i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
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