Texts From Last Night

Pickleinacup's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face. http://tfl.nu/ce47
  Replies (74) Good night (1905) Bad night (8512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68150) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong. http://tfl.nu/ln52
  Replies (28) Good night (8773) Bad night (1062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25284) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe. http://tfl.nu/z3x3
  Replies (43) Good night (7434) Bad night (1585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+49): View more from Germany

  This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+49): This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood. http://tfl.nu/u9vs
  Replies (7) Good night (3544) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever. http://tfl.nu/526w
  Replies (48) Good night (27266) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait
  Replies (25) Good night (22895) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket? http://tfl.nu/lptb
  Replies (48) Good night (1392) Bad night (6922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented. http://tfl.nu/jb6b
  Replies (810) Good night (11920) Bad night (5199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won http://tfl.nu/nhsb
  Replies (208) Good night (1994) Bad night (3953) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?

  (1-949): View more from California

  are you seriously doing this over text message

  (949): View more from California

  hahaha no, but i am dumping you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me? (1-949): are you seriously doing this over text message (949): hahaha no, but i am dumping you. http://tfl.nu/2zd7
  Replies (351) Good night (7017) Bad night (46835)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.." http://tfl.nu/yyzh
  Replies (124) Good night (39425) Bad night (2263)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma! http://tfl.nu/1dky
  Replies (67) Good night (1012) Bad night (4025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time

  (972): View more from Texas

  i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time (972): i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!" http://tfl.nu/dprb
  Replies (22) Good night (9121) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity. http://tfl.nu/zm0j
  Replies (19) Good night (4455) Bad night (1317)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa http://tfl.nu/lg9x
  Replies (33) Good night (7284) Bad night (733) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon. http://tfl.nu/lqe8
  Replies (29) Good night (1007) Bad night (3787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit. http://tfl.nu/j2fi
  Replies (27) Good night (1261) Bad night (3889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real http://tfl.nu/fl2e
  Replies (63) Good night (5997) Bad night (602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them. http://tfl.nu/3lq3
  Replies (16) Good night (5552) Bad night (420) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical. http://tfl.nu/h352
  Replies (129) Good night (13793) Bad night (2636) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again. http://tfl.nu/1qgn
  Replies (75) Good night (20720) Bad night (998)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left http://tfl.nu/gb7d
  Replies (56) Good night (12631) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon. http://tfl.nu/n681
  Replies (50) Good night (5832) Bad night (778) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people http://tfl.nu/wdd8
  Replies (43) Good night (723) Bad night (4474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood. http://tfl.nu/uye1
  Replies (39) Good night (1650) Bad night (7559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): yo dibs on the gosselin haired one. http://tfl.nu/wh5x
  Replies (7) Good night (590) Bad night (3554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right? http://tfl.nu/mqjb
  Replies (19) Good night (1874) Bad night (5943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german.... http://tfl.nu/l2d8
  Replies (41) Good night (12328) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground http://tfl.nu/2c7r
  Replies (40) Good night (10420) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes. http://tfl.nu/wfzo
  Replies (68) Good night (3484) Bad night (1655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car http://tfl.nu/oon7
  Replies (29) Good night (4400) Bad night (489) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly. http://tfl.nu/462q
  Replies (88) Good night (3763) Bad night (682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something. http://tfl.nu/rxn8
  Replies (22) Good night (3892) Bad night (1273) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins. http://tfl.nu/y67p
  Replies (41) Good night (4745) Bad night (379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home... http://tfl.nu/c5f1
  Replies (11) Good night (4140) Bad night (1319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I mistook a propane tank for a keg.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I mistook a propane tank for a keg. http://tfl.nu/qvlo
  Replies (21) Good night (697) Bad night (9828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I'm so hungover that the internet is hard. http://tfl.nu/0l8c
  Replies (17) Good night (3842) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is http://tfl.nu/bwe9
  Replies (19) Good night (8932) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Dude, I think my check liver light just came on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Dude, I think my check liver light just came on http://tfl.nu/539i
  Replies (29) Good night (7481) Bad night (962) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/3lsk
  Replies (52) Good night (10900) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends http://tfl.nu/5yet
  Replies (77) Good night (7216) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along. http://tfl.nu/kf9k
  Replies (34) Good night (8722) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up http://tfl.nu/y0oy
  Replies (27) Good night (5687) Bad night (532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): 20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!" http://tfl.nu/w8i5
  Replies (33) Good night (5585) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i have a dinosaur tramp stamp

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): i have a dinosaur tramp stamp http://tfl.nu/rh7q
  Replies (60) Good night (7909) Bad night (1828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards. http://tfl.nu/c6zk
  Replies (15) Good night (12189) Bad night (448) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away. http://tfl.nu/2pvy
  Replies (31) Good night (8150) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business. http://tfl.nu/ppsa
  Replies (34) Good night (4797) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass http://tfl.nu/wmly
  Replies (411) Good night (25220) Bad night (3166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her. http://tfl.nu/aq8k
  Replies (11) Good night (6246) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path. http://tfl.nu/fhzw
  Replies (17) Good night (814) Bad night (4961) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off http://tfl.nu/2ezh
  Replies (63) Good night (1036) Bad night (9232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people. http://tfl.nu/iay5
  Replies (17) Good night (894) Bad night (4153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour http://tfl.nu/oz5v
  Replies (10) Good night (1178) Bad night (3069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting. http://tfl.nu/uotz
  Replies (10) Good night (4456) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life. http://tfl.nu/dy8h
  Replies (16) Good night (4998) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia http://tfl.nu/b46k
  Replies (3) Good night (1128) Bad night (3116) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week. http://tfl.nu/9o0t
  Replies (5) Good night (3479) Bad night (340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted. http://tfl.nu/laiq
  Replies (34) Good night (6292) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea. http://tfl.nu/4ze6
  Replies (40) Good night (5047) Bad night (3190) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love http://tfl.nu/ix9b
  Replies (26) Good night (6169) Bad night (434) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I love watching others lives come down to our level.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): I love watching others lives come down to our level. http://tfl.nu/pfmq
  Replies (5) Good night (3839) Bad night (526) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person. http://tfl.nu/od1c
  Replies (46) Good night (6734) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook http://tfl.nu/grvu
  Replies (20) Good night (425) Bad night (4196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever. http://tfl.nu/e0dp
  Replies (33) Good night (5391) Bad night (631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Since when do you wear a bracelet?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Since when do you wear a bracelet? (603): Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs http://tfl.nu/cgne
  Replies (11) Good night (5453) Bad night (449)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed http://tfl.nu/93gi
  Replies (45) Good night (1995) Bad night (10720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming. http://tfl.nu/sem8
  Replies (41) Good night (627) Bad night (4257) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night http://tfl.nu/v4yn
  Replies (73) Good night (1002) Bad night (12432) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  they just did a mariachi cover of free bird

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): they just did a mariachi cover of free bird http://tfl.nu/opnr
  Replies (21) Good night (5167) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home. http://tfl.nu/qs9s
  Replies (12) Good night (2707) Bad night (453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win. http://tfl.nu/jyaa
  Replies (64) Good night (16510) Bad night (1184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars. http://tfl.nu/h8m5
  Replies (15) Good night (5680) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours http://tfl.nu/cvkh
  Replies (23) Good night (6564) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween. http://tfl.nu/pkl3
  Replies (20) Good night (5636) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party. http://tfl.nu/bja2
  Replies (45) Good night (5685) Bad night (1649)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse. http://tfl.nu/nlhf
  Replies (41) Good night (29535) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober http://tfl.nu/ny6e
  Replies (22) Good night (5614) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it. http://tfl.nu/yvle
  Replies (12) Good night (492) Bad night (3277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement. http://tfl.nu/3cr8
  Replies (27) Good night (5488) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't. http://tfl.nu/3gl0
  Replies (15) Good night (922) Bad night (4539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables http://tfl.nu/m9ex
  Replies (27) Good night (5888) Bad night (438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!

  (1-228): View more from Mississippi

  brownberry?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!! (1-228): brownberry? http://tfl.nu/y1s8
  Replies (19) Good night (1074) Bad night (5687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge? http://tfl.nu/bwm6
  Replies (40) Good night (6399) Bad night (578) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Girls should come with a carfax report

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): Girls should come with a carfax report http://tfl.nu/ithx
  Replies (55) Good night (6912) Bad night (1461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever http://tfl.nu/0zmb
  Replies (19) Good night (5726) Bad night (352)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby http://tfl.nu/8o91
  Replies (87) Good night (10244) Bad night (1621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college http://tfl.nu/ihdi
  Replies (35) Good night (4841) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta. http://tfl.nu/sa2y
  Replies (41) Good night (13741) Bad night (598) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza http://tfl.nu/rg2w
  Replies (31) Good night (795) Bad night (5003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku
  Replies (347) Good night (41952) Bad night (4164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad. http://tfl.nu/80p7
  Replies (27) Good night (6152) Bad night (524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen. (1-513): She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do. (513): She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses. http://tfl.nu/52u6
  Replies (35) Good night (1204) Bad night (4648)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2 http://tfl.nu/q6v7
  Replies (119) Good night (6371) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family. http://tfl.nu/mjvo
  Replies (19) Good night (5991) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  i think the cat found all the blow we lost...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): i think the cat found all the blow we lost... http://tfl.nu/uqm6
  Replies (31) Good night (1249) Bad night (5363) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean..... http://tfl.nu/ti18
  Replies (14) Good night (4575) Bad night (546) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you? http://tfl.nu/ocb5
  Replies (131) Good night (30703) Bad night (1947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  strike ten. I need to stop drinkng

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): strike ten. I need to stop drinkng http://tfl.nu/uooh
  Replies (14) Good night (530) Bad night (2424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone http://tfl.nu/p73u
  Replies (43) Good night (715) Bad night (6573)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours http://tfl.nu/ud9t
  Replies (27) Good night (5939) Bad night (1473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo. http://tfl.nu/gbo1
  Replies (44) Good night (2098) Bad night (4985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night. http://tfl.nu/piwb
  Replies (12) Good night (7818) Bad night (910) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button http://tfl.nu/86ps
  Replies (22) Good night (7855) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation http://tfl.nu/lbqv
  Replies (22) Good night (1201) Bad night (2959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels http://tfl.nu/zg26
  Replies (58) Good night (554) Bad night (7893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us. http://tfl.nu/ztab
  Replies (30) Good night (13260) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville. (202): Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am. http://tfl.nu/fp1i
  Replies (19) Good night (5075) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f
  Replies (210) Good night (30380) Bad night (2544)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake. http://tfl.nu/no1z
  Replies (6) Good night (3102) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet. http://tfl.nu/93ik
  Replies (94) Good night (10653) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that. http://tfl.nu/ab18
  Replies (30) Good night (3515) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt? http://tfl.nu/qj8s
  Replies (46) Good night (5191) Bad night (1084) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Redeem this text for a blowjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Redeem this text for a blowjob http://tfl.nu/3lns
  Replies (44) Good night (17938) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god. http://tfl.nu/34d8
  Replies (65) Good night (12912) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Ew, and?!

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal. (540): Ew, and?! (703): Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards. http://tfl.nu/xpq2
  Replies (36) Good night (667) Bad night (7439)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (636): So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man. http://tfl.nu/8qmy
  Replies (73) Good night (8723) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him http://tfl.nu/b7ho
  Replies (113) Good night (7493) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning http://tfl.nu/ufvh
  Replies (54) Good night (1668) Bad night (3622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room... http://tfl.nu/3nok
  Replies (17) Good night (4659) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds http://tfl.nu/5eyd
  Replies (11) Good night (4450) Bad night (597) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA. http://tfl.nu/w336
  Replies (52) Good night (1571) Bad night (3840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate http://tfl.nu/yf54
  Replies (64) Good night (4515) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time. http://tfl.nu/767v
  Replies (59) Good night (33651) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it. http://tfl.nu/1fpc
  Replies (23) Good night (3262) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast? (404): You mean bread? http://tfl.nu/0bp8
  Replies (60) Good night (16098) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers. http://tfl.nu/q78w
  Replies (9) Good night (3219) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example. http://tfl.nu/aei8
  Replies (23) Good night (5595) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits http://tfl.nu/ppej
  Replies (37) Good night (5576) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes http://tfl.nu/n6ba
  Replies (9) Good night (3938) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): Get out of your relationship and into my pants. http://tfl.nu/sn5l
  Replies (45) Good night (22271) Bad night (893) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume. http://tfl.nu/gckc
  Replies (46) Good night (12783) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I. http://tfl.nu/6sde
  Replies (9) Good night (6678) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me http://tfl.nu/ry9s
  Replies (35) Good night (28682) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  he told me I talked like a deaf person

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): he told me I talked like a deaf person http://tfl.nu/v63x
  Replies (9) Good night (592) Bad night (5284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college http://tfl.nu/eu7q
  Replies (59) Good night (10685) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out. http://tfl.nu/5rrz
  Replies (43) Good night (4462) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs... http://tfl.nu/dm06
  Replies (53) Good night (4171) Bad night (588) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG! http://tfl.nu/4lok
  Replies (63) Good night (7245) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces. http://tfl.nu/d897
  Replies (12) Good night (4294) Bad night (484) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  this boner is exhausting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): this boner is exhausting http://tfl.nu/qxdc
  Replies (26) Good night (3974) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down. http://tfl.nu/o90m
  Replies (43) Good night (5894) Bad night (683)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  tonight, alcohol would be proud of us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): tonight, alcohol would be proud of us http://tfl.nu/7h3d
  Replies (10) Good night (4732) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Cooked or uncooked?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep. (503): Cooked or uncooked? http://tfl.nu/xhai
  Replies (12) Good night (3734) Bad night (469)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?

  (760): View more from California

  You are my hero

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI? (760): You are my hero http://tfl.nu/9mtt
  Replies (36) Good night (6893) Bad night (869)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done. http://tfl.nu/np50
  Replies (11) Good night (5071) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her http://tfl.nu/1ar3
  Replies (39) Good night (5548) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright. http://tfl.nu/lklv
  Replies (39) Good night (6603) Bad night (1438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  i told him im from Canada, abortion is free

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): i told him im from Canada, abortion is free http://tfl.nu/em2l
  Replies (137) Good night (4250) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven. http://tfl.nu/hg3t
  Replies (280) Good night (52340) Bad night (3941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart. http://tfl.nu/xlbc
  Replies (37) Good night (6518) Bad night (1290) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance? http://tfl.nu/favq
  Replies (39) Good night (4614) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News. http://tfl.nu/qk7t
  Replies (86) Good night (4483) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked. http://tfl.nu/pme2
  Replies (34) Good night (11689) Bad night (553) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up http://tfl.nu/bg0v
  Replies (52) Good night (436) Bad night (4687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier? http://tfl.nu/2449
  Replies (182) Good night (4962) Bad night (6660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. http://tfl.nu/znp0
  Replies (48) Good night (9968) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up. (1-661): What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how" http://tfl.nu/sghh
  Replies (49) Good night (28198) Bad night (858)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications http://tfl.nu/d1qr
  Replies (21) Good night (7060) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes. http://tfl.nu/p4s9
  Replies (23) Good night (6321) Bad night (1767)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch. http://tfl.nu/v1iz
  Replies (47) Good night (11466) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?

  (475): View more from Connecticut

  Yeah?

  (212): View more from New York

  Stuck it in his pooper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year? (475): Yeah? (212): Stuck it in his pooper. http://tfl.nu/y911
  Replies (209) Good night (10083) Bad night (4223)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends. http://tfl.nu/iv37
  Replies (45) Good night (11327) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine. http://tfl.nu/e72g
  Replies (25) Good night (8064) Bad night (717)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs. http://tfl.nu/e9u8
  Replies (28) Good night (3597) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring. http://tfl.nu/hdeg
  Replies (30) Good night (5694) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  What?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I have a yeast infection.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I'm bakin' bread in my pussy! (1-314): What? (314): I have a yeast infection. http://tfl.nu/o2ns
  Replies (175) Good night (1645) Bad night (27401)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working. http://tfl.nu/9tde
  Replies (43) Good night (7603) Bad night (710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life" http://tfl.nu/u5wp
  Replies (171) Good night (49208) Bad night (5110)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (137) Good night (36751) Bad night (1051)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling. http://tfl.nu/ym3n
  Replies (66) Good night (26224) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward http://tfl.nu/dpap
  Replies (349) Good night (55353) Bad night (6455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again http://tfl.nu/470y
  Replies (199) Good night (42696) Bad night (3602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over http://tfl.nu/74b2
  Replies (28) Good night (20431) Bad night (606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids http://tfl.nu/xnc7
  Replies (19) Good night (6637) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  ravioli

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up (1-609): i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one (609): ravioli http://tfl.nu/eoaw
  Replies (38) Good night (4740) Bad night (2413)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/o6ch
  Replies (28) Good night (1094) Bad night (3623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since. http://tfl.nu/s9zv
  Replies (61) Good night (17823) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude. http://tfl.nu/5a88
  Replies (174) Good night (5431) Bad night (77617) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder. http://tfl.nu/3ets
  Replies (268) Good night (3334) Bad night (66308)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section http://tfl.nu/5gr0
  Replies (1608) Good night (161224) Bad night (40082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down http://tfl.nu/yeuq
  Replies (206) Good night (49048) Bad night (2219) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend. (508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me. http://tfl.nu/ho6s
  Replies (183) Good night (53938) Bad night (4175)
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period http://tfl.nu/tso5
  Replies (217) Good night (1125) Bad night (28010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart http://tfl.nu/al7w
  Replies (175) Good night (48987) Bad night (1509)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ". http://tfl.nu/tf5y
  Replies (385) Good night (39829) Bad night (3547)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm. http://tfl.nu/14tt
  Replies (23) Good night (3061) Bad night (490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (108) Good night (44103) Bad night (2115) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I'm fucking your sister right now.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  You motherfucker

  (813): View more from Florida

  She's next.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I'm fucking your sister right now. (1-813): You motherfucker (813): She's next. http://tfl.nu/gaup
  Replies (151) Good night (62665) Bad night (2950)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69180) Bad night (1982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face? http://tfl.nu/ju4e
  Replies (7) Good night (577) Bad night (2697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin http://tfl.nu/g5qp
  Replies (6) Good night (502) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  How was it?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Fantastic, but that's not the point.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me. (1-847): How was it? (847): Fantastic, but that's not the point. http://tfl.nu/muuk
  Replies (199) Good night (82962) Bad night (6404)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. http://tfl.nu/73qd
  Replies (434) Good night (107943) Bad night (8843) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  just caught grandpa beating off in the living room

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): just caught grandpa beating off in the living room http://tfl.nu/3g7q
  Replies (127) Good night (6875) Bad night (59105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Holy shit r u serious? How?

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks. (440): Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf? (216): Holy shit r u serious? How? (440): Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you. http://tfl.nu/xwoo
  Replies (156) Good night (6142) Bad night (39422)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4. http://tfl.nu/sr4z
  Replies (375) Good night (124215) Bad night (3440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star... http://tfl.nu/jbo8
  Replies (484) Good night (128176) Bad night (5059)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1
  Replies (76) Good night (36279) Bad night (1305) Order T-Shirt