Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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