Texts From Last Night

briiannaa's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/o1ww
  Replies (11) Good night (5427) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does" http://tfl.nu/16y8
  Replies (15) Good night (1327) Bad night (6050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan. http://tfl.nu/jf6q
  Replies (41) Good night (11149) Bad night (1631) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral... http://tfl.nu/9wf7
  Replies (28) Good night (4852) Bad night (1180) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities. http://tfl.nu/3lte
  Replies (17) Good night (6880) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her" http://tfl.nu/oma3
  Replies (16) Good night (4639) Bad night (607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend... http://tfl.nu/snfb
  Replies (23) Good night (1045) Bad night (4241) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  i flashed his best friends last night

  (1-416): View more from Toronto

  you always were good at making good first impressions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): i flashed his best friends last night (1-416): you always were good at making good first impressions http://tfl.nu/b564
  Replies (10) Good night (3528) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night http://tfl.nu/mrgx
  Replies (18) Good night (902) Bad night (4336) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever. http://tfl.nu/u46n
  Replies (21) Good night (4825) Bad night (1581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (763): I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium http://tfl.nu/c873
  Replies (10) Good night (3971) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf. http://tfl.nu/4l78
  Replies (41) Good night (1457) Bad night (9171) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up? http://tfl.nu/8v8k
  Replies (20) Good night (642) Bad night (5871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever. http://tfl.nu/bza6
  Replies (29) Good night (8617) Bad night (1232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  no, he came in my armpit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): no, he came in my armpit http://tfl.nu/0ngk
  Replies (29) Good night (1127) Bad night (9794) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again. http://tfl.nu/nmj5
  Replies (12) Good night (975) Bad night (4502) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter. http://tfl.nu/xztf
  Replies (33) Good night (1758) Bad night (5277) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Just try to lay there and not be pregnant. http://tfl.nu/a665
  Replies (56) Good night (1084) Bad night (6446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve. http://tfl.nu/pov9
  Replies (21) Good night (4646) Bad night (1088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis http://tfl.nu/uywx
  Replies (19) Good night (4258) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him? http://tfl.nu/jkhm
  Replies (5) Good night (541) Bad night (3316) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  too bad you live with your parents still

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): too bad you live with your parents still http://tfl.nu/9a6o
  Replies (9) Good night (281) Bad night (2793) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now. http://tfl.nu/dua1
  Replies (19) Good night (3975) Bad night (1824)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow... http://tfl.nu/tod7
  Replies (74) Good night (1512) Bad night (11746)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink. http://tfl.nu/ugbw
  Replies (60) Good night (13237) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this... http://tfl.nu/lqse
  Replies (19) Good night (523) Bad night (4931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now. http://tfl.nu/m857
  Replies (12) Good night (4184) Bad night (547) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  didnt we say no more talking to eachother

  (906): View more from Michigan

  it will help you get over me i promise

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  im horny

  (906): View more from Michigan

  ok i will unlock the door

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): didnt we say no more talking to eachother (906): it will help you get over me i promise (414): im horny (906): ok i will unlock the door http://tfl.nu/m6ae
  Replies (16) Good night (2183) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house http://tfl.nu/7hx1
  Replies (2) Good night (589) Bad night (993) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext http://tfl.nu/49np
  Replies (22) Good night (5994) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (65) Good night (12075) Bad night (1901) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart... http://tfl.nu/kgd9
  Replies (41) Good night (790) Bad night (11872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer http://tfl.nu/xxdd
  Replies (31) Good night (10513) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive. http://tfl.nu/o6oy
  Replies (6) Good night (3731) Bad night (1022) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn" http://tfl.nu/8vnd
  Replies (19) Good night (770) Bad night (5232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid. http://tfl.nu/t711
  Replies (33) Good night (8304) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling." http://tfl.nu/73er
  Replies (20) Good night (8227) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention http://tfl.nu/iald
  Replies (7) Good night (616) Bad night (3431) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one... http://tfl.nu/z7kq
  Replies (13) Good night (5513) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Fuck you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right? (571): Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/jxij
  Replies (13) Good night (3955) Bad night (1595)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job. http://tfl.nu/800g
  Replies (25) Good night (4653) Bad night (3308) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash... http://tfl.nu/kodu
  Replies (10) Good night (641) Bad night (4466) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (252): I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship http://tfl.nu/ldcl
  Replies (21) Good night (4093) Bad night (1091) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob http://tfl.nu/gzh9
  Replies (25) Good night (4446) Bad night (1152) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy. http://tfl.nu/kmxm
  Replies (34) Good night (1484) Bad night (4572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex. http://tfl.nu/ci3t
  Replies (23) Good night (4440) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine. http://tfl.nu/ewch
  Replies (18) Good night (1569) Bad night (3822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks. http://tfl.nu/lsv9
  Replies (12) Good night (5692) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall http://tfl.nu/brex
  Replies (11) Good night (4048) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (574): all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him? http://tfl.nu/x011
  Replies (8) Good night (611) Bad night (3384) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive. http://tfl.nu/e1l9
  Replies (10) Good night (4446) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often. http://tfl.nu/6bnz
  Replies (31) Good night (9948) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit http://tfl.nu/h4ki
  Replies (7) Good night (4375) Bad night (946)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk http://tfl.nu/44fq
  Replies (9) Good night (1029) Bad night (3002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you. http://tfl.nu/pv7t
  Replies (11) Good night (6953) Bad night (701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire. http://tfl.nu/gd8k
  Replies (6) Good night (4959) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!" http://tfl.nu/sk68
  Replies (10) Good night (4437) Bad night (845) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
  Replies (53) Good night (10393) Bad night (976)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson" http://tfl.nu/itij
  Replies (11) Good night (7161) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang. http://tfl.nu/dwae
  Replies (15) Good night (531) Bad night (5199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something. http://tfl.nu/o9mn
  Replies (11) Good night (3398) Bad night (650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad http://tfl.nu/x185
  Replies (15) Good night (831) Bad night (3826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience. http://tfl.nu/1o4v
  Replies (34) Good night (616) Bad night (5570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic? http://tfl.nu/satp
  Replies (23) Good night (3941) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy" http://tfl.nu/s0u1
  Replies (14) Good night (3820) Bad night (739) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok. http://tfl.nu/maiz
  Replies (20) Good night (4542) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle. http://tfl.nu/irdh
  Replies (12) Good night (3736) Bad night (1199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (289): View more from Ontario

  he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (289): he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went http://tfl.nu/wqc9
  Replies (35) Good night (707) Bad night (8057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you http://tfl.nu/wspo
  Replies (14) Good night (5089) Bad night (804)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/lss6
  Replies (25) Good night (5631) Bad night (3284)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen.. http://tfl.nu/c7n8
  Replies (14) Good night (5034) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad? http://tfl.nu/iz9x
  Replies (11) Good night (3571) Bad night (1352)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS http://tfl.nu/1k5d
  Replies (34) Good night (7741) Bad night (789) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things http://tfl.nu/ommx
  Replies (30) Good night (1857) Bad night (3507) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers! http://tfl.nu/0unq
  Replies (28) Good night (5979) Bad night (1101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it... http://tfl.nu/39p0
  Replies (20) Good night (823) Bad night (6490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem

  (914): View more from New York

  Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem (914): Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty. http://tfl.nu/8j05
  Replies (53) Good night (6969) Bad night (2033)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969.. http://tfl.nu/r5nl
  Replies (18) Good night (1414) Bad night (3917) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy http://tfl.nu/rglc
  Replies (22) Good night (4609) Bad night (1428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me. http://tfl.nu/w40e
  Replies (34) Good night (1235) Bad night (4161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK. http://tfl.nu/qo45
  Replies (24) Good night (1170) Bad night (2924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears. http://tfl.nu/acnv
  Replies (41) Good night (11954) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life http://tfl.nu/l4zk
  Replies (37) Good night (5794) Bad night (1010) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job http://tfl.nu/40rf
  Replies (62) Good night (6148) Bad night (1632) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you. http://tfl.nu/fmxs
  Replies (38) Good night (7412) Bad night (1065)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever. http://tfl.nu/q010
  Replies (47) Good night (5751) Bad night (4335) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool. http://tfl.nu/0qcg
  Replies (42) Good night (11694) Bad night (891) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless. http://tfl.nu/hrpm
  Replies (15) Good night (2663) Bad night (1284) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing... http://tfl.nu/p474
  Replies (21) Good night (1026) Bad night (4738) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (21128) Bad night (1201)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library http://tfl.nu/vcd5
  Replies (5) Good night (3690) Bad night (741) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina. http://tfl.nu/3vsv
  Replies (78) Good night (2160) Bad night (7723)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Best. Handjob. Ever.

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm guessing Kelly is over?

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Nope. Home alone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Best. Handjob. Ever. (905): I'm guessing Kelly is over? (416): Nope. Home alone. http://tfl.nu/vpw4
  Replies (19) Good night (5506) Bad night (2605)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win. http://tfl.nu/b8se
  Replies (15) Good night (4947) Bad night (960)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (226): I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth. http://tfl.nu/6j12
  Replies (19) Good night (4323) Bad night (1312) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week. http://tfl.nu/6l6t
  Replies (15) Good night (1317) Bad night (3440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far http://tfl.nu/0vof
  Replies (36) Good night (1450) Bad night (4178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (15453) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye. http://tfl.nu/ovu6
  Replies (28) Good night (3990) Bad night (2372) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me. http://tfl.nu/x400
  Replies (36) Good night (933) Bad night (8123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition http://tfl.nu/g0ip
  Replies (14) Good night (580) Bad night (4727) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics. http://tfl.nu/u31h
  Replies (25) Good night (5269) Bad night (823) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/5m3k
  Replies (39) Good night (8929) Bad night (2935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  So you had sex with my brother?

  (1-520): View more from Arizona

  It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): So you had sex with my brother? (1-520): It sounds like you dont need me to answer that. http://tfl.nu/xsv7
  Replies (8) Good night (5261) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys http://tfl.nu/w106
  Replies (14) Good night (2198) Bad night (4163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club http://tfl.nu/ln6l
  Replies (10) Good night (3228) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/zoej
  Replies (60) Good night (2852) Bad night (8122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?" http://tfl.nu/rf85
  Replies (32) Good night (7585) Bad night (1375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex http://tfl.nu/6kmk
  Replies (23) Good night (957) Bad night (5399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  He just wants an even tan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked. (1-860): He just wants an even tan http://tfl.nu/akk9
  Replies (18) Good night (3910) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore. http://tfl.nu/bvdb
  Replies (11) Good night (3926) Bad night (1486) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  Does an alley count?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom... (1-514): Does an alley count? http://tfl.nu/n7ir
  Replies (8) Good night (1140) Bad night (2624) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together http://tfl.nu/y1xi
  Replies (16) Good night (3089) Bad night (1441) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave. (702): now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like" http://tfl.nu/f7jt
  Replies (17) Good night (7808) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding http://tfl.nu/jewl
  Replies (8) Good night (3423) Bad night (999) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving http://tfl.nu/xstl
  Replies (19) Good night (927) Bad night (3428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat http://tfl.nu/13uk
  Replies (29) Good night (866) Bad night (3839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with http://tfl.nu/po8c
  Replies (23) Good night (6701) Bad night (1749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that. http://tfl.nu/r8dq
  Replies (22) Good night (1508) Bad night (5475)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her. http://tfl.nu/tg03
  Replies (97) Good night (3913) Bad night (9304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!" http://tfl.nu/rva9
  Replies (5) Good night (989) Bad night (4422) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk http://tfl.nu/17n5
  Replies (7) Good night (1011) Bad night (3539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before. http://tfl.nu/vbyg
  Replies (15) Good night (4945) Bad night (731) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30 http://tfl.nu/ukox
  Replies (15) Good night (5772) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina. http://tfl.nu/7vie
  Replies (27) Good night (3304) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls http://tfl.nu/a8qz
  Replies (59) Good night (1142) Bad night (6386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him http://tfl.nu/bwdr
  Replies (21) Good night (6313) Bad night (1393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom. http://tfl.nu/uq6s
  Replies (22) Good night (6351) Bad night (921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina http://tfl.nu/7m3b
  Replies (22) Good night (677) Bad night (4909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure. http://tfl.nu/9bef
  Replies (7) Good night (785) Bad night (4057) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (616): There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by. http://tfl.nu/au1s
  Replies (16) Good night (4427) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy http://tfl.nu/dldv
  Replies (46) Good night (860) Bad night (5112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome? http://tfl.nu/1lt0
  Replies (23) Good night (1156) Bad night (6584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek. http://tfl.nu/tra5
  Replies (20) Good night (5255) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night

  (1-940): View more from Texas

  I don't have a cat..?

  (940): View more from Texas

  Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night (1-940): I don't have a cat..? (940): Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge. http://tfl.nu/uym0
  Replies (13) Good night (1228) Bad night (4775)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her http://tfl.nu/n8un
  Replies (10) Good night (4513) Bad night (643) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  there were a lot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am... (1-918): there were a lot. http://tfl.nu/x7ld
  Replies (29) Good night (6113) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke http://tfl.nu/r62l
  Replies (7) Good night (769) Bad night (3976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass. http://tfl.nu/6q4x
  Replies (27) Good night (10935) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me. http://tfl.nu/ej9i
  Replies (17) Good night (6202) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I just found puke in my bra..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): I just found puke in my bra.. http://tfl.nu/wu5c
  Replies (17) Good night (638) Bad night (5443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place http://tfl.nu/15wd
  Replies (33) Good night (5671) Bad night (1081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  she pinky promised me she was 18

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): she pinky promised me she was 18 http://tfl.nu/cbo2
  Replies (67) Good night (7585) Bad night (2698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf http://tfl.nu/hwzk
  Replies (44) Good night (14016) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  i came on her dog

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): i came on her dog http://tfl.nu/ocp2
  Replies (44) Good night (1895) Bad night (6418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this. http://tfl.nu/u3zd
  Replies (45) Good night (9506) Bad night (1020)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder. http://tfl.nu/z8u4
  Replies (49) Good night (6251) Bad night (2134) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was? http://tfl.nu/e02a
  Replies (21) Good night (1213) Bad night (4350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (941): CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES. http://tfl.nu/rhol
  Replies (32) Good night (1333) Bad night (6606) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks? http://tfl.nu/4hfi
  Replies (24) Good night (6123) Bad night (938) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake http://tfl.nu/bl2k
  Replies (41) Good night (8404) Bad night (945) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): those 9 inches of man changed my life forever. http://tfl.nu/b7ob
  Replies (18) Good night (7455) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there http://tfl.nu/89or
  Replies (34) Good night (774) Bad night (6851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time. http://tfl.nu/fjy0
  Replies (18) Good night (4161) Bad night (1682) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan http://tfl.nu/827h
  Replies (20) Good night (7474) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass http://tfl.nu/ckyi
  Replies (39) Good night (4677) Bad night (2405) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed. http://tfl.nu/jsdy
  Replies (13) Good night (1699) Bad night (3331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you. http://tfl.nu/lcu4
  Replies (10) Good night (814) Bad night (4078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head. http://tfl.nu/up5g
  Replies (17) Good night (5572) Bad night (690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted? http://tfl.nu/v1i6
  Replies (11) Good night (1184) Bad night (2810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky. http://tfl.nu/cr7y
  Replies (36) Good night (3603) Bad night (718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure http://tfl.nu/ggme
  Replies (19) Good night (982) Bad night (1609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night. http://tfl.nu/69i0
  Replies (57) Good night (1168) Bad night (6457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't. http://tfl.nu/mosr
  Replies (12) Good night (4256) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila" http://tfl.nu/s09r
  Replies (10) Good night (4434) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave. http://tfl.nu/8ei2
  Replies (12) Good night (1299) Bad night (5518) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests. http://tfl.nu/eem8
  Replies (20) Good night (1712) Bad night (4674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step http://tfl.nu/7m4i
  Replies (7) Good night (4261) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (952): Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages. http://tfl.nu/1djk
  Replies (27) Good night (964) Bad night (6851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving. http://tfl.nu/1pg2
  Replies (16) Good night (5356) Bad night (592) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life? http://tfl.nu/8b6j
  Replies (20) Good night (4079) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care. http://tfl.nu/yew2
  Replies (12) Good night (841) Bad night (4524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring http://tfl.nu/1aqf
  Replies (24) Good night (6706) Bad night (1289) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me http://tfl.nu/44om
  Replies (19) Good night (4871) Bad night (1426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut. http://tfl.nu/onts
  Replies (29) Good night (5366) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him. http://tfl.nu/v9q2
  Replies (16) Good night (3886) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places. http://tfl.nu/fel2
  Replies (81) Good night (6483) Bad night (924) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out? http://tfl.nu/cfeo
  Replies (29) Good night (5714) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter http://tfl.nu/eba3
  Replies (35) Good night (1650) Bad night (5299) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic. http://tfl.nu/b2ov
  Replies (15) Good night (1321) Bad night (5512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on http://tfl.nu/atvv
  Replies (12) Good night (645) Bad night (3839) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom? http://tfl.nu/5x0x
  Replies (48) Good night (5922) Bad night (1377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him. http://tfl.nu/eh64
  Replies (26) Good night (4825) Bad night (1212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (205): I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers. http://tfl.nu/jlqp
  Replies (21) Good night (6620) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something" http://tfl.nu/rcyf
  Replies (26) Good night (7049) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13969) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  get to allyx's house asap

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Ok is everything ok

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Yeah, theres just lesbians

  (312): View more from Illinois

  omg yes on my way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): get to allyx's house asap (312): Ok is everything ok (224): Yeah, theres just lesbians (312): omg yes on my way http://tfl.nu/mxwb
  Replies (38) Good night (6480) Bad night (875)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi http://tfl.nu/kis8
  Replies (28) Good night (4197) Bad night (1514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint (203): i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you http://tfl.nu/509n
  Replies (10) Good night (4826) Bad night (766)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love. http://tfl.nu/9dmy
  Replies (37) Good night (4560) Bad night (2503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other. http://tfl.nu/nigv
  Replies (29) Good night (6458) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (86) Good night (13613) Bad night (2319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person. http://tfl.nu/pbus
  Replies (18) Good night (4795) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents. http://tfl.nu/6leg
  Replies (33) Good night (10233) Bad night (791) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went http://tfl.nu/usqw
  Replies (32) Good night (808) Bad night (6710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12060) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished. http://tfl.nu/ezge
  Replies (33) Good night (5175) Bad night (2062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+54): View more from

  My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+54): My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed http://tfl.nu/m32v
  Replies (29) Good night (7937) Bad night (813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed http://tfl.nu/1p3v
  Replies (23) Good night (600) Bad night (5482) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.

  (917): View more from New York City

  i told you we never speak of that again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something. (917): i told you we never speak of that again http://tfl.nu/ijex
  Replies (14) Good night (868) Bad night (4059)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way http://tfl.nu/xurx
  Replies (12) Good night (6951) Bad night (678) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon http://tfl.nu/pfsh
  Replies (18) Good night (4295) Bad night (1102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can. http://tfl.nu/eowl
  Replies (16) Good night (5110) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's http://tfl.nu/bgm4
  Replies (35) Good night (1003) Bad night (4539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet. http://tfl.nu/nifm
  Replies (21) Good night (1636) Bad night (3803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs. http://tfl.nu/y8sy
  Replies (23) Good night (2002) Bad night (4264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me http://tfl.nu/uytx
  Replies (63) Good night (9071) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year http://tfl.nu/qbpm
  Replies (20) Good night (4943) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs http://tfl.nu/q2ol
  Replies (15) Good night (3481) Bad night (1392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies. http://tfl.nu/e64k
  Replies (23) Good night (743) Bad night (4932) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch. http://tfl.nu/9tc4
  Replies (15) Good night (1075) Bad night (2931) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  But I thought everyone had breakup sex?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): But I thought everyone had breakup sex? http://tfl.nu/04j7
  Replies (24) Good night (4848) Bad night (1205) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time. http://tfl.nu/5nj6
  Replies (28) Good night (1467) Bad night (3477) Order T-Shirt