Texts From Last Night

spek10's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+44): If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine" http://tfl.nu/ib5o
  Replies (5) Good night (347) Bad night (101) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (209): View more from California

  I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (209): I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins. http://tfl.nu/devk
  Replies (11) Good night (1554) Bad night (168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm pregnant.

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): I'm pregnant. (1-407): The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number??? http://tfl.nu/ivb7
  Replies (15) Good night (1044) Bad night (1625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do" http://tfl.nu/rrgq
  Replies (11) Good night (1966) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.

  (214): View more from Texas

  I still make more money.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions. (214): I still make more money. http://tfl.nu/pibf
  Replies (6) Good night (1965) Bad night (181)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable http://tfl.nu/3me5
  Replies (6) Good night (2531) Bad night (192) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina http://tfl.nu/3xqs
  Replies (19) Good night (1951) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own. http://tfl.nu/ehgs
  Replies (4) Good night (2098) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness. http://tfl.nu/gw3t
  Replies (6) Good night (2233) Bad night (227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now. http://tfl.nu/19el
  Replies (7) Good night (1182) Bad night (511) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed. http://tfl.nu/eaqv
  Replies (1) Good night (262) Bad night (1027) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work. http://tfl.nu/815e
  Replies (13) Good night (701) Bad night (2353) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole http://tfl.nu/78ec
  Replies (7) Good night (2424) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  did she buy you pizza?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around. (215): did she buy you pizza? http://tfl.nu/k5jd
  Replies (9) Good night (1868) Bad night (364)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting. http://tfl.nu/cxg1
  Replies (3) Good night (202) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover. http://tfl.nu/imva
  Replies (5) Good night (1448) Bad night (268) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage http://tfl.nu/ka66
  Replies (9) Good night (1702) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit http://tfl.nu/iywm
  Replies (8) Good night (2388) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired. http://tfl.nu/ogws
  Replies (23) Good night (2479) Bad night (402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that. http://tfl.nu/d355
  Replies (6) Good night (692) Bad night (1154)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night http://tfl.nu/c70m
  Replies (27) Good night (2067) Bad night (963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago http://tfl.nu/3uom
  Replies (7) Good night (412) Bad night (1007) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing. http://tfl.nu/xrfi
  Replies (26) Good night (1625) Bad night (857) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin. (804): It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals. http://tfl.nu/mo3g
  Replies (8) Good night (1906) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/v5hf
  Replies (39) Good night (7543) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak. http://tfl.nu/j26q
  Replies (18) Good night (458) Bad night (2994) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes http://tfl.nu/hzj5
  Replies (15) Good night (534) Bad night (1755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (307): this is worse than the time i threw up a condom. http://tfl.nu/98sx
  Replies (14) Good night (595) Bad night (4590) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't. http://tfl.nu/8mv6
  Replies (13) Good night (3865) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Lolll I'll be sleeping

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though (289): Lolll I'll be sleeping (905): I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town. http://tfl.nu/s1jf
  Replies (2) Good night (1807) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics. http://tfl.nu/j3g0
  Replies (5) Good night (1520) Bad night (403) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night http://tfl.nu/1iuj
  Replies (6) Good night (683) Bad night (1540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself. http://tfl.nu/j69f
  Replies (5) Good night (3512) Bad night (1263)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca. http://tfl.nu/7xxl
  Replies (10) Good night (1609) Bad night (973) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing

  (206): View more from Washington

  and semen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing (206): and semen http://tfl.nu/0fmk
  Replies (13) Good night (3945) Bad night (520)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl. http://tfl.nu/lse9
  Replies (6) Good night (1848) Bad night (520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  370HSSV 0773H read that upside down

  (1-925): View more from California

  what are you doing with your life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): 370HSSV 0773H read that upside down (1-925): what are you doing with your life http://tfl.nu/25tc
  Replies (18) Good night (4484) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?

  (816): View more from Missouri

  um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (660): what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate? (816): um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan http://tfl.nu/0tla
  Replies (11) Good night (7218) Bad night (624)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it. http://tfl.nu/t1oh
  Replies (15) Good night (2085) Bad night (605) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  dude how high are you right now?

  (256): View more from Alabama

  do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground. (1-256): dude how high are you right now? (256): do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves. http://tfl.nu/7ihc
  Replies (38) Good night (11050) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet. http://tfl.nu/uf41
  Replies (9) Good night (4660) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings http://tfl.nu/z81c
  Replies (13) Good night (3335) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me.... http://tfl.nu/xfhz
  Replies (11) Good night (1147) Bad night (3130) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone" http://tfl.nu/xglm
  Replies (12) Good night (2909) Bad night (1050) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it. http://tfl.nu/bg9a
  Replies (11) Good night (5796) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away http://tfl.nu/zrix
  Replies (16) Good night (3446) Bad night (1734) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace. http://tfl.nu/qgcb
  Replies (7) Good night (1159) Bad night (2846) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together. http://tfl.nu/l7kg
  Replies (34) Good night (2740) Bad night (9392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/gi6e
  Replies (26) Good night (7681) Bad night (669) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused. http://tfl.nu/76xl
  Replies (17) Good night (1787) Bad night (2407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down. http://tfl.nu/7y05
  Replies (26) Good night (1340) Bad night (5444) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life. http://tfl.nu/md1r
  Replies (10) Good night (1413) Bad night (4942) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (217): Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997 http://tfl.nu/gfc1
  Replies (34) Good night (949) Bad night (4723) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (207): Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father. http://tfl.nu/7nfw
  Replies (48) Good night (1211) Bad night (13215) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex. http://tfl.nu/iyvz
  Replies (17) Good night (8809) Bad night (959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn. http://tfl.nu/voym
  Replies (43) Good night (9888) Bad night (1490) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (386): The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance http://tfl.nu/iqmo
  Replies (17) Good night (4997) Bad night (1151)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight http://tfl.nu/kopz
  Replies (14) Good night (965) Bad night (3951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank" (201): hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins http://tfl.nu/g5wh
  Replies (41) Good night (4123) Bad night (1045)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance. http://tfl.nu/3lur
  Replies (32) Good night (9047) Bad night (1567) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after http://tfl.nu/tns7
  Replies (38) Good night (13934) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now. http://tfl.nu/4hn1
  Replies (33) Good night (12004) Bad night (1034)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter. http://tfl.nu/87g5
  Replies (53) Good night (1634) Bad night (13232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job. http://tfl.nu/3lp9
  Replies (13) Good night (5392) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (865): I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out... (615): Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again http://tfl.nu/gvsb
  Replies (15) Good night (1419) Bad night (3812)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (81) Good night (31292) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today. http://tfl.nu/4lg3
  Replies (52) Good night (9683) Bad night (852) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox. http://tfl.nu/xeau
  Replies (41) Good night (7995) Bad night (4426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please. http://tfl.nu/1q4n
  Replies (17) Good night (7591) Bad night (750) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth http://tfl.nu/7jau
  Replies (13) Good night (3512) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (972): They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas. http://tfl.nu/lamz
  Replies (41) Good night (4129) Bad night (6995) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win. (1-773): Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married http://tfl.nu/w32w
  Replies (19) Good night (866) Bad night (7143)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (413): You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief. http://tfl.nu/eaos
  Replies (40) Good night (4701) Bad night (2973)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

  (1-816): View more from Missouri

  Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock... (1-816): Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings. (816): that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it. http://tfl.nu/66g0
  Replies (35) Good night (11608) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands. http://tfl.nu/9x0j
  Replies (22) Good night (6122) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (24103) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana. http://tfl.nu/g8b3
  Replies (24) Good night (1582) Bad night (6351) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me. http://tfl.nu/fshf
  Replies (24) Good night (8189) Bad night (1554) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes. http://tfl.nu/9iko
  Replies (117) Good night (25289) Bad night (3897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out" http://tfl.nu/fktd
  Replies (33) Good night (12540) Bad night (997) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina. http://tfl.nu/1ygc
  Replies (30) Good night (5447) Bad night (1515) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY. http://tfl.nu/e2x6
  Replies (29) Good night (2553) Bad night (6633) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend? http://tfl.nu/l4fs
  Replies (46) Good night (9058) Bad night (1699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Colt 45 out of anything is classy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy. (919): Colt 45 out of anything is classy. http://tfl.nu/9zxf
  Replies (17) Good night (4265) Bad night (601)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy. http://tfl.nu/xos0
  Replies (10) Good night (5369) Bad night (558) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox (1-248): You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities. http://tfl.nu/l19y
  Replies (85) Good night (2480) Bad night (8707)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion. http://tfl.nu/ntse
  Replies (28) Good night (10486) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho http://tfl.nu/chvf
  Replies (56) Good night (1775) Bad night (14399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.' http://tfl.nu/mde3
  Replies (246) Good night (64506) Bad night (2455) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented. http://tfl.nu/jb6b
  Replies (810) Good night (11920) Bad night (5199) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen http://tfl.nu/rvwe
  Replies (42) Good night (816) Bad night (5112)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed" http://tfl.nu/ho10
  Replies (132) Good night (4858) Bad night (544) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time. http://tfl.nu/hpfk
  Replies (38) Good night (4915) Bad night (393) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (769): View more from Mississippi

  she said she likes her vagina punished

  (1-769): View more from Mississippi

  being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (769): she said she likes her vagina punished (1-769): being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough http://tfl.nu/ts79
  Replies (35) Good night (1435) Bad night (6749) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back." (202): buy whatever she's on. a lot of it. http://tfl.nu/b6gr
  Replies (34) Good night (14716) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb http://tfl.nu/7q2n
  Replies (26) Good night (626) Bad night (5114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (216): The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again. http://tfl.nu/9v1i
  Replies (45) Good night (4657) Bad night (784) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever. http://tfl.nu/64bh
  Replies (85) Good night (10244) Bad night (2115)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow

  (1-269): View more from Michigan

  Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (269): So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow (1-269): Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10 http://tfl.nu/n472
  Replies (63) Good night (14308) Bad night (500)
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant http://tfl.nu/1flc
  Replies (67) Good night (5407) Bad night (1373) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack http://tfl.nu/aa3v
  Replies (87) Good night (8582) Bad night (702) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.

  (1405): View more from

  I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie. (1405): I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes? http://tfl.nu/u9sc
  Replies (45) Good night (9635) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it. http://tfl.nu/bdg5
  Replies (34) Good night (10271) Bad night (1123) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously http://tfl.nu/mrdz
  Replies (13) Good night (4131) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums. http://tfl.nu/weac
  Replies (36) Good night (6616) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES. http://tfl.nu/2zjv
  Replies (37) Good night (7647) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary. http://tfl.nu/4ghz
  Replies (18) Good night (4052) Bad night (799) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf http://tfl.nu/ndyg
  Replies (26) Good night (585) Bad night (5077) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck http://tfl.nu/zlj8
  Replies (46) Good night (979) Bad night (7019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (301): Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow. http://tfl.nu/rpb6
  Replies (37) Good night (2643) Bad night (3976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love http://tfl.nu/fo0q
  Replies (41) Good night (2242) Bad night (4103) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance. http://tfl.nu/gr0i
  Replies (25) Good night (8860) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true' http://tfl.nu/1kz1
  Replies (76) Good night (36283) Bad night (1305) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!" http://tfl.nu/furw
  Replies (68) Good night (7166) Bad night (1775) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic http://tfl.nu/fwzo
  Replies (58) Good night (805) Bad night (5270) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit. http://tfl.nu/4xb1
  Replies (9) Good night (4441) Bad night (984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again. http://tfl.nu/rreu
  Replies (54) Good night (832) Bad night (4628) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight. http://tfl.nu/mepj
  Replies (14) Good night (789) Bad night (3569)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa http://tfl.nu/4mlw
  Replies (79) Good night (13444) Bad night (635) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app http://tfl.nu/uu0s
  Replies (78) Good night (5780) Bad night (1963) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float? http://tfl.nu/0v16
  Replies (21) Good night (707) Bad night (4934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching. http://tfl.nu/ljur
  Replies (21) Good night (1525) Bad night (7976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter. http://tfl.nu/yfry
  Replies (74) Good night (451) Bad night (6181) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob. http://tfl.nu/tpno
  Replies (41) Good night (4434) Bad night (3347) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him. http://tfl.nu/coq9
  Replies (9) Good night (4443) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda. http://tfl.nu/fjuw
  Replies (111) Good night (6325) Bad night (2126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet. http://tfl.nu/x1wg
  Replies (29) Good night (7547) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic? http://tfl.nu/piwl
  Replies (28) Good night (6440) Bad night (457) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake. http://tfl.nu/zq33
  Replies (47) Good night (763) Bad night (6071) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left. http://tfl.nu/hrhu
  Replies (36) Good night (791) Bad night (6906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.

  (512): View more from Texas

  babe, don't say it like that!

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight. (512): babe, don't say it like that! (713): I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening. http://tfl.nu/iuma
  Replies (137) Good night (36757) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom... http://tfl.nu/aduc
  Replies (80) Good night (777) Bad night (6128) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers. http://tfl.nu/3nnr
  Replies (37) Good night (901) Bad night (5113) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  what the hell does that mean?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here (1-208): what the hell does that mean? (208): nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages http://tfl.nu/of9o
  Replies (26) Good night (2253) Bad night (3585)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless. http://tfl.nu/34a1
  Replies (27) Good night (5725) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny http://tfl.nu/5yjp
  Replies (38) Good night (710) Bad night (4619) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy." http://tfl.nu/a1we
  Replies (91) Good night (20561) Bad night (2710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.

  (1-907): View more from Alaska

  Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (907): Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy. (1-907): Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more.. http://tfl.nu/8g8e
  Replies (44) Good night (7065) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (292) Good night (69191) Bad night (1984) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  did u really fuck my little sister???

  (706): View more from Georgia

  im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): did u really fuck my little sister??? (706): im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess" http://tfl.nu/dz4c
  Replies (155) Good night (15026) Bad night (1415)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted http://tfl.nu/844p
  Replies (25) Good night (5095) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people.. http://tfl.nu/f1rc
  Replies (44) Good night (4082) Bad night (719) Order T-Shirt