Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Send us your Text From Last Night!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
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