I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Send us your Text From Last Night!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
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