You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
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I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
im holly from the hills drunk
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
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