OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
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