There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
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