Texts From Last Night

windfuelsfire's Favorites Texts:

Sort By: Date Favorited / Date Posted / Good Night / Bad Night

• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too. http://tfl.nu/c8jr
  Replies (24) Good night (625) Bad night (4039) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks' http://tfl.nu/njwf
  Replies (14) Good night (5044) Bad night (1150) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory http://tfl.nu/j2ic
  Replies (3) Good night (2700) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!" http://tfl.nu/cmoy
  Replies (23) Good night (4602) Bad night (1757) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  You know i think she's just using me for sex

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  I hate you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (608): You know i think she's just using me for sex (1-608): I hate you. http://tfl.nu/pxkn
  Replies (13) Good night (5366) Bad night (1211) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt
  Replies (18) Good night (7901) Bad night (1708) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating. http://tfl.nu/qged
  Replies (19) Good night (5580) Bad night (1472) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear" http://tfl.nu/r2vo
  Replies (7) Good night (6800) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm. http://tfl.nu/al4b
  Replies (8) Good night (6938) Bad night (1161) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages." http://tfl.nu/1o45
  Replies (24) Good night (1550) Bad night (14195) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (305): I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave. http://tfl.nu/m7xq
  Replies (16) Good night (11563) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?

  (1-218): View more from Minnesota

  Both?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (218): Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants? (1-218): Both? http://tfl.nu/yr9r
  Replies (21) Good night (9139) Bad night (928) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY

  (614): View more from Ohio

  handstands? WTF?

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  she was a gymnast

  (614): View more from Ohio

   go to hell.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY (614): handstands? WTF? (405): she was a gymnast (614): go to hell. http://tfl.nu/pyfe
  Replies (9) Good night (2763) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (906): View more from Michigan

  If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (906): If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her? http://tfl.nu/jtlb
  Replies (10) Good night (2911) Bad night (1358) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex http://tfl.nu/jq0b
  Replies (12) Good night (7510) Bad night (815) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something. http://tfl.nu/5sjh
  Replies (21) Good night (4890) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why am I even shocked you're doing this....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n (617): Why am I even shocked you're doing this.... http://tfl.nu/y7yp
  Replies (11) Good night (6003) Bad night (909)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (17582) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs. http://tfl.nu/nz73
  Replies (13) Good night (7787) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities. http://tfl.nu/3lte
  Replies (18) Good night (7089) Bad night (695) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (313): while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up. http://tfl.nu/p2q9
  Replies (14) Good night (3186) Bad night (1785) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door. http://tfl.nu/hvfb
  Replies (6) Good night (6967) Bad night (803)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking http://tfl.nu/a0v5
  Replies (11) Good night (3473) Bad night (937) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (876): View more from Jamaica

  After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (876): After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone http://tfl.nu/ammv
  Replies (32) Good night (8258) Bad night (1105) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking. http://tfl.nu/uhxv
  Replies (15) Good night (1490) Bad night (5037) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (870): He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed." http://tfl.nu/z9xx
  Replies (11) Good night (6852) Bad night (1349) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right. http://tfl.nu/ehig
  Replies (12) Good night (9716) Bad night (904) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina". http://tfl.nu/tnih
  Replies (17) Good night (7519) Bad night (872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me http://tfl.nu/lmdm
  Replies (20) Good night (6459) Bad night (886) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe
  Replies (53) Good night (10831) Bad night (1192)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast http://tfl.nu/b4kl
  Replies (39) Good night (6664) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms http://tfl.nu/8xzr
  Replies (9) Good night (4293) Bad night (423) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking. http://tfl.nu/9w1c
  Replies (11) Good night (3923) Bad night (613) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (41) Good night (13581) Bad night (1309) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth. http://tfl.nu/5m3k
  Replies (41) Good night (9267) Bad night (3168) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea http://tfl.nu/zoej
  Replies (60) Good night (3056) Bad night (8388) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (256): FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex http://tfl.nu/6kmk
  Replies (23) Good night (1101) Bad night (5591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table http://tfl.nu/g7sx
  Replies (15) Good night (3808) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road? http://tfl.nu/ir52
  Replies (23) Good night (9866) Bad night (929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (806): All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots" http://tfl.nu/28dj
  Replies (12) Good night (5295) Bad night (1026)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i hate you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you http://tfl.nu/9cj0
  Replies (43) Good night (22291) Bad night (1509)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  and I must say, you were very persuasive

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight. (303): and I must say, you were very persuasive http://tfl.nu/e18p
  Replies (74) Good night (17944) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers http://tfl.nu/mvp5
  Replies (30) Good night (7758) Bad night (1114) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head. http://tfl.nu/g2zg
  Replies (19) Good night (827) Bad night (4419) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first http://tfl.nu/owtg
  Replies (24) Good night (6160) Bad night (1077)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time (1-732): swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph http://tfl.nu/tobf
  Replies (11) Good night (4630) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  and what did he say?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world. (1-614): and what did he say? (614): there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning. http://tfl.nu/xi47
  Replies (50) Good night (12708) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (609): i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/thtn
  Replies (30) Good night (7895) Bad night (1105)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again http://tfl.nu/5apw
  Replies (37) Good night (1684) Bad night (5140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed http://tfl.nu/4mh9
  Replies (13) Good night (4952) Bad night (1102)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (805) she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat. http://tfl.nu/up7k
  Replies (12) Good night (1171) Bad night (1429) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  well its been awhile since I've surfed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (813): so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol (1-813): well its been awhile since I've surfed http://tfl.nu/lkwy
  Replies (4) Good night (1804) Bad night (376) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (810): According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant. http://tfl.nu/aq1y
  Replies (25) Good night (11196) Bad night (1014) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (516): I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?" http://tfl.nu/niuk
  Replies (38) Good night (6764) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me http://tfl.nu/dmik
  Replies (27) Good night (7833) Bad night (745) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk

  (415): View more from California

  yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (510): I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk (415): yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts http://tfl.nu/5sxt
  Replies (49) Good night (8270) Bad night (1100)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends http://tfl.nu/aaz6
  Replies (40) Good night (2122) Bad night (5944) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me. http://tfl.nu/edgt
  Replies (20) Good night (1239) Bad night (4701) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.

  (1-931): View more from Tennessee

  Wtf? What happened?

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (931): Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other. (1-931): Wtf? What happened? (931): Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home. http://tfl.nu/q0zo
  Replies (42) Good night (17394) Bad night (881)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies" http://tfl.nu/wh5q
  Replies (24) Good night (10765) Bad night (1247) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  she has no idea

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college (973): she has no idea http://tfl.nu/zn6b
  Replies (25) Good night (5059) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (830): You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy http://tfl.nu/g7o4
  Replies (12) Good night (4134) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (405): he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love. http://tfl.nu/r7jm
  Replies (19) Good night (5886) Bad night (792) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too. http://tfl.nu/q39q
  Replies (9) Good night (1416) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF? http://tfl.nu/tx7k
  Replies (14) Good night (5696) Bad night (922) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot. http://tfl.nu/w0w1
  Replies (37) Good night (4965) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner. http://tfl.nu/lvfr
  Replies (13) Good night (1829) Bad night (4140)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts. http://tfl.nu/90f4
  Replies (11) Good night (3258) Bad night (523) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (902): and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted. http://tfl.nu/575h
  Replies (136) Good night (7268) Bad night (55216)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (908): Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage. http://tfl.nu/uh3k
  Replies (14) Good night (5598) Bad night (1137) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (504): My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed. http://tfl.nu/4z6k
  Replies (26) Good night (8375) Bad night (1238)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (425): if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you http://tfl.nu/ohu0
  Replies (13) Good night (5272) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (562): the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon... http://tfl.nu/do0i
  Replies (94) Good night (20297) Bad night (1692)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (253): I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs. http://tfl.nu/cszc
  Replies (15) Good night (4438) Bad night (956) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight. http://tfl.nu/ioqv
  Replies (30) Good night (9244) Bad night (771) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night http://tfl.nu/ky4c
  Replies (5) Good night (4284) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (937): There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich. http://tfl.nu/hmr5
  Replies (28) Good night (16329) Bad night (1208) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (847): He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours. http://tfl.nu/vgfj
  Replies (118) Good night (39604) Bad night (1604) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (250): Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom? http://tfl.nu/cirg
  Replies (72) Good night (17666) Bad night (2534) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm moving there. Get me hired.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job. (973): I'm moving there. Get me hired. http://tfl.nu/wn7j
  Replies (39) Good night (5513) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (204): Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding. http://tfl.nu/e8lb
  Replies (19) Good night (940) Bad night (5739)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ? http://tfl.nu/m6rh
  Replies (9) Good night (521) Bad night (2433) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum

  (212): View more from New York

  i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (212): her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum (212): i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls http://tfl.nu/3qj9
  Replies (8) Good night (726) Bad night (1317)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (740): you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god http://tfl.nu/byer
  Replies (25) Good night (7372) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too. http://tfl.nu/2www
  Replies (42) Good night (1619) Bad night (14108) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  i miss you so much

  (858): View more from California

  i miss you too

  (858): View more from California

  oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (619): i miss you so much (858): i miss you too (858): oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me http://tfl.nu/932e
  Replies (16) Good night (2492) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (478): I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell http://tfl.nu/mqh8
  Replies (29) Good night (6199) Bad night (556) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now. http://tfl.nu/22x1
  Replies (21) Good night (5679) Bad night (580) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  It's worth it.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  How worth it?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Back door worth it

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up? (312): It's worth it. (248): How worth it? (312): Back door worth it http://tfl.nu/ijuf
  Replies (4) Good night (3983) Bad night (1140)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (757): Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you. http://tfl.nu/fb35
  Replies (24) Good night (1500) Bad night (5087) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight. http://tfl.nu/5vdu
  Replies (59) Good night (14853) Bad night (1929) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (803): I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy http://tfl.nu/vzq5
  Replies (11) Good night (5098) Bad night (770) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better. http://tfl.nu/5tpe
  Replies (18) Good night (4292) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed

  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  you smoke with your eyes?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed (787): you smoke with your eyes? http://tfl.nu/xom7
  Replies (8) Good night (2237) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (414): it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth http://tfl.nu/rgv0
  Replies (19) Good night (808) Bad night (4524) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Are you still giving blowjobs?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Who is this?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): Are you still giving blowjobs? (1-850): Who is this? http://tfl.nu/iq9v
  Replies (30) Good night (9614) Bad night (2081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself http://tfl.nu/z0gj
  Replies (57) Good night (474) Bad night (5858) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (919): So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee. http://tfl.nu/sup3
  Replies (16) Good night (4758) Bad night (982) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  can your parents tell?

  (310): View more from California

  i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): can your parents tell? (310): i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know http://tfl.nu/rda5
  Replies (26) Good night (9416) Bad night (1332)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head. http://tfl.nu/4u7e
  Replies (44) Good night (7110) Bad night (1602) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  Where's it at?

  (706): View more from Georgia

  In your pants.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now. (1-706): Where's it at? (706): In your pants. http://tfl.nu/w8ar
  Replies (19) Good night (7345) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  What's he like?

  (954): View more from Florida

  The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (407): What's he like? (954): The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess. http://tfl.nu/zcji
  Replies (29) Good night (7279) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you slept with him again didn't you

  (480): View more from Arizona

  you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'. (602): you slept with him again didn't you (480): you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well http://tfl.nu/dyfs
  Replies (21) Good night (5592) Bad night (1150)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders. http://tfl.nu/udeu
  Replies (32) Good night (725) Bad night (6067) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story http://tfl.nu/o2hn
  Replies (12) Good night (6159) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing? http://tfl.nu/o8yl
  Replies (51) Good night (4429) Bad night (935) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (225): View more from Louisiana

  is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (225): is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off? http://tfl.nu/2g62
  Replies (81) Good night (4138) Bad night (5292) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck http://tfl.nu/npsc
  Replies (13) Good night (2085) Bad night (573) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  the part where you beat me to him

  (410): View more from Maryland

  fair enough.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?! (1-410): the part where you beat me to him (410): fair enough. http://tfl.nu/4y3l
  Replies (18) Good night (7506) Bad night (975)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love. http://tfl.nu/j8m9
  Replies (28) Good night (9501) Bad night (1350) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret http://tfl.nu/39e1
  Replies (4) Good night (3266) Bad night (681) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier. http://tfl.nu/o9ed
  Replies (19) Good night (9096) Bad night (1274)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure. http://tfl.nu/ruyi
  Replies (10) Good night (5824) Bad night (1497) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation. http://tfl.nu/z4sr
  Replies (15) Good night (7178) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts. http://tfl.nu/wlt6
  Replies (48) Good night (7489) Bad night (1959) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (203): my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it (973): just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you http://tfl.nu/4uwz
  Replies (60) Good night (1976) Bad night (4963)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said

  (770): View more from Georgia

  she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You KNEW her power was out...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said (770): she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to (404): You KNEW her power was out... http://tfl.nu/ggzc
  Replies (39) Good night (11690) Bad night (898)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  maybe i'll see you again later :)

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  I'd rather shit a knife.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): maybe i'll see you again later :) (774): I'd rather shit a knife. http://tfl.nu/qge0
  Replies (50) Good night (1717) Bad night (10732)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head? http://tfl.nu/senf
  Replies (31) Good night (7459) Bad night (471) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful. http://tfl.nu/9blw
  Replies (15) Good night (2123) Bad night (4533) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Can i come over

  (240): View more from Maryland

  After you called me a desperate slut? No

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Come over

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Can i come over (240): After you called me a desperate slut? No (240): Come over http://tfl.nu/g0q3
  Replies (10) Good night (4333) Bad night (1317)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life. http://tfl.nu/o2zn
  Replies (18) Good night (1290) Bad night (5465) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (773): Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat. http://tfl.nu/qnu6
  Replies (31) Good night (4196) Bad night (5055) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (913): sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train. http://tfl.nu/vfk6
  Replies (24) Good night (11371) Bad night (1098) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (817): No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever. http://tfl.nu/v4fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5445) Bad night (1004) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited.... http://tfl.nu/lzs9
  Replies (16) Good night (5042) Bad night (951) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop. http://tfl.nu/wrzz
  Replies (15) Good night (1554) Bad night (5280) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (925): Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends http://tfl.nu/x0vc
  Replies (17) Good night (4650) Bad night (2083) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college. http://tfl.nu/99x7
  Replies (50) Good night (9131) Bad night (1023) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?

  (1-626): View more from California

  You have mice?

  (626): View more from California

  no why?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (626): What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans? (1-626): You have mice? (626): no why? http://tfl.nu/7zgo
  Replies (15) Good night (3568) Bad night (741)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it" http://tfl.nu/sq67
  Replies (9) Good night (5567) Bad night (1100)
• Favorite

  (435): View more from Utah

  She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (435): She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life. http://tfl.nu/8hnp
  Replies (29) Good night (6792) Bad night (862) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint. http://tfl.nu/divk
  Replies (25) Good night (9035) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off http://tfl.nu/rmt4
  Replies (33) Good night (1876) Bad night (6872) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (315): She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this... http://tfl.nu/h8y9
  Replies (50) Good night (12005) Bad night (1471)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (662): "I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again. http://tfl.nu/9nn9
  Replies (25) Good night (1140) Bad night (6540) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (10679) Bad night (1193)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I guess I misjudged your gender.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity. (978): I guess I misjudged your gender. http://tfl.nu/83hj
  Replies (4) Good night (584) Bad night (1351)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me http://tfl.nu/mrrk
  Replies (25) Good night (1644) Bad night (5955) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake http://tfl.nu/w9rn
  Replies (8) Good night (2331) Bad night (5345) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (802): every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin. http://tfl.nu/un5l
  Replies (18) Good night (7925) Bad night (971)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (502): She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor. http://tfl.nu/3ap9
  Replies (10) Good night (4765) Bad night (1400) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items" (973): That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic" http://tfl.nu/yk9d
  Replies (13) Good night (4441) Bad night (885)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us. http://tfl.nu/5cyi
  Replies (12) Good night (5746) Bad night (1442) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount http://tfl.nu/p3jz
  Replies (10) Good night (5148) Bad night (1049) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (785): There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob. http://tfl.nu/pwq0
  Replies (26) Good night (4485) Bad night (2296) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (330): She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay. http://tfl.nu/hfdj
  Replies (19) Good night (10421) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me. http://tfl.nu/6xgz
  Replies (39) Good night (758) Bad night (7428) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (718): bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch (917): I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation http://tfl.nu/gosl
  Replies (41) Good night (37096) Bad night (1382)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I accept this challenge.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm
  Replies (60) Good night (18539) Bad night (1686)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (206): She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again. http://tfl.nu/x87e
  Replies (45) Good night (1778) Bad night (5555) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions. http://tfl.nu/w3io
  Replies (17) Good night (1069) Bad night (7992) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (732): You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice http://tfl.nu/hsgc
  Replies (45) Good night (14645) Bad night (1660)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load" http://tfl.nu/n15m
  Replies (20) Good night (4929) Bad night (842) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you' (740): i literally fucking hate you so fucking much. http://tfl.nu/7yl2
  Replies (82) Good night (33410) Bad night (1284)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again. http://tfl.nu/ehlu
  Replies (20) Good night (6012) Bad night (735) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper http://tfl.nu/xl5z
  Replies (89) Good night (9690) Bad night (1520) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you. http://tfl.nu/04eg
  Replies (25) Good night (7057) Bad night (1262) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music http://tfl.nu/f2pv
  Replies (49) Good night (17800) Bad night (1251) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (765): He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder. http://tfl.nu/7khc
  Replies (81) Good night (16563) Bad night (2591) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (540): he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride http://tfl.nu/4fyt
  Replies (34) Good night (20269) Bad night (1529) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex. http://tfl.nu/crgk
  Replies (63) Good night (21443) Bad night (1104) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (215): yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway... http://tfl.nu/qwxo
  Replies (53) Good night (11998) Bad night (1196) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): I faked it too. I just spit on your bed. http://tfl.nu/1pbs
  Replies (19) Good night (2089) Bad night (6644) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (816): Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe http://tfl.nu/ye00
  Replies (35) Good night (1131) Bad night (13740)
• Favorite

  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
  Replies (34) Good night (12705) Bad night (796) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty. http://tfl.nu/9wi8
  Replies (100) Good night (12150) Bad night (1767) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon. http://tfl.nu/d58s
  Replies (39) Good night (9049) Bad night (1140) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist http://tfl.nu/hzre
  Replies (51) Good night (24078) Bad night (1570) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (18313) Bad night (1126) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (859): he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in? http://tfl.nu/0531
  Replies (52) Good night (1055) Bad night (6677)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them http://tfl.nu/8aam
  Replies (40) Good night (16418) Bad night (2034) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  what was she crying about?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle. (1-734): what was she crying about? (734): i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job. http://tfl.nu/fomm
  Replies (47) Good night (14283) Bad night (1654)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass. http://tfl.nu/0fum
  Replies (48) Good night (841) Bad night (2912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth http://tfl.nu/kl4h
  Replies (20) Good night (7375) Bad night (909) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good. http://tfl.nu/bq51
  Replies (98) Good night (27334) Bad night (1730)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A simple 'no' would have sufficed

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (614): The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls. (610): A simple 'no' would have sufficed http://tfl.nu/eyzn
  Replies (14) Good night (1729) Bad night (5393)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (954): I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M http://tfl.nu/v1d0
  Replies (26) Good night (7599) Bad night (981) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch

  (740): View more from Ohio

  enter at your own risk

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch (740): enter at your own risk http://tfl.nu/z8ud
  Replies (5) Good night (2354) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun... http://tfl.nu/vbhp
  Replies (10) Good night (5317) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue. http://tfl.nu/w4nd
  Replies (12) Good night (5709) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (480): She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like http://tfl.nu/mlp3
  Replies (54) Good night (11075) Bad night (1188) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (254): his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker http://tfl.nu/f6e1
  Replies (19) Good night (804) Bad night (8856)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself. http://tfl.nu/8ts9
  Replies (72) Good night (2090) Bad night (14224) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking. http://tfl.nu/ilmx
  Replies (110) Good night (50590) Bad night (1662) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (404): my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material. http://tfl.nu/r91w
  Replies (15) Good night (11852) Bad night (879) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single. http://tfl.nu/3gnr
  Replies (70) Good night (1085) Bad night (6564)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (814): 1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame? http://tfl.nu/zg21
  Replies (23) Good night (7454) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee

  (1-440): View more from Ohio

  please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee (1-440): please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation http://tfl.nu/gydk
  Replies (78) Good night (6208) Bad night (6699) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  how high are you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (336): do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos? (828): how high are you? http://tfl.nu/9z76
  Replies (59) Good night (12143) Bad night (1535)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place. http://tfl.nu/kait
  Replies (25) Good night (23625) Bad night (993)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks. http://tfl.nu/2sae
  Replies (17) Good night (12400) Bad night (814) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.

  (586): View more from Michigan

  It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction. (586): It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them (586): Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high http://tfl.nu/t60g
  Replies (9) Good night (2860) Bad night (553)
• Favorite

  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (709): I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number http://tfl.nu/l21z
  Replies (12) Good night (5315) Bad night (1281) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (864): U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating" http://tfl.nu/kntp
  Replies (14) Good night (5101) Bad night (881) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (727): I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake. http://tfl.nu/tfkj
  Replies (12) Good night (5409) Bad night (1011) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit. http://tfl.nu/x6k6
  Replies (33) Good night (7321) Bad night (903) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (503): I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz. http://tfl.nu/wgvl
  Replies (84) Good night (1970) Bad night (6081) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  isnt it creepy that our bodies make people

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): isnt it creepy that our bodies make people http://tfl.nu/vg9u
  Replies (98) Good night (5911) Bad night (820) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition. http://tfl.nu/fwuo
  Replies (13) Good night (9705) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back http://tfl.nu/1qlt
  Replies (16) Good night (7183) Bad night (825) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (928): Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex". http://tfl.nu/7v4e
  Replies (56) Good night (30087) Bad night (1407) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Because men are children

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Touche

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child! (864): Because men are children (832): Touche http://tfl.nu/qtuf
  Replies (217) Good night (1327) Bad night (3424)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing... http://tfl.nu/ohtd
  Replies (61) Good night (486) Bad night (4166) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick http://tfl.nu/778x
  Replies (69) Good night (14275) Bad night (3599) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (912): This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face. http://tfl.nu/ozn3
  Replies (39) Good night (1330) Bad night (6315) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned? http://tfl.nu/bm6r
  Replies (125) Good night (7596) Bad night (2390) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (360): I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds... http://tfl.nu/1y93
  Replies (16) Good night (1263) Bad night (5980) Order T-Shirt
• Favorite

  (731): View more from Tennessee

  Maybe she gives good head

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (731): Maybe she gives good head (615): A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head http://tfl.nu/5nox
  Replies (44) Good night (681) Bad night (3646)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks http://tfl.nu/ycbx
  Replies (149) Good night (3257) Bad night (1952)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar. (1-703): I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up? http://tfl.nu/a4zj
  Replies (55) Good night (11729) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Why does Jon Cryer have a career?

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  That is a good question.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (860): Why does Jon Cryer have a career? (1-860): That is a good question. http://tfl.nu/v28q
  Replies (14) Good night (1162) Bad night (623) Order T-Shirt