Texts From Last Night

neogumby's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club. http://tfl.nu/2ky9
  Replies (9) Good night (2247) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (778): I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina. http://tfl.nu/znuq
  Replies (18) Good night (3991) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick. http://tfl.nu/xla1
  Replies (6) Good night (1756) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person. http://tfl.nu/dofi
  Replies (14) Good night (2927) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore. http://tfl.nu/m8nz
  Replies (8) Good night (2535) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like. http://tfl.nu/ukkd
  Replies (20) Good night (3445) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock. http://tfl.nu/m79f
  Replies (5) Good night (2166) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales. http://tfl.nu/sbow
  Replies (4) Good night (3281) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be? http://tfl.nu/l5gd
  Replies (9) Good night (1569) Bad night (557) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth http://tfl.nu/68yw
  Replies (37) Good night (4932) Bad night (1197) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him http://tfl.nu/atvr
  Replies (7) Good night (2713) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina. http://tfl.nu/uqet
  Replies (7) Good night (3532) Bad night (560)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it. http://tfl.nu/prf6
  Replies (14) Good night (4482) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship? http://tfl.nu/xa9a
  Replies (44) Good night (8217) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was. http://tfl.nu/06et
  Replies (6) Good night (2658) Bad night (676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"? http://tfl.nu/6zhr
  Replies (34) Good night (1989) Bad night (2823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge. http://tfl.nu/26oy
  Replies (14) Good night (4482) Bad night (880) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome" http://tfl.nu/e453
  Replies (4) Good night (4171) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing http://tfl.nu/i1k5
  Replies (7) Good night (2388) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit. http://tfl.nu/gou5
  Replies (11) Good night (3340) Bad night (405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis http://tfl.nu/8a3h
  Replies (12) Good night (2934) Bad night (382) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am. http://tfl.nu/mwe3
  Replies (11) Good night (4086) Bad night (1128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything. http://tfl.nu/b77d
  Replies (8) Good night (3535) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable http://tfl.nu/jd9a
  Replies (12) Good night (6746) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him. http://tfl.nu/q8r5
  Replies (10) Good night (3272) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys http://tfl.nu/o25e
  Replies (10) Good night (1857) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house. http://tfl.nu/zb8n
  Replies (8) Good night (2228) Bad night (758) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat. http://tfl.nu/ozyu
  Replies (5) Good night (2649) Bad night (220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night? http://tfl.nu/drd1
  Replies (9) Good night (2930) Bad night (408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises. http://tfl.nu/i8r1
  Replies (7) Good night (1588) Bad night (1369) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera. http://tfl.nu/yx0c
  Replies (36) Good night (10332) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

  (905): View more from Ontario

  You're fat. Stop making excuses

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes (905): You're fat. Stop making excuses http://tfl.nu/rdmk
  Replies (69) Good night (12290) Bad night (4896)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls. http://tfl.nu/oc6k
  Replies (36) Good night (1083) Bad night (5797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey man your outta milk

  (541): View more from Oregon

  How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Hey man your outta milk (541): How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?! http://tfl.nu/1x3m
  Replies (17) Good night (9703) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made. http://tfl.nu/87yq
  Replies (108) Good night (44107) Bad night (2117) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you. http://tfl.nu/lmfo
  Replies (27) Good night (6010) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick. http://tfl.nu/08s1
  Replies (28) Good night (4554) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it. http://tfl.nu/hzy8
  Replies (33) Good night (12115) Bad night (492) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  Well it worked

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Not the point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind (1-330): Well it worked (330): Not the point http://tfl.nu/mxs7
  Replies (21) Good night (5651) Bad night (672)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing? http://tfl.nu/c8yk
  Replies (36) Good night (5943) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business. http://tfl.nu/ppsa
  Replies (34) Good night (4797) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door http://tfl.nu/jqcf
  Replies (11) Good night (706) Bad night (2080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours. http://tfl.nu/vgfj
  Replies (116) Good night (37594) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up. http://tfl.nu/glqa
  Replies (23) Good night (4165) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july? http://tfl.nu/9gcl
  Replies (42) Good night (6626) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me. http://tfl.nu/au8t
  Replies (40) Good night (4409) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds http://tfl.nu/p9wa
  Replies (26) Good night (10952) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  like hot dogs and buns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky (267): like hot dogs and buns. http://tfl.nu/crsi
  Replies (22) Good night (7793) Bad night (752)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways. http://tfl.nu/hzks
  Replies (25) Good night (4867) Bad night (1375)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty

  (917): View more from New York City

  smooth operator

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty (917): smooth operator http://tfl.nu/2sej
  Replies (25) Good night (7296) Bad night (981)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic. http://tfl.nu/4dpi
  Replies (38) Good night (11422) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love. http://tfl.nu/j8m9
  Replies (28) Good night (9193) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now. (1-706): Where's it at? (706): In your pants. http://tfl.nu/w8ar
  Replies (19) Good night (6996) Bad night (798)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation. http://tfl.nu/z4sr
  Replies (15) Good night (6954) Bad night (682)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end. http://tfl.nu/e1gy
  Replies (56) Good night (8571) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier. http://tfl.nu/o9ed
  Replies (19) Good night (8817) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train. http://tfl.nu/vfk6
  Replies (23) Good night (10995) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down. http://tfl.nu/lp4z
  Replies (23) Good night (1496) Bad night (4785)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature. http://tfl.nu/rbpc
  Replies (46) Good night (6130) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i think i left my bra at your place

  (1-901): View more from Tennessee

  It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i think i left my bra at your place (1-901): It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there. http://tfl.nu/dg7a
  Replies (21) Good night (10157) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this... http://tfl.nu/h8y9
  Replies (49) Good night (11521) Bad night (1244)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision http://tfl.nu/741x
  Replies (12) Good night (6452) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me http://tfl.nu/mrrk
  Replies (25) Good night (1465) Bad night (5744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won. http://tfl.nu/w0xy
  Replies (90) Good night (6753) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank" (201): hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins http://tfl.nu/g5wh
  Replies (41) Good night (4123) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas. http://tfl.nu/702a
  Replies (47) Good night (7611) Bad night (458) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out? http://tfl.nu/ji4n
  Replies (32) Good night (824) Bad night (7021) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight. http://tfl.nu/ioqv
  Replies (29) Good night (8950) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep http://tfl.nu/xep7
  Replies (41) Good night (17438) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited. http://tfl.nu/8ftm
  Replies (26) Good night (15546) Bad night (692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

  (1-530): View more from California

  fuck. you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight. (1-530): fuck. you. http://tfl.nu/1kgv
  Replies (54) Good night (11431) Bad night (1401)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits http://tfl.nu/a8zr
  Replies (29) Good night (1354) Bad night (7284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them. http://tfl.nu/j4fw
  Replies (7) Good night (7323) Bad night (624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  What?

  (248): View more from Michigan

  ..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Details.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): it cannot be done, he is unbreakable. (1-248): What? (248): <name>..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him. (1-248): Details. http://tfl.nu/v8u3
  Replies (6) Good night (1584) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers. http://tfl.nu/cp6l
  Replies (31) Good night (5392) Bad night (1547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (951): Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable. http://tfl.nu/q51j
  Replies (31) Good night (6458) Bad night (920) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston, we have a problem

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  where are u?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Houston, we have a problem (781): where are u? (617): Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here. http://tfl.nu/zyw6
  Replies (43) Good night (14193) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing. http://tfl.nu/gi7h
  Replies (14) Good night (779) Bad night (4189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued. http://tfl.nu/lx8b
  Replies (21) Good night (4577) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha http://tfl.nu/k58e
  Replies (20) Good night (6909) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed. http://tfl.nu/cedv
  Replies (101) Good night (9368) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (81) Good night (31292) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again. http://tfl.nu/ehlu
  Replies (20) Good night (5827) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (979): View more from Texas

  You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands

  (713): View more from Texas

  When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (979): You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands (713): When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things http://tfl.nu/2j2p
  Replies (28) Good night (5095) Bad night (605)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That reminds me...we need to get swords

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): That reminds me...we need to get swords http://tfl.nu/9ivg
  Replies (15) Good night (6730) Bad night (642) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
  Replies (44) Good night (24326) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never. http://tfl.nu/g58g
  Replies (27) Good night (8403) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night http://tfl.nu/5q0r
  Replies (10) Good night (7965) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife http://tfl.nu/e55k
  Replies (17) Good night (3692) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I forgot how few teeth there are in this state... http://tfl.nu/03va
  Replies (34) Good night (770) Bad night (4226) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well. http://tfl.nu/6mn8
  Replies (6) Good night (3903) Bad night (552) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake. http://tfl.nu/no1z
  Replies (6) Good night (3103) Bad night (473) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today http://tfl.nu/iq2n
  Replies (5) Good night (2875) Bad night (381) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY

  (614): View more from Ohio

  handstands? WTF?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  she was a gymnast

  (614): View more from Ohio

   go to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY (614): handstands? WTF? (405): she was a gymnast (614): go to hell. http://tfl.nu/pyfe
  Replies (9) Good night (2565) Bad night (271)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer http://tfl.nu/p97m
  Replies (2) Good night (301) Bad night (853)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen
  Replies (141) Good night (38522) Bad night (1030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  is that a poem?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls (763): is that a poem?! http://tfl.nu/h29o
  Replies (55) Good night (6790) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions. http://tfl.nu/8qmh
  Replies (23) Good night (3354) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home http://tfl.nu/jyep
  Replies (15) Good night (8096) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
  Replies (21) Good night (8546) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops http://tfl.nu/nwlp
  Replies (28) Good night (6531) Bad night (766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game http://tfl.nu/osln
  Replies (23) Good night (5376) Bad night (729)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket. http://tfl.nu/78sj
  Replies (27) Good night (1753) Bad night (3195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background

  (443): View more from Maryland

  that only happened once.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag? (410): haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background (443): that only happened once. http://tfl.nu/9rml
  Replies (36) Good night (4683) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one http://tfl.nu/284v
  Replies (25) Good night (7717) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty. http://tfl.nu/kgia
  Replies (34) Good night (11169) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple http://tfl.nu/8ojo
  Replies (60) Good night (584) Bad night (5903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =] http://tfl.nu/r84d
  Replies (44) Good night (7020) Bad night (1215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you. http://tfl.nu/04eg
  Replies (25) Good night (6765) Bad night (1065) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well. http://tfl.nu/7kjf
  Replies (14) Good night (5866) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes. http://tfl.nu/c6y2
  Replies (9) Good night (458) Bad night (566)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks. http://tfl.nu/s0b7
  Replies (27) Good night (875) Bad night (3741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone. http://tfl.nu/3kwt
  Replies (42) Good night (549) Bad night (3424) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum http://tfl.nu/ih77
  Replies (10) Good night (3903) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned. http://tfl.nu/hdoa
  Replies (10) Good night (992) Bad night (4527) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final http://tfl.nu/7b8j
  Replies (18) Good night (9465) Bad night (584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (309): I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before http://tfl.nu/c2z8
  Replies (26) Good night (5572) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me! http://tfl.nu/g61u
  Replies (16) Good night (10095) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream? http://tfl.nu/farl
  Replies (21) Good night (6184) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  This explains a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner.... (732): This explains a lot. http://tfl.nu/s7a0
  Replies (24) Good night (8174) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.

  (302): View more from Delaware

  You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends. (302): You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win. (865): They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life. http://tfl.nu/4iwq
  Replies (13) Good night (2704) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning

  (805): View more from California

  1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning (805): 1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992. http://tfl.nu/ljqj
  Replies (31) Good night (4323) Bad night (473)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Clothes are such an inconvenience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Clothes are such an inconvenience. http://tfl.nu/1jcm
  Replies (22) Good night (8023) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Because ur a stupid bitch

  (1-845): View more from New York

  Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Because ur a stupid bitch (1-845): Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch. http://tfl.nu/0sjk
  Replies (54) Good night (10788) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal. http://tfl.nu/vbhe
  Replies (24) Good night (7491) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar. http://tfl.nu/a5mu
  Replies (64) Good night (6457) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops http://tfl.nu/07bg
  Replies (45) Good night (9908) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (857): View more from Massachusetts

  seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable. http://tfl.nu/zho9
  Replies (208) Good night (49126) Bad night (2154) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months. http://tfl.nu/uiec
  Replies (28) Good night (727) Bad night (5030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow http://tfl.nu/d8ac
  Replies (10) Good night (4010) Bad night (414) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him. http://tfl.nu/kyym
  Replies (29) Good night (4052) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch http://tfl.nu/zban
  Replies (28) Good night (8291) Bad night (1003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video. http://tfl.nu/od0z
  Replies (17) Good night (4551) Bad night (459) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this http://tfl.nu/tv14
  Replies (8) Good night (2155) Bad night (506) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry. http://tfl.nu/ss3s
  Replies (6) Good night (2911) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once? (410): Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women http://tfl.nu/hhx6
  Replies (11) Good night (3150) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain. http://tfl.nu/eu7i
  Replies (2) Good night (766) Bad night (301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants. http://tfl.nu/mk0c
  Replies (46) Good night (924) Bad night (4360)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student http://tfl.nu/4vc9
  Replies (38) Good night (17986) Bad night (514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower. http://tfl.nu/u1zb
  Replies (22) Good night (7602) Bad night (1081)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian? http://tfl.nu/oazh
  Replies (42) Good night (9716) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home. http://tfl.nu/xzym
  Replies (13) Good night (5910) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering! http://tfl.nu/inse
  Replies (45) Good night (6784) Bad night (486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered. http://tfl.nu/z2cy
  Replies (28) Good night (10408) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix. http://tfl.nu/ht0i
  Replies (32) Good night (374) Bad night (4554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint. http://tfl.nu/r0bi
  Replies (25) Good night (5467) Bad night (2576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!? http://tfl.nu/iolx
  Replies (39) Good night (10938) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I love boston

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH (781): I love boston http://tfl.nu/jz0y
  Replies (37) Good night (7958) Bad night (680)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield. http://tfl.nu/bpsu
  Replies (45) Good night (10824) Bad night (2213) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?

  (1-859): View more from Kentucky

  im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Guys should not giggle. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean? (1-859): im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle (859): Guys should not giggle. Ever. http://tfl.nu/p9xa
  Replies (22) Good night (2729) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk http://tfl.nu/784w
  Replies (28) Good night (9651) Bad night (688) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life. http://tfl.nu/zrqp
  Replies (41) Good night (4662) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job. http://tfl.nu/xzx3
  Replies (41) Good night (6934) Bad night (1214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Did u at least say sorry?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet. (908): Did u at least say sorry? http://tfl.nu/m6e4
  Replies (42) Good night (830) Bad night (7885)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  True romance of the 21st century.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too. (1-410): True romance of the 21st century. http://tfl.nu/laza
  Replies (61) Good night (12458) Bad night (873)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  And she used to have such long ones. Sad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm. (1-918): And she used to have such long ones. Sad. http://tfl.nu/v7eg
  Replies (23) Good night (848) Bad night (5271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (418): View more from Quebec

  I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (418): I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate http://tfl.nu/4k8x
  Replies (5) Good night (1219) Bad night (317) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart (508): These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work http://tfl.nu/sac2
  Replies (15) Good night (6980) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i feel rough

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): i feel rough (617): just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/6foz
  Replies (24) Good night (438) Bad night (1533)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass. http://tfl.nu/xi9h
  Replies (61) Good night (19564) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

  (817): View more from Texas

  Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

  (972): View more from Texas

  ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating. (817): Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away. (972): ur like the dr phil of bizarro world. http://tfl.nu/uybr
  Replies (66) Good night (5263) Bad night (912)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop. http://tfl.nu/w9jv
  Replies (3) Good night (1143) Bad night (463) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate. http://tfl.nu/z0ff
  Replies (10) Good night (8385) Bad night (697) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later. http://tfl.nu/c4t5
  Replies (25) Good night (6048) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood. http://tfl.nu/55rt
  Replies (13) Good night (4654) Bad night (1349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it http://tfl.nu/ub7i
  Replies (15) Good night (4047) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life. http://tfl.nu/g5ok
  Replies (35) Good night (14621) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse. http://tfl.nu/4gmt
  Replies (35) Good night (9634) Bad night (2806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (48) Good night (16987) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible? http://tfl.nu/fu3i
  Replies (101) Good night (668) Bad night (4262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes... http://tfl.nu/9zzk
  Replies (68) Good night (949) Bad night (10748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (623): Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy. http://tfl.nu/cg4z
  Replies (60) Good night (1925) Bad night (4772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I faked it too. I just spit on your bed. http://tfl.nu/1pbs
  Replies (19) Good night (1860) Bad night (6438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her... http://tfl.nu/azzw
  Replies (21) Good night (4834) Bad night (2205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order" http://tfl.nu/htwe
  Replies (17) Good night (12238) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene. http://tfl.nu/fj0l
  Replies (38) Good night (5954) Bad night (1674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (20575) Bad night (853) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date http://tfl.nu/ynms
  Replies (29) Good night (13776) Bad night (874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came

  (323): View more from California

  i love that song!

  (818): View more from California

  NOT THE POINT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came (323): i love that song! (818): NOT THE POINT http://tfl.nu/7i6t
  Replies (19) Good night (7009) Bad night (989)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist. http://tfl.nu/hmuv
  Replies (37) Good night (7889) Bad night (762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good http://tfl.nu/rj3f
  Replies (19) Good night (5178) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?

  (1-305): View more from Florida

  Seriously?

  (305): View more from Florida

  100%

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox? (1-305): Seriously? (305): 100% http://tfl.nu/w2fu
  Replies (15) Good night (6403) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head. http://tfl.nu/3prw
  Replies (45) Good night (10000) Bad night (3891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe http://tfl.nu/ye00
  Replies (34) Good night (940) Bad night (13337)
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it. http://tfl.nu/8ikj
  Replies (35) Good night (1575) Bad night (4762) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf http://tfl.nu/oxnj
  Replies (22) Good night (6974) Bad night (1354)
• Favorite

  (+65): View more from

  He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+65): He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay? http://tfl.nu/afe2
  Replies (54) Good night (6438) Bad night (1947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick http://tfl.nu/et20
  Replies (24) Good night (1197) Bad night (5818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it. http://tfl.nu/atu5
  Replies (16) Good night (5533) Bad night (360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum. http://tfl.nu/asaw
  Replies (36) Good night (2564) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again... http://tfl.nu/fuha
  Replies (13) Good night (7095) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber" http://tfl.nu/jvct
  Replies (48) Good night (8959) Bad night (967) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  u sound so gay right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me. (978): u sound so gay right now http://tfl.nu/zm49
  Replies (34) Good night (6641) Bad night (918)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole http://tfl.nu/otvq
  Replies (430) Good night (52069) Bad night (5861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (989): I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight. http://tfl.nu/b4pp
  Replies (32) Good night (6593) Bad night (1057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in? http://tfl.nu/0531
  Replies (51) Good night (885) Bad night (6489)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Dont! You were just serving you country

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now... (404): Dont! You were just serving you country http://tfl.nu/lcsl
  Replies (70) Good night (6416) Bad night (2065)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change. http://tfl.nu/rlg4
  Replies (16) Good night (1577) Bad night (5456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo. http://tfl.nu/heh2
  Replies (22) Good night (6723) Bad night (1120) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis http://tfl.nu/3jq7
  Replies (8) Good night (682) Bad night (3694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked... http://tfl.nu/ab3l
  Replies (27) Good night (6375) Bad night (680) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore. http://tfl.nu/n30o
  Replies (18) Good night (4357) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25288) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (54) Good night (28557) Bad night (1109) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (106) Good night (47515) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  I told you I was good to drive

  (1-915): View more from Texas

  dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): I told you I was good to drive (1-915): dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate http://tfl.nu/7qaj
  Replies (52) Good night (68160) Bad night (1686) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night! http://tfl.nu/w1it
  Replies (9) Good night (1404) Bad night (303)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys. http://tfl.nu/wntn
  Replies (73) Good night (7132) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  Sounds like a baby waitign to happen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586) Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24 (1-586) Sounds like a baby waitign to happen http://tfl.nu/ch1a
  Replies (3) Good night (464) Bad night (859)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet http://tfl.nu/ttdp
  Replies (41) Good night (5125) Bad night (1245) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college. http://tfl.nu/hzqm
  Replies (14) Good night (4848) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  no, that is not a typo

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night (401): no, that is not a typo (401): i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday http://tfl.nu/nleu
  Replies (49) Good night (6324) Bad night (1900)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm http://tfl.nu/twuk
  Replies (21) Good night (3304) Bad night (4113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband http://tfl.nu/pijn
  Replies (90) Good night (16741) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice. http://tfl.nu/k20h
  Replies (76) Good night (483) Bad night (7091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  "I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): "I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words. http://tfl.nu/5sbe
  Replies (8) Good night (638) Bad night (1590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  youve hit the jackpot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out (803): youve hit the jackpot http://tfl.nu/tr3l
  Replies (50) Good night (15668) Bad night (511)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots. http://tfl.nu/2a1b
  Replies (23) Good night (746) Bad night (3863)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (251): About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way http://tfl.nu/3xnz
  Replies (9) Good night (3032) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I think that's fair trade off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj (910): I think that's fair trade off http://tfl.nu/hrzk
  Replies (50) Good night (3478) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (862): View more from New Jersey

  found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (862): found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later" http://tfl.nu/lryz
  Replies (19) Good night (9815) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  so explain again why im purple

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  no

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): so explain again why im purple (617): no http://tfl.nu/yipi
  Replies (10) Good night (1526) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip

  (1-225): View more from Louisiana

  whats a bus flip?

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  idk but apparently i invented it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip (1-225): whats a bus flip? (225): idk but apparently i invented it http://tfl.nu/n87k
  Replies (23) Good night (9147) Bad night (580)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil? http://tfl.nu/jfob
  Replies (14) Good night (7255) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it. http://tfl.nu/8hng
  Replies (28) Good night (9861) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth http://tfl.nu/kl4h
  Replies (19) Good night (7145) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later http://tfl.nu/4xtv
  Replies (11) Good night (4548) Bad night (694) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (96) Good night (26069) Bad night (1426)