I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
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