After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
