Texts From Last Night · partywithbrob's Favorites

Sorry crashessuck hasn't picked any favorites yet.

partywithbrob's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

(239): View more from Florida

I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real

Fav 5 4346 1464
share tweet
(281): View more from Texas

She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out

Fav 33 11719 1650
share tweet

(315): View more from New York

I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.

Fav 3 3090 1149
share tweet
(651): View more from Minnesota

The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion

Fav 12 2596 4571
share tweet
(224): View more from Illinois

i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.

Fav 14 4401 1163
share tweet
(405): View more from Oklahoma

I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.

Fav 11 3086 1772
share tweet

(508): View more from Massachusetts

I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.

Fav 16 3837 1682
share tweet

(972): View more from Texas

I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.

Fav 44 4160 996
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week

Fav 5 4667 1010
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals

Fav 33 9211 1726
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

Now have a vodka water and get your shit together

Fav 6 2763 1214
share tweet

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend

Fav 5 4120 1266
share tweet

(810): View more from Michigan

did you make any bad decisions?

(248): View more from Michigan

many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that

Fav 15 1032 1233
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.

Fav 16 936 2497
share tweet

(519): View more from Ontario

Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.

Fav 35 1376 8446
share tweet
(325): View more from Texas

The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am

Fav 11 1457 3320
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up

Fav 78 1440 5316
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year

Fav 14 1441 5002
share tweet
(217): View more from Illinois

I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in

Fav 37 1815 3248
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.

(205): View more from Alabama

I hate freshman.

Fav 23 2237 5683
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."

Fav 16 2303 4044
share tweet
(216): View more from Ohio

you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses

Fav 20 2901 802
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.

Fav 25 3627 1243
share tweet
(513): View more from Ohio

I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!

Fav 10 3495 1264
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook

Fav 9 3713 2028
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.

Fav 8 3734 1213
share tweet
(540): View more from Virginia

i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore

Fav 16 4640 2133
share tweet
(916): View more from California

Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'

Fav 19 3807 1015
share tweet
(920): View more from Wisconsin

I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen

Fav 7 4032 1050
share tweet
(571): View more from Virginia

every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman

Fav 6 4202 1217
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs

Fav 14 4073 964
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.

Fav 9 5097 1401
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.

Fav 17 5279 1280
share tweet
(781): View more from Massachusetts

the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme

Fav 9 5390 1199
share tweet
(210): View more from Texas

so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....

(512): View more from Texas

oh shit that had to have been awkward

(210): View more from Texas

i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for

Fav 9 1246 3849
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.

Fav 8 5413 1244
share tweet
(520): View more from Arizona

I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.

Fav 3 1208 3278
share tweet
(715): View more from Wisconsin

Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.

Fav 2 3791 1253
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.

Fav 6 2475 1183
share tweet
(815): View more from Illinois

Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.

Fav 14 3304 1731
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?

(571): View more from Virginia

Fuck you.

Fav 13 4601 2231
share tweet
(231): View more from Michigan

bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.

(517): View more from Michigan

Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.

Fav 49 6706 1912
share tweet
(585): View more from New York

we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist

Fav 19 7189 1037
share tweet
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life

Fav 16 8078 1190
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex

Fav 20 3738 1642
share tweet
(559): View more from California

Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.

Fav 9 2611 1355
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics

Fav 22 4448 1302
share tweet
(305): View more from Florida

quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you

Fav 9 5590 1265
share tweet
(317): View more from Indiana

Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.

Fav 21 7180 1496
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.

Fav 8 2700 1253
share tweet
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight

Fav 3 2672 1010
share tweet
(310): View more from California

I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?

Fav 6 3666 1323
share tweet
(239): View more from Florida

What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?

Fav 11 3853 1221
share tweet
(204): View more from Manitoba

I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary

Fav 5 2657 1483
share tweet
(240): View more from Maryland

Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.

Fav 5 4684 1918
share tweet
(802): View more from Vermont

i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.

Fav 21 5848 3068
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again

Fav 13 6771 1621
share tweet
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .

Fav 6 3186 1465
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative

Fav 6 5838 1483
share tweet
(415): View more from California

Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.

Fav 5 2395 1098
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...

Fav 3 978 2074
share tweet
(336): View more from North Carolina

as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love

Fav 6 2876 1243
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day

Fav 4 3825 982
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.

Fav 18 4372 1031
share tweet
(302): View more from Delaware

just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day

Fav 6 5478 1046
share tweet
(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.

Fav 17 5773 1159
share tweet
(559): View more from California

You realize it's finals week?

(408): View more from California

Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.

Fav 19 6704 1286
share tweet
(952): View more from Minnesota

So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome

Fav 12 6759 1344
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.

Fav 9 7960 1114
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day

Fav 10 5584 1012
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.

Fav 27 8127 1271
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

it's 1 pm.

Fav 29 8910 1456
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things

Fav 7 3568 1257
share tweet
(314): View more from Missouri

Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.

Fav 14 6575 1131
share tweet
(307): View more from Wyoming

How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?

Fav 13 3965 1239
share tweet
(309): View more from Illinois

Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.

Fav 7 1336 2457
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in

Fav 14 3783 1035
share tweet
(925): View more from California

Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.

Fav 20 1470 7108
share tweet
(540): View more from Virginia

birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex

(703): View more from Virginia

I'm on my period, period, period

Fav 72 2291 16368
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.

Fav 9 2573 992
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?

Fav 5 4145 1156
share tweet
(416): View more from Toronto

sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.

Fav 16 4191 2751
share tweet
(405): View more from Oklahoma

Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us

Fav 4 4743 1309
share tweet
(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.

Fav 6 4839 1295
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...

Fav 14 4734 1642
share tweet
(216): View more from Ohio

6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.

Fav 7 6280 1174
share tweet
(712): View more from Iowa

Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.

Fav 8 6408 1422
share tweet
(518): View more from New York

I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.

Fav 16 6620 1433
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.

(407): View more from Florida

i think you have the wrong number

(813): View more from Florida

so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.

Fav 70 7456 1018
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex

Fav 12 8022 1328
share tweet
(518): View more from New York

In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.

Fav 10 7980 1304
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex

Fav 44 7710 1031
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song

Fav 25 10211 1314
share tweet
(226): View more from Ontario

This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon

Fav 43 14865 2794
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.

Fav 26 14205 1601
share tweet
(541): View more from Oregon

Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.

Fav 26 1605 8462
share tweet
(540): View more from Virginia

amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.

Fav 10 1309 3983
share tweet
(604): View more from British Columbia

dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"

Fav 5 4429 1303
share tweet
(781): View more from Massachusetts

when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton

(781): View more from Massachusetts

then i met college

Fav 17 6595 1083
share tweet
(+45): View more from Denmark

Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.

Fav 1 1285 2877
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.

Fav 14 8058 1246
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?

Fav 13 3162 1086
share tweet
(219): View more from Indiana

ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...

Fav 15 7603 1261
share tweet
(914): View more from New York

does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?

Fav 30 3261 3898
share tweet
(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.

Fav 10 3340 1084
share tweet
(650): View more from California

I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes

Fav 21 5240 1886
share tweet
(541): View more from Oregon

Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.

Fav 7 4245 1101
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.

Fav 6 3017 1168
share tweet
(240): View more from Maryland

i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.

Fav 8 4215 1210
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.

Fav 4 1193 3465
share tweet
(516): View more from New York

my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now

Fav 13 1665 2408
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.

Fav 25 3398 1054
share tweet
(574): View more from Indiana

Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.

Fav 12 4108 1360
share tweet
(250): View more from British Columbia

And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule

Fav 8 3844 1041
share tweet
(781): View more from Massachusetts

I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.

Fav 4 4114 1107
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face

Fav 13 4571 1095
share tweet
(541): View more from Oregon

When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.

Fav 11 3235 1990
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better

Fav 3 2801 1606
share tweet
(+49): View more from Germany

Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays

Fav 3 4404 1303
share tweet
(207): View more from Maine

I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet

Fav 12 9535 1523
share tweet
(614): View more from Ohio

I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man

Fav 9 4533 1284
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already

Fav 25 4154 1427
share tweet
(847): View more from Illinois

Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.

Fav 20 1339 5766
share tweet
(615): View more from Tennessee

If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.

Fav 13 4445 872
share tweet
(780): View more from Alberta, CA

girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week

Fav 32 6994 1439
share tweet
(309): View more from Illinois

i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.

(309): View more from Illinois

so finals studying is going well?

Fav 13 7827 1521
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.

Fav 17 7997 1567
share tweet
(416): View more from Toronto

Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.

Fav 13 1342 4138
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far

Fav 11 6171 1598
share tweet
(830): View more from Texas

What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple

Fav 9 4311 1229
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone

Fav 12 6817 1959
share tweet
(415): View more from California

was it good sex?

(510): View more from California

i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was

Fav 13 4462 1159
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian

Fav 7 1725 3010
share tweet
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance

Fav 8 3517 825
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well

Fav 7 4277 1134
share tweet
(909): View more from California

I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.

Fav 14 4864 852
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly

Fav 11 6059 1651
share tweet
(931): View more from Tennessee

don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding

Fav 10 6012 1387
share tweet
(920): View more from Wisconsin

the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.

Fav 12 6211 1254
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.

Fav 12 5793 1434
share tweet
(636): View more from Missouri

they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??

Fav 21 1574 5032
share tweet
(909): View more from California

We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.

Fav 12 5883 1120
share tweet
(401): View more from Rhode Island

You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.

Fav 4 4347 1087
share tweet
(234): View more from Ohio

If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.

Fav 6 3221 1321
share tweet
(514): View more from Quebec

What happened to chicks over dicks?

(1-514): View more from Quebec

That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..

Fav 50 8883 1354
share tweet
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.

Fav 6 3825 999
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..

Fav 16 1259 3424
share tweet
(716): View more from New York

I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.

Fav 7 4454 1390
share tweet
(414): View more from Wisconsin

I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful

Fav 6 4275 1154
share tweet
(440): View more from Ohio

I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.

Fav 20 4695 1739
share tweet
(209): View more from California

is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.

Fav 4 4649 1442
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?

Fav 8 5825 1506
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills

Fav 25 7285 2077
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...

Fav 16 4906 1298
share tweet
(518): View more from New York

bad decision saturdays are such a good decision

Fav 3 3880 1154
share tweet
(206): View more from Washington

It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to

Fav 9 5360 1245
share tweet
(708): View more from Illinois

I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them

Fav 8 4520 1401
share tweet
(660): View more from Missouri

We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out

Fav 3 5663 1528
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester

Fav 16 1350 4422
share tweet
(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

So for us it's double that?

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Precisely.

Fav 33 5328 1043
share tweet
(708): View more from Illinois

bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.

Fav 12 6701 1236
share tweet
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had

Fav 9 3652 1003
share tweet
(225): View more from Louisiana

If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.

Fav 7 1390 3032
share tweet
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands

Fav 8 3612 1158
share tweet
(785): View more from Kansas

my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working

Fav 11 3745 1144
share tweet
(708): View more from Illinois

This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.

Fav 10 3446 1169
share tweet
(330): View more from Ohio

just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings

Fav 40 1174 7671
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over

Fav 14 5084 1534
share tweet
(865): View more from Tennessee

all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.

Fav 8 3652 1384
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"

Fav 4 2928 998
share tweet
(313): View more from Michigan

is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday

Fav 6 3827 1031
share tweet
(517): View more from Michigan

i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend

Fav 7 6452 2169
share tweet
(315): View more from New York

careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....

Fav 10 6716 1825
share tweet
(678): View more from Georgia

why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?

(770): View more from Georgia

I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

Fav 32 3953 1038
share tweet
(619): View more from California

DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES

Fav 23 5309 831
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure

Fav 6 4166 1344
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday

Fav 2 3434 1103
share tweet
(812): View more from Indiana

obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date

Fav 19 5510 1410
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.

Fav 12 7948 1356
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.

Fav 8 1254 3219
share tweet
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.

Fav 6 5907 1144
share tweet
(563): View more from Iowa

I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.

Fav 9 1766 2929
share tweet
(613): View more from Ontario

You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.

Fav 9 4948 1169
share tweet
(865): View more from Tennessee

Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class

Fav 37 5065 862
share tweet
(914): View more from New York

I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.

Fav 7 4214 1201
share tweet
(310): View more from California

so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?

(818): View more from California

by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ

Fav 43 14646 1584
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."

Fav 49 18406 2230
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.

Fav 120 28217 5136
share tweet
(802): View more from Vermont

I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.

Fav 25 861 3488
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...

Fav 5 1207 809
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.

Fav 25 1744 3345
share tweet
(718): View more from New York

i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..

Fav 11 3912 1456
share tweet
(239): View more from Florida

R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs

Fav 7 1519 720
share tweet
(917): View more from New York City

we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.

Fav 24 2194 11545
share tweet
(450): View more from Quebec

I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life

Fav 7 4454 1422
share tweet
(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night

Fav 14 4416 1564
share tweet
(819): View more from Quebec

Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?

(604): View more from British Columbia

Each and every day.

Fav 16 4920 1294
share tweet
(630): View more from Illinois

You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.

Fav 18 4716 1667
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.

(1-404): View more from Georgia

i can respect that.

Fav 14 5195 1061
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.

Fav 27 5767 1358
share tweet
(214): View more from Texas

does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??

(817): View more from Texas

dude, everything can mix, this is college.

Fav 24 6436 1014
share tweet
(405): View more from Oklahoma

Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.

Fav 25 7102 2100
share tweet
(520): View more from Arizona

my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands

Fav 14 4836 1661
share tweet
(985): View more from Louisiana

Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.

Fav 43 5149 1219
share tweet
(646): View more from New York

its my first week of college and i have a UTI

(718): View more from New York

not easy being a whore now is it

Fav 23 1725 4922
share tweet
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.

Fav 21 5357 1361
share tweet
(208): View more from Idaho

I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table

Fav 15 4293 1407
share tweet
(506): View more from New Brunswick

I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to

Fav 26 5835 1878
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.

Fav 19 6265 1335
share tweet
(231): View more from Michigan

So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?

Fav 21 1783 5038
share tweet
(240): View more from Maryland

It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.

Fav 19 1963 4224
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.

Fav 19 4844 2352
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.

Fav 21 6414 2295
share tweet
(931): View more from Tennessee

Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.

Fav 23 4861 1600
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

Fav 48 13250 2054
share tweet
(330): View more from Ohio

yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?

(1-330): View more from Ohio

i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok

Fav 35 1370 7540
share tweet
(602): View more from Arizona

just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish

Fav 5 4147 1058
share tweet
(202): View more from Washington, DC

Did you just throw up mid-sentence?

Fav 2 1262 915
share tweet
(734): View more from Michigan

If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns

Fav 23 1060 3479
share tweet
(202): View more from Washington, DC

just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang

(917): View more from New York City

really making moves this morning i see

Fav 15 5170 2060
share tweet
(660): View more from Missouri

I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.

Fav 16 4605 1102
share tweet
(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.

Fav 22 7344 1468
share tweet
(573): View more from Missouri

Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday

Fav 7 4728 998
share tweet
(716): View more from New York

angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up

Fav 26 4774 1048
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.

Fav 14 1230 4349
share tweet
(732): View more from New Jersey

the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.

Fav 26 1312 6651
share tweet
(805): View more from California

just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.

Fav 7 1346 3592
share tweet
(541): View more from Oregon

I heard you threw up in your lap?

(1-541): View more from Oregon

I heard that too.

Fav 9 1917 3948
share tweet
(858): View more from California

I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.

(619): View more from California

you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS

Fav 22 7109 1688
share tweet
(937): View more from Ohio

i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.

Fav 31 6141 2416
share tweet
(954): View more from Florida

It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school

Fav 27 5495 1463
share tweet
(972): View more from Texas

Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.

Fav 30 5344 1157
share tweet
(864): View more from South Carolina

you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night

Fav 13 10374 1147
share tweet
(310): View more from California

i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."

Fav 87 21062 2049
share tweet
(585): View more from New York

you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it

Fav 17 4882 1580
share tweet
(352): View more from Florida

we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.

Fav 44 8020 2540
share tweet
(604): View more from British Columbia

I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex

Fav 17 6072 2102
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.

Fav 18 7030 1300
share tweet
(+61): View more from Australia

Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.

Fav 29 7272 1952
share tweet
(304): View more from West Virginia

yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.

Fav 12 6452 1612
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.

Fav 8 7516 1373
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.

Fav 43 2849 5351
share tweet
(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.

Fav 14 4932 1964
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions

Fav 7 4455 1301
share tweet
(850): View more from Florida

Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?

Fav 54 1251 4815
share tweet
(859): View more from Kentucky

Just took my morning after pill in the library

Fav 29 1711 4418
share tweet
(502): View more from Kentucky

you would pick up someone in the library

Fav 20 4040 782
share tweet
(234): View more from Ohio

No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.

(387): View more from

I don't know what to judge you more for.

Fav 18 4380 1553
share tweet
(440): View more from Ohio

Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"

(1-440): View more from Ohio

Perfectly normal.

Fav 15 6981 1465
share tweet
(727): View more from Florida

Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize

Fav 10 4177 1195
share tweet
(920): View more from Wisconsin

i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

Fav 26 13594 1718
share tweet
(626): View more from California

Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?

(308): View more from Nebraska

Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.

Fav 17 5060 1440
share tweet
(218): View more from Minnesota

time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.

Fav 15 4448 1559
share tweet
(210): View more from Texas

drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend

(1-210): View more from Texas

I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.

Fav 26 2486 5616
share tweet
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.

Fav 13 1625 3651
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.

Fav 17 6450 1463
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.

Fav 22 8927 1839
share tweet
(904): View more from Florida

SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.

Fav 23 5620 1788
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.

Fav 26 1723 5882
share tweet
(985): View more from Louisiana

shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago

Fav 20 6648 1543
share tweet
(860): View more from Connecticut

Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.

Fav 6 4781 1343
share tweet
(615): View more from Tennessee

I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

Fav 24 8037 1437
share tweet
(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...

Fav 108 1469 6119
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy

Fav 15 1575 2814
share tweet
(810): View more from Michigan

Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college

Fav 17 2229 845
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college

Fav 79 2002 3938
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?

Fav 52 2134 5057
share tweet
(508): View more from Massachusetts

i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.

Fav 37 2521 1135
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free

Fav 18 3483 1475
share tweet
(216): View more from Ohio

Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?

(1-216): View more from Ohio

Lol no its called college

Fav 44 3826 860
share tweet
(914): View more from New York

She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.

Fav 17 4176 952
share tweet
(615): View more from Tennessee

Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college

Fav 7 5360 917
share tweet
(765): View more from Indiana

I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college

Fav 19 5392 764
share tweet
(413): View more from Massachusetts

birth control should be required to get into college

Fav 28 5989 1296
share tweet
(989): View more from Michigan

Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.

Fav 29 7056 1595
share tweet
(650): View more from California

Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.

Fav 26 7080 1335
share tweet
(573): View more from Missouri

Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.

Fav 24 7581 1350
share tweet
(541): View more from Oregon

for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college

Fav 30 9209 923
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

If you die in college, do you die in real life?

Fav 42 9727 1486
share tweet
(209): View more from California

what is college for if not random hookup sex?

(951): View more from California

learning.

(209): View more from California

i would literally fuck learning if i could.

Fav 50 9985 1277
share tweet
(208): View more from Idaho

The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"

Fav 17 8418 2153
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball

(419): View more from Ohio

And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity

Fav 35 6074 2251
share tweet
(845): View more from New York

I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!

Fav 42 2825 7387
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

Fav 6 5977 1386
share tweet
(706): View more from Georgia

Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.

Fav 11 7754 1739
share tweet
(904): View more from Florida

at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot

Fav 60 1125 4217
share tweet
(817): View more from Texas

This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"

Fav 9 3772 1704
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?

Fav 34 2410 8687
share tweet
(207): View more from Maine

i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship

Fav 13 2204 4125
share tweet
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

Fav 18 6502 2027
share tweet
(608): View more from Wisconsin

She tied me up with her honor cords...

Fav 29 11565 1382
share tweet
(305): View more from Florida

Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.

Fav 6 4250 1224
share tweet
(262): View more from Wisconsin

I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am

Fav 7 4455 1352
share tweet
(416): View more from Toronto

Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?

(416): View more from Toronto

Better looking than her though please.

Fav 29 2445 6619
share tweet
(708): View more from Illinois

having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling

Fav 8 3375 1414
share tweet
(256): View more from Alabama

made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold

Fav 81 5538 1948
share tweet
(240): View more from Maryland

ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow

Fav 10 2869 899
share tweet
(641): View more from Iowa

and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"

Fav 20 6011 2296
share tweet
(864): View more from South Carolina

Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this

Fav 9 4773 1599
share tweet
(631): View more from New York

i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth

Fav 16 1188 4497
share tweet
(414): View more from Wisconsin

I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig

Fav 29 4966 1470
share tweet
(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b

Fav 47 2668 6716
share tweet
(480): View more from Arizona

Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."

Fav 18 5523 1321
share tweet
(773): View more from Illinois

I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best

(1-773): View more from Illinois

that's your solution for everything

Fav 36 7574 1696
share tweet
(908): View more from New Jersey

You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.

Fav 52 4956 3166
share tweet
(502): View more from Kentucky

So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?

(1-502): View more from Kentucky

eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.

Fav 19 5322 1367
share tweet
(501): View more from Arkansas

recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.

Fav 86 9707 4848
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories

Fav 23 1297 4513
share tweet
(914): View more from New York

every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now

Fav 25 9367 1840
share tweet
(202): View more from Washington, DC

Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?

Fav 25 2931 817
share tweet
(617): View more from Massachusetts

i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.

Fav 50 5303 1951
share tweet
(916): View more from California

I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"

Fav 47 5188 1069
share tweet
(206): View more from Washington

You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..

Fav 61 18441 1592
share tweet
(901): View more from Tennessee

After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?

Fav 63 3053 3738
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.

Fav 33 8103 1005
share tweet
(901): View more from Tennessee

the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.

Fav 29 1399 6926
share tweet
(909): View more from California

Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.

Fav 16 4751 1052
share tweet
(803): View more from South Carolina

Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?

Fav 15 5238 2122
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.

Fav 27 5395 1451
share tweet
(703): View more from Virginia

i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...

Fav 29 3827 2054
share tweet
(317): View more from Indiana

he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".

Fav 31 6970 986
share tweet
(970): View more from Colorado

If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it

Fav 16 6763 1007
share tweet
(304): View more from West Virginia

Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think

Fav 16 902 4464
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?

Fav 184 5952 1453
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011

Fav 53 6052 1438
share tweet
(313): View more from Michigan

I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy

(1-313): View more from Michigan

You shut your mouth

Fav 34 1863 1062
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.

Fav 174 6608 3480
share tweet