it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
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