Texts From Last Night

SDennis25's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything. http://tfl.nu/6ga5
  Replies (12) Good night (2225) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie. http://tfl.nu/zzfj
  Replies (17) Good night (3266) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night http://tfl.nu/lrrw
  Replies (18) Good night (2640) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested. http://tfl.nu/d2mk
  Replies (11) Good night (698) Bad night (3236) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever. http://tfl.nu/glym
  Replies (22) Good night (5168) Bad night (551) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops. http://tfl.nu/4y8e
  Replies (10) Good night (1873) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway. http://tfl.nu/stcx
  Replies (20) Good night (2593) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other http://tfl.nu/go45
  Replies (15) Good night (3254) Bad night (871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me http://tfl.nu/peek
  Replies (9) Good night (3312) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series http://tfl.nu/c4pq
  Replies (13) Good night (3042) Bad night (907) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate. http://tfl.nu/vwb7
  Replies (9) Good night (5369) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b. http://tfl.nu/ahce
  Replies (17) Good night (3980) Bad night (1614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar http://tfl.nu/3k40
  Replies (17) Good night (1342) Bad night (2525) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon http://tfl.nu/1u8n
  Replies (12) Good night (3896) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete http://tfl.nu/3qb5
  Replies (9) Good night (2770) Bad night (574) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man http://tfl.nu/qpf8
  Replies (18) Good night (3917) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you http://tfl.nu/i2kd
  Replies (7) Good night (1102) Bad night (1802) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you http://tfl.nu/lizp
  Replies (7) Good night (2576) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (920): False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over.. http://tfl.nu/vzuj
  Replies (6) Good night (951) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out http://tfl.nu/g5nx
  Replies (9) Good night (4168) Bad night (817) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success. http://tfl.nu/i1ko
  Replies (6) Good night (2969) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever http://tfl.nu/l0sc
  Replies (7) Good night (1986) Bad night (846)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would. http://tfl.nu/oc0p
  Replies (3) Good night (1709) Bad night (583) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (276): I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences. http://tfl.nu/f9jw
  Replies (8) Good night (3106) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where the hell are you

  (706): View more from Georgia

  He's winning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon. (1-706): Where the hell are you (706): He's winning. http://tfl.nu/bx2u
  Replies (23) Good night (5522) Bad night (964)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy http://tfl.nu/tu8r
  Replies (7) Good night (2764) Bad night (996) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk http://tfl.nu/cy8n
  Replies (8) Good night (3837) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad" http://tfl.nu/8w1c
  Replies (13) Good night (4541) Bad night (1182) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table. http://tfl.nu/st2h
  Replies (5) Good night (730) Bad night (4717) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place http://tfl.nu/nwqq
  Replies (9) Good night (1101) Bad night (4428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me http://tfl.nu/2y9m
  Replies (25) Good night (11035) Bad night (913) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff. http://tfl.nu/mldb
  Replies (2) Good night (872) Bad night (2858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (479): I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke. http://tfl.nu/g10c
  Replies (4) Good night (2744) Bad night (990) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly' http://tfl.nu/2ku4
  Replies (6) Good night (3761) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs? http://tfl.nu/r8li
  Replies (15) Good night (1189) Bad night (5121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer. http://tfl.nu/0a2y
  Replies (10) Good night (4382) Bad night (713) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/axif
  Replies (7) Good night (1040) Bad night (2658) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?" http://tfl.nu/0wwp
  Replies (20) Good night (6725) Bad night (897)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that. http://tfl.nu/a94h
  Replies (16) Good night (1587) Bad night (3871) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill. http://tfl.nu/1t9o
  Replies (9) Good night (3183) Bad night (867) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork. http://tfl.nu/6zkt
  Replies (37) Good night (15411) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though http://tfl.nu/r22j
  Replies (8) Good night (5843) Bad night (819) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him. http://tfl.nu/b6v7
  Replies (49) Good night (8742) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle http://tfl.nu/ax2q
  Replies (11) Good night (1222) Bad night (4670) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside. http://tfl.nu/2kyw
  Replies (24) Good night (4813) Bad night (797) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period http://tfl.nu/2c6q
  Replies (33) Good night (2421) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  So how was he last night?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Five-minute foot-long.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): So how was he last night? (617): Five-minute foot-long. http://tfl.nu/89p0
  Replies (29) Good night (660) Bad night (1303)
• Favorite

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (848): I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa http://tfl.nu/605l
  Replies (152) Good night (5670) Bad night (57192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah" http://tfl.nu/d8s5
  Replies (100) Good night (6997) Bad night (60214) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  happy early fathers day!!!

  (829): View more from Dominican Rep

  im not a father

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  about that...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): happy early fathers day!!! (829): im not a father (843): about that... http://tfl.nu/tk4z
  Replies (225) Good night (7503) Bad night (72138)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  i want you now

  (916): View more from California

  you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): i want you now (916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this http://tfl.nu/8egt
  Replies (148) Good night (6883) Bad night (69194)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting. http://tfl.nu/ejol
  Replies (15) Good night (5753) Bad night (1322) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry. http://tfl.nu/e7cu
  Replies (9) Good night (7150) Bad night (849) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up. http://tfl.nu/ztp2
  Replies (14) Good night (8113) Bad night (652) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I. http://tfl.nu/orkf
  Replies (37) Good night (8265) Bad night (1265) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT http://tfl.nu/e7uf
  Replies (40) Good night (9223) Bad night (1430) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Come find me please? Im in a ditch.

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  That doesn't help me much...

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm right under the moon!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Come find me please? Im in a ditch. (1-604): That doesn't help me much... (604): I'm right under the moon! http://tfl.nu/u7hc
  Replies (15) Good night (13699) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86066) Bad night (8376)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him http://tfl.nu/axwb
  Replies (165) Good night (90214) Bad night (3869) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?

  (1-918): View more from Oklahoma

  Woah.

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  that's not how you spell hell yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you? (1-918): Woah. (918): that's not how you spell hell yes. http://tfl.nu/i519
  Replies (56) Good night (7295) Bad night (1095)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God. http://tfl.nu/l6po
  Replies (20) Good night (7801) Bad night (711) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter http://tfl.nu/j5l8
  Replies (13) Good night (8190) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you (580): Really. http://tfl.nu/kw5b
  Replies (101) Good night (10163) Bad night (2829)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come. http://tfl.nu/qjzy
  Replies (11) Good night (3377) Bad night (1138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck http://tfl.nu/662u
  Replies (4) Good night (661) Bad night (2375) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect? http://tfl.nu/gdtt
  Replies (11) Good night (2809) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand? http://tfl.nu/srza
  Replies (10) Good night (4963) Bad night (1626) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again http://tfl.nu/n0xl
  Replies (5) Good night (3035) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count. http://tfl.nu/d5s2
  Replies (14) Good night (4953) Bad night (1386) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet. http://tfl.nu/onit
  Replies (20) Good night (4940) Bad night (1035) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet" http://tfl.nu/r96p
  Replies (3) Good night (2129) Bad night (709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (302): View more from Delaware

  Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (302): Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children. http://tfl.nu/9yhs
  Replies (3) Good night (2781) Bad night (818) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (559): I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing. http://tfl.nu/i8zl
  Replies (6) Good night (5115) Bad night (1306) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson http://tfl.nu/oc0q
  Replies (7) Good night (3589) Bad night (662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday. http://tfl.nu/fib9
  Replies (49) Good night (5247) Bad night (1242) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster http://tfl.nu/ujaf
  Replies (15) Good night (3278) Bad night (988) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him http://tfl.nu/w6qf
  Replies (19) Good night (5064) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (520): Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right? http://tfl.nu/vsia
  Replies (5) Good night (1958) Bad night (687) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing. http://tfl.nu/j7tr
  Replies (11) Good night (5652) Bad night (671) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see.. http://tfl.nu/ubpf
  Replies (9) Good night (4016) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth http://tfl.nu/ftsz
  Replies (7) Good night (961) Bad night (3692) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face http://tfl.nu/9y4h
  Replies (55) Good night (21360) Bad night (1235) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful http://tfl.nu/3xv5
  Replies (4) Good night (1076) Bad night (2952) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd http://tfl.nu/v8gr
  Replies (7) Good night (2831) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): Will you be topless? That will affect my answer. http://tfl.nu/lf7u
  Replies (19) Good night (6044) Bad night (898) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with. http://tfl.nu/sran
  Replies (13) Good night (2040) Bad night (3089) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute http://tfl.nu/yhtx
  Replies (8) Good night (1356) Bad night (3981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me http://tfl.nu/5qy1
  Replies (25) Good night (976) Bad night (8266) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center. http://tfl.nu/it0q
  Replies (18) Good night (847) Bad night (4266)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried http://tfl.nu/ujpo
  Replies (6) Good night (3425) Bad night (863) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school http://tfl.nu/0e3h
  Replies (10) Good night (4290) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex http://tfl.nu/vblx
  Replies (20) Good night (1129) Bad night (4393)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes http://tfl.nu/rvmv
  Replies (13) Good night (948) Bad night (3873) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK??? http://tfl.nu/2k2z
  Replies (13) Good night (3488) Bad night (1185) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (641): she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"... http://tfl.nu/ydyy
  Replies (11) Good night (1073) Bad night (3884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with. http://tfl.nu/dbx0
  Replies (18) Good night (4715) Bad night (1690) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral. http://tfl.nu/35ny
  Replies (7) Good night (1412) Bad night (3848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts" http://tfl.nu/ong1
  Replies (12) Good night (1748) Bad night (4986) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too http://tfl.nu/t8cv
  Replies (17) Good night (4708) Bad night (1389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you. http://tfl.nu/o9a4
  Replies (3) Good night (1230) Bad night (2921) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you? http://tfl.nu/jwce
  Replies (6) Good night (2657) Bad night (788) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die. http://tfl.nu/rrxi
  Replies (13) Good night (5768) Bad night (800) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of. http://tfl.nu/16vh
  Replies (23) Good night (4132) Bad night (1488) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home? http://tfl.nu/2ss6
  Replies (29) Good night (5410) Bad night (2096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around. (1-570): It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am. http://tfl.nu/ckp3
  Replies (8) Good night (4704) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  its my first week of college and i have a UTI

  (718): View more from New York

  not easy being a whore now is it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): its my first week of college and i have a UTI (718): not easy being a whore now is it http://tfl.nu/tyxw
  Replies (23) Good night (1293) Bad night (4447)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game http://tfl.nu/6jkk
  Replies (10) Good night (4153) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  you were mass sexting so we took your phone away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): you were mass sexting so we took your phone away http://tfl.nu/u2si
  Replies (13) Good night (4828) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa. http://tfl.nu/e1sr
  Replies (26) Good night (6608) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea. http://tfl.nu/5w1q
  Replies (19) Good night (637) Bad night (4997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (325): View more from Texas

  The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (325): The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am http://tfl.nu/kqzx
  Replies (11) Good night (1074) Bad night (2846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months. http://tfl.nu/isje
  Replies (9) Good night (3621) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right? http://tfl.nu/7voc
  Replies (31) Good night (3728) Bad night (1041) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (620): Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night? http://tfl.nu/n9fn
  Replies (35) Good night (1375) Bad night (6558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n http://tfl.nu/pe4m
  Replies (21) Good night (11876) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you http://tfl.nu/uhqk
  Replies (16) Good night (4417) Bad night (865) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You tried to poop in the sink last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): You tried to poop in the sink last night. http://tfl.nu/6e7d
  Replies (18) Good night (1214) Bad night (4209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?

  (224): View more from Illinois

  story of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were? (224): story of my life. http://tfl.nu/syxz
  Replies (15) Good night (2470) Bad night (3992)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately. http://tfl.nu/vwdv
  Replies (9) Good night (5475) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way. http://tfl.nu/jfrt
  Replies (36) Good night (7178) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (506): I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace. http://tfl.nu/37qg
  Replies (18) Good night (3546) Bad night (877) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had http://tfl.nu/qmkc
  Replies (46) Good night (4710) Bad night (1569) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out http://tfl.nu/5zdd
  Replies (44) Good night (1281) Bad night (4847) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like? http://tfl.nu/ctij
  Replies (17) Good night (4522) Bad night (941) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/f3x3
  Replies (7) Good night (4162) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing" http://tfl.nu/9hoo
  Replies (10) Good night (5176) Bad night (916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob http://tfl.nu/gzh9
  Replies (25) Good night (4607) Bad night (1301) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again http://tfl.nu/xxfj
  Replies (67) Good night (12671) Bad night (2170) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend... http://tfl.nu/snfb
  Replies (23) Good night (1172) Bad night (4392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night. http://tfl.nu/d1vk
  Replies (5) Good night (3665) Bad night (960) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (712): View more from Iowa

  Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (712): Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be. http://tfl.nu/n7rl
  Replies (8) Good night (5859) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem

  (914): View more from New York

  Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem (914): Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty. http://tfl.nu/8j05
  Replies (53) Good night (7229) Bad night (2265)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers! http://tfl.nu/0unq
  Replies (28) Good night (6287) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you. http://tfl.nu/fmxs
  Replies (38) Good night (7685) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (281): The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself. http://tfl.nu/4mrf
  Replies (20) Good night (1411) Bad night (2650) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  K. On the way. I need a drink.

  (904): View more from Florida

  Like a drink drink or like water?

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Have we met?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): K. On the way. I need a drink. (904): Like a drink drink or like water? (601): Have we met? http://tfl.nu/ckaw
  Replies (10) Good night (6056) Bad night (780)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you. http://tfl.nu/nb18
  Replies (8) Good night (3391) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name. http://tfl.nu/eftw
  Replies (5) Good night (3105) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far http://tfl.nu/0vof
  Replies (37) Good night (1584) Bad night (4340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace. http://tfl.nu/irh2
  Replies (39) Good night (16110) Bad night (1235)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye. http://tfl.nu/ovu6
  Replies (28) Good night (4142) Bad night (2542) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me. http://tfl.nu/x400
  Replies (36) Good night (1081) Bad night (8353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.

  (1-651): View more from Minnesota

  called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot. (1-651): called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck. http://tfl.nu/1omb
  Replies (18) Good night (5880) Bad night (1371)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck. http://tfl.nu/am3q
  Replies (7) Good night (1353) Bad night (2550) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear. http://tfl.nu/517j
  Replies (9) Good night (1251) Bad night (4272) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ivw8
  Replies (32) Good night (17590) Bad night (1180)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW" http://tfl.nu/hdte
  Replies (28) Good night (6632) Bad night (1162) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?

  (1-605): View more from South Dakota

  No. It just means your good at giving head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head? (1-605): No. It just means your good at giving head. http://tfl.nu/6xkt
  Replies (22) Good night (4001) Bad night (1020) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots" http://tfl.nu/28dj
  Replies (12) Good night (5295) Bad night (1029)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months http://tfl.nu/y63w
  Replies (20) Good night (4253) Bad night (1156) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse. http://tfl.nu/5mjb
  Replies (8) Good night (4489) Bad night (868) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (828): That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library http://tfl.nu/vcd5
  Replies (5) Good night (3860) Bad night (864) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens. http://tfl.nu/zmnj
  Replies (18) Good night (6562) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (41) Good night (13584) Bad night (1310) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand http://tfl.nu/4jef
  Replies (17) Good night (5153) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit. http://tfl.nu/udb7
  Replies (13) Good night (3630) Bad night (2311) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club http://tfl.nu/ln6l
  Replies (10) Good night (3403) Bad night (1165) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you. http://tfl.nu/a558
  Replies (9) Good night (4843) Bad night (1169) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead." http://tfl.nu/j1dy
  Replies (34) Good night (5257) Bad night (1164) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Umm you met him three days ago....

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I said what I said

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for (215): Umm you met him three days ago.... (267): I said what I said http://tfl.nu/18h0
  Replies (30) Good night (7340) Bad night (1397)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick http://tfl.nu/bx5i
  Replies (18) Good night (1728) Bad night (5345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either. http://tfl.nu/z8zq
  Replies (25) Good night (1579) Bad night (3230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake http://tfl.nu/bl2k
  Replies (42) Good night (8675) Bad night (1175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy http://tfl.nu/f2lx
  Replies (40) Good night (4612) Bad night (1916) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something http://tfl.nu/ax1a
  Replies (28) Good night (7494) Bad night (1607) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??

  (1-925): View more from California

  Yes. Yes it is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Is snow just God skeeting all over the place?? (1-925): Yes. Yes it is. http://tfl.nu/ofba
  Replies (12) Good night (4201) Bad night (1633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...

  (425): View more from Washington

  Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies... (425): Let's let the open bar be the judge of that. http://tfl.nu/ch8t
  Replies (7) Good night (5642) Bad night (857)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement http://tfl.nu/03ue
  Replies (8) Good night (3814) Bad night (1151) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was? http://tfl.nu/e02a
  Replies (21) Good night (1384) Bad night (4514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I don't remember much but I know I looked hot. http://tfl.nu/1lsd
  Replies (19) Good night (5819) Bad night (902) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass http://tfl.nu/ckyi
  Replies (39) Good night (4890) Bad night (2620) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance. http://tfl.nu/1cpz
  Replies (16) Good night (8202) Bad night (1125) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out http://tfl.nu/vv84
  Replies (38) Good night (1021) Bad night (3412) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on http://tfl.nu/bnty
  Replies (17) Good night (10158) Bad night (947) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang

  (917): View more from New York City

  really making moves this morning i see

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang (917): really making moves this morning i see http://tfl.nu/4n5c
  Replies (15) Good night (4431) Bad night (1342)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog. http://tfl.nu/8mg1
  Replies (18) Good night (10018) Bad night (1649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup. http://tfl.nu/26kw
  Replies (14) Good night (1271) Bad night (5461) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back. http://tfl.nu/dznq
  Replies (6) Good night (4483) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished. http://tfl.nu/ezge
  Replies (33) Good night (5348) Bad night (2224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope http://tfl.nu/brdy
  Replies (28) Good night (1116) Bad night (4504) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments http://tfl.nu/75se
  Replies (87) Good night (14308) Bad night (2667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+47): View more from Norway

  i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+47): i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls http://tfl.nu/1fkx
  Replies (48) Good night (10412) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  engineering majors are such efficient drunks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell. (410): engineering majors are such efficient drunks. http://tfl.nu/xm4l
  Replies (22) Good night (8104) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them http://tfl.nu/zf3d
  Replies (209) Good night (61970) Bad night (2271) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (337): All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!" http://tfl.nu/qrwa
  Replies (44) Good night (8167) Bad night (1292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial. http://tfl.nu/jwzw
  Replies (20) Good night (1374) Bad night (6957) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (235): View more from

  I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (235): I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick. http://tfl.nu/7zv4
  Replies (55) Good night (2048) Bad night (6343) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it http://tfl.nu/bivl
  Replies (15) Good night (1098) Bad night (6559) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX" http://tfl.nu/a1ku
  Replies (20) Good night (1491) Bad night (5404) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella http://tfl.nu/sjyh
  Replies (34) Good night (6063) Bad night (2019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  you told grandpa to call you daddy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): you told grandpa to call you daddy http://tfl.nu/jb8d
  Replies (10) Good night (1159) Bad night (4858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner http://tfl.nu/04vf
  Replies (15) Good night (3585) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows. http://tfl.nu/2kv7
  Replies (17) Good night (4568) Bad night (1037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off. http://tfl.nu/vq2t
  Replies (8) Good night (6069) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard. http://tfl.nu/fxyx
  Replies (9) Good night (4714) Bad night (1096) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling. http://tfl.nu/zskd
  Replies (14) Good night (7077) Bad night (908) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa. http://tfl.nu/sbm1
  Replies (91) Good night (30852) Bad night (1042) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there http://tfl.nu/k2pn
  Replies (14) Good night (6573) Bad night (830) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on. (217): Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder. http://tfl.nu/huht
  Replies (13) Good night (8768) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me http://tfl.nu/ef5u
  Replies (12) Good night (4710) Bad night (1517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in http://tfl.nu/mvwo
  Replies (15) Good night (6858) Bad night (851) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me. http://tfl.nu/6hfm
  Replies (18) Good night (4692) Bad night (2024) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  I can get orange kush...

  (586): View more from Michigan

  GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): I can get orange kush... (586): GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?! http://tfl.nu/voiy
  Replies (32) Good night (6296) Bad night (1306)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why. http://tfl.nu/9zaj
  Replies (12) Good night (5012) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees. http://tfl.nu/9alk
  Replies (42) Good night (1646) Bad night (6478) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore http://tfl.nu/n25p
  Replies (37) Good night (6438) Bad night (1185)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people" http://tfl.nu/5d9d
  Replies (20) Good night (7427) Bad night (1641) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  wow, a mother in the making

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test (1-217): wow, a mother in the making http://tfl.nu/2c41
  Replies (45) Good night (1561) Bad night (5522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow. http://tfl.nu/v829
  Replies (32) Good night (4577) Bad night (1768) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in. http://tfl.nu/awzl
  Replies (12) Good night (8249) Bad night (821)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then. http://tfl.nu/941i
  Replies (24) Good night (4942) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass http://tfl.nu/vj6i
  Replies (17) Good night (3953) Bad night (1772) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am http://tfl.nu/tj8n
  Replies (15) Good night (1487) Bad night (3050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (51) Good night (15128) Bad night (3709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized. http://tfl.nu/cbfh
  Replies (11) Good night (4856) Bad night (747) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville. http://tfl.nu/k1x4
  Replies (6) Good night (7993) Bad night (1460) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him. http://tfl.nu/quex
  Replies (24) Good night (5820) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned. http://tfl.nu/94k0
  Replies (15) Good night (6550) Bad night (1982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick http://tfl.nu/5e6v
  Replies (17) Good night (970) Bad night (9860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ. http://tfl.nu/a72f
  Replies (6) Good night (5467) Bad night (884) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed. http://tfl.nu/jzfc
  Replies (35) Good night (6078) Bad night (2028) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time (732): no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution. http://tfl.nu/6mq6
  Replies (23) Good night (8516) Bad night (1051)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet http://tfl.nu/ryzv
  Replies (19) Good night (4592) Bad night (444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week. http://tfl.nu/9ao4
  Replies (33) Good night (5849) Bad night (637) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts? (609): And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud http://tfl.nu/gnmk
  Replies (15) Good night (5314) Bad night (630)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night http://tfl.nu/zxc1
  Replies (9) Good night (5082) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed. http://tfl.nu/hsgt
  Replies (35) Good night (1648) Bad night (6584) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight? (1-814): I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me. http://tfl.nu/ovto
  Replies (25) Good night (4619) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed http://tfl.nu/sgs1
  Replies (19) Good night (3621) Bad night (1118) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college. http://tfl.nu/jk80
  Replies (30) Good night (1223) Bad night (5659)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (772): you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted http://tfl.nu/vebg
  Replies (39) Good night (5109) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum http://tfl.nu/ih77
  Replies (10) Good night (4065) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic http://tfl.nu/lvdi
  Replies (17) Good night (15686) Bad night (1085)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class. http://tfl.nu/yhk3
  Replies (31) Good night (6652) Bad night (586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?

  (1-513): View more from Ohio

  The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region? (1-513): The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well. http://tfl.nu/bwog
  Replies (28) Good night (1546) Bad night (5396)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (26503) Bad night (1259)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again. http://tfl.nu/gz8q
  Replies (22) Good night (1254) Bad night (6077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY http://tfl.nu/204o
  Replies (19) Good night (6491) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  it happened again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels? (973): it happened again. http://tfl.nu/jmjg
  Replies (8) Good night (5973) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting. http://tfl.nu/k93x
  Replies (44) Good night (3782) Bad night (4262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue. http://tfl.nu/efry
  Replies (15) Good night (6213) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca http://tfl.nu/k60q
  Replies (19) Good night (1213) Bad night (6779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either. http://tfl.nu/u7gs
  Replies (15) Good night (1065) Bad night (5519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Are you still at the party or did I leave?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Are you still at the party or did I leave? http://tfl.nu/pph4
  Replies (18) Good night (6786) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight http://tfl.nu/kopz
  Replies (14) Good night (1115) Bad night (4102) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god. http://tfl.nu/qi32
  Replies (5) Good night (6432) Bad night (576) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8758) Bad night (1918) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke. http://tfl.nu/gwfs
  Replies (14) Good night (5000) Bad night (656) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH http://tfl.nu/8euf
  Replies (39) Good night (4067) Bad night (543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me. http://tfl.nu/heot
  Replies (14) Good night (888) Bad night (4438) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again. http://tfl.nu/nxev
  Replies (16) Good night (661) Bad night (5622) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?

  (317): View more from Indiana

  all hypothetical of course

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all? (317): all hypothetical of course http://tfl.nu/v0tg
  Replies (14) Good night (5370) Bad night (1105)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party. http://tfl.nu/j6hi
  Replies (12) Good night (7004) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever. http://tfl.nu/v4fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5446) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs http://tfl.nu/dxeo
  Replies (13) Good night (8518) Bad night (1160)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14648) Bad night (1662)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16201) Bad night (1166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever. http://tfl.nu/2hpf
  Replies (37) Good night (12743) Bad night (1255) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  so how was last night?

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): so how was last night? (1-586): got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages. http://tfl.nu/4xoa
  Replies (21) Good night (10182) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home. http://tfl.nu/c9s9
  Replies (45) Good night (11809) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt