He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
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I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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