Texts From Last Night

mandiiilove's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her? http://tfl.nu/5dev
  Replies (18) Good night (2671) Bad night (377) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon

  (407): View more from Florida

  Covered in confetti and bad decisions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon (407): Covered in confetti and bad decisions http://tfl.nu/kydc
  Replies (9) Good night (1530) Bad night (383)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots" http://tfl.nu/pkth
  Replies (12) Good night (4753) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure? http://tfl.nu/59m2
  Replies (13) Good night (3452) Bad night (419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb. http://tfl.nu/q1zp
  Replies (2) Good night (3212) Bad night (472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now. http://tfl.nu/b1mw
  Replies (8) Good night (2485) Bad night (344) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate. http://tfl.nu/yurv
  Replies (9) Good night (3411) Bad night (440) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to. http://tfl.nu/ivcq
  Replies (7) Good night (2144) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold. http://tfl.nu/eqny
  Replies (4) Good night (1638) Bad night (587)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck http://tfl.nu/w3fd
  Replies (18) Good night (1236) Bad night (3268)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy http://tfl.nu/d161
  Replies (17) Good night (1974) Bad night (559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time. http://tfl.nu/0r8g
  Replies (16) Good night (2222) Bad night (3046) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  running late. just ran over a dude on a bike

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): running late. just ran over a dude on a bike http://tfl.nu/e4pf
  Replies (52) Good night (1870) Bad night (7777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7 http://tfl.nu/thj7
  Replies (14) Good night (5814) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after http://tfl.nu/0llh
  Replies (11) Good night (4118) Bad night (550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it. http://tfl.nu/u4wc
  Replies (15) Good night (3043) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+64): I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked. http://tfl.nu/59qo
  Replies (5) Good night (3200) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his. http://tfl.nu/sru1
  Replies (5) Good night (2048) Bad night (664) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped. http://tfl.nu/qxzn
  Replies (7) Good night (2871) Bad night (1881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor http://tfl.nu/rb71
  Replies (5) Good night (1779) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman? http://tfl.nu/4t4b
  Replies (9) Good night (3415) Bad night (808) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love.. http://tfl.nu/9pu8
  Replies (18) Good night (4894) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard. http://tfl.nu/0fj9
  Replies (40) Good night (1963) Bad night (4136) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge. http://tfl.nu/8lhz
  Replies (19) Good night (4146) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love http://tfl.nu/zj41
  Replies (14) Good night (3579) Bad night (889) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He told her it was international road head day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min? (303): He told her it was international road head day. http://tfl.nu/xtw8
  Replies (11) Good night (4851) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........ http://tfl.nu/befd
  Replies (20) Good night (1547) Bad night (3088) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight. http://tfl.nu/6ch9
  Replies (47) Good night (1538) Bad night (6659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too http://tfl.nu/2c7f
  Replies (9) Good night (4004) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): 4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin. http://tfl.nu/zsng
  Replies (15) Good night (669) Bad night (6279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie. http://tfl.nu/hxcl
  Replies (12) Good night (2838) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (403): luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist. http://tfl.nu/qzta
  Replies (16) Good night (2758) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape. http://tfl.nu/7lpf
  Replies (8) Good night (3490) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino. http://tfl.nu/w9ni
  Replies (3) Good night (2589) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole. http://tfl.nu/jzio
  Replies (11) Good night (631) Bad night (2689) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill? http://tfl.nu/7ius
  Replies (1) Good night (2213) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad. http://tfl.nu/6faf
  Replies (8) Good night (4130) Bad night (740) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis. http://tfl.nu/8mhm
  Replies (9) Good night (1377) Bad night (3637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours? http://tfl.nu/8xmr
  Replies (7) Good night (3693) Bad night (512) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with http://tfl.nu/bllr
  Replies (24) Good night (3137) Bad night (806) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes? http://tfl.nu/qlm2
  Replies (22) Good night (4886) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks. http://tfl.nu/p4l3
  Replies (6) Good night (2834) Bad night (1264) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf http://tfl.nu/d4pp
  Replies (8) Good night (600) Bad night (3587) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home http://tfl.nu/2xw9
  Replies (7) Good night (3545) Bad night (838) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+25): View more from

  We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+25): We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them? http://tfl.nu/7ecx
  Replies (9) Good night (648) Bad night (2276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge. http://tfl.nu/qm3g
  Replies (21) Good night (3129) Bad night (661) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious. http://tfl.nu/uku0
  Replies (16) Good night (1380) Bad night (3037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor http://tfl.nu/o59i
  Replies (25) Good night (3780) Bad night (742) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest. http://tfl.nu/46jw
  Replies (6) Good night (3654) Bad night (890) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever. http://tfl.nu/fx8m
  Replies (21) Good night (4234) Bad night (1220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK http://tfl.nu/qbz7
  Replies (9) Good night (2594) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house. http://tfl.nu/7m77
  Replies (8) Good night (3782) Bad night (566) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes. http://tfl.nu/823v
  Replies (12) Good night (2677) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up. http://tfl.nu/j6op
  Replies (8) Good night (2883) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots' http://tfl.nu/c9v2
  Replies (4) Good night (2706) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't. http://tfl.nu/avqq
  Replies (5) Good night (2398) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity. http://tfl.nu/tb29
  Replies (4) Good night (2940) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class' http://tfl.nu/85i4
  Replies (38) Good night (1369) Bad night (5896) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending. http://tfl.nu/khho
  Replies (6) Good night (4287) Bad night (510) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved. http://tfl.nu/shxy
  Replies (10) Good night (6048) Bad night (712) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven. http://tfl.nu/stao
  Replies (4) Good night (3608) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now http://tfl.nu/nbd3
  Replies (2) Good night (3469) Bad night (593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays. http://tfl.nu/wrv2
  Replies (12) Good night (7238) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve? http://tfl.nu/wzep
  Replies (3) Good night (794) Bad night (2514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in. http://tfl.nu/mt4b
  Replies (15) Good night (3328) Bad night (747)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it. http://tfl.nu/5a93
  Replies (5) Good night (2114) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already http://tfl.nu/v6oe
  Replies (25) Good night (3604) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!" http://tfl.nu/eczk
  Replies (4) Good night (3537) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy. http://tfl.nu/gapv
  Replies (28) Good night (4997) Bad night (671)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son. http://tfl.nu/kmmn
  Replies (5) Good night (4412) Bad night (724) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover. http://tfl.nu/pf8w
  Replies (5) Good night (3005) Bad night (736) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep. http://tfl.nu/gby7
  Replies (25) Good night (8817) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub. http://tfl.nu/cojk
  Replies (6) Good night (5773) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream. http://tfl.nu/kpop
  Replies (8) Good night (838) Bad night (2663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole. http://tfl.nu/92ru
  Replies (9) Good night (2715) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts. http://tfl.nu/g61c
  Replies (8) Good night (787) Bad night (3212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden http://tfl.nu/88jg
  Replies (7) Good night (3587) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible. http://tfl.nu/8o92
  Replies (17) Good night (4388) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly. http://tfl.nu/qe62
  Replies (17) Good night (1043) Bad night (2406) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night http://tfl.nu/8pzt
  Replies (12) Good night (4385) Bad night (603) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER. http://tfl.nu/iqvs
  Replies (4) Good night (4799) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade. http://tfl.nu/xjtk
  Replies (6) Good night (4175) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral. http://tfl.nu/xbiu
  Replies (14) Good night (5539) Bad night (826) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake. http://tfl.nu/r8rw
  Replies (4) Good night (4554) Bad night (591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats. http://tfl.nu/tu2s
  Replies (17) Good night (4284) Bad night (1324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up http://tfl.nu/h8cl
  Replies (14) Good night (5041) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form http://tfl.nu/mrkk
  Replies (6) Good night (4150) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect. http://tfl.nu/54k7
  Replies (14) Good night (5659) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible. http://tfl.nu/r17h
  Replies (12) Good night (5129) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade http://tfl.nu/zmei
  Replies (22) Good night (4311) Bad night (1465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for http://tfl.nu/u905
  Replies (31) Good night (4904) Bad night (810) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time. http://tfl.nu/nzqv
  Replies (6) Good night (2597) Bad night (812) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation. http://tfl.nu/cktw
  Replies (5) Good night (1128) Bad night (2269) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect? http://tfl.nu/gdtt
  Replies (11) Good night (2704) Bad night (562) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen. http://tfl.nu/w329
  Replies (4) Good night (1791) Bad night (809) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops http://tfl.nu/ldeo
  Replies (19) Good night (12045) Bad night (594) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does http://tfl.nu/67y4
  Replies (9) Good night (2786) Bad night (545) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right. http://tfl.nu/bvcn
  Replies (12) Good night (4473) Bad night (634) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts? http://tfl.nu/1591
  Replies (14) Good night (1041) Bad night (3800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night" http://tfl.nu/prxk
  Replies (20) Good night (8116) Bad night (970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night. http://tfl.nu/en91
  Replies (4) Good night (723) Bad night (2824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea. http://tfl.nu/itom
  Replies (2) Good night (2547) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends http://tfl.nu/8jwh
  Replies (7) Good night (2636) Bad night (706)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper. http://tfl.nu/o740
  Replies (4) Good night (2751) Bad night (517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious http://tfl.nu/8hxf
  Replies (20) Good night (6670) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again. http://tfl.nu/4z0a
  Replies (5) Good night (3756) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible. http://tfl.nu/qot7
  Replies (31) Good night (9742) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable. http://tfl.nu/e8ez
  Replies (6) Good night (4529) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER. http://tfl.nu/g7c4
  Replies (20) Good night (5224) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience. http://tfl.nu/sxy7
  Replies (12) Good night (5482) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza. http://tfl.nu/j0sn
  Replies (5) Good night (3589) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome http://tfl.nu/6r0p
  Replies (7) Good night (3742) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back http://tfl.nu/ecfc
  Replies (5) Good night (2865) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand http://tfl.nu/1ole
  Replies (8) Good night (3905) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order. http://tfl.nu/s8w4
  Replies (4) Good night (2994) Bad night (659) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me http://tfl.nu/57r1
  Replies (1) Good night (1805) Bad night (628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do http://tfl.nu/8wsa
  Replies (24) Good night (1156) Bad night (4003) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask. http://tfl.nu/in4y
  Replies (14) Good night (4322) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this. http://tfl.nu/ipvr
  Replies (8) Good night (2922) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday http://tfl.nu/uetg
  Replies (7) Good night (2174) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei? http://tfl.nu/dlk1
  Replies (22) Good night (3295) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now http://tfl.nu/aoyo
  Replies (22) Good night (4228) Bad night (633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move... (412): Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am. http://tfl.nu/4pbg
  Replies (13) Good night (5171) Bad night (1338)
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk? http://tfl.nu/zd5j
  Replies (5) Good night (3077) Bad night (657) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos http://tfl.nu/qe5u
  Replies (32) Good night (2475) Bad night (4707)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety... http://tfl.nu/2t4m
  Replies (8) Good night (2992) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure. http://tfl.nu/ut3o
  Replies (5) Good night (1075) Bad night (2383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids. http://tfl.nu/tjbu
  Replies (4) Good night (4285) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America http://tfl.nu/nfrq
  Replies (23) Good night (6335) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick http://tfl.nu/vqpx
  Replies (13) Good night (3218) Bad night (790) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING (617): you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me. http://tfl.nu/bj47
  Replies (33) Good night (7831) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang? http://tfl.nu/anu5
  Replies (36) Good night (4788) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other. http://tfl.nu/93c9
  Replies (7) Good night (3145) Bad night (832) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it. http://tfl.nu/dj6o
  Replies (19) Good night (1970) Bad night (6323) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Never again will we have slut saturday. Never. http://tfl.nu/croh
  Replies (13) Good night (5939) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical. http://tfl.nu/sqyk
  Replies (12) Good night (6217) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know http://tfl.nu/y6wb
  Replies (5) Good night (4075) Bad night (925) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban. http://tfl.nu/cwx8
  Replies (8) Good night (4343) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting. http://tfl.nu/yl2c
  Replies (13) Good night (5671) Bad night (831) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you http://tfl.nu/csm9
  Replies (6) Good night (611) Bad night (3092) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (707): I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child. http://tfl.nu/d3n6
  Replies (4) Good night (2640) Bad night (630) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower http://tfl.nu/dtnj
  Replies (14) Good night (5716) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man. http://tfl.nu/ct9i
  Replies (30) Good night (6611) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  The pine trees are waving at me.

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Put the pipe down honey.

  (253): View more from Washington

  Hi trees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): The pine trees are waving at me. (907): Put the pipe down honey. (253): Hi trees. http://tfl.nu/6b23
  Replies (16) Good night (7574) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out. http://tfl.nu/ga8t
  Replies (3) Good night (4506) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar. http://tfl.nu/ucur
  Replies (15) Good night (4934) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something. http://tfl.nu/yca0
  Replies (3) Good night (2672) Bad night (608) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame. http://tfl.nu/kw0h
  Replies (10) Good night (4486) Bad night (703) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him http://tfl.nu/4xvd
  Replies (13) Good night (3686) Bad night (600) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning. http://tfl.nu/xo3z
  Replies (20) Good night (4811) Bad night (920)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved http://tfl.nu/hfsv
  Replies (15) Good night (3830) Bad night (555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating. http://tfl.nu/umg8
  Replies (34) Good night (16416) Bad night (1144) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it http://tfl.nu/jk9d
  Replies (18) Good night (9230) Bad night (748) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised... http://tfl.nu/krhx
  Replies (14) Good night (5333) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark http://tfl.nu/xtgk
  Replies (4) Good night (2697) Bad night (540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation. http://tfl.nu/xc4n
  Replies (25) Good night (4971) Bad night (1470) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  Totally get that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend. (1-248): Totally get that. http://tfl.nu/ho2w
  Replies (13) Good night (5767) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea. http://tfl.nu/at1w
  Replies (16) Good night (869) Bad night (2528) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r
  Replies (21) Good night (8785) Bad night (674) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand. http://tfl.nu/ms96
  Replies (10) Good night (4150) Bad night (958)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs. http://tfl.nu/xx6g
  Replies (39) Good night (4981) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/lss6
  Replies (25) Good night (5631) Bad night (3284)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer http://tfl.nu/xxdd
  Replies (31) Good night (10513) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door. http://tfl.nu/hvfb
  Replies (6) Good night (6790) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (270): Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience. http://tfl.nu/d64j
  Replies (3) Good night (3793) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend. http://tfl.nu/4wvr
  Replies (9) Good night (3645) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning. http://tfl.nu/70c1
  Replies (14) Good night (4819) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him. http://tfl.nu/c2pz
  Replies (12) Good night (6080) Bad night (749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator. http://tfl.nu/65uw
  Replies (15) Good night (1147) Bad night (4140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm? http://tfl.nu/94o0
  Replies (11) Good night (1345) Bad night (3188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face. http://tfl.nu/e2jp
  Replies (16) Good night (4735) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all. http://tfl.nu/ms6m
  Replies (3) Good night (4231) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came http://tfl.nu/4ft9
  Replies (16) Good night (6752) Bad night (655) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing http://tfl.nu/rk5x
  Replies (7) Good night (3975) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in." http://tfl.nu/4iy3
  Replies (22) Good night (4829) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever. http://tfl.nu/bxqj
  Replies (9) Good night (4555) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable http://tfl.nu/lnzm
  Replies (8) Good night (1064) Bad night (3076) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis. http://tfl.nu/7xur
  Replies (30) Good night (5808) Bad night (795) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city http://tfl.nu/5mtu
  Replies (32) Good night (5790) Bad night (663) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?' http://tfl.nu/x9n6
  Replies (13) Good night (7835) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break http://tfl.nu/u8kr
  Replies (38) Good night (8708) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am. http://tfl.nu/6rv7
  Replies (13) Good night (3906) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich http://tfl.nu/k8p8
  Replies (14) Good night (5750) Bad night (840) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice http://tfl.nu/sbu6
  Replies (16) Good night (4415) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines. http://tfl.nu/9k5b
  Replies (12) Good night (4441) Bad night (529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around. http://tfl.nu/b39f
  Replies (10) Good night (955) Bad night (4416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick" http://tfl.nu/f333
  Replies (18) Good night (3641) Bad night (744) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago" http://tfl.nu/h89t
  Replies (45) Good night (1719) Bad night (7490)
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us http://tfl.nu/zowi
  Replies (4) Good night (4127) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (12453) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air. http://tfl.nu/d5pp
  Replies (10) Good night (4183) Bad night (534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me. http://tfl.nu/vc9f
  Replies (16) Good night (5623) Bad night (859) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants? http://tfl.nu/rwj9
  Replies (12) Good night (5791) Bad night (704) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though http://tfl.nu/50vd
  Replies (15) Good night (4143) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  this is really not the time to pretend we have morals

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): this is really not the time to pretend we have morals http://tfl.nu/j8ot
  Replies (10) Good night (4509) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials." http://tfl.nu/vm6j
  Replies (20) Good night (8359) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister http://tfl.nu/4kg0
  Replies (56) Good night (8660) Bad night (2165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS http://tfl.nu/np1i
  Replies (235) Good night (3135) Bad night (3958) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk." http://tfl.nu/biax
  Replies (15) Good night (4739) Bad night (322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it. http://tfl.nu/qcms
  Replies (2) Good night (1027) Bad night (497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina. http://tfl.nu/gwo8
  Replies (59) Good night (4873) Bad night (4454) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis" http://tfl.nu/kjwy
  Replies (12) Good night (6693) Bad night (595) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this? http://tfl.nu/woh0
  Replies (9) Good night (5021) Bad night (639) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome. http://tfl.nu/zzpw
  Replies (25) Good night (6350) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra http://tfl.nu/y9he
  Replies (62) Good night (9218) Bad night (829) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him. http://tfl.nu/mcsp
  Replies (18) Good night (936) Bad night (4141) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him. http://tfl.nu/vixo
  Replies (13) Good night (3310) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log. http://tfl.nu/ft0h
  Replies (46) Good night (14511) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  hah, sarcasm, classic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning. (248): hah, sarcasm, classic http://tfl.nu/x41v
  Replies (10) Good night (2126) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch. http://tfl.nu/dpne
  Replies (24) Good night (13860) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty. http://tfl.nu/kgia
  Replies (34) Good night (11169) Bad night (1112) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer. (978): college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you. http://tfl.nu/udtk
  Replies (45) Good night (4221) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I thought you said his peep was too small

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): I thought you said his peep was too small (1-505): it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on. http://tfl.nu/ttsw
  Replies (11) Good night (434) Bad night (1531) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....

  (1-605): View more from South Dakota

  i always knew you were classy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom.... (1-605): i always knew you were classy http://tfl.nu/hf24
  Replies (44) Good night (1617) Bad night (4937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable. http://tfl.nu/352a
  Replies (25) Good night (951) Bad night (4848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about http://tfl.nu/o03a
  Replies (9) Good night (6368) Bad night (668) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning http://tfl.nu/44lc
  Replies (3) Good night (2677) Bad night (1108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand. http://tfl.nu/k6dt
  Replies (26) Good night (6417) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (910): whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes http://tfl.nu/crfp
  Replies (15) Good night (1832) Bad night (4108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from? http://tfl.nu/xs7j
  Replies (7) Good night (1155) Bad night (2500) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight. http://tfl.nu/kfwj
  Replies (9) Good night (4874) Bad night (641)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her. http://tfl.nu/1rnx
  Replies (10) Good night (5689) Bad night (786) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free. http://tfl.nu/5dnh
  Replies (17) Good night (3283) Bad night (1122) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight http://tfl.nu/k1ij
  Replies (7) Good night (3409) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name. http://tfl.nu/cvf5
  Replies (18) Good night (6114) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex http://tfl.nu/5t79
  Replies (17) Good night (5433) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up http://tfl.nu/duhi
  Replies (24) Good night (3832) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  did u get his digits?

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): did u get his digits? (201): yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone... http://tfl.nu/pvtx
  Replies (8) Good night (4685) Bad night (666)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot http://tfl.nu/2zr0
  Replies (51) Good night (7384) Bad night (670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  i wish semen tasted like chocolate

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): i wish semen tasted like chocolate http://tfl.nu/nknz
  Replies (61) Good night (7772) Bad night (888) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow http://tfl.nu/61vx
  Replies (66) Good night (475) Bad night (5813) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+47): View more from Norway

  i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+47): i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls http://tfl.nu/1fkx
  Replies (48) Good night (10100) Bad night (732) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome? http://tfl.nu/1uvu
  Replies (18) Good night (3320) Bad night (468) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official http://tfl.nu/mdan
  Replies (15) Good night (4337) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it. http://tfl.nu/q114
  Replies (10) Good night (7240) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/fg6t
  Replies (13) Good night (6310) Bad night (1261) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore. http://tfl.nu/7ot8
  Replies (24) Good night (5091) Bad night (1176) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way? http://tfl.nu/rhdn
  Replies (25) Good night (2372) Bad night (306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  all he gave me for my birthday was sperm

  (254): View more from Texas

  at least its a homemade gift

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): all he gave me for my birthday was sperm (254): at least its a homemade gift http://tfl.nu/gvzk
  Replies (16) Good night (5382) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation. http://tfl.nu/lz4o
  Replies (17) Good night (3798) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  you were mass sexting so we took your phone away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): you were mass sexting so we took your phone away http://tfl.nu/u2si
  Replies (13) Good night (4641) Bad night (1002) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/uflu
  Replies (4) Good night (2926) Bad night (828) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (298) Good night (96139) Bad night (5008)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"... http://tfl.nu/2wkl
  Replies (468) Good night (165238) Bad night (6020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever. http://tfl.nu/p67s
  Replies (178) Good night (82698) Bad night (2375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  Why is your signature on my underwear?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (419): Why is your signature on my underwear? http://tfl.nu/8itl
  Replies (19) Good night (5832) Bad night (604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night... http://tfl.nu/p0ds
  Replies (25) Good night (2156) Bad night (4194) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized' http://tfl.nu/3ov3
  Replies (14) Good night (4133) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school

  (1-914): View more from New York

  oh right the one that ends on your bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school (1-914): oh right the one that ends on your bed http://tfl.nu/wrnw
  Replies (7) Good night (5874) Bad night (589) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store http://tfl.nu/0ult
  Replies (25) Good night (4417) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way. http://tfl.nu/jfrt
  Replies (36) Good night (6899) Bad night (940) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/f3x3
  Replies (7) Good night (3989) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing" http://tfl.nu/9hoo
  Replies (10) Good night (5021) Bad night (772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot http://tfl.nu/u2s7
  Replies (8) Good night (4032) Bad night (567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  There is too much vodka and too much dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): There is too much vodka and too much dick. http://tfl.nu/9jud
  Replies (25) Good night (3359) Bad night (1453) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes. http://tfl.nu/3m35
  Replies (20) Good night (4711) Bad night (1097) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them. http://tfl.nu/y8vc
  Replies (10) Good night (3361) Bad night (1292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head http://tfl.nu/xa8x
  Replies (38) Good night (4778) Bad night (1206) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex. http://tfl.nu/7jw4
  Replies (6) Good night (3611) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we http://tfl.nu/wm4n
  Replies (11) Good night (3557) Bad night (717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real. http://tfl.nu/s47d
  Replies (13) Good night (6581) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (432): View more from Texas

  then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (432): then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going. http://tfl.nu/r8d5
  Replies (32) Good night (5162) Bad night (974) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party http://tfl.nu/gmt6
  Replies (10) Good night (5560) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you. http://tfl.nu/o9a4
  Replies (3) Good night (1117) Bad night (2777) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die. http://tfl.nu/rrxi
  Replies (13) Good night (5558) Bad night (614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list. http://tfl.nu/jt04
  Replies (6) Good night (3569) Bad night (585) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  its my first week of college and i have a UTI

  (718): View more from New York

  not easy being a whore now is it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): its my first week of college and i have a UTI (718): not easy being a whore now is it http://tfl.nu/tyxw
  Replies (23) Good night (1146) Bad night (4263)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only. http://tfl.nu/ffub
  Replies (7) Good night (4529) Bad night (716) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes? http://tfl.nu/tmmj
  Replies (7) Good night (3254) Bad night (759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him. http://tfl.nu/eh64
  Replies (26) Good night (4825) Bad night (1212) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name. http://tfl.nu/4teg
  Replies (13) Good night (6028) Bad night (1864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS. http://tfl.nu/pf4u
  Replies (57) Good night (13970) Bad night (1218) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fuck now we have to have sex

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  What?

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  In a bet, need to win

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Fuck now we have to have sex (1-203): What? (203): In a bet, need to win http://tfl.nu/ejzn
  Replies (20) Good night (5125) Bad night (815)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry. http://tfl.nu/0btw
  Replies (13) Good night (8361) Bad night (713)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay. http://tfl.nu/aupb
  Replies (16) Good night (4583) Bad night (1006) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband? http://tfl.nu/o4li
  Replies (176) Good night (1439) Bad night (13994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go http://tfl.nu/d1mz
  Replies (15) Good night (4886) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid http://tfl.nu/btyl
  Replies (22) Good night (4247) Bad night (1766) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  his penis is PERFECT

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm

  (802): View more from Vermont

  or knit it little hat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): his penis is PERFECT (802): I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm (802): or knit it little hat http://tfl.nu/4cuj
  Replies (36) Good night (9304) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO. http://tfl.nu/ip2n
  Replies (27) Good night (8015) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  I'll google it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time (1-908): I'll google it http://tfl.nu/bsan
  Replies (22) Good night (4715) Bad night (1408) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here. http://tfl.nu/s43y
  Replies (15) Good night (4556) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course http://tfl.nu/67cn
  Replies (25) Good night (4842) Bad night (834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations http://tfl.nu/cpf7
  Replies (19) Good night (7826) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary. http://tfl.nu/e3xl
  Replies (154) Good night (7685) Bad night (7946) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she has no idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college (973): she has no idea http://tfl.nu/zn6b
  Replies (25) Good night (4884) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do http://tfl.nu/o1hg
  Replies (35) Good night (9020) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore http://tfl.nu/n25p
  Replies (35) Good night (6194) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  wow, a mother in the making

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test (1-217): wow, a mother in the making http://tfl.nu/2c41
  Replies (45) Good night (1371) Bad night (5326) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement

  (510): View more from California

  big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement (510): big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault. http://tfl.nu/lnx0
  Replies (11) Good night (6106) Bad night (769)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank. http://tfl.nu/gxu8
  Replies (10) Good night (4804) Bad night (774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school http://tfl.nu/94oh
  Replies (35) Good night (6297) Bad night (1238) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence. http://tfl.nu/nvim
  Replies (20) Good night (7389) Bad night (763) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  can your parents tell?

  (310): View more from California

  i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): can your parents tell? (310): i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know http://tfl.nu/rda5
  Replies (26) Good night (9028) Bad night (1095)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning. http://tfl.nu/g9g5
  Replies (19) Good night (8542) Bad night (781) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love. http://tfl.nu/j8m9
  Replies (28) Good night (9193) Bad night (1193) Order T-Shirt