you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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