"it" just moved
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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