for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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