he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Send us your Text From Last Night!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Loading more great texts...