we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Send us your Text From Last Night!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
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