Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Send us your Text From Last Night!
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
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