By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
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