mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
a search helicopter?!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
