) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  ok i said sorry. what else do you want?

  (740): View more from Ohio

  100 blowjobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): ok i said sorry. what else do you want? (740): 100 blowjobs http://tfl.nu/an0u
  Replies (14) Good night (1714) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex. http://tfl.nu/jc5g
  Replies (8) Good night (5545) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Sucks about the cops last night

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Sucks about the cops last night (848): to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party.. http://tfl.nu/rv14
  Replies (7) Good night (4289) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You know i think she's just using me for sex

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): You know i think she's just using me for sex (1-608): I hate you. http://tfl.nu/pxkn
  Replies (13) Good night (5190) Bad night (1067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee http://tfl.nu/ouc6
  Replies (23) Good night (5447) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE! http://tfl.nu/deur
  Replies (140) Good night (18931) Bad night (2006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN. http://tfl.nu/2o4b
  Replies (32) Good night (13656) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/m7xq
  Replies (16) Good night (11133) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then. http://tfl.nu/2mcz
  Replies (28) Good night (5646) Bad night (4288) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status. http://tfl.nu/kzoi
  Replies (42) Good night (14182) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign? http://tfl.nu/ahav
  Replies (8) Good night (3477) Bad night (651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face. http://tfl.nu/e2jp
  Replies (16) Good night (4735) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT. http://tfl.nu/u1ny
  Replies (26) Good night (5175) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/dbiz
  Replies (8) Good night (4029) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that. (905): I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory. http://tfl.nu/dnea
  Replies (8) Good night (4433) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  the ice cream truck is coming omgomg

  (1-650): View more from California

  dude, it's 2 am.

  (650): View more from California

  but its COMING

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): the ice cream truck is coming omgomg (1-650): dude, it's 2 am. (650): but its COMING http://tfl.nu/8z5r
  Replies (63) Good night (7838) Bad night (379)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? (1-508): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets. http://tfl.nu/hqfn
  Replies (95) Good night (38043) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket http://tfl.nu/nqxt
  Replies (76) Good night (36845) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero http://tfl.nu/4z5t
  Replies (68) Good night (37822) Bad night (1246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (107) Good night (38278) Bad night (1593)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48991) Bad night (1510)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49051) Bad night (2222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands http://tfl.nu/c6ww
  Replies (83) Good night (46885) Bad night (1719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (184) Good night (53945) Bad night (4175)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (124) Good night (122224) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (375) Good night (124223) Bad night (3440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be http://tfl.nu/0ihg
  Replies (59) Good night (7832) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (25109) Bad night (1926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often. http://tfl.nu/6bnz
  Replies (31) Good night (9948) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now http://tfl.nu/4db9
  Replies (31) Good night (9102) Bad night (995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Why are my keys in the refrigerator?

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.

  (205): View more from Alabama

  This explains so much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): Why are my keys in the refrigerator? (1-205): You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you. (205): This explains so much. http://tfl.nu/ouwy
  Replies (29) Good night (16810) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  the vacuum is drunk

  (703): View more from Virginia

  what?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): the vacuum is drunk (703): what? (908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk http://tfl.nu/sgxh
  Replies (17) Good night (2287) Bad night (305)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back. http://tfl.nu/3ip5
  Replies (24) Good night (6016) Bad night (800)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg
  Replies (42) Good night (11694) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out" http://tfl.nu/blqb
  Replies (29) Good night (8200) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it

  (206): View more from Washington

  youre the best friend ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it (206): youre the best friend ever http://tfl.nu/6oyc
  Replies (45) Good night (19374) Bad night (642)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later. http://tfl.nu/cmn8
  Replies (6) Good night (2129) Bad night (385)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling

  (1-239): View more from Florida

  You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling (1-239): You hooked up with minors in a golf cart? http://tfl.nu/sx7k
  Replies (7) Good night (3924) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  that's what penises do

  (254): View more from Texas

  they tell lies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): that's what penises do (254): they tell lies. http://tfl.nu/si8y
  Replies (14) Good night (4301) Bad night (967)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (16566) Bad night (924)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/0pt9
  Replies (9) Good night (3758) Bad night (765)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (21130) Bad night (1201)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources. http://tfl.nu/m7l9
  Replies (28) Good night (3428) Bad night (1089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know. http://tfl.nu/dzr5
  Replies (15) Good night (6441) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  everybody makes mistakes

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): everybody makes mistakes (1-630): i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances http://tfl.nu/cihb
  Replies (23) Good night (6295) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her. http://tfl.nu/tg03
  Replies (97) Good night (3913) Bad night (9305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom. http://tfl.nu/uq6s
  Replies (22) Good night (6351) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances," http://tfl.nu/u663
  Replies (83) Good night (3262) Bad night (2537) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.

  (719): View more from Colorado

  she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  are you serious?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it. (719): she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her. (414): are you serious? http://tfl.nu/esul
  Replies (50) Good night (885) Bad night (18496)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight? http://tfl.nu/m93n
  Replies (107) Good night (31249) Bad night (899) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be http://tfl.nu/q4d6
  Replies (166) Good night (1855) Bad night (3745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She's like the pied piper of lesbians.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): She's like the pied piper of lesbians. http://tfl.nu/2bl6
  Replies (13) Good night (3362) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...

  (425): View more from Washington

  Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies... (425): Let's let the open bar be the judge of that. http://tfl.nu/ch8t
  Replies (7) Good night (5404) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (03): View more from

  you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (03): you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!! http://tfl.nu/e67e
  Replies (18) Good night (6599) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror http://tfl.nu/1dr8
  Replies (14) Good night (5640) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  630.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains? (1-678): 630. http://tfl.nu/hncc
  Replies (22) Good night (6391) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself. http://tfl.nu/68qu
  Replies (13) Good night (4154) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO (908) dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me http://tfl.nu/s889
  Replies (27) Good night (3752) Bad night (651)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk. http://tfl.nu/brrf
  Replies (12) Good night (3858) Bad night (460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  hah, sarcasm, classic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning. (248): hah, sarcasm, classic http://tfl.nu/x41v
  Replies (10) Good night (2126) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I told you not to have sex with her on my futon

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I didnt dude, i swear!

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I told you not to have sex with her on my futon (612): I didnt dude, i swear! (952): either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon http://tfl.nu/i90q
  Replies (19) Good night (2358) Bad night (6151)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom? http://tfl.nu/5x0x
  Replies (48) Good night (5922) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the problem with open bar is i never know what to get

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): the problem with open bar is i never know what to get (781): did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..." http://tfl.nu/knqb
  Replies (10) Good night (5420) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint (203): i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you http://tfl.nu/509n
  Replies (10) Good night (4826) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (86) Good night (13613) Bad night (2319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off (617): he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich. http://tfl.nu/ubgv
  Replies (28) Good night (2476) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  i can't find my house

  (1-845): View more from New York

  we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.

  (845): View more from New York

  i'm pretty sure my house moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): i can't find my house (1-845): we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago. (845): i'm pretty sure my house moved. http://tfl.nu/nzng
  Replies (50) Good night (12900) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you still have morals?

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike (303): you still have morals? (443): Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole http://tfl.nu/6ecs
  Replies (45) Good night (9116) Bad night (1023)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (8717) Bad night (853)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just said the magic words

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE. (610): You just said the magic words http://tfl.nu/8k47
  Replies (24) Good night (5445) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things" (1-519): I didn't realize you were one of the "good people" http://tfl.nu/039y
  Replies (16) Good night (4104) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class http://tfl.nu/1wvn
  Replies (9) Good night (1865) Bad night (246) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11087) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Actions speak louder than pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Actions speak louder than pants. http://tfl.nu/3ga3
  Replies (12) Good night (4665) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  Well it worked

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Not the point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind (1-330): Well it worked (330): Not the point http://tfl.nu/mxs7
  Replies (21) Good night (5651) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  I honestly don't know what to make of that.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  A ham sandwich would be nice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich. (1-423): I honestly don't know what to make of that. (423): A ham sandwich would be nice. http://tfl.nu/fg3s
  Replies (16) Good night (7198) Bad night (698)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): [insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight] http://tfl.nu/2cq7
  Replies (29) Good night (10880) Bad night (2109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.

  (1-347): View more from New York

  ofcourse you didnt.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless. (1-347): ofcourse you didnt. http://tfl.nu/elq0
  Replies (6) Good night (4195) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  that was a mass text, wasnt it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared. (1-303): that was a mass text, wasnt it? http://tfl.nu/9i1u
  Replies (22) Good night (6745) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger. http://tfl.nu/1s95
  Replies (45) Good night (1043) Bad night (14795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada. http://tfl.nu/0b9c
  Replies (22) Good night (5788) Bad night (1727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now. http://tfl.nu/zv6d
  Replies (6) Good night (5488) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face. http://tfl.nu/bthr
  Replies (42) Good night (3300) Bad night (8617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it. http://tfl.nu/dm7u
  Replies (42) Good night (7600) Bad night (2150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you. http://tfl.nu/ejbb
  Replies (9) Good night (7430) Bad night (635)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss

  (301): View more from Maryland

  OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?

  (518): View more from New York

  Doritoesssssss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss (301): OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with? (518): Doritoesssssss http://tfl.nu/528p
  Replies (41) Good night (12478) Bad night (870)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (40) Good night (34727) Bad night (1080)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy. http://tfl.nu/z1ta
  Replies (80) Good night (2276) Bad night (7734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8135) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah. http://tfl.nu/1uyt
  Replies (30) Good night (9083) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first

  (206): View more from Washington

  You are the luckiest man alive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first (206): You are the luckiest man alive http://tfl.nu/uh0h
  Replies (16) Good night (9954) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.

  (1-978): View more from Massachusetts

  Wait until you see the roof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help. (1-978): Wait until you see the roof. http://tfl.nu/itso
  Replies (34) Good night (4270) Bad night (1210) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation http://tfl.nu/369m
  Replies (13) Good night (4525) Bad night (1307) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad? (952): You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him.... http://tfl.nu/ht91
  Replies (37) Good night (1745) Bad night (7583)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4129) Bad night (6995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan http://tfl.nu/ukhl
  Replies (10) Good night (6214) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me... http://tfl.nu/nenj
  Replies (13) Good night (7639) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car http://tfl.nu/9e8r
  Replies (38) Good night (8612) Bad night (1652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene. http://tfl.nu/fj0l
  Replies (38) Good night (5954) Bad night (1674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She didnt have a camera...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera (908): She didnt have a camera... http://tfl.nu/89kt
  Replies (6) Good night (618) Bad night (1340)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit. (416): Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?! http://tfl.nu/iavy
  Replies (39) Good night (9763) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine. http://tfl.nu/s4y5
  Replies (25) Good night (9702) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are. http://tfl.nu/u4g1
  Replies (19) Good night (7152) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  hows the party?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  ists fjcssing insceredle

  (913): View more from Kansas

  be there in 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): hows the party? (816): ists fjcssing insceredle (913): be there in 10 http://tfl.nu/innz
  Replies (60) Good night (25206) Bad night (829)