are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
Send us your Text From Last Night!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just had sex bonerless
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
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