Texts From Last Night

grumpy1718's Favorites Texts:

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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.

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  (503): Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands. http://tfl.nu/rsji
  Replies (12) Good night (2198) Bad night (363) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people

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  (815): Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people http://tfl.nu/73fe
  Replies (8) Good night (1212) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.

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  (847): This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword. http://tfl.nu/au8n
  Replies (12) Good night (3747) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.

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  (757): I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper. http://tfl.nu/o740
  Replies (4) Good night (2751) Bad night (516) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  everybody makes mistakes

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances

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  (630): everybody makes mistakes (1-630): i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances http://tfl.nu/cihb
  Replies (23) Good night (6295) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.

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  (912): I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection. http://tfl.nu/273s
  Replies (17) Good night (4179) Bad night (721) Order T-Shirt
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  (650): View more from California

  Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.

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  (650): Not a fireman, but good enough for last night. http://tfl.nu/537l
  Replies (2) Good night (695) Bad night (222) Order T-Shirt
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.

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  (904): Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is. http://tfl.nu/v4zj
  Replies (49) Good night (8801) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?

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  (301): Is it necrophilia if we're both dead? http://tfl.nu/6pje
  Replies (6) Good night (475) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.

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  (425): i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life. http://tfl.nu/aawj
  Replies (15) Good night (1312) Bad night (4865) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.

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  (815): No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official. http://tfl.nu/00ts
  Replies (14) Good night (943) Bad night (4540) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

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  (615): I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us. http://tfl.nu/3t30
  Replies (24) Good night (7246) Bad night (699) Order T-Shirt
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  (718): View more from New York

  You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.

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  (718): You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me. http://tfl.nu/au8t
  Replies (40) Good night (4409) Bad night (1227) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  What did you even date her?

  (214): View more from Texas

  because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.

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  (314): What did you even date her? (214): because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed. http://tfl.nu/g42u
  Replies (38) Good night (4608) Bad night (586)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

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  (973): A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ. http://tfl.nu/a72f
  Replies (6) Good night (5256) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
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  (858): View more from California

  Life is so much better after having sex.

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  (858): Life is so much better after having sex. http://tfl.nu/blju
  Replies (39) Good night (10863) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper

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  (703): She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper http://tfl.nu/dnfr
  Replies (30) Good night (5255) Bad night (311) Order T-Shirt
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave

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  (413): before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave http://tfl.nu/loh3
  Replies (26) Good night (7834) Bad night (411)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.

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  (781): today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby. http://tfl.nu/f0c2
  Replies (96) Good night (15946) Bad night (979)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

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  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (96) Good night (26066) Bad night (1426)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ur plase or mine? lol

  (1-908): View more from New Jersey

  well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.

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  (908): ur plase or mine? lol (1-908): well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine. http://tfl.nu/rmr0
  Replies (12) Good night (887) Bad night (1657) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I tried to use my car keys to open my door

  (1-778): View more from British Columbia

  I just started a sentence with yellow.

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  (778): I tried to use my car keys to open my door (1-778): I just started a sentence with yellow. http://tfl.nu/gagl
  Replies (9) Good night (1271) Bad night (256) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

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  (501): This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower. http://tfl.nu/hbb7
  Replies (62) Good night (18604) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.

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  (203): he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him. http://tfl.nu/z649
  Replies (27) Good night (6117) Bad night (357) Order T-Shirt
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.

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  (202): I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole. http://tfl.nu/2lml
  Replies (37) Good night (4926) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night

  (248): View more from Michigan

  he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit

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  (419): idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night (248): he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit http://tfl.nu/a46h
  Replies (6) Good night (604) Bad night (1176)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to find a taint.

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  (724): I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between. (1-724): You need to find a taint. http://tfl.nu/752x
  Replies (24) Good night (2327) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture

  (1-336): View more from North Carolina

  Glad to see your being a lady about this

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  (336): I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture (1-336): Glad to see your being a lady about this http://tfl.nu/pcgd
  Replies (49) Good night (8903) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.

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  (425): Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine. http://tfl.nu/qnyh
  Replies (27) Good night (1433) Bad night (3953)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns

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  (618): he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns http://tfl.nu/88xb
  Replies (16) Good night (1197) Bad night (5323) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.

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  (817): I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck. http://tfl.nu/i3zz
  Replies (15) Good night (7489) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
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  (212): View more from New York

  he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings

  (718): View more from New York

  He can't hurt my feelings

  (718): View more from New York

  I don't have feelings.

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  (212): he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings (718): He can't hurt my feelings (718): I don't have feelings. http://tfl.nu/gr1o
  Replies (4) Good night (1631) Bad night (366)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...

  (480): View more from Arizona

  exactly, that's why i want something interesting

  (512): View more from Texas

  slutty neuroscientist?

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  (512): halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc... (480): exactly, that's why i want something interesting (512): slutty neuroscientist? http://tfl.nu/zg01
  Replies (34) Good night (4856) Bad night (388)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.

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  (402): Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth. http://tfl.nu/qs80
  Replies (10) Good night (3028) Bad night (706) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  If i come over, it means nothing

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  (703): If i come over, it means nothing http://tfl.nu/o2bi
  Replies (3) Good night (2229) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.

  (281): View more from Texas

  No. Just liquor. Time's no good.

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  (253): I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time. (281): No. Just liquor. Time's no good. http://tfl.nu/1yv7
  Replies (14) Good night (2564) Bad night (649)
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  (619): View more from California

  I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.

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  (619): I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue. http://tfl.nu/sfkc
  Replies (56) Good night (530) Bad night (5394) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with

  (217): View more from Illinois

  well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment

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  (610): thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with (217): well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment http://tfl.nu/vbkf
  Replies (23) Good night (1212) Bad night (2172)
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  (315): View more from New York

  He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.

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  (315): He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out. http://tfl.nu/k9ox
  Replies (18) Good night (4842) Bad night (323)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.

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  (281): Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table. http://tfl.nu/g0qe
  Replies (10) Good night (3387) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real

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  (215): these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real http://tfl.nu/vc07
  Replies (62) Good night (7539) Bad night (968) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love

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  (512): its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love http://tfl.nu/kjeb
  Replies (23) Good night (3516) Bad night (1032) Order T-Shirt
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  "Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.

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  (704): "Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization. http://tfl.nu/xva8
  Replies (24) Good night (3818) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!

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  (732): I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body! http://tfl.nu/a54s
  Replies (22) Good night (4564) Bad night (528) Order T-Shirt
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  (214): View more from Texas

  My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.

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  (214): My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/3ozf
  Replies (53) Good night (9368) Bad night (1070) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.

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  (630): Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won. http://tfl.nu/w0xy
  Replies (90) Good night (6753) Bad night (1379) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  we've started having sober sex

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you really do like him

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  (860): we've started having sober sex (203): you really do like him http://tfl.nu/ocmd
  Replies (19) Good night (8256) Bad night (606)
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  (707): View more from California

  OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.

  (1-707): View more from California

  Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.

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  (707): OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy. (1-707): Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots. http://tfl.nu/h6l1
  Replies (11) Good night (1259) Bad night (2919) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them

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  (269): I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them http://tfl.nu/yhv5
  Replies (2) Good night (976) Bad night (366) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.

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  (503): I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats. http://tfl.nu/4me1
  Replies (32) Good night (781) Bad night (5172) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

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  (717): wanna hang out tonight and remember it? http://tfl.nu/5q3c
  Replies (18) Good night (5703) Bad night (1320) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

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  (401): You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions. http://tfl.nu/pgpr
  Replies (16) Good night (5548) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
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  (559): View more from California

  he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.

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  (559): he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in. http://tfl.nu/5rdv
  Replies (20) Good night (904) Bad night (1639) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed

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  (608): and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed http://tfl.nu/yzqp
  Replies (9) Good night (703) Bad night (2804) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  farters have to be the big spoon...

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  (913): farters have to be the big spoon... http://tfl.nu/5j3w
  Replies (6) Good night (585) Bad night (2430) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.

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  (304): My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within. http://tfl.nu/zogn
  Replies (10) Good night (520) Bad night (3096) Order T-Shirt
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  (949): View more from California

  Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life

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  (949): Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life http://tfl.nu/meh0
  Replies (12) Good night (3813) Bad night (660) Order T-Shirt
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.

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  (919): his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more. http://tfl.nu/6a2v
  Replies (15) Good night (780) Bad night (3855) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems

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  (419): Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems http://tfl.nu/onz0
  Replies (3) Good night (1045) Bad night (2612) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.

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  (267): i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough. http://tfl.nu/ija6
  Replies (28) Good night (1761) Bad night (6467) Order T-Shirt
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep

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  (630): She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep http://tfl.nu/xep7
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  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

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  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
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  (212): View more from New York

  brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp

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  (212): brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp http://tfl.nu/bier
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  (760): View more from California

  i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have

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  (760): i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have http://tfl.nu/ddny
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  (845): View more from New York

  Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.

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  (845): Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore. http://tfl.nu/7ot8
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Yeah, where have you been?

  (407): View more from Florida

  Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.

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  (978): Yeah, where have you been? (407): Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus. http://tfl.nu/jpxm
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  (789): View more from

  If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.

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  (789): If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days. http://tfl.nu/hp74
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.

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  (847): Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over. http://tfl.nu/gmxm
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

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  (708): This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight. http://tfl.nu/ioqv
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.

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  (970): I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it. http://tfl.nu/8hng
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.

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  (973): Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat. http://tfl.nu/ob9t
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  that would be two times in a week with two different guys.

  (913): View more from Kansas

  they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?

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  (816): that would be two times in a week with two different guys. (913): they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right? http://tfl.nu/b8ql
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's

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  (989): Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's http://tfl.nu/0ar1
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  (281): View more from Texas

  So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?

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  (281): So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls? http://tfl.nu/vzcb
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x

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  (+44): Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x http://tfl.nu/rt6u
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?

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  (503): when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship? http://tfl.nu/e3yh
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.

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  (815): Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit. http://tfl.nu/yacj
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.

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  (770): Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock. http://tfl.nu/ip50
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  are you still at the devil's house?

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  (248): are you still at the devil's house? http://tfl.nu/bw8z
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  (415): View more from California

  i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.

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  (415): i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world. http://tfl.nu/0s72
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.

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  (203): We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved. http://tfl.nu/1hyb
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

  (1-250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

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  (250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you. (1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this. http://tfl.nu/x6e9
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate

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  (202): if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate http://tfl.nu/kvt4
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  (646): View more from New York

  ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!

  (812): View more from Indiana

  ?

  (646): View more from New York

  Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?

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  (646): ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE! (812): ? (646): Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that? http://tfl.nu/5o1s
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you

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  (586): Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you http://tfl.nu/xexu
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  The best revenge is premature balding

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  (603): The best revenge is premature balding http://tfl.nu/ugsl
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?

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  (519): i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends? http://tfl.nu/08w4
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  (646): View more from New York

  You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.

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  (646): You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward. http://tfl.nu/aqj7
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?

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  (908): why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it? http://tfl.nu/3moc
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  "tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?

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  (404): "tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/cthr
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number

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  (617): i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number http://tfl.nu/mfjx
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.

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  (301): look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship. http://tfl.nu/j0tt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.

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  (403): Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me. http://tfl.nu/6qnx
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"

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  (251): As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic" http://tfl.nu/evdo
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.

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  (404): I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do. http://tfl.nu/0i65
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  (646): View more from New York

  I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.

  (347): View more from New York

  And what brought this epiphany?

  (646): View more from New York

  I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later

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  (646): I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on. (347): And what brought this epiphany? (646): I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later http://tfl.nu/hsai
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose

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  (717): she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose http://tfl.nu/p9h0
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  (360): View more from Washington

  his personality makes his face look like an asshole.

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  (360): his personality makes his face look like an asshole. http://tfl.nu/0gwl
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  (650): View more from California

  I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.

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  (650): I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs. http://tfl.nu/bo8w
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

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  (812): If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message. http://tfl.nu/nzcw
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.

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  (573): Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend. http://tfl.nu/0oem
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you

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  (978): There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you http://tfl.nu/oh5b
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I need a shot of tequila, and quick death

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  (586): I need a shot of tequila, and quick death http://tfl.nu/qciv
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical

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  (973): Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical http://tfl.nu/uh4w
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  (716): View more from New York

  speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms

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  (716): speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms http://tfl.nu/8xzr
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.

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  (410): He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week. http://tfl.nu/7fuh
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

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  (404): I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck. http://tfl.nu/f2m7
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She brought up feelings... her days are numbered

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  (704): She brought up feelings... her days are numbered http://tfl.nu/9lng
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  ...is it true? will i see you next weekend

  (248): View more from Michigan

  YES.

  (614): View more from Ohio

  ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us

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  (614): ...is it true? will i see you next weekend (248): YES. (614): ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us http://tfl.nu/m1xt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab

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  (425): If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab http://tfl.nu/ezlg
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,

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  (678): Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead, http://tfl.nu/tjky
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?

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  (515): Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out? http://tfl.nu/ragd
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.

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  (410): he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE. http://tfl.nu/pbaf
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly

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  (703): never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly http://tfl.nu/n7qz
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.

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  (702): She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed. http://tfl.nu/1h0x
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins

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  (517): You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins http://tfl.nu/vpk9
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore

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  (804): i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore http://tfl.nu/d307
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.

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  (360): Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe. http://tfl.nu/jop2
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

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  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'

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  (205): When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life' http://tfl.nu/863e
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.

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  (732): I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final. http://tfl.nu/j44u
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER

  (1-641): View more from Iowa

  STOP listening to that song

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  (641): FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER (1-641): STOP listening to that song http://tfl.nu/q2fx
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!

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  (614): We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order. (1-614): I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale! http://tfl.nu/h6yb
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  (806): View more from Texas

  So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.

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  (806): So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs. http://tfl.nu/g178
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  You made me cry and you don't even care

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  (734): You made me cry and you don't even care http://tfl.nu/a209
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy

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  (302): I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy http://tfl.nu/6i8p
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

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  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.

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  (248): She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/c954
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  (813): View more from Florida

  i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before

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  (813): i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before http://tfl.nu/gxl8
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Kiss

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  Puke

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  (313): Kiss (1-313): Puke http://tfl.nu/qokk
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  Best friends brother. Beat that.

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  (308): Best friends brother. Beat that. http://tfl.nu/zx73
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.

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  (320): For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates. http://tfl.nu/jze3
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  (408): View more from California

  Maybe my heart is located in my vagina

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  (408): Maybe my heart is located in my vagina http://tfl.nu/huf2
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  your parents love me but you hate me

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  (586): your parents love me but you hate me http://tfl.nu/ldwf
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

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  (647): Get out of your relationship and into my pants. http://tfl.nu/sn5l
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major

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  (314): In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major http://tfl.nu/y5g5
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.

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  (540): I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here. http://tfl.nu/rnyh
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.

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  (919): Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon. http://tfl.nu/tzl9
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I love having hate sex.

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  (705): I love having hate sex. http://tfl.nu/fz63
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.

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  (517): I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair. http://tfl.nu/elj5
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.

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  (602): but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please. http://tfl.nu/sk7q
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  didnt we say no more talking to eachother

  (906): View more from Michigan

  it will help you get over me i promise

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  im horny

  (906): View more from Michigan

  ok i will unlock the door

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  (906): didnt we say no more talking to eachother (906): it will help you get over me i promise (414): im horny (906): ok i will unlock the door http://tfl.nu/m6ae
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  (631): View more from New York

  all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.

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  (631): all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight. http://tfl.nu/hryw
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way

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  (905): gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way http://tfl.nu/08qt
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  "romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits

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  (201): "romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits http://tfl.nu/qyqs
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  (650): View more from California

  There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.

  (650): View more from California

  I tried to assassinate the ginger baby

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  (650): There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide. (650): I tried to assassinate the ginger baby http://tfl.nu/c72u
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb

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  (337): i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think... (985): wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb http://tfl.nu/zhoe
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol

  (661): View more from California

  HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator

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  (509): Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol (661): HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator http://tfl.nu/ppgz
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.

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  (541): Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist. http://tfl.nu/jqdb
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.

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  (440): But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex. http://tfl.nu/ebom
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh

  (1-219): View more from Indiana

  wow.

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  (219): NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh (1-219): wow. http://tfl.nu/be02
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."

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  (561): I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday." http://tfl.nu/kc3i
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  (310): View more from California

  It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...

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  (310): It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass... http://tfl.nu/egbe
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.

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  (617): Yes. UR adorable in a weird way. http://tfl.nu/w3l6
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low

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  (615): Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low http://tfl.nu/4tyo
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.

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  (812): she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying. http://tfl.nu/q1xu
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Why does tequilla always make you text me?

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  (301): You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate. (240): Why does tequilla always make you text me? http://tfl.nu/qeax
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  is that a poem?!

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  (612): Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls (763): is that a poem?! http://tfl.nu/h29o
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!

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  (917): I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done! http://tfl.nu/5vwu
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.

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  (847): For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining. http://tfl.nu/2itw
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  (510): View more from California

  So drunk, too bad you don't want this

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  (510): So drunk, too bad you don't want this http://tfl.nu/0z98
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.

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  (440): Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade. http://tfl.nu/kiie
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.

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  (985): If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable. http://tfl.nu/fbq8
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.

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  (778): Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them. http://tfl.nu/fuhs
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome

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  (405): I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome http://tfl.nu/rn4a
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.

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  (402): What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho. http://tfl.nu/a5a8
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow

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  (240): ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow http://tfl.nu/mdzc
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"

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  (630): According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for" http://tfl.nu/5bi3
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?

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  (850): Did you dl zombie porn on my computer? http://tfl.nu/emjo
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

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  (913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.

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  (740): i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle. http://tfl.nu/qqa2
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.

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  (540): Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do. http://tfl.nu/lc9b
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..

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  (614): good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut. (740): i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck.. http://tfl.nu/ltlc
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.

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  (706): I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables. http://tfl.nu/8ikv
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope

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  (214): I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited (1-214): I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope http://tfl.nu/jd28
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.

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  (720): I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English. http://tfl.nu/7f6h
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  (415): View more from California

  No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."

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  (415): No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love." http://tfl.nu/xky8
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.

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  (856): its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer. (978): college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you. http://tfl.nu/udtk
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  (516): View more from New York

  I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar

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  (516): I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar http://tfl.nu/ulgt
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  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

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  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face

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  (609): you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face http://tfl.nu/l9l7
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.

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  (813): Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick. http://tfl.nu/9lls
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying

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  (202): either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying http://tfl.nu/ahxy
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  (650): View more from California

  PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  No - puma.

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  (650): PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar? (773): No - puma. http://tfl.nu/r06a
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  (650): View more from California

  So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?

  (303): View more from Colorado

  No its what 21 year olds are made for

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  (650): So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety? (303): No its what 21 year olds are made for http://tfl.nu/2f7c
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Gross. gingers suck

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  (313): Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you (248): Gross. gingers suck http://tfl.nu/yt8q
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  (512): View more from Texas

  My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle

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  (512): My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle http://tfl.nu/nk60
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???

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  (404): I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone??? http://tfl.nu/6a5o
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.

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  (860): You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met. http://tfl.nu/wpe7
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"

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  (214): I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night" http://tfl.nu/h7ul
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you

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  (267): census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you http://tfl.nu/5ryg
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.

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  (303): I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine. http://tfl.nu/vmvb
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket

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  (215): I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket http://tfl.nu/8xo3
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.

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  (248): ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores. http://tfl.nu/e4hq
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  (518): View more from New York

  I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes

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  (518): I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes http://tfl.nu/yql0
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.

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  (515): once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window. http://tfl.nu/ziko
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them

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  (612): at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them http://tfl.nu/fxji
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.

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  (715): I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover. http://tfl.nu/vijq
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.

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  (214): Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again. http://tfl.nu/14ik
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him

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  (321): even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him http://tfl.nu/7qwv
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.

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  (248): Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll. http://tfl.nu/4l0s
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  (518): View more from New York

  im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'

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  (518): im in his phone as 'great ass to tap' http://tfl.nu/xhkl
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  (315): View more from New York

  I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.

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  (315): I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before. http://tfl.nu/hqeq
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

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  (908): did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp. http://tfl.nu/a6do
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.

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  (515): just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be. http://tfl.nu/p5e9
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.

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  (318): Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume. http://tfl.nu/rs73
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  (561): View more from Florida

  my being single is dangerous.

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  (561): my being single is dangerous. http://tfl.nu/5ief
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees

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  (724): If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees http://tfl.nu/kant
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf

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  (412): I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf http://tfl.nu/qrcf
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  (718): View more from New York

  we need to drink 2009 down the drain

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  (718): we need to drink 2009 down the drain http://tfl.nu/q0df
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?

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  (201): so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA? http://tfl.nu/qz9z
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  how was your night?

  (212): View more from New York

  well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?

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  (609): how was your night? (212): well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was? http://tfl.nu/mtku
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Fuck 8am classes

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes

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  (330): Fuck 8am classes (330): Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes http://tfl.nu/x2hf
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.

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  (803): You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke. http://tfl.nu/qijj
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  (646): View more from New York

  miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.

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  (646): miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god. http://tfl.nu/4rhl
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?

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  (248): Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit? http://tfl.nu/e30d
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.

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  (480): Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that. http://tfl.nu/wbxh
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.

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  (815): Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight. http://tfl.nu/jud2
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.

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  (847): Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself. http://tfl.nu/r7wv
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.

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  (501): i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever. http://tfl.nu/sfg3
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does

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  (551): She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does http://tfl.nu/519t
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  (916): View more from California

  How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.

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  (916): How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology. http://tfl.nu/cnij
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.

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  (708): she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween. http://tfl.nu/3m71
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen

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  (860): I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen http://tfl.nu/pyhr
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.

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  (630): i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween. http://tfl.nu/iqfz
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  (206): View more from Washington

  he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone

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  (206): he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone http://tfl.nu/bnn4
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.

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  (717): Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk. http://tfl.nu/z5dl
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is sufficient.

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  (412): Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living (1-412): bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug (412): This is sufficient. http://tfl.nu/p15m
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...

  (775): View more from Nevada

  yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.

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  (702): It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me... (775): yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift. http://tfl.nu/mwdt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  You'll be proud of me

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  Who did you not have sex with

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Damn it...you know me too well

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  (503): You'll be proud of me (1-503): Who did you not have sex with (503): Damn it...you know me too well http://tfl.nu/ealw
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  (425): View more from Washington

  This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.

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  (425): This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference. http://tfl.nu/xg4w
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  New channing tatum movie.

  (858): View more from California

  I'll bring my vibrator.

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  (303): New channing tatum movie. (858): I'll bring my vibrator. http://tfl.nu/ing8
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I don't know where I am but there are firefighters

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  (269): I don't know where I am but there are firefighters http://tfl.nu/dbyd
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.

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  (314): I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight. http://tfl.nu/vmod
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  ra ra ra ah ah

  (573): View more from Missouri

  wtf?

  (636): View more from Missouri

  sexting lady gaga style

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  (636): ra ra ra ah ah (573): wtf? (636): sexting lady gaga style http://tfl.nu/2d0r
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me

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  (610): we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me http://tfl.nu/jltn
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"

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  (208): U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!" http://tfl.nu/ttkj
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..

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  (515): It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now.. http://tfl.nu/43y7
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  (626): View more from California

  i need an iv and a liver transplant

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  (626): i need an iv and a liver transplant http://tfl.nu/lbut
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Hi

  (805): View more from California

  Babe...You're really smothering me right now

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  (425): Hi (805): Babe...You're really smothering me right now http://tfl.nu/5pqv
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was

  (734): View more from Michigan

  you're 26.

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  (313): I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was (734): you're 26. http://tfl.nu/eh0f
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me

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  (248): if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me http://tfl.nu/fz0a
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.

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  (570): She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex. http://tfl.nu/nznj
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.

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  (410): You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out. http://tfl.nu/phll
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  (323): View more from California

  are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions

  (310): View more from California

  i wish

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  (323): are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions (310): i wish http://tfl.nu/mg2v
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  (845): View more from New York

  even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.

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  (845): even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point. http://tfl.nu/9fmk
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I am going to give you the keys to my place

  (1-561): View more from Florida

  Then I'll give you the keys to my heart

  (561): View more from Florida

  Gag me

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  (561): I am going to give you the keys to my place (1-561): Then I'll give you the keys to my heart (561): Gag me http://tfl.nu/oa16
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic

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  (402): god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic http://tfl.nu/9rrm
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"

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  (443): they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field" http://tfl.nu/je3y
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  (916): View more from California

  put your butt on the phone this is a booty call

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  (916): put your butt on the phone this is a booty call http://tfl.nu/3vuo
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up

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  (586): Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up http://tfl.nu/mvat
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?

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  (919): I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...? http://tfl.nu/n1uy
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.

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  (804): I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life. http://tfl.nu/74qx
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  What's this douchebags name?

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Rob...

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  (908): He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!" (973): What's this douchebags name? (908): Rob... http://tfl.nu/raez
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Princesses don't give blow jobs

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  (616): Princesses don't give blow jobs http://tfl.nu/euq0
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.

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  (843): I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it. http://tfl.nu/atu5
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.

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  (847): Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one. http://tfl.nu/00mh
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