Texts From Last Night

RoyalPurple92's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT http://tfl.nu/usnf
  Replies (14) Good night (7198) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine. http://tfl.nu/2wf3
  Replies (13) Good night (1225) Bad night (2978) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines http://tfl.nu/hhep
  Replies (26) Good night (3633) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer http://tfl.nu/4g9e
  Replies (5) Good night (2262) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  i just sent this text using only my big toe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): i just sent this text using only my big toe http://tfl.nu/upij
  Replies (22) Good night (5905) Bad night (805) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.

  (347): View more from New York

  And what brought this epiphany?

  (646): View more from New York

  I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (646): I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on. (347): And what brought this epiphany? (646): I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later http://tfl.nu/hsai
  Replies (27) Good night (3277) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it http://tfl.nu/80uu
  Replies (7) Good night (4826) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant. http://tfl.nu/0cvw
  Replies (50) Good night (5462) Bad night (1383) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today. http://tfl.nu/aa1v
  Replies (22) Good night (5158) Bad night (743) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE http://tfl.nu/2u36
  Replies (11) Good night (1189) Bad night (2532) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!" http://tfl.nu/8xfk
  Replies (11) Good night (13040) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (276): View more from Virginia

  I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (276): I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences. http://tfl.nu/f9jw
  Replies (8) Good night (3106) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out. http://tfl.nu/ni31
  Replies (6) Good night (682) Bad night (3416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice. http://tfl.nu/ciw3
  Replies (5) Good night (2126) Bad night (581) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that. http://tfl.nu/dgzr
  Replies (6) Good night (1608) Bad night (1048) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year. http://tfl.nu/lez5
  Replies (27) Good night (2984) Bad night (1082) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement

  (510): View more from California

  big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement (510): big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault. http://tfl.nu/lnx0
  Replies (11) Good night (6383) Bad night (988)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me http://tfl.nu/y5hr
  Replies (27) Good night (796) Bad night (5710) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (702): I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat. http://tfl.nu/7ors
  Replies (13) Good night (4056) Bad night (998) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before. http://tfl.nu/ra7g
  Replies (20) Good night (4954) Bad night (821) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me http://tfl.nu/3xgn
  Replies (20) Good night (1987) Bad night (3614) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water http://tfl.nu/p9in
  Replies (6) Good night (2478) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (940): I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too. http://tfl.nu/vi8f
  Replies (41) Good night (1299) Bad night (7816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up. http://tfl.nu/ay8q
  Replies (11) Good night (2448) Bad night (530) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case" http://tfl.nu/zxvf
  Replies (15) Good night (4357) Bad night (3834) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower? http://tfl.nu/g495
  Replies (32) Good night (1498) Bad night (4926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day" http://tfl.nu/t1df
  Replies (26) Good night (2048) Bad night (8970) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting. http://tfl.nu/e4bo
  Replies (11) Good night (793) Bad night (2376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash? http://tfl.nu/u262
  Replies (8) Good night (784) Bad night (2416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly. http://tfl.nu/8ih5
  Replies (45) Good night (9761) Bad night (1086) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why. http://tfl.nu/r7vy
  Replies (7) Good night (2140) Bad night (672) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world. http://tfl.nu/6f3f
  Replies (52) Good night (1252) Bad night (7981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I stole a bike. Here's a pic

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight. (513): I stole a bike. Here's a pic http://tfl.nu/v50c
  Replies (10) Good night (3318) Bad night (830)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes. http://tfl.nu/7z3e
  Replies (8) Good night (3012) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment http://tfl.nu/eim1
  Replies (20) Good night (2756) Bad night (1111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw http://tfl.nu/lvr6
  Replies (10) Good night (3536) Bad night (625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick" http://tfl.nu/pihf
  Replies (12) Good night (2526) Bad night (744)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry. http://tfl.nu/6f2v
  Replies (3) Good night (2645) Bad night (698) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out. http://tfl.nu/ydh3
  Replies (6) Good night (2485) Bad night (824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird. http://tfl.nu/shu7
  Replies (5) Good night (856) Bad night (2274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar. http://tfl.nu/j1fg
  Replies (12) Good night (4689) Bad night (1283) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss http://tfl.nu/99ou
  Replies (11) Good night (1962) Bad night (1080) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin. http://tfl.nu/g9sf
  Replies (36) Good night (3983) Bad night (1514) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig. http://tfl.nu/vo5s
  Replies (7) Good night (2398) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  oh. my. god. yes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life. (1-360): oh. my. god. yes. http://tfl.nu/jrnd
  Replies (14) Good night (5662) Bad night (1297) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love. http://tfl.nu/g8jj
  Replies (6) Good night (3209) Bad night (848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid http://tfl.nu/sbxo
  Replies (5) Good night (2265) Bad night (787) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried. http://tfl.nu/6wir
  Replies (7) Good night (967) Bad night (2934) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (916): nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds http://tfl.nu/1rag
  Replies (5) Good night (1146) Bad night (2354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (831): please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom http://tfl.nu/23l0
  Replies (10) Good night (4990) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (406): apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone... http://tfl.nu/2d2g
  Replies (12) Good night (4427) Bad night (948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week. http://tfl.nu/d9gv
  Replies (21) Good night (6674) Bad night (955)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (801): He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me. http://tfl.nu/9uhs
  Replies (33) Good night (5937) Bad night (1565) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I bet i've been more pregnant than you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I bet i've been more pregnant than you. http://tfl.nu/0mti
  Replies (16) Good night (588) Bad night (4232) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?

  (206): View more from Washington

  only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it? (206): only if you didn't want to fuck up your life. http://tfl.nu/bqd4
  Replies (72) Good night (799) Bad night (8758)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (618): he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns http://tfl.nu/88xb
  Replies (16) Good night (1386) Bad night (5517) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE. http://tfl.nu/pbaf
  Replies (68) Good night (2927) Bad night (399) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet http://tfl.nu/4bkm
  Replies (6) Good night (585) Bad night (1016) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am. http://tfl.nu/2bm2
  Replies (9) Good night (1923) Bad night (729) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl". http://tfl.nu/voy6
  Replies (12) Good night (5480) Bad night (926) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing http://tfl.nu/c7lz
  Replies (23) Good night (5845) Bad night (1340) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back. http://tfl.nu/rbde
  Replies (9) Good night (1031) Bad night (4011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice http://tfl.nu/dly6
  Replies (15) Good night (3000) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon. http://tfl.nu/7g7n
  Replies (4) Good night (2806) Bad night (803) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes. http://tfl.nu/zfk3
  Replies (9) Good night (2851) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (915): View more from Texas

  and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (915): and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house. http://tfl.nu/ztys
  Replies (7) Good night (3355) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office. http://tfl.nu/036z
  Replies (3) Good night (2116) Bad night (822) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students. http://tfl.nu/2o57
  Replies (8) Good night (2730) Bad night (1230) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her. http://tfl.nu/kc95
  Replies (16) Good night (4098) Bad night (1625) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt http://tfl.nu/ilc7
  Replies (27) Good night (2636) Bad night (1416) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you. http://tfl.nu/a1uo
  Replies (7) Good night (1093) Bad night (3220) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight. http://tfl.nu/6ipq
  Replies (2) Good night (3546) Bad night (1759) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (901): at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby. http://tfl.nu/xhbt
  Replies (8) Good night (797) Bad night (3178) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover http://tfl.nu/981k
  Replies (7) Good night (2589) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying. http://tfl.nu/un4v
  Replies (25) Good night (1182) Bad night (9553)
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that. http://tfl.nu/0p85
  Replies (28) Good night (1218) Bad night (4649) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already. http://tfl.nu/j86y
  Replies (10) Good night (7274) Bad night (1063) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (807): I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill. http://tfl.nu/m363
  Replies (4) Good night (2250) Bad night (751) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after. http://tfl.nu/68kq
  Replies (10) Good night (1182) Bad night (4722) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. http://tfl.nu/dxkz
  Replies (20) Good night (1004) Bad night (3801)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i would one night stand the shit outta him

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i would one night stand the shit outta him http://tfl.nu/aljg
  Replies (11) Good night (5472) Bad night (714) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (306): She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant. http://tfl.nu/96oo
  Replies (27) Good night (969) Bad night (8396) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god. http://tfl.nu/gzqy
  Replies (24) Good night (5336) Bad night (2184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.

  (1-215): View more from Pennsylvania

  and then ....

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas. (1-215): and then .... (215): he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut. http://tfl.nu/qu6h
  Replies (24) Good night (5897) Bad night (1428)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore? http://tfl.nu/tjz8
  Replies (18) Good night (938) Bad night (3860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good. http://tfl.nu/s47l
  Replies (3) Good night (822) Bad night (2402) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together. http://tfl.nu/creu
  Replies (5) Good night (1198) Bad night (3395) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count. http://tfl.nu/d5s2
  Replies (14) Good night (4954) Bad night (1387) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life http://tfl.nu/nn4z
  Replies (32) Good night (1816) Bad night (5824) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax. http://tfl.nu/od6q
  Replies (11) Good night (696) Bad night (2593) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure http://tfl.nu/itoo
  Replies (6) Good night (3774) Bad night (911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Come find me please? Im in a ditch.

  (1-604): View more from British Columbia

  That doesn't help me much...

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I'm right under the moon!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): Come find me please? Im in a ditch. (1-604): That doesn't help me much... (604): I'm right under the moon! http://tfl.nu/u7hc
  Replies (15) Good night (13702) Bad night (1042)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic.... http://tfl.nu/nllq
  Replies (6) Good night (773) Bad night (3276) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax? http://tfl.nu/zknj
  Replies (12) Good night (3494) Bad night (1138) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  Missed another period

  (1-239): View more from Florida

  I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (239): Missed another period (1-239): I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair. http://tfl.nu/33ef
  Replies (10) Good night (1135) Bad night (3572) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is. http://tfl.nu/o2e4
  Replies (42) Good night (1140) Bad night (6446) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (606): I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it http://tfl.nu/8mat
  Replies (6) Good night (2694) Bad night (897) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep? http://tfl.nu/earn
  Replies (9) Good night (3463) Bad night (1189) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand. http://tfl.nu/ms96
  Replies (10) Good night (4335) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you." http://tfl.nu/7a3m
  Replies (55) Good night (26471) Bad night (2256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (515): the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point http://tfl.nu/syrq
  Replies (10) Good night (6214) Bad night (755) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg? http://tfl.nu/npo8
  Replies (23) Good night (984) Bad night (4586) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/6zni
  Replies (28) Good night (1725) Bad night (5280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something. http://tfl.nu/5sjh
  Replies (21) Good night (4893) Bad night (1012) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign http://tfl.nu/0lhe
  Replies (7) Good night (896) Bad night (4069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  You tried to poop in the sink last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (856): You tried to poop in the sink last night. http://tfl.nu/6e7d
  Replies (18) Good night (1216) Bad night (4209) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (267): The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon. http://tfl.nu/yrqs
  Replies (8) Good night (1001) Bad night (3683)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song http://tfl.nu/watz
  Replies (29) Good night (3965) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys. http://tfl.nu/g37d
  Replies (310) Good night (11065) Bad night (5472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had http://tfl.nu/siqb
  Replies (11) Good night (2993) Bad night (1469) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (760): Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom... http://tfl.nu/f7p5
  Replies (18) Good night (1290) Bad night (6153) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (601): There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis. http://tfl.nu/xpx8
  Replies (9) Good night (1515) Bad night (4579) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic? http://tfl.nu/c421
  Replies (60) Good night (1197) Bad night (6718) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (229): View more from Georgia

  my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (229): my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore http://tfl.nu/2olf
  Replies (20) Good night (3210) Bad night (616) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (705): Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence http://tfl.nu/779y
  Replies (66) Good night (20048) Bad night (1013) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (715): In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy." http://tfl.nu/mr96
  Replies (13) Good night (1259) Bad night (3959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive. http://tfl.nu/yffe
  Replies (19) Good night (4733) Bad night (761) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it. http://tfl.nu/c1o6
  Replies (5) Good night (2831) Bad night (1912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing. http://tfl.nu/dzgt
  Replies (48) Good night (12521) Bad night (1426) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening http://tfl.nu/z1ws
  Replies (11) Good night (3000) Bad night (1676) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (509): I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact. http://tfl.nu/tkeu
  Replies (35) Good night (1110) Bad night (3874) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw. http://tfl.nu/h6gx
  Replies (19) Good night (5513) Bad night (1160) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old. http://tfl.nu/njv7
  Replies (13) Good night (5366) Bad night (1774) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well http://tfl.nu/ygjn
  Replies (14) Good night (4964) Bad night (1061) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day. http://tfl.nu/2twt
  Replies (38) Good night (17188) Bad night (1443) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (713): I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now. http://tfl.nu/lp4s
  Replies (34) Good night (1732) Bad night (4227) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield. http://tfl.nu/umxp
  Replies (20) Good night (7214) Bad night (1069) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused. http://tfl.nu/4oz4
  Replies (9) Good night (5235) Bad night (841) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  i don't really know how much tequila is too much

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): i don't really know how much tequila is too much http://tfl.nu/p5o7
  Replies (16) Good night (4284) Bad night (1509) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help http://tfl.nu/q44r
  Replies (22) Good night (3585) Bad night (1360) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she has no idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college (973): she has no idea http://tfl.nu/zn6b
  Replies (25) Good night (5060) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): I lost count of how many people I peed on last night. http://tfl.nu/e9nm
  Replies (20) Good night (1734) Bad night (4304) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (949): View more from California

  im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (949): im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever http://tfl.nu/2bk7
  Replies (28) Good night (4664) Bad night (776) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!

  (1-310): View more from California

  you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee! (1-310): you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right? http://tfl.nu/vyk6
  Replies (30) Good night (11606) Bad night (1075) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had. http://tfl.nu/tauu
  Replies (26) Good night (5512) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation" http://tfl.nu/sb0g
  Replies (19) Good night (7462) Bad night (892) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined

  (714): View more from California

  he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (714): walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined (714): he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day http://tfl.nu/76ot
  Replies (44) Good night (4636) Bad night (8293)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!

  (404): View more from Georgia

  you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!! (404): you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship. http://tfl.nu/9p9t
  Replies (36) Good night (6422) Bad night (1295)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET http://tfl.nu/az0w
  Replies (76) Good night (8147) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (408): Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this http://tfl.nu/4kx4
  Replies (16) Good night (4968) Bad night (780) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you." http://tfl.nu/7ipp
  Replies (9) Good night (4124) Bad night (1604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (903): Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything. http://tfl.nu/euxa
  Replies (9) Good night (5264) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh” http://tfl.nu/trqs
  Replies (15) Good night (538) Bad night (2675) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend

  (1-210): View more from Texas

  I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend (1-210): I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning. http://tfl.nu/558s
  Replies (26) Good night (2001) Bad night (5076)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again http://tfl.nu/33pv
  Replies (3) Good night (1584) Bad night (2519) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party. http://tfl.nu/xsn8
  Replies (30) Good night (1121) Bad night (4325) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest. http://tfl.nu/apc8
  Replies (37) Good night (8716) Bad night (985) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (580): I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch. http://tfl.nu/axjt
  Replies (31) Good night (5969) Bad night (860) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right. http://tfl.nu/vsow
  Replies (10) Good night (978) Bad night (3251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY. http://tfl.nu/81vu
  Replies (22) Good night (991) Bad night (3258) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text" http://tfl.nu/ij6d
  Replies (9) Good night (1526) Bad night (4354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  who'd you have sex with.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions. (1-610): who'd you have sex with. http://tfl.nu/97tl
  Replies (12) Good night (2113) Bad night (4037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (781): I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy. http://tfl.nu/bakf
  Replies (43) Good night (2233) Bad night (7324) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere http://tfl.nu/0cj1
  Replies (17) Good night (6568) Bad night (870) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker" http://tfl.nu/kgaf
  Replies (15) Good night (1928) Bad night (5354) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me? http://tfl.nu/06bl
  Replies (20) Good night (1023) Bad night (5543) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (219): she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade. http://tfl.nu/8ipj
  Replies (11) Good night (3230) Bad night (1285) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  only on the fourth of july.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming. (1-813): only on the fourth of july. http://tfl.nu/s13z
  Replies (20) Good night (7768) Bad night (1015) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (575): View more from New Mexico

  We need to talk about our relationship.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (575): We need to talk about our relationship. (403): I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes http://tfl.nu/0ub4
  Replies (20) Good night (8826) Bad night (1269)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions http://tfl.nu/csf1
  Replies (11) Good night (5661) Bad night (769) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other. http://tfl.nu/vc7e
  Replies (25) Good night (4979) Bad night (2161)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible http://tfl.nu/u9b3
  Replies (16) Good night (4152) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date? http://tfl.nu/833l
  Replies (60) Good night (433) Bad night (4319) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried http://tfl.nu/9dr3
  Replies (51) Good night (15128) Bad night (3709) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store http://tfl.nu/jpa2
  Replies (19) Good night (5084) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (434): because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july? http://tfl.nu/9gcl
  Replies (43) Good night (6831) Bad night (900) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+61): He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him... http://tfl.nu/efrg
  Replies (36) Good night (5953) Bad night (1157) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks" http://tfl.nu/r0yt
  Replies (26) Good night (6290) Bad night (796)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets http://tfl.nu/vbys
  Replies (8) Good night (4063) Bad night (977) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (+31): He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...? http://tfl.nu/se8t
  Replies (16) Good night (3844) Bad night (1348) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too. http://tfl.nu/2www
  Replies (42) Good night (1623) Bad night (14111) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I puked a lego.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): I puked a lego. http://tfl.nu/7r9h
  Replies (10) Good night (1631) Bad night (2538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool. http://tfl.nu/8q12
  Replies (14) Good night (6712) Bad night (1392) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA! http://tfl.nu/e6nv
  Replies (28) Good night (1490) Bad night (3684) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (319): Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter http://tfl.nu/rgti
  Replies (31) Good night (9133) Bad night (1009) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  You win. Erica always eats cat food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal. (1-360): You win. Erica always eats cat food. http://tfl.nu/lw2c
  Replies (10) Good night (3735) Bad night (727)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"? http://tfl.nu/gea9
  Replies (16) Good night (770) Bad night (3163) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  can your parents tell?

  (310): View more from California

  i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): can your parents tell? (310): i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know http://tfl.nu/rda5
  Replies (26) Good night (9421) Bad night (1336)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst? http://tfl.nu/5xe1
  Replies (67) Good night (1526) Bad night (25591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting http://tfl.nu/unrs
  Replies (14) Good night (5522) Bad night (1121) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ. http://tfl.nu/a72f
  Replies (6) Good night (5467) Bad night (885) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her (860): but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!" (860): but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies http://tfl.nu/084i
  Replies (42) Good night (2492) Bad night (840)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!! http://tfl.nu/kly1
  Replies (2) Good night (863) Bad night (685) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor.. http://tfl.nu/qi2l
  Replies (30) Good night (657) Bad night (12553)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots... http://tfl.nu/3sut
  Replies (14) Good night (4339) Bad night (1256) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  You're the best girlfriend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat. (1-913): You're the best girlfriend ever. http://tfl.nu/imen
  Replies (144) Good night (39908) Bad night (1313) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof. http://tfl.nu/i13l
  Replies (13) Good night (4284) Bad night (1584)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  That text needs to switch to water.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (651): Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink (952): That text needs to switch to water. http://tfl.nu/83yo
  Replies (4) Good night (2097) Bad night (388)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime (724): ...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname http://tfl.nu/hnce
  Replies (62) Good night (7305) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard. http://tfl.nu/co7z
  Replies (31) Good night (6766) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life. http://tfl.nu/04rm
  Replies (63) Good night (1016) Bad night (5184) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (650): I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now. http://tfl.nu/zi6o
  Replies (16) Good night (1368) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): what date should I let him know how fucked up I am? http://tfl.nu/6aws
  Replies (17) Good night (1152) Bad night (4062) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant. http://tfl.nu/q6o4
  Replies (19) Good night (1078) Bad night (8954) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking... http://tfl.nu/3yo6
  Replies (13) Good night (4732) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you slept with him again didn't you

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'. (602): you slept with him again didn't you (480): you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well http://tfl.nu/dyfs
  Replies (21) Good night (5593) Bad night (1151)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (843): he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story. http://tfl.nu/p8b8
  Replies (14) Good night (4841) Bad night (905) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one. http://tfl.nu/lrzn
  Replies (9) Good night (6876) Bad night (876) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby" http://tfl.nu/q8vs
  Replies (54) Good night (1819) Bad night (4549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize http://tfl.nu/5hy5
  Replies (17) Good night (3476) Bad night (667) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (985): View more from Louisiana

  Four minutes until I can fart!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (985): Four minutes until I can fart! http://tfl.nu/u0vh
  Replies (11) Good night (1040) Bad night (3274) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened. http://tfl.nu/hpbr
  Replies (18) Good night (5707) Bad night (1448)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing. http://tfl.nu/y30j
  Replies (20) Good night (8749) Bad night (969) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (631): Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson http://tfl.nu/hv6u
  Replies (27) Good night (652) Bad night (2549) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution. http://tfl.nu/sbqf
  Replies (21) Good night (5937) Bad night (773) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns. http://tfl.nu/xebd
  Replies (56) Good night (13467) Bad night (1337) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper

  (785): View more from Kansas

  He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (316): I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper (785): He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not. http://tfl.nu/pqqj
  Replies (32) Good night (3199) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning. http://tfl.nu/1rpm
  Replies (9) Good night (3382) Bad night (798) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were http://tfl.nu/3ofv
  Replies (14) Good night (5691) Bad night (1073) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water? http://tfl.nu/o66m
  Replies (29) Good night (891) Bad night (4196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (918): Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one http://tfl.nu/ihc6
  Replies (22) Good night (872) Bad night (11106) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it? http://tfl.nu/1qwp
  Replies (16) Good night (611) Bad night (3019) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus. http://tfl.nu/iii0
  Replies (15) Good night (1371) Bad night (5175) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won. http://tfl.nu/w0xy
  Replies (90) Good night (6963) Bad night (1536) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck. http://tfl.nu/xyly
  Replies (15) Good night (930) Bad night (5131) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night. http://tfl.nu/uyli
  Replies (12) Good night (4628) Bad night (936) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong http://tfl.nu/wxwn
  Replies (20) Good night (5087) Bad night (646) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis http://tfl.nu/pro9
  Replies (14) Good night (3375) Bad night (609) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom. http://tfl.nu/rbnh
  Replies (120) Good night (1494) Bad night (45247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP." http://tfl.nu/p091
  Replies (297) Good night (73385) Bad night (2471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  he said he didn't have a condom.

  (415): View more from California

  and you said?

  (510): View more from California

  that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): he said he didn't have a condom. (415): and you said? (510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that. http://tfl.nu/4u76
  Replies (301) Good night (100323) Bad night (5712)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party. http://tfl.nu/y163
  Replies (17) Good night (4511) Bad night (972) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life http://tfl.nu/k9mo
  Replies (16) Good night (4524) Bad night (1248) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age. http://tfl.nu/hp0x
  Replies (28) Good night (5724) Bad night (833) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help. http://tfl.nu/iorj
  Replies (29) Good night (1331) Bad night (5005) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant. http://tfl.nu/y6pb
  Replies (30) Good night (4081) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever. http://tfl.nu/us8u
  Replies (26) Good night (698) Bad night (4911) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel http://tfl.nu/5qbt
  Replies (9) Good night (3270) Bad night (653) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  whats up tonight?

  (408): View more from California

  Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (213): whats up tonight? (408): Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind http://tfl.nu/m6ab
  Replies (2) Good night (1025) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth.. http://tfl.nu/cpmo
  Replies (37) Good night (7162) Bad night (1915) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home. http://tfl.nu/cetg
  Replies (3) Good night (1244) Bad night (445) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay". http://tfl.nu/1f7s
  Replies (31) Good night (6025) Bad night (1234)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner http://tfl.nu/6elk
  Replies (2) Good night (2670) Bad night (476) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (858): this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since. http://tfl.nu/ovf5
  Replies (8) Good night (4151) Bad night (906) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock. http://tfl.nu/zr1r
  Replies (15) Good night (3378) Bad night (720) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower. http://tfl.nu/tblp
  Replies (2) Good night (1410) Bad night (355) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless. http://tfl.nu/tw3i
  Replies (141) Good night (2304) Bad night (2030) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (909): good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant http://tfl.nu/4y6m
  Replies (10) Good night (471) Bad night (2456) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  4 words: hood of his car

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): 4 words: hood of his car http://tfl.nu/fuox
  Replies (34) Good night (4810) Bad night (365) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (571): final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself http://tfl.nu/96ze
  Replies (70) Good night (6911) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (228): I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference! http://tfl.nu/5ptk
  Replies (50) Good night (10357) Bad night (807) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (808): It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex. http://tfl.nu/n6q7
  Replies (29) Good night (468) Bad night (4234) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): 2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck. http://tfl.nu/qowh
  Replies (8) Good night (6760) Bad night (723)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices. http://tfl.nu/tdjd
  Replies (22) Good night (1269) Bad night (7279) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way http://tfl.nu/08qt
  Replies (22) Good night (9028) Bad night (1017) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us... http://tfl.nu/rs9m
  Replies (1) Good night (570) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10? http://tfl.nu/j6t4
  Replies (13) Good night (983) Bad night (4848) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I can't believe he cheated

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): I can't believe he cheated (1-860): Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how http://tfl.nu/8j5c
  Replies (37) Good night (877) Bad night (2948) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"? http://tfl.nu/mnqg
  Replies (13) Good night (995) Bad night (4856) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (339): He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning. http://tfl.nu/40hx
  Replies (10) Good night (2127) Bad night (5389) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (484): problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help. http://tfl.nu/wb6w
  Replies (8) Good night (437) Bad night (1539) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way. http://tfl.nu/01f8
  Replies (22) Good night (524) Bad night (1435) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us! http://tfl.nu/rgw4
  Replies (31) Good night (7958) Bad night (737) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before. http://tfl.nu/hdcs
  Replies (35) Good night (8700) Bad night (1053) Order T-Shirt