Texts From Last Night

CaseyMassacre's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it. http://tfl.nu/ahvg
  Replies (7) Good night (2468) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead. http://tfl.nu/rwpy
  Replies (5) Good night (689) Bad night (1590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.

  (917): View more from New York City

  what ever happened to our old dealer?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day. (917): what ever happened to our old dealer? http://tfl.nu/28sz
  Replies (1) Good night (2081) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later http://tfl.nu/adck
  Replies (8) Good night (2244) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well. (1-520): Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand. http://tfl.nu/cdsz
  Replies (1) Good night (1714) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there. http://tfl.nu/6jl7
  Replies (6) Good night (2401) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style. http://tfl.nu/gn5p
  Replies (9) Good night (3204) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet? http://tfl.nu/nobj
  Replies (4) Good night (2713) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?! http://tfl.nu/z97b
  Replies (11) Good night (2728) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting. http://tfl.nu/gm65
  Replies (7) Good night (2325) Bad night (777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (523): View more from

  Hey did where's my bong?

  (1-523): View more from

  In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right

  (523): View more from

  Should I bother to ask?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (523): Hey did where's my bong? (1-523): In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right (523): Should I bother to ask? http://tfl.nu/hj27
  Replies (8) Good night (2712) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog http://tfl.nu/1yan
  Replies (12) Good night (673) Bad night (2390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale? http://tfl.nu/nfui
  Replies (4) Good night (745) Bad night (1752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it. http://tfl.nu/jqgn
  Replies (4) Good night (1324) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins. http://tfl.nu/apj9
  Replies (4) Good night (2667) Bad night (1279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me http://tfl.nu/8yrv
  Replies (4) Good night (1526) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident. http://tfl.nu/iw55
  Replies (7) Good night (2676) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up. http://tfl.nu/qld8
  Replies (3) Good night (1374) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it http://tfl.nu/80uu
  Replies (7) Good night (4551) Bad night (539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours. http://tfl.nu/ckbp
  Replies (10) Good night (1545) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower. http://tfl.nu/q0tv
  Replies (6) Good night (603) Bad night (2239) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond. http://tfl.nu/174e
  Replies (3) Good night (1493) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy. http://tfl.nu/so4p
  Replies (4) Good night (909) Bad night (2303) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely? http://tfl.nu/gf43
  Replies (4) Good night (1722) Bad night (931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever. http://tfl.nu/08jg
  Replies (8) Good night (2263) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): He was like a foghorn with a huge penis. http://tfl.nu/5kl8
  Replies (3) Good night (1473) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill http://tfl.nu/bzs5
  Replies (9) Good night (2777) Bad night (507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers http://tfl.nu/i49j
  Replies (7) Good night (1397) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding http://tfl.nu/91sj
  Replies (16) Good night (1061) Bad night (3186) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again. http://tfl.nu/2ucs
  Replies (4) Good night (531) Bad night (2222) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard http://tfl.nu/np0a
  Replies (5) Good night (706) Bad night (1639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex. http://tfl.nu/9jjl
  Replies (4) Good night (3707) Bad night (612) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up. http://tfl.nu/6xku
  Replies (4) Good night (1603) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again. http://tfl.nu/ygo4
  Replies (19) Good night (627) Bad night (4104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you? http://tfl.nu/8g3a
  Replies (9) Good night (2358) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far. http://tfl.nu/izah
  Replies (7) Good night (526) Bad night (3084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life. http://tfl.nu/wwre
  Replies (3) Good night (2767) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked http://tfl.nu/dcyr
  Replies (7) Good night (2589) Bad night (451) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  we need ur ladder

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume (612): we need ur ladder http://tfl.nu/n9qh
  Replies (19) Good night (6635) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor http://tfl.nu/xtoh
  Replies (7) Good night (2345) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this. http://tfl.nu/3l9v
  Replies (30) Good night (844) Bad night (7253) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes. http://tfl.nu/ng3j
  Replies (4) Good night (2648) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend http://tfl.nu/q6fw
  Replies (14) Good night (4919) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it. http://tfl.nu/rqou
  Replies (9) Good night (984) Bad night (2696) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in. http://tfl.nu/efr3
  Replies (12) Good night (4138) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that. http://tfl.nu/zu4z
  Replies (9) Good night (839) Bad night (2111)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout. http://tfl.nu/q2nt
  Replies (41) Good night (8727) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed http://tfl.nu/2fhq
  Replies (5) Good night (3737) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl" http://tfl.nu/cqzd
  Replies (11) Good night (2184) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome. http://tfl.nu/65yv
  Replies (15) Good night (4503) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off. http://tfl.nu/a9zf
  Replies (17) Good night (3809) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift http://tfl.nu/dh45
  Replies (19) Good night (4001) Bad night (1043) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night http://tfl.nu/l16l
  Replies (7) Good night (1095) Bad night (2494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself. http://tfl.nu/as80
  Replies (7) Good night (965) Bad night (2555)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk http://tfl.nu/aifa
  Replies (14) Good night (4968) Bad night (934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday... http://tfl.nu/nvs1
  Replies (9) Good night (2942) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton http://tfl.nu/cmqr
  Replies (2) Good night (3078) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus. http://tfl.nu/d22v
  Replies (19) Good night (8709) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100. http://tfl.nu/5iyq
  Replies (11) Good night (2101) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me. http://tfl.nu/7zz8
  Replies (5) Good night (966) Bad night (1954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion http://tfl.nu/tw2a
  Replies (2) Good night (2480) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters http://tfl.nu/qui3
  Replies (7) Good night (2227) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke http://tfl.nu/jxf3
  Replies (4) Good night (2038) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it. http://tfl.nu/bw3w
  Replies (9) Good night (3272) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/xzll
  Replies (25) Good night (4786) Bad night (1965) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer. http://tfl.nu/gibc
  Replies (33) Good night (5184) Bad night (834)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit. http://tfl.nu/1d92
  Replies (12) Good night (2488) Bad night (1095) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse. http://tfl.nu/qv1x
  Replies (4) Good night (2493) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome http://tfl.nu/8vj5
  Replies (8) Good night (4680) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma. http://tfl.nu/it54
  Replies (16) Good night (3467) Bad night (1452)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding. http://tfl.nu/0bxz
  Replies (10) Good night (542) Bad night (2620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts http://tfl.nu/npv2
  Replies (17) Good night (6300) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave. http://tfl.nu/idj5
  Replies (6) Good night (537) Bad night (2879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it. http://tfl.nu/rgwr
  Replies (5) Good night (1402) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it. http://tfl.nu/0nwk
  Replies (17) Good night (704) Bad night (2360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis http://tfl.nu/80nu
  Replies (11) Good night (4006) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Are my feet made of real feet?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Are my feet made of real feet? http://tfl.nu/dext
  Replies (17) Good night (5335) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator? http://tfl.nu/y95u
  Replies (35) Good night (6276) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them http://tfl.nu/t6zs
  Replies (1) Good night (714) Bad night (1588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well http://tfl.nu/8t7l
  Replies (7) Good night (821) Bad night (3205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf. http://tfl.nu/kj2s
  Replies (20) Good night (6725) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm. http://tfl.nu/2iai
  Replies (9) Good night (921) Bad night (3561) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship. http://tfl.nu/snem
  Replies (6) Good night (2095) Bad night (715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid. http://tfl.nu/baq0
  Replies (2) Good night (795) Bad night (1690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here. http://tfl.nu/bc0s
  Replies (4) Good night (1000) Bad night (1979)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost http://tfl.nu/e5ly
  Replies (4) Good night (2797) Bad night (477) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet." http://tfl.nu/ru2n
  Replies (5) Good night (3566) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use." http://tfl.nu/1qa0
  Replies (8) Good night (5228) Bad night (515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection. http://tfl.nu/ukok
  Replies (12) Good night (1339) Bad night (2912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me http://tfl.nu/123e
  Replies (6) Good night (919) Bad night (2642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth. http://tfl.nu/q63e
  Replies (10) Good night (659) Bad night (3286) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all. http://tfl.nu/5q9i
  Replies (10) Good night (4819) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible. http://tfl.nu/g0k8
  Replies (14) Good night (4031) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it. http://tfl.nu/ex81
  Replies (2) Good night (748) Bad night (1969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though. http://tfl.nu/m08y
  Replies (8) Good night (792) Bad night (2126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis. http://tfl.nu/m2ek
  Replies (15) Good night (5752) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones. http://tfl.nu/swc2
  Replies (4) Good night (544) Bad night (2521) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys.... http://tfl.nu/ljba
  Replies (6) Good night (2737) Bad night (730) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  ..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): ..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance" http://tfl.nu/51ez
  Replies (10) Good night (2847) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it http://tfl.nu/ocmo
  Replies (13) Good night (1378) Bad night (2909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8812
  Replies (17) Good night (1227) Bad night (2745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine http://tfl.nu/4lyn
  Replies (27) Good night (5499) Bad night (855) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time. http://tfl.nu/k6f1
  Replies (21) Good night (4127) Bad night (636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high. http://tfl.nu/m92h
  Replies (7) Good night (2922) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears. http://tfl.nu/pc9j
  Replies (11) Good night (2405) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week. http://tfl.nu/axd2
  Replies (15) Good night (3766) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab. http://tfl.nu/cf76
  Replies (29) Good night (7459) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him. http://tfl.nu/a6jy
  Replies (4) Good night (3269) Bad night (488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender. http://tfl.nu/ts7y
  Replies (8) Good night (938) Bad night (3711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band. http://tfl.nu/y1g3
  Replies (18) Good night (814) Bad night (4919) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste. http://tfl.nu/fckj
  Replies (32) Good night (5253) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve. http://tfl.nu/i1km
  Replies (3) Good night (1277) Bad night (2028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :( http://tfl.nu/fasb
  Replies (8) Good night (805) Bad night (2769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not. http://tfl.nu/jtsf
  Replies (14) Good night (7242) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets. http://tfl.nu/5i0f
  Replies (7) Good night (5748) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening. http://tfl.nu/zy8e
  Replies (26) Good night (1003) Bad night (7717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears http://tfl.nu/xih7
  Replies (18) Good night (4701) Bad night (464) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven? http://tfl.nu/9wj5
  Replies (10) Good night (2881) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life http://tfl.nu/iybt
  Replies (11) Good night (1197) Bad night (2842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list http://tfl.nu/bjw0
  Replies (18) Good night (4748) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/ot7o
  Replies (2) Good night (1850) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them http://tfl.nu/lmi8
  Replies (9) Good night (722) Bad night (3940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face. http://tfl.nu/m55d
  Replies (13) Good night (2878) Bad night (1287) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it. http://tfl.nu/ttul
  Replies (33) Good night (889) Bad night (2668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom. http://tfl.nu/1p31
  Replies (8) Good night (2347) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka. http://tfl.nu/p7s5
  Replies (4) Good night (4995) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She told me I should be a condom model.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She told me I should be a condom model. http://tfl.nu/0ukw
  Replies (14) Good night (6670) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks http://tfl.nu/k1ka
  Replies (4) Good night (896) Bad night (1830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets. http://tfl.nu/drct
  Replies (7) Good night (3064) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home. http://tfl.nu/nin0
  Replies (12) Good night (8196) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow" http://tfl.nu/01bq
  Replies (32) Good night (3789) Bad night (1418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick http://tfl.nu/v3uh
  Replies (14) Good night (4400) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it. http://tfl.nu/0ggm
  Replies (37) Good night (12488) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over? http://tfl.nu/2cvh
  Replies (6) Good night (2329) Bad night (575) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean http://tfl.nu/wqi7
  Replies (11) Good night (623) Bad night (3991)
• Favorite

  (932): View more from

  The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (932): The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change http://tfl.nu/8ts2
  Replies (13) Good night (1969) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help. http://tfl.nu/37hn
  Replies (3) Good night (1993) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah. http://tfl.nu/4ff0
  Replies (18) Good night (619) Bad night (5202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now. http://tfl.nu/42b8
  Replies (7) Good night (2439) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together. http://tfl.nu/4fcl
  Replies (5) Good night (3298) Bad night (542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me http://tfl.nu/9tpu
  Replies (15) Good night (5917) Bad night (632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on? http://tfl.nu/pffh
  Replies (54) Good night (9445) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing. http://tfl.nu/0c84
  Replies (10) Good night (3696) Bad night (500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight http://tfl.nu/tvrj
  Replies (30) Good night (6258) Bad night (1366)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): 2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home http://tfl.nu/gyyq
  Replies (13) Good night (4975) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs http://tfl.nu/g3cl
  Replies (3) Good night (3066) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall http://tfl.nu/to1l
  Replies (4) Good night (1510) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important. http://tfl.nu/a970
  Replies (7) Good night (3867) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it. http://tfl.nu/z8s5
  Replies (6) Good night (849) Bad night (2829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses http://tfl.nu/vxdn
  Replies (4) Good night (4743) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  How sober do you have to be to donate blood?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): How sober do you have to be to donate blood? http://tfl.nu/9d8c
  Replies (9) Good night (3281) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many. http://tfl.nu/dbug
  Replies (25) Good night (1169) Bad night (3284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella. http://tfl.nu/o5ml
  Replies (14) Good night (5055) Bad night (2267) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them http://tfl.nu/hbhk
  Replies (8) Good night (3876) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine http://tfl.nu/h0jd
  Replies (21) Good night (4053) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again. http://tfl.nu/qw6q
  Replies (48) Good night (18688) Bad night (1653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS. http://tfl.nu/77gw
  Replies (16) Good night (5865) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko http://tfl.nu/v0ui
  Replies (17) Good night (3837) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time? http://tfl.nu/zyvh
  Replies (30) Good night (5271) Bad night (1605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her. http://tfl.nu/6guc
  Replies (10) Good night (4338) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I wonder if you can snort coke upside down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I wonder if you can snort coke upside down http://tfl.nu/eyfv
  Replies (20) Good night (1225) Bad night (2773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks. http://tfl.nu/9rpm
  Replies (8) Good night (2674) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea. http://tfl.nu/9a80
  Replies (14) Good night (918) Bad night (4571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door. http://tfl.nu/3iyk
  Replies (9) Good night (6206) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet... http://tfl.nu/t0x0
  Replies (7) Good night (914) Bad night (3311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him? http://tfl.nu/um4o
  Replies (30) Good night (2873) Bad night (4715) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone... http://tfl.nu/g061
  Replies (15) Good night (1198) Bad night (5651) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it http://tfl.nu/ljcc
  Replies (18) Good night (4092) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him? http://tfl.nu/7fnz
  Replies (17) Good night (1434) Bad night (4145) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying" http://tfl.nu/wtiy
  Replies (19) Good night (10139) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty. http://tfl.nu/tep7
  Replies (30) Good night (13834) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.

  (1-516): View more from New York

  yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.

  (516): View more from New York

  Do you have to put it that way?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him. (1-516): yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him. (516): Do you have to put it that way? http://tfl.nu/hbgy
  Replies (21) Good night (5802) Bad night (561)
• Favorite

  (234): View more from Ohio

  If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (234): If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again. http://tfl.nu/4l5p
  Replies (6) Good night (2588) Bad night (683) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed. http://tfl.nu/8sey
  Replies (12) Good night (710) Bad night (2770)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  What happened to chicks over dicks?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): What happened to chicks over dicks? (1-514): That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks.. http://tfl.nu/nat7
  Replies (49) Good night (7994) Bad night (689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper. http://tfl.nu/0up7
  Replies (17) Good night (3628) Bad night (1202) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room http://tfl.nu/yi7m
  Replies (13) Good night (1125) Bad night (3492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky http://tfl.nu/aofd
  Replies (17) Good night (4269) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now http://tfl.nu/b5gc
  Replies (9) Good night (1657) Bad night (3223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed http://tfl.nu/xlf6
  Replies (8) Good night (3505) Bad night (765) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/58do
  Replies (17) Good night (710) Bad night (3929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw http://tfl.nu/yy7h
  Replies (21) Good night (1332) Bad night (3416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning. http://tfl.nu/sy0s
  Replies (23) Good night (1195) Bad night (3285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby http://tfl.nu/eqgg
  Replies (23) Good night (2697) Bad night (6341) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know http://tfl.nu/1cmn
  Replies (20) Good night (4767) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese. http://tfl.nu/9uuf
  Replies (10) Good night (4694) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking. http://tfl.nu/0mh2
  Replies (5) Good night (3152) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): she's crying while babbling "all i do is win" http://tfl.nu/5fua
  Replies (10) Good night (3462) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever. http://tfl.nu/x9w2
  Replies (33) Good night (763) Bad night (4003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  was it good sex?

  (510): View more from California

  i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): was it good sex? (510): i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was http://tfl.nu/o836
  Replies (13) Good night (3888) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter. http://tfl.nu/66e0
  Replies (7) Good night (3215) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night. http://tfl.nu/f2qw
  Replies (8) Good night (3405) Bad night (759)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty http://tfl.nu/lyuj
  Replies (11) Good night (2389) Bad night (1225) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar. http://tfl.nu/1t99
  Replies (7) Good night (2635) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo. http://tfl.nu/nmdz
  Replies (9) Good night (1975) Bad night (601) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. http://tfl.nu/dxkz
  Replies (19) Good night (851) Bad night (3655)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly. http://tfl.nu/m7vb
  Replies (16) Good night (3875) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer. http://tfl.nu/oqpc
  Replies (6) Good night (1808) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad" http://tfl.nu/8w1c
  Replies (13) Good night (4362) Bad night (1036) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i would one night stand the shit outta him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i would one night stand the shit outta him http://tfl.nu/aljg
  Replies (11) Good night (5290) Bad night (587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill. http://tfl.nu/321p
  Replies (2) Good night (2227) Bad night (873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it. http://tfl.nu/bw0n
  Replies (11) Good night (4159) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough http://tfl.nu/7sph
  Replies (1) Good night (2159) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ypzc
  Replies (5) Good night (4084) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret. http://tfl.nu/p1m5
  Replies (2) Good night (760) Bad night (3266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter. http://tfl.nu/o453
  Replies (16) Good night (6522) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right". http://tfl.nu/kg1e
  Replies (8) Good night (1428) Bad night (4077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina... http://tfl.nu/78ky
  Replies (19) Good night (1541) Bad night (6981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose http://tfl.nu/99kl
  Replies (8) Good night (1156) Bad night (3705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high http://tfl.nu/wyfj
  Replies (16) Good night (4294) Bad night (1759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor. http://tfl.nu/qeri
  Replies (20) Good night (740) Bad night (3991) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos http://tfl.nu/qe5u
  Replies (32) Good night (2475) Bad night (4707)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs. http://tfl.nu/4p26
  Replies (23) Good night (994) Bad night (6590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up http://tfl.nu/v5zl
  Replies (23) Good night (7607) Bad night (767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Why is the garage door in the middle of the street? http://tfl.nu/rc41
  Replies (13) Good night (3872) Bad night (1254) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious http://tfl.nu/ejqb
  Replies (15) Good night (3547) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild. http://tfl.nu/qodr
  Replies (8) Good night (4834) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do http://tfl.nu/8wsa
  Replies (24) Good night (1156) Bad night (4003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic.... http://tfl.nu/nllq
  Replies (6) Good night (670) Bad night (3146) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax? http://tfl.nu/zknj
  Replies (12) Good night (3322) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you. http://tfl.nu/45tv
  Replies (2) Good night (2504) Bad night (571) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. http://tfl.nu/ucur
  Replies (15) Good night (4934) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles http://tfl.nu/bowu
  Replies (9) Good night (4012) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown. (+44): before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN http://tfl.nu/72q0
  Replies (27) Good night (8106) Bad night (930)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out http://tfl.nu/bygf
  Replies (4) Good night (6088) Bad night (596) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided http://tfl.nu/mbmq
  Replies (6) Good night (4560) Bad night (1404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party... http://tfl.nu/k1nk
  Replies (9) Good night (871) Bad night (3875) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing. http://tfl.nu/5987
  Replies (20) Good night (6354) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns? http://tfl.nu/p7xv
  Replies (5) Good night (346) Bad night (1805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping. http://tfl.nu/dvm6
  Replies (10) Good night (541) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Hi

  (805): View more from California

  Babe...You're really smothering me right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Hi (805): Babe...You're really smothering me right now http://tfl.nu/5pqv
  Replies (34) Good night (633) Bad night (4448)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu http://tfl.nu/ucad
  Replies (12) Good night (6939) Bad night (470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair http://tfl.nu/hci6
  Replies (9) Good night (1665) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl. http://tfl.nu/c5of
  Replies (14) Good night (649) Bad night (3809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend http://tfl.nu/2gsx
  Replies (74) Good night (2843) Bad night (9589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking http://tfl.nu/diqd
  Replies (26) Good night (4085) Bad night (531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice. http://tfl.nu/s7hm
  Replies (19) Good night (4258) Bad night (716)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me http://tfl.nu/6q8m
  Replies (18) Good night (435) Bad night (3792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are http://tfl.nu/ste8
  Replies (16) Good night (6251) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible. http://tfl.nu/a85b
  Replies (7) Good night (7074) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street. http://tfl.nu/uxg0
  Replies (15) Good night (6035) Bad night (1433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out. http://tfl.nu/ndw1
  Replies (50) Good night (1230) Bad night (17803)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate http://tfl.nu/r0av
  Replies (22) Good night (8621) Bad night (1021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have. http://tfl.nu/ny5u
  Replies (20) Good night (3558) Bad night (866) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  I can't open my eyes

  (925): View more from California

  Lol why not?

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808) I can't open my eyes (925) Lol why not? (808) Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk http://tfl.nu/5iv9
  Replies (4) Good night (579) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off. http://tfl.nu/ln09
  Replies (8) Good night (2876) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN. http://tfl.nu/2o4b
  Replies (32) Good night (13656) Bad night (927) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party. http://tfl.nu/9044
  Replies (8) Good night (3282) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/m7xq
  Replies (16) Good night (11133) Bad night (585)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit". http://tfl.nu/1ezf
  Replies (23) Good night (7828) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza http://tfl.nu/2a0o
  Replies (13) Good night (4519) Bad night (1837) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs. http://tfl.nu/xx6g
  Replies (39) Good night (4981) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/v7b4
  Replies (16) Good night (1226) Bad night (7044) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love http://tfl.nu/m0fg
  Replies (15) Good night (5121) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself http://tfl.nu/03x0
  Replies (9) Good night (819) Bad night (3424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something http://tfl.nu/o4s2
  Replies (7) Good night (3616) Bad night (904)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is http://tfl.nu/i6zj
  Replies (13) Good night (2545) Bad night (1403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck http://tfl.nu/nvzw
  Replies (19) Good night (5907) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  how could i say no?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka? (1-513): how could i say no? http://tfl.nu/1o9r
  Replies (28) Good night (6032) Bad night (1332) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man. http://tfl.nu/hhwz
  Replies (17) Good night (837) Bad night (5772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy http://tfl.nu/fi9p
  Replies (11) Good night (4958) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife. http://tfl.nu/kzgo
  Replies (5) Good night (1288) Bad night (5528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her. http://tfl.nu/d96s
  Replies (15) Good night (2573) Bad night (5271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came. http://tfl.nu/je3h
  Replies (8) Good night (4153) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus. http://tfl.nu/w1gl
  Replies (17) Good night (739) Bad night (4913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight. http://tfl.nu/rdc4
  Replies (6) Good night (4535) Bad night (533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor http://tfl.nu/v346
  Replies (2) Good night (2300) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals. http://tfl.nu/1tkg
  Replies (15) Good night (809) Bad night (4310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating. http://tfl.nu/qged
  Replies (18) Good night (5378) Bad night (1294) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty... http://tfl.nu/7ob9
  Replies (13) Good night (2463) Bad night (983) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records. http://tfl.nu/e6fm
  Replies (7) Good night (3373) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk. http://tfl.nu/el36
  Replies (12) Good night (6354) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain. http://tfl.nu/8aml
  Replies (12) Good night (5361) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face http://tfl.nu/wyrl
  Replies (6) Good night (4758) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college. http://tfl.nu/okdu
  Replies (6) Good night (3742) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again. http://tfl.nu/dbiz
  Replies (8) Good night (4029) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I? (1-425): you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time http://tfl.nu/bm15
  Replies (5) Good night (4378) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome. http://tfl.nu/zzpw
  Replies (25) Good night (6350) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part. http://tfl.nu/8pmc
  Replies (11) Good night (893) Bad night (3104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple." http://tfl.nu/0gie
  Replies (4) Good night (4939) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/7j97
  Replies (24) Good night (5394) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood http://tfl.nu/vfy0
  Replies (12) Good night (8646) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date... http://tfl.nu/r091
  Replies (10) Good night (965) Bad night (3477)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (936): Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance http://tfl.nu/8uw4
  Replies (37) Good night (1651) Bad night (9454)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8358) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music. http://tfl.nu/9pnm
  Replies (31) Good night (7429) Bad night (1005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great http://tfl.nu/5yg0
  Replies (8) Good night (1098) Bad night (3147) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement. http://tfl.nu/zd8a
  Replies (16) Good night (5014) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault. http://tfl.nu/1m55
  Replies (11) Good night (4261) Bad night (1033) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab. http://tfl.nu/3osp
  Replies (7) Good night (3631) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?! http://tfl.nu/h7d0
  Replies (19) Good night (7458) Bad night (645) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming. http://tfl.nu/nho3
  Replies (12) Good night (6544) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning http://tfl.nu/44lc
  Replies (3) Good night (2677) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/s47d
  Replies (13) Good night (6581) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now. http://tfl.nu/5jdl
  Replies (13) Good night (5488) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/3k3l
  Replies (8) Good night (628) Bad night (3376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone http://tfl.nu/koze
  Replies (36) Good night (2310) Bad night (4930) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid. http://tfl.nu/amso
  Replies (56) Good night (1097) Bad night (8429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13969) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi http://tfl.nu/kis8
  Replies (28) Good night (4197) Bad night (1514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me. http://tfl.nu/z6eo
  Replies (35) Good night (18607) Bad night (1143)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places. http://tfl.nu/fel2
  Replies (81) Good night (6482) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven. http://tfl.nu/xlkq
  Replies (9) Good night (5988) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen. http://tfl.nu/1m72
  Replies (47) Good night (11057) Bad night (1912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me? http://tfl.nu/x7by
  Replies (35) Good night (2111) Bad night (9679) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad http://tfl.nu/o7wi
  Replies (32) Good night (1401) Bad night (8320) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off. http://tfl.nu/9btz
  Replies (26) Good night (5911) Bad night (1608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did http://tfl.nu/hfoj
  Replies (21) Good night (4952) Bad night (1802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up. http://tfl.nu/tbqv
  Replies (18) Good night (961) Bad night (3500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.. http://tfl.nu/pq67
  Replies (7) Good night (3719) Bad night (1392)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant. http://tfl.nu/aq1y
  Replies (25) Good night (10734) Bad night (794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?" http://tfl.nu/niuk
  Replies (38) Good night (6562) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever. http://tfl.nu/8cfr
  Replies (23) Good night (4837) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night. http://tfl.nu/69i0
  Replies (57) Good night (1168) Bad night (6457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave. http://tfl.nu/8ei2
  Replies (12) Good night (1299) Bad night (5518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there. http://tfl.nu/zqp7
  Replies (13) Good night (1050) Bad night (5968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises. http://tfl.nu/xfua
  Replies (68) Good night (14051) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this. http://tfl.nu/hhg4
  Replies (12) Good night (1053) Bad night (2360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him http://tfl.nu/pw5n
  Replies (35) Good night (6914) Bad night (1705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on http://tfl.nu/bnty
  Replies (17) Good night (9781) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected. http://tfl.nu/i708
  Replies (16) Good night (4700) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt